Over the weekend, xoNecole teamed up with Toyota USA for our Made For Me: ATL event. The two-day event took place on March 19th and 20th in honor of Women’s History Month. Attendees participated in workshops and wellness experiences that focused on the mind, body, and spirit. Special guests included astrologist Dani Simone, Christian psychologist Dr. Alduan Tartt, financial consultant, and yoga teacher Dr. Nicole Garner Scott, entertainment host Gia Peppers, and Meagan Good, who was the keynote speaker.
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Meagan is a veteran actress who is often admired for her beauty, style, and down-to-earth personality. But what stands out about the Harlem star is her spirituality and her connection with God. The 40-year-old actress took to the stage alongside Gia and opened up to the xoNecole audience exclusively about her faith, how she deals with rejection and how she really feels about the recent social media attention she’s been receiving since announcing her divorce from DeVon Franklin.
Meagan Good On How She Deals with Rejection:
“It was very concise, specifics like, it’s just not you and I had to learn very young that it had nothing to do with me. I had to learn very young that nine times out of ten I’m going to get a no, but that one yes is the one that was divinely meant for me and have peace of mind about that and to learn along the way what I uniquely bring, nobody else brings and what someone else uniquely brings, no one else brings.
"So, having that peace of mind there will be alignment and the right things will come to me at the right season and then celebrating my sisters when things come to them even if it’s something that I wanted. Just celebrating them because it was theirs. It wasn’t mine. And I think rejection is God’s protection. Every time that I didn’t get something that I wanted I got something that was better suited for me. And I ended up in a space where I was like, ‘oh this is why I was meant to be here. Got it.’"
On Rejecting Something That No Longer Serves You:
“That was probably a harder thing for me to learn because I’m so sensitive and I hate to hurt people’s feelings. I hate to disappoint people. I hate to be the one that told them no. I’m like ‘well, what’s going to happen to them?’ And, ‘are they going to be okay?’ A lot of that honestly is like a savior mentality. You don’t realize it because you think you just [have] a good heart but sometimes if you have too much of a bleeding heart, you’re not serving that person. You’re actually hurting that person. You’re not helping that person and you’re always putting yourself out of alignment if that’s not what God called you to do and so I had to learn.”
On How She Finds Comfort In the Discomfort of Rejection:
“You just have to trust God. I think throughout my life and my personal experience being a woman, being a Black woman, being an actress, being in ministry, all of those things I’ve experienced tremendous amounts of rejection. Feeling misunderstood, feeling judged, feeling attacked all those things and the thing that sustained me is just trusting God. Even if someone else doesn't get me or doesn’t love me or doesn’t like me. I know that God gets me. I know that He knows my heart. I know that He knows exactly who I am. I know that He doesn’t reject me and if He doesn't reject me, well then, what are we talking about? What other people have to say, and not to say that those things don’t still hurt your feelings or that you’re not still affected, but you have to have the baseline and the bottom line which is the only person you’re sent here to approve you is God. And if God approves you and He’s for you, then it doesn’t matter what anyone else has to say.”
"You just have to trust God. I think throughout my life and my personal experience being a woman, being a Black woman, being an actress, being in ministry, all of those things I’ve experienced tremendous amounts of rejection. Feeling misunderstood, feeling judged, feeling attacked all those things and the thing that sustained me is just trusting God. Even if someone else doesn't get me or doesn’t love me or doesn’t like me. I know that God gets me."
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Meagan Good On the Social Media Attention She's Received Since Announcing Her Divorce:
“In this particular season, it warms my heart a bit because I try not to look too much to either side because–I forget what the statistic is but you see something negative it affects you twenty times more than something positive. And so, I’m careful to not let the positive or the negative determine anything about how I feel. But I will say that it has been very heartwarming to see so many people rooting for me and wishing the best for me and wanting to see me live my best life and loving on me and pouring into me. That, I appreciate.”
On How She Deals with Public Opinion:
“Well, y'all know I’m 40 so I’m in a different space. I don’t care as much as I used to. I used to care so much and– it’s nice because it’s freeing. I wrote this poem and it’s on my Instagram page and it was just like what I was feeling. But it was like, I, for years, felt like I was at the edge of a cliff, and people were poking and prodding me and all I was trying to do was just not fall. And then one day, I jumped. When I jumped, I started flying. So, I’m in a season now where it’s like, yes, I’m sensitive to certain things, but at the end of the day, at the core of me and anybody who knows anything about me knows no matter what, I’m going to do what I’m going to do. It doesn’t matter if I’m going out to the firing squad or not. I’m always going to be myself and I’m always going to be authentic, but I used to be a lot more sensitive about it and I think now at this junction, especially in this past year, I just don’t care.
