We are all blessed with gifts that are innate and undeniable. However, sometimes, life's twists and turns can make us feel robbed of our talent and opportunity.
Consequently, we are seemingly forced to forfeit our dreams to the many misfortunes we encounter along our journey. For professional ballerina Paige Fraser, despite being met with obstacle after obstacle, she stands firmly in the face of opposition. She was built for this.
The young dancer has an extensive resume that includes her work with Beyonce, BET, Intel, and a number of other industry giants but did not rise to fame without overcoming her own personal challenges. Paige first discovered her inclination toward dance at just four years old, and had decided to become a professional dancer by the age of 10. After becoming the first African-American girl at her studio to play the lead role in The Nutcracker, her career path was set, and it was clear that Paige would be a force to be reckoned with.
At the time, the vivacious preteen had no idea that less than five years later, she would receive a diagnosis that would change her life forever. She told xoNecole, "I was diagnosed with Scoliosis when I was 13. I had just started attending the Professional Performing Arts High School where I would receive free dance training at the prestigious Alvin Ailey School in Manhattan. As you can imagine, this was a very tough thing to deal with as a freshman in high school."
Scoliosis is a disorder that causes an abnormal curvature of the backbone or spine that occurs most often during or right before puberty. Upon diagnosis, the condition put her lifelong dream of a dance career on hold, and doctors recommended surgery. This was understandably devastating to the aspiring dancer who recalled, "I remember hearing the words surgery come out of the doctor's mouth. I cried like a baby as he described that surgery would consist of putting metal rods in my back, affecting my range of motion. I knew I wanted to be a professional dancer and having spinal mobility was imperative."
"I cried like a baby… I knew I wanted to be a professional dancer and having spinal mobility was imperative."
Luckily, Paige's parents were a strong support system who were empathetic of her love for dance, and understood that invasive surgery would stifle her opportunity to practice her craft forever. With their support and against her doctor's wishes, their family sought alternative solutions. "We found a Chiropractor in NYC (Dr. Alex Eingorn) who adjusted my spine twice a week. He also suggested I wear a back brace; one that I would wear to school and one that I wore to bed. I was only able to take my brace off when I was training in dance. Those were the best hours of my life."
With persistence, dedication, and the support of a teacher who had also been diagnosed with scoliosis, Paige became a master of her craft. The Bronx-born dancer says that since her diagnosis, her physical imperfections have only fueled her desire to conquer the challenges that had once tried to conquer her. "My drive fuels me even when the days are hard and dark. Each day is another chance to strive to be better than yesterday. Do the work and stay in your lane and remain in faith that it will always work out as it should."
Despite her queen-like stature, persistent hustle, and fearless demeanor, Paige, like most of us, had to learn to find resolve in rejection. The 27-year-old creative professional said that it was only after learning how to manage constructive criticism and defining her purpose that she was able to ditch the idea of giving up to reach her fullest potential.
"As artists, we deal with a lot of rejection," she explained. "Over the years, I have developed a tough skin. Being a professional dancer is very humbling. There are going to be moments when you don't get the job you want or a specific role in a piece. What keeps me going is remembering why I started and thinking back to the beautiful moments make it all worth it. I also grew to understand that timing is everything."
"What keeps me going is remembering why I started."
When you realize your purpose, you have the power to be unstoppable. The 10-year-old girl who once played Clara in The Nutcracker, was later diagnosed with a life-changing physical disorder. Now, that same little girl has has graced some of the biggest stages the world has ever seen. "By fully trusting in my path, I can avoid stressing over what is next or comparing myself to others. Days when I want to quit, I quickly remind myself that I have persevered my whole life, and I'm built for this."
Despite the bumps and bruises that she's acquired along her path to success, Paige was prepared for the ride before she even got in the car. She said that even if you don't quite know where your destination is, if you continue to walk in purpose, you'll end up exactly where you should be.
"Life is going to throw you a lot of curveballs, but it is how you respond to them. As I said earlier, being a dancer is not easy but if you love it, you will find ways to navigate through. For those dealing with a Scoliosis diagnosis, reach out to others who are in the same boat. There is a huge Scoliosis community and now, with social media, it is easy to connect. No one should suffer alone. Remind yourself everyday you are beautiful, strong, and unique. Having Scoliosis is not the end of the world and everyone has something they are dealing with."
"Having Scoliosis is not the end of the world and everyone has something they are dealing with."
