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‘It’s So Much Power In Letting Go’: Lauren London Shares Inspirational Message About Dealing With Trauma

"It is the ultimate test of surrender."

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The world has watched Lauren London grapple with the loss of her love and younger son’s father Nipsey Hussle, and as she mourns, fans have continued showing her support and light as she transitions back into acting. Since Nipsey’s death, Lauren has been mostly silent, speaking here and there in interviews. But most recently, the beloved actress went viral on Twitter after she opened up about trauma and control in a clip from the On Purpose with Jay Shetty podcast.


In the clip, she shared an inspirational message about how to deal with life when things don’t go as planned. “When you have this plan for your life as you should, if or when that gets derailed, and you have plan b now to go off that you didn’t plan on, it is the ultimate test of surrender,” she said. “Because at the end of the day, as much control as we think we have, we do not and it’s actually very powerful to surrender. We think that it’s a weakness, but it’s so much power in letting go and flowing with the river ‘cause life is gonna do what it’s gonna do and we are all gonna get chin-checked by life one way or another. So, I might as well focus on my enlightenment and roll with the river and not fight with the rocks.”

The ATL breakout star has slowly been making her return to the big screen after working alongside Michael B. Jordan in Without Remorse, Kevin Hart’s True Story, and she now will be starring in Kenya Barris’ Netflix film You People with Eddie Murphy and Nia Long. Elsewhere in the interview, she opened up about the time when she thought she would never return to Hollywood.

“What was stopping me was that life changed and so my perspective on life changed,” she said. “My field, the audition process, and the rejection and the politics of what came with what I do did not align with what I was seeking anymore. I didn’t want to have to politic, I didn’t want to have to do things that I felt weren’t in alignment with my truth and I just wanted to be myself fully.”

“If I could participate in a project wholly, I would do it. But if I could not, I didn’t want to be fake and not give of myself in a real way.”

The mother of two then revealed how Michael was the one that convinced her to give acting another shot with the Amazon Prime film Tom Clancy’s Without Remorse.

While she was still hesitant with taking on the project, she felt a connection to the character Pam after reading the script. Pam was married to Michael’s character John Clark and she was tragically killed in an attack against him.

“Michael was like ‘look just read the script’ and so I read the script and what drew me to it was that I can participate authentically. I can genuinely play this role because I really resonated with the fact that she passes and he has all these visions of her and that she’s still communicating with him just not physically, but spiritually and that’s exactly where I felt I was at the time.”

We’re glad to see Lauren doing well and getting back to her passion authentically.

Featured image by Frazer Harrison/Getty Images for The Recording Academy

The emergence of a week-long tension headache told me that I needed to figure out a way to minimize and relieve my stress. In addition to daily magnesium supplements and meditation, I also found myself wanting to orgasm (the health benefits are hard to ignore) and do so at least every other day.

I was determined to set the mood and engage in some erotic self-focus by way of masturbation, and I wanted to do so with a little more variety than my wand vibrator provides. My commitment to almost daily masturbation was affirmed even further with the arrival of what would become my new favorite sex toy, the viral Lovers’ Thump & Thrust Dual Vibrator.

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If there is one artist who has had a very successful and eventful year so far it’s Mary J. Blige. The “Queen of Hip-Hop Soul” shut down the 2022 Super Bowl Half-time show along with Dr. Dre, Snoop Dogg, 50 Cent, and Eminem, she also performed at NBA All-Star weekend and now she is being honored as one of Time's most influential people of 2022.

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These days it seems that we’re all trying to heal from childhood wounds, and though I’m a big advocate for cutting people off – family included – I’ve come to learn how challenging that actually is. But also, it’s not always necessary if you have a parent who is open and committed to doing the healing work along with you, a mother, for example, who is receptive to her truth. But this also means you are receptive to the reality that parents are humans who often take cake crumbs from their parents and so on. It’s not to say that you have to accept piss-poor treatment because they’re human, but if any of us are going to embark upon a healing journey, we must acknowledge even the difficult truths.

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When I was ten, my Sunday school teacher put on a brief performance in class that included some of the boys standing in front of the classroom while she stood in front of them holding a heart shaped box of chocolate. One by one, she tells each boy to come and bite a piece of candy and then place the remainder back into the box. After the last boy, she gave the box of now mangled chocolate over to the other Sunday school teacher — who happened to be her real husband — who made a comically puzzled face. She told us that the lesson to be gleaned from this was that if you give your heart away to too many people, once you find “the one,” that your heart would be too damaged. The lesson wasn’t explicitly about sex but the implication was clearly present.

That memory came back to me after a flier went viral last week, advertising an abstinence event titled The Close Your Legs Tour with the specific target demo of teen girls came across my Twitter timeline. The event was met with derision online. Writer, artist, and professor Ashon Crawley said: “We have to refuse shame. it is not yours to hold. legs open or not.” Writer and theologian Candice Marie Benbow said on her Twitter: “Any event where 12-17-year-old girls are being told to ‘keep their legs closed’ is a space where purity culture is being reinforced.”

“Purity culture,” as Benbow referenced, is a culture that teaches primarily girls and women that their value is to be found in their ability to stay chaste and “pure”–as in, non-sexual–for both God and their future husbands.

I grew up in an explicitly evangelical house and church, where I was taught virginity was the best gift a girl can hold on to until she got married. I fortunately never wore a purity ring or had a ceremony where I promised my father I wouldn’t have pre-marital sex. I certainly never even thought of having my hymen examined and the certificate handed over to my father on my wedding day as “proof” that I kept my promise. But the culture was always present. A few years after that chocolate-flavored indoctrination, I was introduced to the fabled car anecdote. “Boys don’t like girls who have been test-driven,” as it goes.

And I believed it for a long time. That to be loved and to be desired by men, it was only right for me to deny myself my own basic human desires, in the hopes of one day meeting a man that would fill all of my fantasies — romantically and sexually. Even if it meant denying my queerness, or even if it meant ignoring how being the only Black and fat girl in a predominantly white Christian space often had me watch all the white girls have their first boyfriends while I didn’t. Something they don’t tell you about purity culture – and that it took me years to learn and unlearn myself – is that there are bodies that are deemed inherently sinful and vulgar. That purity is about the desire to see girls and women shrink themselves, make themselves meek for men.

Purity culture isn’t unlike rape culture which tells young girls in so many ways that their worth can only be found through their bodies. Whether it be through promiscuity or chastity, young girls are instructed on what to do with their bodies before they’ve had time to figure themselves out, separate from a patriarchal lens. That their needs are secondary to that of the men and boys in their lives.

It took me a while —after leaving the church and unlearning the toxic ideals around purity culture rooted in anti-Blackness, fatphobia, heteropatriarchy, and queerphobia — to embrace my body, my sexuality, and my queerness as something that was not only not sinful or dirty, but actually in line with the vision God has over my life. Our bodies don't stop being our temples depending on who we do or who we don’t let in, and our worth isn’t dependent on the width of our legs at any given point.

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