'Insecure'’s Kendrick Sampson Talks Activism & How Everyday People Can Affect Change
If I were to tell you that Kendrick Sampson's journey into activism was inspired by a sign in the bathroom, you wouldn't believe me. But the fact of the matter is, it's 100% true. A simple message, "Leave It Better Than You Found It," became the mantra that the Houston native would eventually tap into in order to shift his activism efforts from a simple act to a revolutionary lifestyle. He is coy yet hilarious as he divulges this story over the phone during a quiet yet busy evening in LA. And as he continues to speak, it becomes more and more apparent that while the impetus may be comical, his dedication to amplifying the voices of those who live in the margins of our society are indeed no laughing matter.
"I have a platform, I have a voice, and I need to do the work and utilize whatever privilege I have in order to keep people from dying. And I can't be complicit in that," he tells xoNecole.
He continues, "It's our purpose, I feel, to leave this Earth better than we found it. And so I really just leaned into that and who I am because it's completely righteous and justified. I've gone about different creative ways in doing it based off what I feel led [to do] and what's most effective, but there's definitely tactics and nuance to all of this."
And tactics and nuances seem to be the main aspects undergirding his new initiative, BLD PWR (pronounced "Build Power"). It's a liberation training, freedom-fighting measure that seeks to leverage the collective power of those primarily in the entertainment industry, to lend their platforms and voices to increase civic engagement and create real shifts towards transformational social justice. In partnership with visionaries such as Tia Oso and Mike De La Rocha, they hope to not only raise up the next wave of socially conscious entertainers but to also foster a safe space that cultivates both imagination and radical love.
We recently got the chance to chat with Kendrick about his new initiative--and here's what he had to say.
In your own words, describe BLD PWR?
BLD PWR is about taking action and how to do that in a healthy way. It asks how do you lift up those vulnerable voices without speaking for them? And how do you learn from your mistakes and what that looks like in a training process? We want to build up the next Harry Belafontes, Marsha P. Johnsons and all these amazing, dope, radical change-makers that were involved in the process and movement. Whatever privilege they had, they aided in uplifting those with a little bit less privilege. Whether it was with their resources, or creatively producing content, or just showing up at marches and protests.
Everybody has their place in the movement and we don't want to give anybody an excuse if they don't agree with people's tactics. We want to train up and foster that imagination. I believe that it's our job, our duty, and our purpose to go into every situation and leave it better than we found it. And to lift up the most vulnerable, seek out the most vulnerable, and empower them and work to liberate them.
Courtesy of Kendrick Sampson
"I believe that it's our job, our duty, and our purpose to go into every situation and leave it better than we found it. And to lift up the most vulnerable, seek out the most vulnerable, and empower them and work to liberate them."
What do you hope to accomplish with this initiative?
Ultimately, people look at LA and Hollywood as a culture beacon. And to be honest, the everyday organizers are the true heroes of our society, the people that dedicate their lives to liberating folks everyday, whether that's in environmental awareness or lessening the maternal mortality rate or closing the pay gap. These people are heroes but a lot of the time, they look to celebrities and people with platforms more than they'll look for the community organizers that are experts in this field or the educators for this information. And so we also have that privilege being in a position where we have people paying attention to us, and my goal is to train leaders within the entertainment industry. So that they'll understand that the real work is on the ground, lead people to their work, and use media attention to reflect and amplify the good work that's already being done.
I want those in the industry to feel confident enough to speak on these issues in the right way. And when they do make mistakes, learn how to correct those easily and not retract back into a corner. I want to have a safe space to where we can foster the radical love and deconstruct all the things we suffer from--talk about it, bounce ideas off [each other] and then push that out into culture.
You’ve been known for your outspokenness and views on today’s social issues as much as your acting. When did you realize you wanted to pick up the mantle of activism? Was there a defining moment: what was it and how did it affect you?
There wasn't a clear defining moment, but I feel like my whole life, I just had this inclination towards trying to do right. And a lot of times it was more so about being right and that was a selfish thing. I think God used that against me to where it was like, 'If you really want to be right all of the time, you need to acknowledge that you're not right. That you don't know everything, you can't be a know-it-all and it's impossible. You need to humble yourself.' So I listened to God in that and try to do my best in allowing that to lead so that I can follow and be an example in that. And it's manifested itself into different ways throughout my life.
