

First comes love, then comes marriage, and I'm sure we all know the rest of the story. Disney movies and cheesy rom-coms have successfully convinced us all that this process should be easy and painless as long as we're good people. The problem with this logic is, that's not always how it works in the digital age for all women.
Although we're taught by elders and members of the church that our bodies are sacred and that sex should be saved for marriage, it makes me wonder a little. Is marriage really even worth the wait? According to Lolo Jones, 36-year-old Olympic competitor bobsledder, reality TV star, and virgin, the answer is "yes."
The athlete has always been vocal about her religious background and choice to stay abstinent until marriage, and it's a promise to her future husband that she plans to keep. On the latest season of Celebrity Big Brother, the Olympian opened up to her fellow cast members about her choice.
According to Lolo, although she's shared a mutual attraction with men, none have yet to make it past the dating stages:
"I like a ton of people, it just doesn't work out."
She shared that in the past, even pro-athletes and celebrities have failed to make the cut. It's hard to believe that a woman as beautiful, talented, and successful as Lolo can be just as clueless as we are when it comes to the dating game, but it's hard out here for a Christian. She said:
John Lamparski/WireImage
"Trust me, I've tried every occupation. I don't know why God hasn't blessed me with my husband."
Despite her lack of luck in the dating world, Lolo says that her motivation comes from keeping faith in God. We've all heard of Steve Harvey's infamous "90-day" rule, but the stakes are much higher when it comes to holding out until marriage. The reality star said that the thought of "the wait" is enough to send a number of potential partners packing:
"Another reason why I'm probably single is because I've never had sex and guys do not want to wait for girls. When I tell them that, a lot of them either think I'm lying, so then they hang out and then they're like, 'Oh, she was telling the truth.' Or there's the ones that think it's a challenge. And then they realize, 'Oh, literally I'm gonna have to marry her' – and then they exit."
Celebrities like Lolo and Insecure's Yvonne Orji prove that the wait really can be sexy, but it can also be very difficult.
I think most of us can remember our first time and how awkward, weird, and truly unforgettable it was, and honestly, I wouldn't mind a re-do. My first sexual experience was regrettable, to say the least, but I believe that it was mostly because sex was something I was not quite mature enough to handle at 17 years old, and hell, sometimes I wonder if it's something I can handle at 25. Even though I understand that I'm only made better through my experiences (even the really, really bad ones), I can't be the only one who wonders what life would have been like if my first and only sexual partner was my husband.
On one hand, our sexual incompatibility could have the potential to ruin our marriage before it even starts, but on the other, would I even know it's not good if I hadn't shared the experience with anyone else? Here's what Lolo had to say about it:
"Well for me, it's gonna be good, 'cause I don't have a comparison."
Real sh*t, Lolo.
The athlete says she has no fears about her wedding night, but the groom better damn sure be worth the wait. She told fellow cast members:
"I will not compromise on my morals and this is an amazing gift I'm giving to my husband so he better damn well be worth it."
What do you think about abstinence before marriage? Sound off in the comments!
Featured image by John Lamparski/WireImage
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Adrian Marcel On Purpose, Sacrifice, And The 'Signs Of Life'
In this week's episode of xoMAN, host Kiara Walker talked with R&B artist Adrian Marcel, who opened up, full of heart and authenticity, about his personal evolution. He discussed his days transitioning from a young Bay Area singer on the come-up to becoming a grounded husband and father of four.
With honesty and introspection, Marcel reflected on how life, love, and loss have shaped the man he is today.
On ‘Life’s Subtle Signals’
Much of the conversation centered around purpose, sacrifice, and listening to life’s subtle signals. “I think that you really have to pay attention to the signs of life,” Marcel said. “Because as much as we need to make money, we are not necessarily on this Earth for that sole purpose, you know what I mean?” While he acknowledged his ambitions, adding, “that is not me saying at all I’m not trying to ball out,” he emphasized that fulfillment goes deeper.
“We are here to be happy. We are here [to] fulfill a purpose that we are put on here for.”
On Passion vs. Survival
Adrian spoke candidly about the tension between passion and survival, describing how hardship can sometimes point us away from misaligned paths. “If you find it’s constantly hurting you… that’s telling you something. That’s telling you that you’re going outside of your purpose.”
