He Loves Me Like XO! 6 Women Share Their Perfect Date Stories
When it comes to the perfect date, sometimes the least obvious way is the absolute way to conquering a woman's heart!
There is nothing like a romantic date planned by the one you love. Wouldn't you love a warm bath filled with bubbles waiting for you after a long day at work? How about a candlelight dinner for two after a long day of running errands? Or maybe you can appreciate a really nice piece of jewelry that expresses his feelings for you? These are the things that pull at our heartstrings whenever they're done, and surprisingly, some men actually get it!
We were inspired to speak with some of our xoNecole readers about romantic dates planned by their favorite guy that was the most thoughtful, romantic, or even sappiest dates ever; dates that embodied the perfect date in their hearts and mind, only proving that the right man is out there waiting to be the king to your queen.
Check them out below:
Baby Let Me Be Your Vacation
“I had a stressful year. I didn't mean to take it out on my boyfriend, but I did. At this point in our relationship, I thought he might leave me - or worse - cheat on me. I wouldn't blame him for doing both. I'd lost my job as a banker, and my blog was losing sales. I was the breadwinner, and he was a high school teacher. I paid and provided everything. Even bought his sister a bar.
The week prior to Valentine's day he asked me, 'This Valentine's Day, you won't throw a vase at me, right?'
I laughed and replied, 'No.'
I promised not to do that again. He chuckled and said, 'Good, because when we go to Hawaii, I'll ensure there aren't any vases,' he winked.
Initially, I hadn't realized he meant he purchased tickets for Hawaii on Valentine's Day. My eyes widened with glee and I jumped on him. Unfortunately, we broke up a year later due to my work obsession. All in all, this was the best Valentine's Day date EVER!"
- Scarlett K.,@DodedahJones
On Bended Knee
“My boyfriend told me to reserve Friday night for our date night. He said we were going to a play near our favorite date spot, the Washington Monument. The summer before, we went out for hibachi, then we walked around the monuments and talked for hours. It was one of those nights that you want to relive.
So Friday comes and we finally got to the monument.
I'm looking around and don't see anywhere that a performance would take place. I start asking questions like, 'Are we late? Where exactly is this play that you speak of?'
Walking up, I had the strangest feeling overcome me like something was about to happen. As I look up, I see his friend come around the corner with a camera and my family and friends appear out of nowhere. He asked to spend the rest of our lives together and if I would be his wife. Of course I replied, 'Yes!' It was a night filled with laughter and cheers."
- Vecoya G., IG: @vecoya
School Daze
“When you are in college, you are typically strapped for funds unless you have employment. I was fortunate to not have to work in college, but I was broke. When I would come home to Delaware from college in Florida, my boyfriend and I wanted to spend every moment with each other. Money didn't really matter much, as long as we were together.
One evening, we really wanted to have a date, but didn't want to break the bank. So, we created a romantic candlelit dinner for two right in my mom's house in a spare room. He took a suitcase and covered it with a tablecloth, lit beautiful long-stem candles, played some old school tunes (our favorite), and cooked dinner.
It's the small things, the thought and effort to make me feel special. That's why my boyfriend from senior year of high school is now my husband."
- Sara C.- IG: @anaraoriginal
Special Affair
“I work long hours as a hairstylist. One random evening after work, I came home to a dim home with rose petals meeting me from the garage door all throughout the kitchen. My living room had a small card, table set with a tablecloth, roses and candles, for dinner by our fireplace. Music was playing. I was greeted by two small hostesses (my children) that sat me at the table with a printed dinner menu. My husband cooked and served dinner.
We talked over wine and dessert, and we danced cheek-to-cheek. Following dinner, I went upstairs to a nice bubble bath with more rose petals. He washed me from head to toe. I relaxed and fell asleep to a body massage with Eucalyptus Spearmint lotion. It was the most romantic surprise date and random act of love from my husband. It was perfect."
- Ebony S.- IG: @Ebonynstroder
Jason's Lyric
“My husband once surprised me with a romantic interlude. He told me we were going for a hike. Being competitive athletes, we were always going for a run, a bike ride, or swimming, kayaking, etc... Ugh! Another workout, I thought. But then I saw him remove a blanket and some snacks from the back of the van and stuff them into his backpack.