Eventually, I was posting stuff while Black Lives Matter was gaining momentum and I was connecting with different movement folks and other people that were socially conscious and getting advice. I was trying to hang back and go behind the scenes and have meetings and such. But then I realized I was placating the oppressor really, in that I didn't want to come off as an "angry black man". And when Eric Garner was murdered and got all this media attention and there was so much injustice and anger--I finally said to myself, 'You know I am angry, I am black, and I am a man.' But if I don't speak out and I try to placate people and not come off as this stereotype, then I'm aiding the oppression.
Courtesy of Kendrick Sampson
"If I don't speak out and I try to placate people and not come off as this stereotype, then I'm aiding the oppression."
The descriptor says that this initiative is: “A National Platform For Artists, Athletes and Entertainers Committed to Using Their Influence For Social Justice.” Do you ever think that there can be art/entertainment WITHOUT activism or are they always one and the same?
Yes and no; it depends on how people understand activism. A lot of people think that every project should be an activism-centered project. They think that there needs to be a protest or a statement on something. And I don't necessarily think that. But I think the way we approach stories should be activism in the sense that our lives are activism. Think about Insecure for example, there's no clear policy that they're trying to push, but it was activism in the sense that it told the story of vulnerable communities that had not been seen before in that space.
And that's so essential and important. So many groups of people of different ethnic groups, genders, and ages come up to me and say they watch Insecure. And now they're privy to an experience that they weren't before. It's not an educational piece, but it helps bring peoples stories to life and humanize them in a way that our society has historically been opposed to. So stories like that, that just tell a simple love story or life story of brown people or indigenous people--that show the humanity in people that aren't normally humanized. That's activism.
"I think the way we approach stories should be activism in the sense that our lives are activism."
Does your acting career play a part in your role as an activist?
I think people think I work a lot more than I do, meaning the projects and they think I'm consistently on set. And unfortunately, I'm not. But a lot of that is because I have to pick and choose what I want to do. Now I'm not gonna sit here and make it seem like I'm picking and choosing all my roles because there are a lot of things that I audition for that I just don't get. But this isn't a woe is me, because I get a lot more work than some actors do--but it is a very conscious effort to not take roles that are problematic, to avoid stereotypes and oppression, misogyny.
I have worked on projects because people are willing to change content, but I definitely think that activism is a lifestyle. And our career should fall under that umbrella. My career is a tool to do that work. Not a side from that work, it's not a side job. It's a part of my purpose and I do my best to utilize every aspect of my life with that purpose.
Getty Images
"My career is a tool to do that work. Not a side from that work, it's not a side job. It's a part of my purpose and I do my best to utilize every aspect of my life with that purpose."
Can anyone take part in BLD PWR or is it just for the aforementioned groups of people?
It's for creatives, but it's not for everybody. In particular, it's with those with platforms or those who are building platforms. There's no size to it but it's for people who are doing socially conscious work--or who WANT to do socially conscious work. So it's writers, filmmakers, storytellers, actors, athletes. It's open to influencers of all facets, but especially within the entertainment business. The main focus is to make sure people with platforms are more informed of the work of everyday organizers and are actually a part of and aiding that work.
When you think of this initiative 5-10 years from now, what do you want it to look like?
I want it to look like an army of freedom fighters. That we're out here building multiple safe spaces, we fostered other people's initiatives and communities, and that we won't necessarily get the credit for it. You won't be able to fully grasp the scope and reach of what we do and manifested in the world. I want it to amplify other people's work, the people on the ground, and in my heart, I want to be able to say, "That's beautiful that I was a part of that and no one will ever know."
But ultimately, [I] want to see safe spaces for the liberation of the most vulnerable folk and people of color, black, brown, indigenous folks and uplifting their stories and bringing them into the center. And having Hollywood lead the charge. Because there is no change, no revolution without art. The most effective communication is art. And part of that is oration and speaking and creating these stories and being active on social media, kneeling. All of that is a part of it.
Courtesy of Kendrick Sampson
"There is no change, no revolution without art. The most effective communication is art."
For someone looking to get more involved in activism or maybe just starting out, what are a few key things they can do RIGHT NOW to affect change?
Figure out what you're most passionate about because we can't cover everything. Find a local community organizer or organization that's working in that area. Because I guarantee you someone is already doing the work on whatever issue you want to take up. Then pursue your education and information in that area. See what the movement landscape is. For those who want to participate in training, they can go to bldpwr.com.
If you're in LA, there's Reform LA Jails, that seeks to transfer millions of dollars that they want to use to build new prisons and invest it into alternatives to incarceration for the homeless and mentally ill.
