Although I'm typically not a fan of phrases like "tear it up" or "beat it down" in references to sex, let's be real—when sex is good and longer than a couple of minutes, our vagina really does take a bit of a beating (in the best way possible, of course), doesn't it? All of that penetration, all of that friction, all of that moving around—especially if you and yours decide to go a few rounds—can totally wear "her" out. And, for most of us, instead of checking in to make sure that ole' girl is alright, we might do the first sexual-aftercare thing that's on this list that I'm about to share but then…we'll just roll over and…fall asleep.
Our vagina is good to us. That's why, we've got to be more intentional about being good to it in return (check out "What Your Vagina Wishes You Would Do More Often"). One way to do that is to offer up a little bit of TLC following sexual activity. These eight tips will totally show you how.
Pee After Sex
Even if you don't engage in anal sex, the reality is your rectum and your vagina are pretty darn close together and yes, bacteria from your backside can easily flow into your "frontside". Something that you can do to prevent that, umm, transference from turning into an all-out urinary tract infection (UTI) is to make sure that you pee right after you have sex; that way, your urine can wash that bacteria out. And what if you don't have to go at the moment? Things like turning on your faucet, washing your hands in cold water and—get this—getting a whiff of peppermint essential oil are all things that can trigger your bladder to cooperate with you.
Wash Your Hands After Sex
Hopefully, if you're gonna urinate right after sex, you're going to follow that up with washing your hands (…right?). But even if you decide not to pee, still make a point and practice to wash your hands anyway. If you want to read more about how sex and bacteria are so closely connected, there is a very detailed scientific definition here. For those who just want the Cliff's Notes, chances are, there was also some bacteria on your hands before you even started having sex and then, when the "juices got to flowing", there's an abundance more. If you don't want to spread bacteria even further, especially to your vaginal region, washing your hands can stop it in its tracks. Regular soap is fine. Just make sure that you lather up well, that you get in between your fingers, and that you do this for no less than 20-30 seconds. If you follow these tips, you should be all good.
Take a Bath After Sex
If the sex was so good that it totally wore you and your vagina out (kudos, if so, sis), then you might need to take a bit of a soak in the bathtub.
Warm water has a way of soothing irritated tissue and, if you add a few drops of virgin olive oil into the mix, not only will it deeply hydrate your vaginal skin but the antioxidants in the oil will help to heal your vulva and vagina too.
Just make sure that you bathe with olive oil only. The last thing that your vagina needs right after sex is bubble bath products or heavy perfumes. This brings me to my next point.
Leave Scented Stuff Alone After Sex
Over here, in xoNecole world, we're big fans of taking bathing experiences to the next level. But since penetration oftentimes leaves tiny tears around our vagina and vulva, that means our genital region is more vulnerable than usual. That means strong perfumes, body washes and body sprays can upset the pH balance of our vagina which can result in burning or even trigger a yeast infection. If you don't feel right with simply allowing good old-fashioned H2O to cleanse your vagina, something that I use (and really like) is Pangea Wash. Or, if you're a DIY kinda gal, I wrote an article on vaginal washes that you can make yourself. You can check it out here.
Eat Some Probiotics After Sex
I once heard a woman talk about describing sex to her child as being an amusement park and toxic waste dump rolled into one. When you really stop to think about it, that's a pretty spot-on explanation. While there is probably no better—and by "better", I mean more fun—way to spread bacteria around than participating in coitus, it's still important to "feed your vagina" with foods that will replenish it with good bacteria so that things like yeast infections won't occur. One way to do that is to eat foods that are high in probiotics. While yogurt traditionally leads the list, if you're curious about what some other foods are, check out our article, "The Foods Your Vagina's Been Craving".
Drink Water and/or Pure Cranberry Juice After Sex
Did you know that sex can dehydrate your va-jay-jay? It might sound crazy but if you ever notice that, once you're done with round one and about to go into round two that your vagina isn't as wet as before, a part of that could be due to the fluids your body lost from the first session. One way to replenish your system is to drink a couple of glasses of water. Oh, and if you are UTI-prone, substitute one of those glasses for pure cranberry juice. Its acidic level has a way of knocking out any bacteria that may try to irritate you and your vagina up the pike.