“When I create something as a director, as a producer, something that I participate in, I’m hoping that it influences somebody in a positive way. I’m hoping that it inspires somebody. I hope that it says to someone, you are enough as you are and you are beautiful and you are perfectly imperfect and I hope that those messages are coming through especially for something that I’m creating like as a producer, as a director. But there will always be times when people don’t receive it or don’t like it or don’t think it was great or whatever it is and I think everything else along the way has prepared me for those things. Whatever it is, all those things have prepared me for this moment and I’m thankful. I’m thankful to now hit 40 and be like ‘girl you free.’"
On How She Practices Self-Confidence:
“Everybody that is here, there is nobody in the world like you. There’s nobody in the world that is like you and the world needs what you can give that nobody else can give the way that you can give it. And I think stepping into our identity, stepping into our power, choosing our self-love–and I’m not saying it’s always easy. I have days where I feel insecure, feel not good enough, especially in the season where I’m like ‘oh, man I’m struggling.’ But I know how loved I am by God and that’s the base that I build everything on. And that helps me grow to love myself and then I remind myself there is nobody in the world like you. Somebody else might be better, well-spoken than you are, somebody else might be a better actress, more talented or more beautiful or people look up to or whatever it is, but nobody is me and I am enough and I choose to see that about myself.
"I have days where I feel insecure, feel not good enough, especially in the season where I’m like ‘oh, man I’m struggling.’ But I know how loved I am by God and that’s the base that I build everything on. And that helps me grow to love myself and then I remind myself there is nobody in the world like you. Nobody is me and I am enough and I choose to see that about myself."
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“I choose to work towards the reality of that identity that already is every single day and I’m not saying it’s easy but I’m saying the things that for me that I do is [having a] relationship with God, whatever that means for you. Meditation, just getting in tune. I used to hate meditating because I’m like, ‘but I’m about to fall asleep right now,’ but the more that I have [meditated] over the years and just getting in tune--just even waking up and just breathing and meditating to get oxygen to my brain has made a difference in my endorphins and my peace of mind when I start the day. Then for me, [it] is reading my word, reminding myself who God says I am, not who I think I am because I feel unworthy in the moment or because of whatever I may feel whatever is going on in life but who God says I am, period.
“That’s the only thing that matters and then living my day with just loving on myself and choosing myself at times and then choosing others when I feel spirit-led. At the end of the day, we are worthy and we are perfectly imperfect, and we are God’s children, and He did put us here for a specific reason and we have a potential to live up to in this life. We’re not here for a long time, but we’re here for a moment and in that moment, we all have purpose in our lives and we all have a specific reason why God created us and gave us the parents He gave us, grew up in the town that we lived in, had the desires that we have in our heart which I believe are always connected to our purpose.
"We gotta accomplish that in this life and so I let those things be the guiding light and just my center and my core and my base.”
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In a xoNecoleexclusive, the iconic actress opens up about embracing this season of her life, new projects, and overall being a “bad motherfucker.” Gabrielle reveals that she was 37 years old when she was diagnosed with perimenopause and is still going through it at 51 years old. Mayo Clinic says perimenopause “refers to the time during which your body makes the natural transition to menopause, marking the end of the reproductive years.”
“I haven't crossed over the next phase just yet, but I think part of it is when you hear any form of menopause, you automatically think of your mother or grandmother. It feels like an old-person thing, but for me, I was 37 and like not understanding what that really meant for me. And I don't think we focus so much on the word menopause without understanding that perimenopause is just the time before menopause,” she tells us.
Gabrielle Union
Photo by Brian Thomas
"But you can experience a lot of the same things during that period that people talk about, that they experienced during menopause. So you could get a hot flash, you could get the weight gain, the hair loss, depression, anxiety, like all of it, mental health challenges, all of that can come, you know, at any stage of the menopausal journey and like for me, I've been in perimenopause like 13, 14 years. When you know, most doctors are like, ‘Oh, but it's usually about ten years, and I'm like, ‘Uhh, I’m still going (laughs).’”
Conversations about perimenopause, fibroids, and all the things that are associated with women’s bodies have often been considered taboo and thus not discussed publicly. However, times are changing, and thanks to the Gabrielle’s and the Tia Mowry’s, more women are having an authentic discourse about women’s health. These open discussions lead to the creation of more safe spaces and support for one another.
“I want to be in community with folks. I don't ever want to feel like I'm on an island about anything. So, if I can help create community where we are lacking, I want to be a part of that,” she says. “So, it's like there's no harm in talking about it. You know what I mean? Like, I was a bad motherfucker before perimenopause. I’m a bad motherfucker now, and I'll be a bad motherfucker after menopause. Know what I’m saying? None of that has to change. How I’m a bad motherfucker, I welcome that part of the change. I'm just getting better and stronger and more intelligent, more wise, more patient, more compassionate, more empathetic. All of that is very, very welcomed, and none of it should be scary.”