We can all learn a lesson or two from Paige, who used her obstacles to create a platform. Now an advocate for Scoliosis, as well as a major player in the dance industry, Paige seeks to use her story to inspire other women. "I hope that my story inspires people to never give up. I am a black girl from the Bronx who has dealt with many challenges, but I chose to persevere through it all. I refuse to let anything hold me back. I am guided by my purpose and I want to give back to the next generation. I want people to look at my story and be inspired to go after their dreams. Nothing about me is perfect. I am unique."
"I refuse to let anything hold me back. I am guided by my purpose."
This year, Paige plans to raise awareness for Scoliosis on an even larger scale with the launch of her foundation. The Paige Fraser Foundation is dedicated to giving inner city students with or without physical challenges a safe space to study art.
Paige is a reminder to be diligent with the gifts that we are given. Many times, the fruits of our productivity aren't meant for self-nourishment, but to feed others. It is your responsibility to use your gifts, despite your personal challenges and obstacles. She proves that if you continue to walk in your purpose despite life's curveballs, you can ultimately win the game.
For more Paige, follow her on Instagram.
*Featured image of Paige by Melika Dez for The Black Iris Project
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Ding. Ding. DING.
A life coach by the name of Thomas Leonard once said that “Clarity affords focus” and, believe you me, when it comes to dealing with other human beings, if you don’t get clear on where you stand when it comes to your interactions with them, you can very easily find yourself “focusing too much” on those who don’t deserve it and too little on those who absolutely do. And y’all, this lil’ PSA couldn’t be more relevant than when it comes to what I call “casual friendships.”
Let’s dig — and for some of us, dig our way out of — what it means to have a casual friend, so that you can get clear on if you really need those in your life…and if so…why?
Article continues after the video.
It Can’t Be Said Enough: Always Remember What “Casual” Means
GiphyThere’s a reason why I decided to share two videos by mental health coach Isaiah Frizzle at the top and bottom of this article. It’s because a lot of what he shares in both of them complements a piece that I wrote for the platform last year entitled, “This Is Just What Purposeful Relationships Look Like.”
It’s the author M. Scott Peck who once said, “Until you value yourself, you won't value your time. Until you value your time, you will not do anything with it” and please believe that the older (and hopefully more mature) you get, the more you tend to see just how valuable — and fleeting — time is; and that is what plays a huge role in motivating you want to only involve yourself with people, places, things and ideas that will honor your time — and when something is casual? In my opinion, it’s highly debatable that it’s worth much of your months, days, hours, or even too many of your minutes.
The main reason why is addressed in an article that I wrote back in the day entitled, “We Should Really Rethink The Term 'Casual Sex.'” The gist? When it comes to relationships, “casual” is certainly not a favorite word of mine because I know what it means. Have mercy — why would you want to invest your time, energy, and emotions into something that is, by definition, apathetic, indifferent, careless, lacking emotional intimacy, and/or is without purpose?
I don’t know about y’all but that sounds like a complete and total crap shoot to me — especially if you are going to go so far as to consider this type of dynamic a true friendship (check out “Ever Wonder If A Friend Is Just...Not That Into You?,” “6 Signs You're About To Make A Huge Mistake In Making Them A Close Friend,” “5 Signs Of A Toxic Friendship That Is Secretly Poisoning Your Life,” “12 Friend Facts That Might Cause You To Rethink (Some Of) Your Own,” and “Less & Less Of Us Have Close Friends These Days. Why Is That?” ).
To me, when you decide to call someone “friend,” it means that they are loyal, reliable, consistent, trustworthy and willing to be there to support you to the very best of their ability — even if it’s inconvenient to do so sometimes (check out “Life Taught Me That True Friendships Are 'Inconvenient'”). How in the world can you expect that from something that has the word “casual” in it?
And you know what? That actually segues into my next point about casual friendships pretty darn well.
Ponder the Purpose “Casual Friends” Serve in Your Life
GiphyA couple of years ago, Verywell Mind published an article entitled, “How the 4 Types of Friendship Fit Into Your Life.” The four that it listed were acquaintances (which I actually don’t consider to be friends; check out “6 Differences Between A Close Acquaintance And An Actual Friend”), casual friends, close friends, and lifelong friends. After reading the piece, I think they consider casual friends to be the “pleasure” friends that I mentioned in the article, “According To Aristotle, We Need ‘Utility’, ‘Pleasure’ & ‘Good’ Friends.”
And although I certainly get that, I think my “cause for pause” is calling those people “friends” when they probably should be called something like an associate or possibly even a buddy instead. Why do I feel this way? Well, I’ve shared in other articles that I think social media has jacked up vocabulary words and their true meaning on a billion different levels.