Clean Your Sex Toys After Sex
While a lot of the bacteria that comes from our bodies will die on a sex toy once the bacteria dries up, there are things like Gardnerella vaginalis (the bacteria that causes bacterial vaginosis) that can linger on one for up to 48 hours (yuck).
That's why it is imperative that you thoroughly wash your sex toys after using them. For tips on how to do that effectively, feel free to check out Health's "The Essential Guide to Cleaning Your Sex Toys (Yes, There's a Right Way to Do It!)". Your vagina will thank you later.
Sleep Naked After Sex
While I know some people who are quick to put some sort of clothes on after gettin' it in, it really is best to stay naked instead. From a health and wellness perspective, going commando while you sleep does everything from reduce your stress levels and give your skin a chance to breathe to help you to sleep faster (and better) and even keep your blood sugar levels balanced. Since we're specifically talking about vaginal health today, let me share why your vagina would be thrilled if you didn't cover it up either. All of us naturally produce yeast in our vaginal area. Well, when we're wearing confining items, that can cause yeast—yeast that is already in a warm, wet and dark environment—to multiply which can also cause a yeast infection. If you'd still prefer to have something on at night, at least make sure it's not nylon panties, a thong or anything that's tight (like lingerie). Organic cotton would be your best bet. But again, naked is really what would make your vagina extra happy; especially right after you have sex.
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Anyway, I personally think that the less shallow folks out here may contemplate calling things “quits” or they at least distance themselves a bit from their partner (and what I’m referring to is serious relationships) due to all of the stress and strain that oftentimes comes with the holidays whether it be financial, familial, due to their tight schedules or something else.
Listen, I would hate for you and your man to miss the fun and happiness of experiencing this time of year, all because you are so overwhelmed or irritated that you can’t really enjoy it. That’s why I have a few practical tips for how to avoid allowing the typical holiday season stress from INFECTING your relationship.
Manage Your Expectations
GiphyUnmanaged expectations. If there is a main reason why the holiday season tends to be so stress-filled for so many people, I’d bet good money that this is the cause. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, expectations can manifest themselves in all sorts of cryptic and/or unexpected ways. You might have relatives who assume that you are going to be with them for Thanksgiving or Christmas when you have other plans in mind. You might be thinking that you are going to spend one amount for presents while your man is thinking something totally different. When it comes to scheduling, your signals may be crossed.
And you know what? To all of these scenarios, this is where clear and consistent communication come in. Don’t assume anything. Don’t dictate anything either. From now until New Year’s, mutually decide to check in once a week, just to make sure that you are both on the same page as it relates to the holidays and what you both are thinking will come along with it. The less blindsided you both feel, the less stressed out you will be. Trust me on this.
Set (and Keep) a Budget
GiphyOkay, so I read that last year, 36 percent of Americans incurred some type of holiday-related debt. Hmph. Last year, there was still some sense of normalcy in this country, chile, so I can only imagine what finances are gonna look like over the next several weeks. That said, since I don’t know a lot of people who don’t find being broke stressful, make sure that you and your bae set a budget and then stick to it this year — no ifs, ands or buts.
Because really, y’all — it doesn’t make sense to deplete savings and/or max out credit cards for a few days of giggles only to be damn near losing your mind because you don’t know how to make ends meet come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
And by the way, this tip doesn’t just speak to things like food and gifts; I also mean travel. If it doesn’t make a ton of sense (or cents) to be all over the place this year — DON’T BE.
Keep Matthew 5:37 at the Forefront
GiphyIf off the top of your head, you don’t know what Matthew 5:37 says, no worries, here ya go: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” That verse right there? Oh, it’s a boundaries lifesaver! I say that because do you see “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” in there? Nope. LOL. It says that you should tell people “yes” or “no” and leave it at that — and that complements Anne Lamott’s quote, “’No’ is a complete sentence” impeccably well. Yeah, you’ve got to remember that anything beyond a yes or no to a request is privileged information; you don’t owe anyone details or an explanation.
Besides, if you are really honest with yourself, when someone asks you something and you give a “Umm, let me think about it” kind of reply, more times than not, you already know what your answer is going to be — so why not let you both off of the hook? Give your response. Commit to that. And let everyone (including yourself) get on with their lives and schedules.