For more information about BLD PWR, check out their website here. Follow BLD PWR on Facebook.
Featured image by Getty Images.
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Writer. Empath. Escapist. Young, gifted, and Black. Shanelle Genai is a proud Southern girl in a serious relationship with celebrity interviews, The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, and long walks down Sephora aisles. Keep up with her on IG @shanellegenai.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Navigating Dating When Emotionally Unavailable & Detached: My Journey Back To Feeling
The last time I came with a dating story, I told you I got my little feelings hurt in 2021. I called myself trying to be out in these streets entertaining a man in a different area code, city, and state — only for homeboy to play in my damn face. So, I went and gave y’all "8 Rules To Casual Dating Every Woman Should Know This Summer." You’re welcome. Fast forward to 2024, and I am now coming to you from a more mature and intentional place. We’re not in summer yet, but I truly believe what blooms in spring, thrives in summer.
2023 was my year, and it was my turn. I had just completed an 8-month holistic detox. The glow-up was real and well-deserved. The way I have poured into myself is unmatched. Let me tell you, self-love is a love you have never known. After a five-year healing journey, I finally felt like myself again, and I was ready to play. My heart was open, my mind was clear, and my body hella transformed. I had told all my friends that I was ready to explore dating again, and at the height of summer, I did exactly just that.
This time I decided I wanted to take my time. I wanted to date the “right way” or the “healthy way.” You know, keep your options open, ask the right questions, believe actions and not words, observe patterns and pay attention to red, yellow, and green flags. I was never the dating app type of girl. I sincerely miss everything about human connection and dating from 2000 to 2012. Can we please bring all of that back into 2024? I prefer to feel a man’s energy and presence in real-time. Nonetheless, I still chose to dabble with a few dating apps. I was all the way outside and dating for practice.
Unfortunately, with today’s dating culture, social climate, and how some of these men move and/or behave, these dates were a dead end. Not one guy made it to my roster. What these men were was benched this season – not one of them could be my first-round select draft pick. It didn't seem like anyone I met was interested in a serious relationship. And it’s completely fine. Miss me with the ghosting, lack of effort, inconsistency, and poor communication. I continued to just do me because what is for me will not miss me.
Kelvin Murray/ Getty Images
The universe must have heard me talking because I had specifically told my closest girlfriends that I wanted to meet someone who lived in the vicinity, no more than twenty minutes away, and no more long distance. And I did meet him (it’s crazy how I manifest exactly what I want). As we started to get to know each other, I liked his energy and effort. I liked the direction it seemed to be going to the point my girlfriends had to tell me not to run from him. Because every part of me wanted to run from something that seemed normal.
I liked what he was coming with until I became uncomfortable with my own feelings, and I didn’t know how to communicate them to him.
With that said, I knew if I truly wanted to experience the truest of loves, a reciprocal, requited love, and be in a healthy relationship this story had to come to a pause. What I didn’t know was that he was going to show me things I didn’t know I needed to work on. I didn’t know he inadvertently was going to help me continue to heal parts of me that were hidden.
As someone who has learned to self-heal, I am no longer the type that runs from herself. I am here for the growth.
The truth is I am emotionally detached from myself, and I am not actively dating at the moment. I am the one that has to work on herself. My reiki healer called it, too – she told me this year would not be a year for a relationship, but a year of continuous growth. And now I see why. After all the healing work I have done thus far – I am an unemotional mess. How?
At my big age of 39, I struggle to communicate my wants and needs.
I still struggle to communicate and process uncomfortable feelings. I would rather give myself anxiety, act nonchalantly, emotionally react, and choose non-communication when I am bothered with someone than address the issue (I will later explain why). I have been ignoring my feelings for so long it has become a habit, a defense mechanism, and more so a trauma response.
If you are someone like me who grew up in a household that didn’t discuss feelings, your emotional needs were unmet, and you don’t feel safe to share your feelings – emotional detachment is quite common.
Oftentimes, we always talk about men being emotionally unavailable, but what if it’s a woman who is emotionally unavailable or emotionally detached? How does she navigate herself, dating, or being in a relationship? As I navigate my emotions this season, let’s explore what it means to be emotionally detached, the signs of detachment, and how to reconnect with yourself emotionally.
