
The It Girl 100 Class Of 2025: Meet The Culture & Entertainment Shapeshifters You Need To Know
Culture shifts when she moves, and this year’s It Girls have the whole world collectively hitting refresh.
You see, the Culture & Entertainment It Girls don’t just become the moment, they shape it. Whether she’s redefining Young Hollywood, bending genres across the board, or turning a casual drop into cultural canon, her presence transcends timeline, group chats, and red carpets alike. This It Girl is the kind of woman whose name travels, from screens to stages to every corner of the zeitgeist.
This year's It Girl 100 is a mosaic of brilliance, spotlighting media personalities, cultural disruptors, beauty visionaries, and boundary-pushing prodigies who embody the spirit of "Yes, And." This digital celebration honors the women who embrace every facet of themselves, proving you can be a light and still honor your desire to glow at your own pace.
The women repping for the Culture & Entertainment category prove relevance is crafted, not accidental. It's the alchemy of talent, intention, and magnetism that becomes the spark.
Here's the roll call for xoNecole's It Girl 100 Class of 2025: Culture & Entertainment.

Model and Media Personality Olandria Carthen
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Olandria Carthen
Her Handle: @x_olandria
Her Title: Model and Media Personality
Who's That It Girl: Olandria Carthen is lighting up the entertainment space with creativity and confidence. We love her for carving out a name rooted in self-belief and for using her artistry to uplift and inspire.

Actress Akira Akbar
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Akira Akbar
Her Handle: @akira_akbar
Her Title: Actress
Who's That It Girl: Bright, fearless, and full of heart, Akira Akbar is redefining what young Hollywood looks like. We honor her for bringing depth and authenticity to every role and for reminding the world that talent has no age limit.

Singer, Songwriter and Actress Halle Bailey
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Halle Bailey
Her Handle: @hallebailey
Her Title: Singer, Songwriter and Actress
Who's That It Girl: Halle Bailey is ethereal strength in motion. We love her for redefining princesshood, representation, and the power of visibility, inspiring young dreamers to believe their voices belong on every stage.

Entrepreneur, Model, Actress, and Cultural Voice Chelley Bissanthe
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Chelley Bissanthe
Her Handle: @_slimthin
Her Title: Entrepreneur, Model, Actress, and Cultural Voice
Who's That It Girl: Chelley Bissainthe is a Haitian-American model, entrepreneur, and advocate. She uses her platform to uplift communities, honor her Caribbean heritage, and build pathways to ownership and legacy.

Actress and Singer Ryan Destiny
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Ryan Destiny
Her Handle: @ryandestiny
Her Title: Actress and Singer
Who's That It Girl: Ryan Destiny embodies star power and stillness in one. We celebrate her for her poise, range, and unshakable confidence, proof that quiet strength can shine just as bright as any spotlight.

Reality TV Personality and Influencer Amber Desiree (AD)
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Amber Desiree (AD)
Her Handle: @amberdesiree
Her Title: Reality TV Personality and Influencer
Who's That It Girl: Charismatic and bold, Amber Desiree brings emotional depth and vibrant storytelling to every project she touches. We love her for representing multifaceted womanhood on screen and off, inspiring a generation of creatives to lead with authenticity.

Top Creator, Model, Media Personality and Cultural Tastemaker Serena Page
Credit: Jacob Webster
Serena Page
Her Handle: @serenaapagee
Her Title: Top Creator, Model, Media Personality and Cultural Tastemaker
Who's That It Girl: Serena Page first captured hearts on Love Island USA Season 6 and has since become one of pop culture’s favorite “it girls.” Her confidence and authenticity have made her a go-to face for brands like SheaMoisture, Pepsi, and CeraVe.

Director and Executive Producer Courtney Whitaker
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Courtney Whitaker
Her Handle: @courtneyewhitaker
Her Title: Director and Executive Producer
Who's That It Girl: Courtney Whitaker is a two-time Emmy-winning producer and director specializing in TV, documentaries, and branded content. With over 20 projects completed, she's dedicated to amplifying underrepresented voices through impactful storytelling.