The Being Mary Jane star hasn’t been shy about her stance on therapy. If you don’t know, here’s a hint: she’s all for it, and she encourages others to try it as well. She likens therapy to dating by suggesting that you keep looking for the right therapist to match your needs. Two other essential keys to her growth are radical transparency and radical acceptance (though she admits she is still working on the latter).
"I was a bad motherfucker before perimenopause. I’m a bad motherfucker now, and I'll be a bad motherfucker after menopause. Know what I’m saying? None of that has to change. How I’m a bad motherfucker, I welcome that part of the change."
Gabrielle Union and Kaavia Union-Wade
Photo by Monica Schipper/Getty Images
“I hope that a.) you recognize that you're not alone. Seek out help and know that it's okay to be honest about what the hell is happening in your life. That's the only way that you know you can get help, and that's also the only other way that people know that you are in need if there's something going on,” she says, “because we have all these big, very wild, high expectations of people, but if they don't know what they're actually dealing with, they're always going to be failing, and you will always be disappointed. So how about just tell the truth, be transparent, and let people know where you are. So they can be of service, they can be compassionate.”
Gabrielle’s transparency is what makes her so relatable, and has so many people root for her. Whether through her TV and film projects, her memoirs, or her social media, the actress has a knack for making you feel like she’s your homegirl. Scrolling through her Instagram, you see the special moments with her family, exciting new business ventures, and jaw-dropping fashion moments. Throughout her life and career, we’ve seen her evolve in a multitude of ways. From producing films to starting a haircare line to marriage and motherhood, her journey is a story of courage and triumph. And right now, in this season, she’s asking, “What’s next?”
“This is a season of discovery and change. In a billion ways,” says the NAACP Image Award winner. “The notion of like, ‘Oh, so and so changed. They got brand new.’ I want you to be brand new. I want me to be brand new. I want us to be always constantly growing, evolving. Having more clarity, moving with different purpose, like, and all of that is for me very, very welcomed."
"I want you to be brand new. I want me to be brand new. I want us to be always constantly growing, evolving. Having more clarity, moving with different purpose, like, and all of that is for me very, very welcomed."
She continues, “So I'm just trying to figure out what's next. You know what I mean? I'm jumping into what's next. I'm excited going into what's next and new. I'm just sort of embracing all of what life has to offer.”
Look out for Gabrielle in the upcoming indie film Riff Raff, which is a crime comedy starring her and Jennifer Coolidge, and she will also produce The Idea of You, which stars Anne Hathaway.
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When I came across a way to maximize the pleasure I receive from cunnilingus (already), I had no choice but to tap in. Who knew the key to taking oral sex to new heights was giving it a sideways twist? For those of you who might also be interested in ways to spice up the way you do oral, experience faster and stronger orgasms, or simply want to indulge in something new with your partner, the Kivin Method could definitely be the oral sex technique for you, too.
Keep reading to learn about the method that is sure to have you writhing in ecstasy in no time at all.
What Is The Kivin Method?
For the uninitiated, the Kivin Method is an oral sex technique that focuses on stimulating the clitoris from a different angle. Dubbed “sideways oral” by some, this method involves the action of giving head from a side-to-side movement as opposed to the up-and-down motion that people typically perform when giving head. (If you need a visual, this illustration is helpful.)
The difference in approach as you’re receiving head can be a game-changer in how you receive pleasure. Not only does the giving partner have access to the clitoris, but they can also access more easily the vulva and the labia, which are objectively a bigger focus in this version of cunnilingus. More access means wider coverage, and that, plus the new sensation of oral from a different angle, can heighten the way you experience oral sex that much more.
Where more pleasure flows, intense orgasms are sure to follow.
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How To Do The Kivin Method
If you want to know how to do the Kivin Method, it’s actually pretty straightforward. The receiver lays on their back while the giver positions themselves perpendicular to the receiver. Their head will be facing the vulva, but instead of vertical, their face will be horizontal to the vulva.
From there, the giver can get to business, ensuring that they keep their head perpendicular to the receiver’s vulva while working on their craft. Because this technique can be more intense for some receivers, start slowly by stroking the vulva and clitoris sideways with the tongue, and allow sensations and communication from the receiver to be a guide of what you need more or less of with the Kivin Method.
Ultimately, the Kivin Method allows experimentation and unlocking what pressure, rhythm, and tricks work best for the giver and the receiver. Try implementing a finger or two, or adding a sex toy to the mix to intensify the act even further.
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