Emotional Unavailability vs. Emotional Detachment
When we look at the terminology emotional unavailability and emotional detachment, one might argue that the two terms are interchangeable and have the same meaning. One could also argue that both terms mean that some people are not in tune with their emotions or lack the emotional capacity to be responsive to someone else’s emotions. Fair enough. However, there is a big difference. The definition of emotional unavailability is described as people who have difficulty with sharing their emotions and being receptive to the emotions of those around them.
According to Verywell Mind, signs of emotional unavailability can look like being distant or cold, lack of closeness, and emotional intimacy in relationships, inability to understand and relate to others’ feelings, defensiveness when asked to change or let others in, tendency to shut down or avoid topics that require emotional openness, or withdrawal from people or situations that provoke emotional reactions.
Whereas emotional detachment is defined as the inability to or willingness to connect with others on an emotional level. Furthermore, Psychology Today states emotional detachment can also mean that people do not engage with their feelings. Exhibit A – me. Emotional detachment has various causes – past neglect, childhood or adult trauma, PTSD, depression, personality disorder, bipolar disorder, substance abuse, or, in some cases, medication (i.e. antidepressants). It is important to note emotional detachment is a complex issue. For someone like me, it’s a coping mechanism.
It is easier for me to ignore uncomfortable feelings to protect myself from stress or getting hurt. Hence, my nonchalant demeanor. It is also true for some people it is a reaction to trauma, abuse, and unprocessed emotions. Exhibit B – me. As it is difficult for me to open up about my feelings at the moment. On the contrary – emotional detachment can be helpful in navigating some situations like listening to people’s opinions and gossip.
Unfortunately, emotional detachment is not a behavior that can be turned on and off at will. Please note that emotional detachment is NOT a mental health diagnosis but can be a symptom of a mental health condition such as an attachment disorder. And if you know anything about attachment theory, it is related to the relationship we develop in our childhood with our primary caregivers.
Signs You're Emotionally Detached
Mavocado/ Getty Images
According to Psychology Today and Verywell Mind, general signs of emotional detachment can look like difficulty showing empathy to others, sharing emotions, committing to a relationship, feeling numb, poor listening skills, lack of self-esteem, preferring to be alone, struggling to feel positive emotions, inability to identify emotions, lack of physical, verbal, or sexual contact and losing touch with people or maintaining connections.
In a romantic relationship, emotional detachment shows up as you or your partner not being available for connection, poor communication, or reduced affection.
For me, my experience with emotional detachment is collective. I am an empath to my core. I don’t have a problem relating to other’s feelings or circumstances. I don’t have commitment issues, nor do I have an issue connecting with others or maintaining those connections. I struggle with sharing emotions, at least the negative ones.
Due to the emotional abuse from my childhood and a toxic relationship, I learned sharing emotions just wasn't the safe thing to do. As a survivor of trauma, I learned to suppress feeling negative emotions in general as a form of protection.
How To Reconnect To Your Emotions When You're Emotionally Unavailable
Serious Kid Cudi GIF by Apple MusicGiphyExploring my emotional side in-depth started late last year simply by noticing my reaction to something that he did. I didn’t know how to properly communicate to him how I was feeling or what he did bothered me in the moment. So, I swallowed my feelings and said absolutely nothing. I intentionally chose to avoid the issue. I chose to rationalize the situation instead of acknowledging that my feelings at the time were valid. I chose to act like everything was all good because it was all good.
“It wasn’t that deep to begin with” is what I told myself. And this is where the problem lies.
The saying is true, “What happens in your childhood shows up in your adult relationships.” I came to realize that because I was not able to express my feelings as a child, I struggled to process them. I either hold back my feelings, take a long time to say how I feel, or don’t say anything at all. This is because I fear people will walk away from me like my mother did if I share what I truly feel. I fear my feelings won’t be validated, or they will be rejected.
With that said, I was completely unaware that I was emotionally detached from myself until recently. So, here we are with this article. It all started by reading Instagram’s @theholisticpsychologist, Dr. Nicole LePera’s newest book How to Be the Love You Seek: Break Cycles, Find Peace, and Heal Your Relationships, which was released on November 28, 2023. As I read through the first chapter, I became triggered.
How Dr. LePera describes her childhood with her parents and experiences with her romantic partners somewhat mirrored my experiences with my own parents and relationships. As Dr. LaPera stated in her book, I have no issue showing up for others or meeting their needs and wants. But when it comes to expressing my own needs and wants – I cannot or I don’t. This is mainly due to my hyper-independence.