DJ Uncle Waffles
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Uncle Waffles
Her Handle: @unclewaffles_
Her Who's That It Girl: The DJ queen of the global stage, Uncle Waffles turns sound into celebration. We love her for electrifying dance floors and championing African creativity with confidence, rhythm, and undeniable joy.

Entrepreneur and Television Personality JaNa Craig
Credit: Susan Madore
JaNa Craig
Her Handle: @janacraig_
Her Title: Creator, Entrepreneur and Television Personality
Who's That It Girl: With creativity that defies convention, JaNa Craig is building a lane all her own in music and production. We celebrate her for reminding women that reinvention is power and authenticity is art.

Award-Winning Journalist, Host and Creator Gia Peppers
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Gia Peppers
Her Handle: @giapeppers
Her Title: Award-Winning Journalist, Host and Creator of Healed Girl Era Podcast
Who's That It Girl: Gia Peppers is an award-winning journalist, host, and podcaster who uses her platforms to tell powerful stories. Through More Than That and Healed Girl Era, she reminds audiences to embrace their voice and value.

Actress, Executive Producer, and Founder Marsai Martin
Credit: Maya McHenry
Marsai Martin
Her Handle: @marsaimartin
Her Title: Actress, Executive Producer, and Founder of Genius Entertainment and Sai Summer Cookout
Who's That It Girl: Marsai Martin is a creative prodigy with executive energy. We’re inspired by her for producing, directing, and acting with intention, showing young Black girls that leadership starts wherever you decide it does.

Rapper and Singer Doechii
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Doechii
Her Handle: @doechii
Her Title: Rapper and Singer
Who's That It Girl: A lyrical firestorm and unapologetic visionary, Doechii is shaping the sound of this generation. We honor her for pushing the boundaries of genre, performance, and self-expression with fearless creativity.

Actress, Singer, Producer and TV Host Keke Palmer
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Keke Palmer
Her Handle: @keke
Her Title: Actress, Singer, Producer and TV Host
Who's That It Girl: An icon of charisma and confidence, Keke Palmer is entertainment royalty. We celebrate her for leading with humor, honesty, and hustle, showing that versatility is her superpower and evolution her legacy.

Actress, Model, Singer, Designer, Content Creator and Entrepreneur Nzinga Imani
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Nzinga Imani
Her Handle: @nzingaimani
Her Title: Actress, Model, Singer, Designer, Content Creator and Entrepreneur
Who's That It Girl: We love Nzinga Imani for her bold authenticity and on-screen presence. As an actress, model, and entrepreneur, she’s redefining beauty and representation in entertainment.

Rapper and Singer Monaleo
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Monaleo
Her Handle: @themonaleo
Her Title: Rapper and Singer
Who's That It Girl: Monaleo’s voice hits with power and purpose. We honor her for pairing confidence with vulnerability, turning her truth into anthems that inspire women to heal loudly and live boldly.

Singer and Songwriter Amaarae
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Amaarae
Her Handle: @amaarae
Her Title: Singer and Songwriter
Who's That It Girl: With a sound that bends genres and a style that breaks rules, Amaarae is one of music’s most daring voices. We celebrate her for pushing boundaries, owning her individuality, and amplifying the power of Afro-fusion on a global stage.

Singer, KATSEYE Monan Bannerman
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Monan Bannerman
Her Handle: @meretmanon
Her Title: Singer, KATSEYE
Who's That It Girl: As a member of KATSEYE, Monan merges style, grace, and global influence. We celebrate her for bringing cultural depth and individuality to the next generation of pop icons.

Singer, Actress, Creative Director, and Choreographer Teyana Taylor
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Teyana Taylor
Her Handle: @teyanataylor
Her Title: Singer, Actress, Creative Director, and Choreographer
Who's That It Girl: Teyana Taylor is the embodiment of artistry, singer, choreographer, director, designer. We honor her for transforming every creative avenue she touches into a masterpiece of movement, emotion, and empowerment.