I promise you that when it comes to those holiday parties, you are pissing more folks off by not RSVP’ing or doing so and not showing up than just saying, “Thank you but not this year” off the rip.
Remember That Your Personal Space Is Privilege Not a Right
GiphyA friend of mine recently bought a new house and invited me over to come see it. He’s a single man with no children, so as I was taking in all of the space that he had, especially as I walked through his finished basement, I joked about relatives coming to live with him. “Hell no” and “absolutely not” were pretty much his immediate responses as he went on to say that some folks even had the nerve to be offended when he told them that he had no intentions on taking DNA in.
Ain’t it wild how people think that your stuff is their right? And yes, that brings me to my next point. Your home is your sanctuary space. If you want to host folks this year — cool. If not, ALSO COOL. Please don’t let folks (family included) guilt you into how they want you to act or even into what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot. You are not them — and as one of my favorite quotes states, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name Larry Dixon said that.)
Hell, my friends? They know that I am good for sending them random things that they need or even want all throughout the year. Coming over to hang out at my pace, though. Uh-uh. Chalk it up to being a card-carrying member of the ambivert club yet I like keeping my living space personal — and I sleep like a baby, each and every night, for feeling that way.
Always remember that your space, your time, your resources, your energy and shoot, yourself period (including your relationship), are all things that are your own. You get to choose how, when and why you want to share them. The holiday season is certainly no exception.
Cultivate Some “You Two Only” Traditions
GiphyIt’s not uncommon for some couples to hit me up after the holiday season to “detox.” Sometimes it’s due to the financial drama (and sometimes trauma) that they experienced. Sometimes it’s because they allowed their relatives (especially in-laws) to get more into their personal business than they should’ve. More than anything, though, it tends to be because they didn’t get enough quality time together and so ended up feeling “disconnected.”
Please don’t let that happen. Listen, I’m not even a holidays kind of woman and yet, I will absolutely sit myself down with some hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies to enjoy a Hallmark holiday film or two. Aside from the fact that most of them are lighthearted and sweet, I also like that they usually focus on couples loving on each other amidst all of the holiday beauty and ambiance — which is something that all couples should set aside some time to do.
Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe it’s a staycation. Or maybe it’s my personal favorite, A SEXCATION. Whether it’s for a few days, the weekend or even overnight — don’t you let the holidays go by without setting aside time for you and your man to celebrate one another. Don’t you dare (check out “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?”).
GET. SOME. REST.
GiphyI once read that 8 out of 10 people get stressed out over the holidays and 3 out of 10 lose sleep during to it — and when you’re stress-filled and sleep-deprived, that can absolutely lead to hypersensitivity, making mountains out of molehills and even not being in the mood for sex.
Your relationship can’t afford to go through any of this, so definitely make sure to prioritize rest. I don’t care how unrealistic it might seem during this time, sleep should never be seen as a luxury; it will always and forever be a great necessity.
That said, try to get no less than six hours of shut-eye in (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”) and even ask your bae to take a nap with you sometimes (check out “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.”). Not only will sleep help to restore your mind, body and spirit but, when it’s with your partner, it’s an act of intimacy that can make you both feel super connected, even in the midst of what might feel like chaos.
___
Holiday season stress is real. Still, never give it the permission or power to throw your relationship off. Put you and your man first and let the holidays be what they are gonna be, chile.
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And so, since this is the time of year when catching a cold (and/or the flu) is common, let’s talk about the impact that sleep (and again, a lack thereof) has on your immune system. That way, you can remain as healthy as possible during the fall and winter seasons.
1. Less Sleep Means More Colds
GiphyLike I stated in the intro, I’m pretty sure you’ve heard somewhere that the fall and winter are the seasons when people are most susceptible to catching a cold or coming down with the flu. And that’s exactly why I thought I would start this all off by sharing the fact that some studies reveal that if you get less than six hours of sleep, on a consistent basis, you end up making yourself more vulnerable to coming down with both. In fact, some research says that only 18 percent of people who get six-plus hours of rest caught a cold while almost 40 percent who got less than that did.