We hiked into a field with tall shrubbery off the beaten path and he spread the blanket out with the hopes of an impromptu picnic. And then he intended to make love to me right out in the middle of nature. The tall shrubbery and the time of year created a situation with yellow jackets and bugs. We ate fast and never got past a few kisses before the bees were just too much.
Still, I thought it was impossibly romantic that he wanted to make love to me in a beautiful setting of nature."
- Stacey G., @staceygreene47
I Was Martin And You Was My Gina
Friend Nominated Story by Soraya J.:
“I am a friend to one of the cutest couples on the planet. They even call me the Pam to their Martin and Gina
When we met, Mecca and Monte (soon-to-be Mr. and Mrs. Henson) were very fresh, and in a short time, quickly became the best things in each other's lives. Anyway, Mecca, who can plan an event with her eyes closed, got the script flipped on her recently when Monte asked a few of her friends and employees to help him plan a surprise at-home dinner.
He even got the celebrity chef Mecca usually books to do a favor and cook a dinner for two. Monte filled their place with flowers, candles and decorations, and got matching sweatshirts for them to wear during dinner. He even created a Snapchat filter to be used at home so they could snap everything."
Watch the video of Monte's surprise for Mecca below.
Was there a time when your BAE did it right and surprised you with a thoughtful, romantic, or even sappy date? We all want to read about it in the comments below!
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
While Black women still face the issue of unequal pay and systemic challenges to upward mobility, there’s still apparently a pretty significant number of us who are making more than our significant others. A 2023 Pew Research report found that Black wives are “more likely than wives from other racial or ethnic groups” to be the breadwinner in their marriage. Almost one in four Black wives (26%) out-earn their husbands.
Black women are also more likely to earn college degrees than their Black male counterparts, making the earnings gap even more of a reality whether you're married or not.
If you’re dating and your salary is higher than your partner’s, it can seem awkward or downright scary to talk about money with them. And as a woman earning more than her partner (or who has the potential to more than likely out-earn a love interest), you might be tempted to go all in with questions and investigations related to investments, car choice, child support cases, and credit score on the first date.
But before you do that, pause and think about this: Why ask about credit scores and salaries on a first, second, or even 100th date when you don't even know if that person has integrity, values that align with yours or isn't out here trying to make you the next Reesa Teesa?)
How To Have The Money Conversation As The Breadwinner
I’ve been in several relationships where I earned more than my man, and while it’s not something I’m ashamed of, that gap did have its implications. For me, if the man was treating me with respect, love, and attention, I really didn’t care that he might be taking home less pay. The tragic part of that would be when some of the guys I'd dated saw me spending money on designer bags, going out to eat more than three times a week, or taking trips, there would be issues of passive-aggressive judgment, resentment, and eventually relationship sabotage. (I’ve also dated men who earn six figures and above, but that’s a whole other story.)
Sometimes we become the breadwinners due to circumstances that are beyond someone's control or due to a life transition. Maybe your spouse was laid off from the job two years into the relationship or marriage, or they had to take on the care expenses for an elderly parent. Maybe they're in the throws of launching a new business or pursuing higher education, or the person was hit with a lawsuit, health scare, unforeseen tax bill, or other financial emergency. So it's not always an issue of fault, fraud, or scandal, and can be more of a case of life life-ing.
Georgijevic/Getty Images
All relationship dynamics are different, so what one woman sees as a red flag might not be a huge deal-breaker for others. I’m super-ambitious and self-employed, have found long-term success in a media industry perfect for independent go-getters, and I’ve always embraced having a side hustle.
Considering what many Black men face in society in general, I could understand and accept the possibility that my ideal mate might earn less money than me.
In my current relationship, ongoing for seven years, the breadwinner status has shifted multiple times, and for the most part, my man is my man. Period. After getting through some very tough times including surviving a whole pandemic, healing from surgeries, and coping with deaths in our families, there are things beyond money that have become golden for me in my love and loyalty toward him.