Singer, Songwriter and Producer Laila!
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Laila!
Her Handle: @prodlaila
Her Title: Singer, Songwriter, and Producer
Who's That It Girl: Laila is the creative force whose sound pulses with honesty and energy. We honor her for capturing emotion through production and storytelling, inspiring a new era of music that feels intimate yet universal.

Actress Antonia Gentry
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Antonia Gentry
Her Handle: @_antoniagentry_
Her Title: Actress
Who's That It Girl: With talent that transcends screens, Antonia Gentry brings raw emotion and grace to every performance. We honor her for reminding us that vulnerability is strength and that storytelling can be both healing and revolutionary.

Actress and Model Laura Harrier
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Laura Harrier
Her Handle: @lauraharrier
Her Title: Actress and Model
Who's That It Girl: Effortlessly chic and profoundly grounded, Laura Harrier is redefining Hollywood grace. We celebrate her for using her platform to champion representation and for proving that elegance and activism can coexist beautifully.

R&B Singer/Songwriter, Actress Coco Jones
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Coco Jones
Her Handle: @cocojones
Her Title: R&B Singer/Songwriter, Actress
Who's That It Girl: Coco Jones is a Grammy-winning R&B breakout who captivates with her timeless artistry and soulful voice. She also stars as Hilary Banks in the Bel-Air reboot and recently wrapped an upcoming romantic comedy That’s Her.

Entrepreneur, Media Personality and Philanthropist Lauren Speed-Hamilton
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Lauren Speed-Hamilton
Her Handle: @need4lspeed
Her Title: Entrepreneur, Media Personality and Philanthropist
Who's That It Girl: Lauren Speed-Hamilton turned her Love Is Blind journey into a masterclass in purpose-driven storytelling. We love her for inspiring authenticity in love, media, and entrepreneurship, building connection where vulnerability meets vision.

Actress and Singer Amber Riley
Credit: xoNecole
Amber Riley
Her Handle: @msamberpriley
Her Title: Actress and Singer
Who's That It Girl: Amber Riley’s voice is pure power, soulful, spiritual, and unforgettable. We celebrate her for using her artistry to uplift others, redefining what resilience and radiance look like in entertainment.
Joy Woods
Her Handle: @joynwoods
Her Title: Actress
Who's That It Girl: Joy Woods’ name says it all, joy radiates through every note she sings. We’re inspired by her Broadway brilliance and her commitment to showing that Black women’s voices are boundless and breathtaking.

Country Singer, Songwriter Tanner Adell
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Tanner Adell
Her Handle: @tanneradell
Her Title: Country Singer, Songwriter
Who's That It Girl: With a voice as bold as her vision, Tanner Adell is redefining country music with style and soul. We celebrate her for breaking barriers, blending cultures, and creating a sound that’s unapologetically her own.

Producer, Host and Media Maven Kéla Walker
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Kéla Walker
Her Handle: @KelaWalker
Her Title: Producer, Host and Media Maven
Who's That It Girl: Kéla Walker is a 7x Emmy-nominated producer, host, and digital tastemaker, a modern-day media maven merging television storytelling with contemporary influence. As the founder of Walker Media Group, she curates aspirational lifestyle content anchored in style, culture, and substance. From red carpets to real life, Kéla brings a distinct point of view that bridges legacy media and the digital landscape.

TV Personality Riley Burruss
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Riley Burruss
Her Handle: @rileyburruss
Her Title: TV Personality
Who's That It Girl: We celebrate Riley Burruss as a rising creative and storyteller forging her own space in entertainment. Fresh out of NYU with a degree in music business, she’s building momentum through Next Gen NYC and her podcast The Burruss Banter, all while exploring a future in entertainment law.