At an early age, I learned to show up for myself because the people I trusted to show up for me failed. Given my home environment, I had internalized it is not safe to talk about feelings. I never knew my emotional responses and behavior were abnormal. But because I am willing to continue to do my inner work, I know that I can reconnect to my emotions, and undo four decades of repressed emotions.
If you are someone like me who struggles with emotional connection with yourself and others, here is how you go about it:
Lighthouse Films/ Getty Images
1. Know Your Attachment Style
For me, the first step was to understand my attachment style. I asked my therapist if she could help me identify my attachment style to understand my triggers. She recommended The Attachment Theory Workbook by Annie Chen, LMFT. My therapist administered the associated online quiz – Attachment Quiz. If you haven’t figured out my attachment style yet by reading this article, I have an anxious attachment style.
This means I don’t do well with inconsistent behavior, especially from men (but I’m the type that holds men to standards too). People with an anxious attachment style have a need to feel close to their partner. It may come across as “clingy” or “needy.” However, this same need is often driven by fear of abandonment, mistrust, and low self-esteem. I would say knowing your attachment style is helpful because you can work towards having a secure attachment style (with practice) in your relationships – familial, business, work, platonic, or romantic.
2. Become Self-Aware
Most people who are not in the practice of self-care or self-healing are unaware of their triggers, patterns, and behaviors. We are so caught up in the daily minutiae of life that we forget to pay attention to the most important part of our days — ourselves. As Dr. LePera says, make it a conscious habit to pause throughout your day to check in with yourself. Ask yourself:
- How does my body feel?
- What am I doing right now?
- Am I present?
- Am I distracted and lost with other thoughts?
- What do I think or feel when I recall a specific experience with someone?
- What do I think or worry about?
- What would happen if I shared my authentic thoughts, perspective, feelings right now?”
This is what Dr. LePera refers to as exploring your embodied self or fulfilling your authentic needs in chapter two of her book. Consistent mindfulness and self-awareness are key to self-discovery and in any healing journey. Learning to focus on the present moment also includes paying attention to our emotional response to an event or how we think about emotions in general.
3. Practice Vulnerability
The idea of vulnerability is a tough one for me and so many other women for countless reasons. Whether it be toxic family, friendships, relationships, or trauma – trusting others with your thoughts and feelings is not easy. As much as I am open and transparent, I am not as vulnerable. And I believe there is so much power in the duality to be both. To trust someone, let alone a man with your authentic self is a delicate matter.
But it is emotional vulnerability that allows us humans to build authentic connections, create stronger relationships, and break down emotional walls. Emotional vulnerability is not something to be rushed – it takes time and practice from you and the people you choose to have in your life. Medical News Today suggests that we can learn to be vulnerable by opening up more to our closest friends, building our ability to become more trusting, and developing skills to regulate our emotions.
4. Seek Therapy
I have been in therapy for six years and counting. I would consider therapy one of my safe spaces. I am one of those individuals who recommend therapy to everyone as it has given me the tools and resources I need to navigate my life challenges. By choosing to get help, I was able to put my PTSD and depression in remission for four years now. I have also learned how to manage my anxiety.
I am fully aware that in this season of my life requires me to do the work to unlock new levels of self. And any time where I have consciously chosen growth – the universe or life has not failed me. I was able to heal my body, my heart, and my spirit. Now, it’s time to heal my inner child, this hurt little girl who lives in me.
I will say choosing a therapist is similar to dating; you might go through a few potentials until you find a therapist you connect with. Actually, one of my lifelong friends said to me the other day, “Your relationship with your therapist is one of the most important relationships in your life.” I needed her to say that, and I needed to hear it because it’s true. You are essentially trusting a licensed stranger to help you navigate your life on so many levels.
Be picky and ask the questions. Cut the cord at the first red flag given. Again, let me reiterate that emotional detachment is not a mental health diagnosis. It can be treated with the help of a therapist. Emotional detachment only becomes a problem when it starts to interfere with your daily life. Pay attention to changes in your daily behavior and make decisions to cope accordingly.
I am genuinely excited about reconnecting with my emotions. I want to feel all the feels – good, bad, and indifferent. I want to cry all the tears – especially the sad ones. I want to process and release negative emotions. I want to say how I feel in the moment with no fear.
If you are that girl who struggles with emotional connection or thinks you're emotionally detached, I hope that you become willing to face your inner child and show up for her. Don’t run – she has been waiting for you.
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Feature image by fizkes/ Getty Images