Whether you're married or you've been in a relationship for the long haul, here are a few helpful tips I’ve learned along my journey as well as what the experts say about it:
1. Use fun and humor to spark the money conversation.
I've always been one to shy away from talking about money with anyone, as that's just not something we did when I was growing up. For the most part, I saw the men in our family, whether they were the breadwinner or not, taking charge of the spending in the household and they oftentimes paid for everything, even if, for some, the bulk of the money was earned by their wives. It seemed to be an unspoken rule that everyone must have the perception that the man was calling all the shots financially (when I'd later find out, that one man in the family, for example, was often unemployed.) I only learned through observing things, not through conversations for clarity, confirmation, or understanding.
So when I started working and dating seriously, I'd just avoid speaking up when men would love-bomb me after seeing how I dressed, or when I'd find out that a guy who had spent $200 on a first date was actually struggling—making $1200 a month before taxes—and was just trying to impress me.
Today, humor and fun are helpful in having conversations about money. Early in our relationship, my man and I would play a game and ask questions of each other about how much we'd spend on a house or what we would do if we had $1 million. We might find humor in the money mistakes we've made in the past and those conversations would often lead to very serious conversations about debt, current bills, quality of life standards, and how we can work together to help one another achieve our respective goals.
Leaning into humor has helped me have those hard conversations—to get to know my partner more—and they've allowed him to feel a bit more comfortable about sharing information about his finances with me. One expert agrees that adding humor to conversations about money can be beneficial. “I think that keeping it light is the best way to learn. If we lower the temperature, if we make it fun, if I tell you how I have screwed up everything and I still did okay, that we can all come out of this much, much better, we'll relax and do a better job with our money,” Joe Saul-Sehy, co-host of NerdWallet's Smart Money Podcast, shared during an episode.
2. Put mutual respect and consideration at the center and approach with grace and love.
Bola Sokunbi, founder of CleverGirl Finance, breaks this down very well in sharing her own experience with being the breadwinner in a relationship. “Just because you earn more doesn't mean you should become the evil queen dictating how every penny is spent, checking all the bank accounts, and asking for a play-by-play of every transaction your partner made,” she writes. “Think of how you would want to be treated if the roles were reversed. Allow your partner to make financial decisions; remember you are part of a team, and it is a partnership.”
While you should feel no shame or guilt for your success as the breadwinner, there's still a way to talk about money with your spouse that does not demean or belittle them. And you need to be clear about your own financial blind spots, habits, and mindset in order to come correct in a conversation about money with someone else.
Just because you're the breadwinner doesn't mean you're great at managing money or have the best personal finance habits, so consider humility and decency when talking with your partner about their own. (I can admit that I've dated men who made less but treated their money better than I did. Several were even better at managing what they had and building savings versus always living check to check, which was my reality at certain times in my life.)
Whatever your desires are when it comes to money and its role in your relationship, approach the conversation with respect, grace, love, and consideration that you’re talking to someone you care a lot about. Figure out what you're willing to compromise on and what you're not, and go from there.
skynesher/Getty Images
3. Instead of pausing, tip-toeing or avoiding, address behaviors that reflect habits and values.
Timing is a sticky aspect when you're talking about finances with your partner or spouse, whether you're in a long-term relationship, in the early stages of a romance, or you've already walked down the alter. From my own experience, being strategic in talking early on about what matters to me, in general, is key. And using my own senses of observation and gut feelings is important, too.
"'Fess up about the debt too soon and you risk scaring that special someone away, " Kimberly Foss, a certified financial planner, told Forbes. "However, if you wait too long, it can complicate things. If you are becoming very serious in your relationship, it is time to speak up. [If you carry a lot of debt], think of the roles being reversed — wouldn’t you want to know? You might be surprised just how understanding and open your partner is."
At the end of it all, it's not really about the money but about compatibility in one's outlook on what success means, what trust entails, what quality of life they want, and how they see partnership in a relationship. A few observations I think are more telling than outright asking a man about his credit score would be to watch early on for signs of greed, jealousy, uncontrollable anger, indifferent complacency, scarcity mindset, and ego.
Experts also recommend that married couples should especially embrace open communication to come up with a plan of action that they both can agree on. If you're expected to carry the financial load at any time in the relationship, set healthy boundaries and hold your partner accountable. You can also get help in the form of a therapist, counselor, or financial adviser to create or adjust the plan and help you navigate through bumps in the road without heading to TikTok for a 50-part series or, worse, divorce court.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image Stígur Már Karlsson /Heimsmyndir/Getty Images