Entrepreneur, Actor, Model, Style Icon and Entrepreneur Lori Harvey
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Lori Harvey
Her Handle: @loriharvey
Her Title: Beauty Entrepreneur, Actor, Model, Style Icon and Entrepreneur
Who's That It Girl: Lori Harvey embodies modern femininity and independence. We celebrate her for turning self-love into legacy and for inspiring women to walk confidently in their own power.

Actress Storm Reid
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Storm Reid
Her Handle: @stormreid
Her Title: Actress
Who's That It Girl: Storm Reid radiates brilliance far beyond her years. We love her for bringing compassion, creativity, and courage to every role, a true beacon for young women dreaming of changing the world through art.

Actress Whitney Peak
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Whitney Peak
Her Handle: @whitneypeak
Her Title: Actress
Who's That It Girl: Whitney Peak exudes quiet confidence and magnetic charm. We celebrate her for redefining modern cool and for reminding young women that authenticity is the most timeless form of beauty.
Tap into the full It Girl 100 Class of 2025 and meet all the women shaping the culture this year and beyond. See the full list here.
Featured image by xoStaff
They say you can’t heal in the same place that made you sick. And I couldn’t.
The year was 2019, and I knew I had to go. My spirit was calling me to be alone and to go alone. It was required in that season. A few months prior, I had quit my job. And it was late 2017 when I had met trauma.
I was completely broken, and every part of me hurt. I was no longer the lighthearted Camille that everyone loved and knew me to be. I remember a family friend saying, “You’re not the same.” And I wasn’t. I no longer recognized the girl looking back at me in the mirror. I needed major healing.
It was 2018 when I found the courage to seek mental health therapy. At that point, I knew there was nothing more that my friends could do for me. I was all cried out, and the silence was killing me. At the time, I was diagnosed with clinical anxiety, depression, and PTSD. How?
How did I let trauma take complete control of my life? But I had to forgive myself for all the things I did not know.
At the time, my therapist introduced me to journaling as a coping mechanism. Words ultimately became my best friend. In many ways, I would like to think that writing saved me. I am in love with words, and I always have been. My writing was and still is my safe space. It unlocked opportunities I never imagined – like writing for xoNecole.
And with this gift, I can now tell you a story about my own trauma, healing, self-discovery, and the journey to learning how to celebrate myself.
Starting a Healing Journey
In early Spring 2019, I was told by a Reiki healer that I was going to embark on a journey. She told me it was going to be lonely, but I was never alone. The thing is I never once mentioned to this woman my travel plans. It was August 2019 when I planned my solo trip to Europe. It was going to be 38 days alone on a continent I knew absolutely nothing about. By the end of summer and a nine-hour flight later, I touched down in London.
I fell in love with every single thing. I fell in love with everything I could see – colors, cobblestone streets, spiral staircases, adorned windows, architecture, garden terraces, nature, and people. I fell in love with everything I could hear – accents, language, history, and music. I fell in love with everything I could taste – wines, foods, and desserts. I fell in love with everything I could feel – ocean breezes, white sands, and well-designed buildings. I fell in love with everything that fed my soul. People, stories, and connections. I fell in love with myself.
I traveled to England, Portugal, Spain, France, and Italy. And with every conversation and every connection I made – I found healing.
I always say women have the ability to heal others naturally. It was here in my travels that I started to pay attention to the concepts of purpose, connection, energy, alignment, and universal signs. I began to truly realize not only my strengths and universal gifts but also how to use them too. I started to step into my authentic self. I began to realize who Camille really was. A free spirit with a heart of gold.