Marcel’s path hasn’t been without detours. A promising athlete in his youth, he recalled, “Early on in my career, I was still doing sports… I was good… I had a scholarship.” An injury changed everything. “My femur broke. Hence why I always say, you know, I’m gonna keep you hip like a femur.” After the injury, he pivoted to explore other careers, including teaching and corporate jobs.
“It just did not get me—even with any success that happened in anything—those times, back then, I was so unhappy. And you know, to a different degree. Like not just like, ‘I really want to be a singer so that’s why I’m unhappy.’ Nah, it was like, it was not fulfilling me in any form or fashion.”
On Connection Between Pursuing Music & Fatherhood
He recalled performing old-school songs at age 12 to impress girls, then his father challenged him: “You can lie to these girls all you want, but you're really just lying to yourself. You ain't growing.” That push led him to the piano—and eventually, to his truth. “Music is my love,” Marcel affirmed. “I wouldn’t be a happy husband if I was here trying to do anything else just to appease her [his wife].”
Want more real talk from xoMAN? Catch the full audio episodes every Tuesday on Spotify and Apple Podcasts, and don’t miss the full video drops every Wednesday on YouTube. Hit follow, subscribe, and stay tapped in.
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Colman Domingo’s Career Advice Is A Reminder That Our Words Shape Our Reality
When it comes to life, we are always here for a good reminder to shift our mindsets, and Colman Domingo just gave us one we didn't know we needed.
In a resurfaced clip from an appearance at NewFest shared as a repost via Micheaux Film Festival, the Emmy award winner dropped a gem on how he has navigated his decades-spanning career in Hollywood. The gem in question? Well, Colman has never identified with "struggle" in his career. Let that sit.
Colman Domingo On Not Claiming Struggle
"I’ve never said that this career was tough. I’ve never said it was difficult. I’ve never said it was hard," Colman said. "Other people would say that—‘oh, you're in a very difficult industry. It's very hard to get work and book work.’ I’m like, I’ve never believed that."
Instead of allowing himself to be defined by other people's projections about their perceptions of what the industry is or was, Colman dared to believe differently even if his reality was playing catch up with his dreams:
"Like Maya Angelou said words are things. And if you believe that, then that's actually what it is. Actually I've just never believed it. Someone told me some years ago, they said, 'I remember you were, you're a struggling actor.' I'm like, 'I don't.'"
"I wasn't attached to a struggle. I was attached to living..."
He continued:
"Even when I was bartending and hustling and not having opportunities or anything, I never believed that I was struggling because I wasn't attached to a struggle. I was attached to living and creating and being curious."
Colman’s philosophy of attaching to living instead of struggle has blossomed into an enduring career. He first made his mark on stage in acclaimed Broadway productions before transitioning to the screen, where his star began to rise in the 2010s following his role as Victor Strand in Fear The Walking Dead. From there, his presence only grew, landing memorable supporting roles in If Beale Street Could Talk, Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom, and the hit series Euphoria.
In more recent years, Colman has stepped fully into the spotlight with standout leading performances in Rustin and Sing Sing, both of which earned him widespread critical acclaim and Academy Award nominations for Best Actor.
With all that said, Colman's advice is no doubt powerful, especially for those who are chasing their dreams, building something from the ground up, or have question marks about what's next in their careers. Words shape our realities, and how we speak about our journeys even in passing matters.
Words Create Our Reality & Colman Is Living Proof
"I tell young people that. To remember the words that you say about yourself and your career are true. So, I choose to make it full of light and love and it's interesting and every day I'm going to learn something new even if it looks like I don't have what I want but it's important to be in the moment... you really build on the moments moment to moment.
"And you're looking back at your career as I've been in it for what 33 years and you're like, 'Wow, that's what I've been doing.' And I've stayed strong to that so I think that is truly my advice."
Let this be your sign to give your path a reframe. When the path you're on feels uncertain, the journey is still unfolding. Like Colman said: "I wasn't attached to a struggle. I was attached to living."
That's a Black king right there.
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Featured image by Soul Brother/Soul B Photos/Shutterstock