Take “friend,” for example. Facebook had us out here calling everyone we connected to on their platform “friends” when some of them, we’ve never even spoken to before — and I personally think that influenced, affected and perhaps even infected our psyche to the point where we will call folks, both online and off, “friend” even when they haven’t earned it and/or who possibly don’t deserve it.
That said, do I think that we all could use lighthearted interactions that don’t go very deep and are filled with not much more than fun? Sure. However, if we were to move this over into a sexual thing — those types of people would probably be called a sneaky link, and there is nothing significant or substantial about ‘em. In fact, if anything pretty much automatically comes with an expiration date, sneaky links would have to be it.
And that’s kind of the point that I’m trying to make about a casual friend — so long as you know that the word “casual” is being used to describe them, while you may enjoy the people who fit that bill, they aren’t really anything that you can or even should fully rely on. Instead, take them for what they are and don’t really expect much more than that. Otherwise, you could be in for some profound levels of disappointment. And who wants that?
Final point.
How a Casual Friend Can Become a Huge Red Flag
GiphyI’m telling you, y’all gonna quit clowning Tubi. LOL. To me, the best way to describe it is it’s the Cricket of current streaming apps. What I mean by that is, back when Cricket (the cell phone service) first came out, people, like me, who used it service got incessantly clowned because it was seen as a bootleg provider. Now it’s owned by AT&T, and as someone who has rocked with them since I was in my 20s, I don’t have one regret for doing so. Cricket has always been good to me, chile.
And Tubi? Well, when you get a chance, check out CNBC’s article, “CEO at 33, Tubi’s Anjali Sud on success hacks she learned at Amazon, IAC on way to top of Fox streaming” — take note of the moves the streaming app is making and the quality of programming that is transpiring in real time.
Anyway, I find myself bringing up Tubi more and more in my content because it helps to amplify some of the points that I like to make. This time, it’s a movie that’s (currently) on there calledRight Man, Wrong Woman. If you haven’t seen it before, I don’t want to give too much of the film away. What I will say is that the main female character, she had a casual friend and then she had a close friend.
That casual friend—the one who liked to kick it all of the time—was a lot of fun; however, dealing with her came with a ton of semi-unforeseen consequences. Meanwhile, the close friend? She’s what the Aristotle article (that I mentioned earlier) would call the “good friend” because she tried her best to hold her friend accountable.
And really, it shouldn’t be a shock that the casual friend turned out to be a plum trip because if someone is loads of entertainment and pleasure and yet they are indifferent towards you, they make careless decisions around you and/or they don’t really make known the purpose for you being in their life other than to pass some time — where really do you and that person have to go past drinks after work or dinner on a rooftop restaurant from time to time? And if that is all that the two of you are doing, again, why are they deserving of the word “friend”?
Hmph and don’t get me started on the lack of reciprocity that typically transpires when it comes to dealing with people like this because, while they won’t mind you spending your coins on them, taking their calls in the middle of the night or listening to all of their issues — when it comes time for them to show up for you, they very well may gaslight you into thinking that you are being dramatic, clingy or “doing the most.” Why? Well, it’s mostly because the two of you never really established what the hell the both of you are to one another.
And so, while you’re somewhere taking them seriously, they are out here seeing you casually, and as much as it might hurt to hear, that doesn’t automatically or necessarily make them a bad person. You shouldn’t expect much where no clarity is involved. After all, casual is just that: CASUAL.
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I’m hoping that you can now see why I entitled this piece in the way that I did. It’s because a red flag is pretty much a warning, and to me, a casual friend is about as big of an oxymoron (again, to me) as casual sex is. Friends and sex are both too intimate to be seen or treated casually. Oh, but if you step out and take that risk, you could find yourself getting far more involved than the other individual ever wanted to go, because casual is how things have always been. “Friend” was simply to get you more mentally and emotionally invested. SMDH.
American columnist Walter Winchell once said, “A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.” A wise person once said, “One good friendship will outlive forty average loves." Former President Ulysses S. Grant once said, “The friend in my adversity I shall always cherish most. I can better trust those who helped to relieve the gloom of my dark hours than those who are so ready to enjoy with me the sunshine of my prosperity.” Does any of this sound casual to you? Yeah, me neither.
Again, I’m not saying that you shouldn’t have people in your life who aren’t on deep levels. I’m just saying that you might want to consider putting them into another category than friend, because what friends do for people? There ain’t nothin’ even remotely casual about it, sis. Not even a lil’ bit.
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