Courtesy of Camille Ali
A New Season
By the time I had returned from Europe, it was late Fall 2019, and I was a completely different person.
I spent most of my time pouring into myself. Self-development and self-love became key. Everything that I previously settled for in family, friends, and relationships – I went and gave to myself. Read that again. I became completely in love with who I was becoming, and I still am. I had let go of tradition, conditional beliefs, people pleasing, and living my life to make my parents proud.
I had let go of being a “straight arrow,” and the idea of having it all figured out. I outgrew tradition and cultural norms. Sometimes, those things can be so blinding.
I began to shift. I adopted and altered the things that aligned with my purpose and values.
I became risk-tolerant instead of risk-averse.
I canceled my fears.
I welcomed uncertainty, knowing I would always land on my feet.
This newfound level of confidence came out of nowhere. It was no longer a question of if I can do this. The question became, how can I do this? I stayed open to possibilities and opportunities in whichever form they came to me. I became selective and intentional with my time and energy, too. I went from being a 9 to 5 government employee, then a corporate consultant, to a small business owner not once but twice by 2021.
If you ask me who I am now, I would say I am authentically a creative. I write from my heart, and I speak from my core. My voice is my power, and my words hold weight. By trade, I am a paralegal and a business consultant.
How Trauma Shows Up in the Body
Even though I was able to heal my heart, my mind, and my spirit, I wasn’t quite done healing. And I didn’t even know it. In the last seven years, I gained weight. This was a direct result of a broken heart, emotional trauma, mental health issues, stress, and poor lifestyle choices. I was a good 50 pounds overweight, too. I knew something was wrong with my body when it stopped responding to my dietary and lifestyle efforts.
I started to advocate for my health in the winter of 2022 to get clarity and answers. I sought the care of medical specialists, asked the right questions, requested second opinions, and tested and retested my blood. Not one doctor could properly diagnose me, either.
When Western medicine failed me, I chose holistic medicine. What I learned and what I understood was that my physical health issues were a straight-up trauma response. I cried. I was always conscious about my health, and now I’m sick with Hashimoto’s thyroiditis. Yes, PTSD triggers and is linked to autoimmune diseases.
I remember thinking, “I did this to myself, and I have to fix it.”
I spent the majority of 2023 detoxing with Chinese herbs, making every lifestyle change possible. My body was holding on to dead weight – it had to go for me to continue to become.

Courtesy of Camille Ali
Celebrating Myself
Summer 2023 couldn’t come any faster. I completed my holistic detox with sacrifice and ease. While everyone saw just a “body transformation,” for me, it was an emotional release.
I was no longer reminded of what transpired. I cried again.
There were so many days, months, and years that I thought I would never get me back. And I believed it. I mean, who wouldn’t? Medical experts adamantly told me that there was nothing wrong with me. All I wanted was to feel like myself again. I missed me so badly.
I looked for me everywhere. I couldn’t find her until I paused and did the inner work.
I wouldn’t change one thing about my healing journey. It all had to happen so I could be in this current moment. And this girl right here – I know exactly who she is. I know what she stands for through and through. And I’ll never stray from that.
I’ve grown so much, yet in some ways, I’m rediscovering who this girl is again. It’s so intoxicating.

