Mashonda On Mending Her Relationship With Alicia Keys: "You Have To Do The Self-Work To Blend"
I grew up in a single-parent home and I always knew that one day, I would have the nuclear family of my dreams. And while I did eventually achieve this, he and I eventually grew apart and the relationship dissolved.
People speak about how difficult divorce can be, but for me, the hardest part was knowing that I was now going to have to figure out how to co-parent for the sake of our two children, and that was very scary at first.
I worried about a lot of things, but mostly I realized the lack of control I would experience when the kids weren't with me. The notion that "mom knows best" made me truly understand why so many couples stay for the sake of the kids.
No two families are the same, and for Mashonda Tifrere, hers is now "blended". Many know her as Swizz Beatz's (Kasseem Dean) ex-wife but she's made a point to prove to the media that she is much more than that. Mashonda is a poised and confident advocate for the power of a healthy and, for some, unique way to raise children in this ever-evolving world that we live in.
The 39-year-old just released her book, Blend: The Secret to Co-Parenting and Creating a Balanced Family, and in it she details what she needed to do for herself to overcome her breakup with Swizz Beatz, how the couple eventually came together for the sake of her son Kasseem Dean, Jr., and how they were able to blend their family and include Swizz Beatz's current wife, Alicia Keys, into the fold.
Mashonda recently sat down with The Breakfast Club to talk about the book, address some of the lingering rumors surrounding her divorce, and what it means to co-parent versus having a blended family.
She told listeners that initially, there was a lot of work that needed to be done through the help of therapy, counseling, and a genuine desire to do what was best for her son to get the point where she felt knowledgeable enough to write this book. Although it isn't a tell-all, Mashonda describes the book as a gift from her family to ours. She told The Breakfast Club:
"I had to go through everything to get to this point to be able to actually pen a book about the experience. It was necessary. We have accomplished something that our culture truly doesn't understand, and it's a gift. It's a gift from us to the world."
Back when their relationship ended, and the new one began between Mashonda's ex-husband and his current wife, there were plenty of rumors and words used to describe what had been going on. Charlamagne bluntly addressed the "homewrecker" rumors, to which Mashonda replied: "I have never used that word once."
She says that while they had a lot of miscommunication in the beginning, they were able to amicably work through it all.
In the interview, Mashonda revealed what led her to finally have the tough conversation with Beatz in order to effectively co-parent and eventually blend their families. She said that when Kasseem, who was born in 2006, was 6 years old and starting to act out in school, she knew they needed to make a change. She says:
"When you have children and your children have questions, and you can feel their energy shifting based on the energy you're giving them--if you're a good parent, you know you have to make the change."
Mashonda says that she wanted something different for her own child because of her own experience growing up. She was always adamant about keeping the father-son bond tight because kids have a right to have their parents in their lives.
Mashonda also admits that despite much of the miscommunication in the beginning, she also realized that she needed to heal within herself in order to truly move forward and blend a family stating:
"You have to do the self-work to get to the point to where you can blend."
In the book, the first three chapters (Look to the Light, Rebuild Your Spirit, and Surrender) address what it took for her to heal from the divorce and the ruthless attack from the outside world. Through this healing she was able to start the process of accepting that she wanted to create a healthy and stable blended family for her son.
Mashonda recounted the many ways that not only does Alicia step up to be an awesome bonus mom, but she also is consistently proving that she will be there to do what she has to do. What was most revealing was Mashonda's take on what it means to co-parent versus having a blended family. She says that it comes from the desire to show her son that the people in his life can actually get along. She reveals:
"You can co-parent or you can blend. I notice that when people co-parent, they might not like each other...you drop they kid off, 'hey', keep it moving...that's co-parenting. Blending is a higher level, it's a lifestyle. It is truly putting harmony into the relationship, and ultimately, that's what I wanted to for my son. I wanted him to see the people in his life truly and genuinely get along. So that meant that I had to do the work, we had to do the work, and we had to see eye to eye. And it's extra work. And it depends, which parent are you? Do want that or do you want this? You get to choose, but ultimately, you are molding the future in your child, you are creating who this human being is going to be."
Sheree Fletcher, Misa Hylton, and Malik Yoba have also shared their experiences with Mashonda in the book, which is now available for purchase.
Parenting is already hard, and a co-parenting situation can be tricky at first. When parents are able to put aside their egos for the sake of the children, you might be surprised what type of family dynamic may come of it. Kudos to Mashonda, Swizz, and Alicia for showing us that a blended family can not only work, but it can be a lot of fun, too!
To see more of Mashonda's interview with The Breakfast Club, click here.
Featured image by Gary Gershoff/WireImage
Michelle Schmitz is a writer and editor based in Washington, DC originally from Ft Lauderdale, FL. A self-described ambivert, you can find her figuring out ways to read more than her monthly limit of The New York Times, attending concerts, and being a badass, multi-tasking supermom. She also runs her own blog MichelleSasha.com. Keep up with her latest moves on IG: @michellesashawrites and Twitter: @michellesashas
This Black Woman-Owned Creative Agency Shows Us The Art Of Rebranding
Rebranding is an intricate process and very important to the success of businesses that want to change. However, before a business owner makes this decision, they should determine whether it's a rebrand or an evolution.