The logic behind it all is sleep gives your body time to build up the proteins and cells (like cytokines and T-cells) that you need to fight off certain viruses. So, if nothing bothers you more than having a stuffy nose or stubborn cough when it’s cold outside, getting more sleep is one way to prevent that from happening to you.
2. Less Sleep Means More Allergy Symptoms
GiphyAt the end of the day, an allergy is basically what transpires whenever your immune system “overreacts” to something that other people’s systems do not. And since sleep is what helps to keep your immune system nice and strong — well, I’m sure you get how less allergy-related symptoms and more sleep go hand in hand. Also, since sleep helps to decrease bodily inflammation (more on that in a bit) and inflammation can also intensify allergy symptoms, that’s just one more reason to get as much shut-eye as possible.
3. Less Sleep Means Potential Diabetes and Heart Disease
GiphyDid you know that in 2024, Black women were diagnosed with diabetes 24 percent more than any other adult demographic. Also, it continues to be a reality that heart disease is the leading cause of death for Black women. These two sobering statistics alone should be enough of an incentive to do whatever you can to keep the risk of diabetes and heart disease way down.
One way to do that is by getting more sleep. Aside from the fact that sleep strengthens your immune system to where it is easier for you to fight off illness and diseases, sleep can keep your blood sugar levels in a healthy space; plus, when it comes to your heart, it gives it, along with your arteries and blood vessels a break.
4. Less Sleep Means Less Time for Your Body to Push “Reset”
GiphyIf you really stopped to consider all that your body goes through during the day (you can read some about that here), you definitely would respect it enough to do your best to thank it by giving it no less than six hours of sleep, each and every night. Sleep is what helps to slow your brain and body down so they are able to “refuel” for the next day. After all, how can your body prevent you from getting sick if your immune system is too worn out to fight ailments off? Exactly.
5. More Sleep Helps You to Fight Off Infections
GiphySpeaking of, in order for your body to fight off infections, there are certain cells and antibodies within you that need to be healthy and strong — one way that they get and stay that way is by you getting a good amount of sleep. For instance, remember when I touched on cytokines earlier? Well, the same way that they help to prevent colds, they also help to prevent infections too. And since sleep lowers your cortisol (stress) levels, rest gives your body the time and space to build up an army that can fight off free radicals and other health-related challenges while you are awake.
6. More Sleep Lowers Bodily Inflammation
GiphyWhenever a health-related issue is mentioned on this platform, inflammation is something that is mentioned quite a bit. Probably the easiest way to explain inflammation is it’s how your body responds/reacts whenever something is happening to your body that shouldn’t be, whether it’s an illness, an injury, a germ or something that you may be allergic to.
If you happen to have chronic inflammation, some symptoms that are associated with that include fatigue, stiff joints, skin rashes, weight gain and moodiness.
The interesting thing about all of this is if you aren’t getting enough rest, you could be triggering inflammation in your body. That’s because studies reveal that a lack of sleep can elevate molecules that are associated with inflammation. So, if you don’t want inflammation to increase within your system, you should definitely catch more zzz’s.
7. More Sleep Regulates Hormones
GiphyWhen it comes to hormones like serotonin, estrogen and cortisol, believe it or not, they play a role in how your immune system acts and overreacts. That’s because, if your hormones are out of balance, that can cause your immune system to work harder than it actually should and that can make you more vulnerable to sickness. One way to keep your hormones leveled out? SLEEP.
That’s because sleep gives your body the opportunity to rest, repair and restore your hormone levels. On the other hand, when you are sleep deprived, that can put/keep your hormones on the ultimate roller coaster ride. #notgood
8. More Sleep Strengthens Vaccines
flu shot GIF - Find & Share on GIPHYGiphyIf you’re someone who is good for getting some sort of vaccine around this time of the year, make sure that you rest up before and after getting your shots. Not only does adequate rest before a vaccination help your immune system to be better receptive to your shots but sleep also helps your body to build up enough antibodies to make your vaccinations effective after getting them. Because if you’re gonna get pricked, shouldn’t it be worth it? My thoughts exactly.
Get some freakin’ sleep! Your immune system depends on it.
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