Courtesy of Camille Ali
Returning to Europe
I have always wanted to go back to Europe. Europe is a magical place to be. It's the energy, the people, and the lifestyle for me. But the timing wasn’t right. It took the wedding of a close friend of mine to make my return happen. I returned to Europe in August 2023. This time to Greece.
At first, I didn’t realize the significance of the timing. But make no mistake, this was alignment, a full circle moment, and a testimony to myself. I started a healing journey in August 2019, and I returned as a completely different person this year.
Happy, whole, and healed. Resilient and confident.
I knew I was meant to share a pivotal moment in my friend’s life and celebrate myself. My word for 2023 was joy, and I wanted all of it. More importantly, I deserved it.
I fell in love with everything all over again. Everything that I can see, hear, smell, touch, and taste, that is. I created moments and memories. And I felt each moment and memory deeply in new places and with new faces. Greece owed me absolutely nothing. Europe will always and forever have a special place in my heart.
My five-year healing journey taught me to always choose myself. I am grateful because my entire journey brought me home to myself. And one thing about me is that when I am in the right environment — I thrive. Always.
The journey to self-discovery is worth the uncomfortable moments and ugly crying. It’s worth the undoing, redoing, and reprocessing to finally come to a place of happiness, peace, and being comfortable in your own skin.
Featured image by Shutterstock
Originally published on October 4, 2023
Whitney said it, right? She told us that if we simply learned to love ourselves, what would ultimately happen is, we would achieve the "Greatest Love of All." But y'all, the more time I spend on this planet, the more I come to see that one of the reasons why it's so hard to hit the mark, when it comes to all things love-related, is because you first have to define love in order to know how to do it…right and well.
Personally, I am a Bible follower, so The Love Chapter is certainly a great reference point. Let's go with the Message Version of it today:
"Love never gives up. Love cares more for others than for self. Love doesn't want what it doesn't have. Love doesn't strut, doesn't have a swelled head, doesn't force itself on others, isn't always 'me first,' doesn't fly off the handle, doesn't keep score of the sins of others, doesn't revel when others grovel, takes pleasure in the flowering of truth, puts up with anything, trusts God always, always looks for the best, never looks back, but keeps going to the end. Love never dies." — I Corinthians 13:4-8 (Message)
Yeeeah buddy. If some of us were really real with ourselves, based on this definition of love, we'd admit that we've got a ton of work to do when it comes to how we love other people. But what about when it comes to self-love? Since the Word also tells us to "love your neighbor as yourself" (Matthew 22:39), what does it look like to bestow such a powerful emotion on our own being? How can we all make self-love a way of life?
This is something else that I'm kind of figuring out as life goes along. But as I'm becoming more and more intentional about loving me, I do know that the following 10 things have started to resonate in stronger, realer, and more profound ways than ever. How do you check out on the following self-love checklist?
1. Self-Care Is an Absolute Must
If you've been hanging with us long enough, you know that we are BIG on self-care over here (see "5 Self-Care Gems To Keep In Mind On Your Professional Journey," "The Fundamentals Of Self-Care When You're Young, Black & Woke" and "Self-Care Isn't Supposed To Be Pretty"). The reason why we feel that self-care should be a top priority is basically found in the word itself. Care is all about consideration, affection, and regard. Since you're the one who you are around the most, why wouldn't you want to honor yourself in these kinds of ways?
I've got friends who will be the first to help someone else out, but then they will turn around and feel guilty about getting a mani/pedi or a massage. While that might seem like humility on the surface, what it actually means is they think others should get more from them than they should give to themselves. That's not a sign of self-love; that's actually an indication that some internal love is lacking. There is nothing irresponsible, selfish, or unnecessary about self-care. If it's not already a part of your life routine, take this as a sign that it should be. Take it as a step towards loving yourself, that much more.
2. Your Intimate Circle Is Safe, Loving and Loyal
If you watched Sex & the City as much as I did back in the day, you might recall a scene where Carrie declared that she was a masochist. As she was talking about the constant roller coaster that was her and Mr. Big, she said, "He might be the one beating me, but I'm the one who keeps tying myself up." (Metaphorically-speaking, of course.) Oh, how I can relate! I tell my "love nieces" (young women who are family through love, not blood) and my goddaughters that the only thing worse than a bad boyfriend is bad platonic female friends. The. Worst. They will have you out here doing all of the work, questioning your value, and never knowing exactly where you stand. In short, they will have you being your own masochist.