That's where people like Lola Adewuya come in. Lola is the founder and CEO of The Brand Doula, a brand development studio with a multidisciplinary approach to branding, social media, marketing, and design.
While an evolution is a natural progression that happens as businesses grow, a rebrand is a total change. Lola tells xoNecole, "A total rebrand is necessary when a business’s current reputation/what it’s known for is at odds with the business’s vision or direction.
"For example, if you’ve fundamentally changed what your product is and does, it’s likely that your brand is out of alignment with the business. Or, if you find your company is developing a reputation that doesn’t serve it, it might be time to pump the brakes and figure out what needs to change.
She continues, "Sometimes you’ll see companies (especially startups) announce a name change that comes with updated messaging, visuals, etc. That usually means their vision has changed or expanded, and their previous branding was too narrow/couldn’t encompass everything they planned to do."
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The Brand Doula was born in 2019, and its focus is on putting "the experiences, goals, and needs of women of color founders first," as well as brands with "culture-shifting missions."
According to Lola, culture-shifting is "the act of influencing dominant behavior, beliefs, or experiences in a community or group (ideally, for the better)."
"At The Brand Doula, we work with companies and leaders that set out to challenge the status quo in their industries and communities. They’re here to make an impact that sends ripples across the market," she says.
"We help the problem solvers of the world — the ones who aren't satisfied with 'this is how it's always been' and instead ask 'how could this be better?' Our clients build for impact, reimagining tools, systems, and ways of living to move cultures forward."
The Brand Doula has worked with many brands, including Too Collective, to assist with their collaboration with Selena Gomez's Rare Beauty and Balanced Black Girl for a "refresh," aka rebrand. For businesses looking to rebrand, Lola shares four essential steps.
1. Do an audit of your current brand experience — what’s still relevant and what needs to change? Reflect on why you’re doing the rebrand in the first place and what success would look like after relaunching.
2. Tackle the overall strategy first — before you start redesigning logos and websites, align on a new vision for your brand. How do you want your company to be positioned moving forward? Has your audience changed at all? Will your company have a fresh personality and voice?
3. Bring your audience along the journey — there’s no need to move in secret. Inviting your current audience into the journey can actually help them feel more connected to and invested in your story, enough to stick around as changes are being made.
4. Keep business moving — one of my biggest pet peeves is when companies take down their websites as soon as they have the idea to rebrand, then have a Coming Soon page up for months! You lose a lot of momentum and interest by doing that. If you’re still in business and generating income, continue to operate while you work on your rebrand behind the scenes. You don’t want to cut existing customers off out of the blue, and you also don’t want so much downtime that folks forget your business exists or start looking for other solutions.
While determining whether the rebrand was successful may take a few months, Lola says a clear sign that it is unsuccessful is negative feedback from your target audience. "Customers are typically more vocal about what they don’t like more than what they do like," she says.
But some good signs to look out for are improvements in engagement with your marketing, positive reviews, press and increase in retention, and overall feeling aligned with the new branding.
For more information about Lola and The Brand Doula, visit her website, thebranddoula.com.
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Exclusive: After Focusing On His Career For So Long, David Banner Is Now Ready To Find A Wife
During the Fight Night: The Million Dollar Heistpremiere, David Banner, who stars in the film, opened up about his weight loss and his desire to get married and start a family. At 50, David has accomplished many feats, from rapping, producing, and acting, and now he's ready for the next phase of his life. "I want to get married," he tells xoNecole.
"I'm tired. I want to find my wife, have some kids. We chase all of these esoteric goals, and sometimes we look back, and we left the things that really matter. I looked up one day, I had all of them, the music accolades, the film accolades, not all the ones that I want, but a lot of them. I had accomplished my goal, had chased my goal so long that when I looked up, I saw that I ran off and left everything else."
He also shares how working in the entertainment industry can sometimes affect his life and relationships with others. "We forget to be human beings, and people don't allow us to be human beings," he continues. "So, that's the reason why I said what I said, because I know what y'all platform means, and I want people to know that there are still some human beings that's up on that camera, and sometimes we hurt too."
Back in 2016, the "Like a Pimp" artist released the single "Marry Me" and shared in an exclusive interview with us how he is working on becoming his best self for his future wife.
"I just want to be the man that most Black women want to marry. I want to be a Black man that stands strong," he said. "I'm not perfect, but [I want to be the man] women want to marry and that kids want to be their father. I want to be that man. [When I die] I want people to say that that's a strong African man, I am proud that he's a part of my culture."
During our most recent interview with the "Get Like Me" rapper, he also revealed that he lost 35 lbs and dished on how important it is to take care of your body. "I have this thing that I want to be our children's superhero on the screen and off, and people always talk about mental health, but part of your mental health is what you put in your body," he says.
"People always talk about God. People always talk about the church, but the real church is your body, your temple. So I am treating my body and my temple as if God is in there."
Fight Night is out now on Peacock.
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