When you grow up around a certain amount of toxicity, you tend to believe that dysfunction is normal, no matter how much you loathe it. That's how a lot of us end up in friendships and relationships that also mean us no good; they feel familiar even though we know we deserve better. But the more you focus on you and less on "them," the more you are willing to release what doesn't model the kind of love that you desire in your life. That leaves room for people who are committed, trustworthy, and safe. Yes, when you love yourself, your relationships reflect that love. There's no doubt about that.
3. You’re Not Addicted to Attention (Online or Off)
Although I'm not the biggest fan of the phrase "attention whore" ("whore" is a bit harsh, if you ask me), there is an article on Thought Catalog entitled "10 Signs You're A Social Media Attention Whore" that brings up some good food for thought. Some of its signs included buying followers, baiting shout-outs, pressuring your friends to like or comment on your posts, triggering folks and feeling like no picture is worthy of getting posted unless you don't have any clothes on in them.
Social media can be an awesome tool. Some of us wouldn't have been able to grow our brand or network at the level that we do without it. But it's one thing to use social media; it's another to be totally consumed by it (research reveals that 210 million people are social media addicts, by the way).
People who love themselves don't feel like the world is coming to an end if Instagram and Black Twitter were to shut down tomorrow. They can go a few days without putting up a selfie. They are able to go on social media fasts without having a nervous breakdown. And, when it comes to life, in general, they are not constantly conjuring up ways to get attention. They love themselves enough that all of the "extra" simply isn't necessary.
4. You Enjoy Spending Time Alone
On the heels of what I just said, another sign that you love yourself is you know how to be alone with you. Totally alone. That said, there's a married couple I know who hasn't been alone with one another, in their own house, for at least four years now. Whenever someone needs a place to stay, they let them stay at their home. While on the outside, that might appear to be altruistic, the couple also fights a lot, has a pretty sucky sex life, and the husband is ever rarely home. Now does it seem like a good thing? Sounds to me like the traffic in their house is a distraction from the cracks in their relationship. Single folks who don't know how to be alone may have cracks in their relationship with themselves.
People who always have to be at someone else's house or even at a club or in the mall, they could seem like an extrovert on the surface. But even healthy outgoing people will tell you that sometimes they prefer to recharge in the quiet and comfort of their own home.
The only people who don't really get how someone can spend a weekend at home without other folks being around are either the ones who've never tried it before or they are the ones who don't like, let alone love, themselves enough to sit in silence with their own thoughts. And you know what they say—"If you don't love you, why should you expect anyone else to?" I'll add to that and say, "If you don't want to spend intimate time with yourself, why should others seek it out?"
5. You Embrace Your Strengthens. You Know Your Weaknesses.
Where some people mess up in the self-love department is they lack self-awareness and/or self-compassion. This can manifest in all sorts of ways. One way is they may not know what their strengths and weaknesses are. As a direct result, other people are able to take advantage of the due to their lack of self-knowledge. For instance, I know that a strength of mine is how I give to others. A weakness of mine is not always being able to see a person's motives out of the gate. When I wasn't aware of this, I constantly found myself in codependent situations or giving more than I was getting in return. Now that I'm aware of my strength and weakness in this area, my discernment is much keener. Plus, I'm able to give more freely because I know the difference between giving to help a person out and giving to a friend who will hold me down in return.
Another benefit of knowing what your strengths and weaknesses are is you can manage your time more wisely. What I mean by that is this—a wise man once said that if you devote all of your time to trying to make your weaknesses better, you may end up only being "average" in those areas. But, if you spent that same amount of time developing your strengths instead, in those areas, you could end up being supernatural.
None of us are perfect. All of us have areas where we are phenomenal and areas where we are lacking. Self-love teaches us to embrace the strengths while still offering self-compassion (which means not beating ourselves up) as it relates to our weaknesses.
6. A Relationship Is Surplus. Not a “Void Filler”.
Some of y'all are not going to agree with what I am about to say, and that's totally okay. Hmph. Come to think of it, that actually is another sign that you love yourself—you don't need other folks to co-sign on your views and perspectives in order for you to feel good about them. That said, I'm not someone who sees anything wrong with a woman feeling like she needs a man in her life (or a man feeling like he needs a woman). In this context, a need is simply something that she wants or finds essential in order for her to be content in certain facets of her life.
What will garner major side-eye is if she is needy for a man. When you're needy, you feel destitute, and that tends to be one step away from desperation.
When you really and truly love yourself, you tend to look at a relationship from the standpoint of someone coming into your life to share all of the love that you already have. And, if that love comes tomorrow or five years from now, you're good because all a significant other will do is add to the already abundant life that you are already living. When a woman loves herself, a man doesn't fill any voids. He is coming into a space that is already overflowing. (Try not to drown in it, bruh.)
7. You’ve Got a Signature Style
Earlier this year, we did a feature on someone whose wedding I attended back when she and her husband lived in Nashville (they were both virgins, by the way. How cool is that?). Her name is Brandi Sellerz-Jackson. What we covered was Brandi's life as a doula. But what else she could've easily been interviewed on is her one-of-a-kind style.
Personally, I am a bigger fan of style than fashion. What I mean by that is I dig the kind of people who rock what they want to, regardless of what the industry says is in or out. I am drawn to the folks who are able to put things together in a way that is super-unique and then can walk with the kind of confidence that says, "I know I am an original. Deal with it."
When I say that loving yourself is about having a signature kind of style, I don't just mean when it comes to the clothes that you wear or make-up that you apply. One of my favorite definitions of style is "the way in which something is done". You've got a way that you go about doing you that is like no other. You are comfortable and confident in your individuality. And it resonates in just about everything that you do. If this ain't a form of self-love, what is?
8. You Are Envious of—and Threatened by—No One
Envy is evil. Full stop. I feel so strongly about it that I penned "5 Signs Your Closest Friends Are The Most Envious Of You" and "How To Stop Envying Your Favorite Celeb's Life." The main thing that I hate about envy is that it's all about wanting what (or who) someone else has. It's all about being discontent with your own life; so much so that you waste time, you become resentful, and you very well could end up not living out your own purpose because you're so caught up in what other people have going on.
Envy is also awful because, basically, it encourages you to act like God was looking out for others more than he was looking out for you. As if that's not bad enough, if you feed into it too much, it will have you feeling insecure, like everything is a competition and/or everyone is out here to get you. Envy is stifling. People who love themselves are intentional about avoiding it at all costs.
9. Aspiration—Not Desperation—Motivates You
I'm pretty sure we're all heard that desperate times call for desperate measures. But more times than not, I totally disagree. I'm more in a lane of another quote that says, "Don't let desperate situations make you do desperate things." To be desperate is to be "reckless or dangerous because of despair, hopelessness, or urgency". I have done all kinds of stupid things because I was desperate when it came to "love" (that's in quotes on purpose; true love won't require you to be reckless or dangerous), finances and sometimes, even when it came to so-called friendships.
But what's amazing about the word "desperate" is it actually reveals how to avoid it via the act of self-love. When you love yourself, you do not feel like you are in a state of despair or hopelessness; there is a positiveness and optimistic state that love brings out of you that keeps you from totally going there. Something else that I've learned self-love does is it slows you down. You don't want just anything, just to say that you have something. Because you know what you are truly deserving of—both professionally and personally—you can wait for "it". Because you are worth the wait. And that is what causes you to move based on what inspires you. Because of that, desperation isn't even on your radar.
10. You Celebrate Yourself. OFTEN.
Let's end this article with, "If you don't celebrate yourself, you don't love yourself enough." Think about it. Just by the mere fact that you are the only person who ever has been or ever will be just like you, is that not enough of a reason to honor, commend, and revel in yourself? I certainly think so. But if you need more inspiration than that, when you reach a goal, celebrate it. When you make a decision in the present that you know will be right for your future, celebrate it.
When you remove toxicity from your life, celebrate it. When you take a risk, celebrate it. When you see growth in a particular area, celebrate it. Celebrate by toasting yourself with your favorite bottle of wine. Or making plans to go on a trip. Or taking a private day to do nothing but whatever it is you want to do.
You will know that you've graduated to another level of loving yourself when celebrations become the norm. When you are so proud of the woman you are, that you can help but to relish in it. This is the kind of self-love that is precious. Make sure you get to a place where it's very familiar to you. You, my friend, are worthy.
Feature image by Shutterstock
Originally published on November 3, 2019









