Gabrielle Union And Dwyane Wade Talk Candidly With Oprah About Their Path To Become Parents
When Gabrielle Union and Dwyane Wade announced the birth of their daughter, Kaavia, on Instagram last month, many of us were thrilled with the news as if we were all a part of their extended family.
It has been no secret that Union has had her share of struggles on the path to motherhood. The new mother has been quite open when it comes to her misdiagnosed fertility issues, the 8 or 9 miscarriages she's endured, and how her body felt like a "prisoner of trying to get pregnant." But despite her candidness when it came to her own ability to conceive, the We're Going To Need More Wine author was already on the path to becoming a mother via surrogacy.
However, just because the couple decided to go the surrogacy route didn't mean they were absent of all the nerves and uncertainty that come with any pregnancy. While every journey is unique in its own way, pregnancy can be a beautiful yet scary time. And for Gabrielle, rather than share the news of her growing bundle of joy, she and Dwyane decided to keep the surrogacy private. Privacy is a difficult thing to maintain when you are in the public eye, but the couple managed to not only keep the secret, they also took the time to begin to reflect on their journey and heal from the pain that led up to this point.
Last week, Gabrielle took to Instagram to share some of the emotions the couple went through as they prepared for the arrival of their daughter. In a caption posted alongside a photo of the couple sharing an intimate embrace, she revealed:
"On this night we decided to embrace faith that our lil miracle @kaaviajames would make it into our arms. We held onto each other in joy and peace and allowed ourselves to look forward to her arrival. @dwaynewade marked this moment with his 1st ever tattoo of her 1st name Kaavia James."
Having a baby is a miracle, regardless of the way they are conceived. But when you've faced countless failed attempts, opting for surrogacy can present its own set of emotional battles with which to contend. Gabrielle reveals that at times she felt alone and even fought off the feelings of being "defective".
The L.A.'s Finest star says that she felt isolated and even depressed keeping the journey to herself. And while she and her husband finally embraced the very real fact that they would soon become new parents, it took until the second trimester for them to finally stop holding their breath. The caption continues:
"For lots of people/families who have been on their own unique fertility/family creation journey, hope can feel like a cruel joke that plays on repeat. You stop letting yourself get excited and you don't [sic] dare utter any updates. You carry it all. It can feel isolating and depressing. You wonder if you are defective. You are not. You wonder if you are worthy. You are. You feel you feel you feeeeeel. You are not alone. You are loved and worthy and every feeling is real and understood. On this night, we allowed ourselves to stop holding our breath out of fear. We still had 4 months to go. We had never been this close. #tbt"
In their first interview since the birth of Kaavia James Union Wade, the couple sat down with Oprah Winfrey to discuss their struggles with infertility and their surrogacy journey in a special called "Oprah at Home with Gabrielle Union, Dwyane Wade & Their New Baby" on December 8th at 8 pm. And if there is any questioning as to why the couple decided to keep their journey to themselves, this exclusive sneak-peak of their upcoming sit down with Oprah Winfrey might shed some light.
During the special, Gabrielle will discuss how she had to let go of the fact that she would not be the one carrying the baby. Dwyane also seems to address some of the backlash that they have received on social media and Oprah finally gives The Wades a chance to address the haters.
Through their story, many other women and couples can see that they are in fact worthy of their own journey to parenthood, no matter how difficult it might be. By sharing their story, there shouldn't be any doubt that couples around the world will not only be able to relate to their struggles in having a baby but will also feel inspired to remain hopeful along the way.
The all-new special, "Oprah at Home with Gabrielle Union, Dwyane Wade & Their New Baby", will premiere exclusively on the OWN: Oprah Winfrey Network, Saturday, December 8th at 8 pm ET/PT. Check out an exclusive first look at the special here.
Don't have OWN? Mama O's got you covered. The special will also air on "SuperSoul Sunday" on December 9th, streaming live on Oprah's Facebook page at 11:00 am ET/PT. The interview will also be available to hear on Oprah's SuperSoul Conversationspodcast on Monday, December 10th with part two following on Wednesday, December 12th.
Featured images by Bobby Metelus/Getty Images
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Michelle Schmitz is a writer and editor based in Washington, DC originally from Ft Lauderdale, FL. A self-described ambivert, you can find her figuring out ways to read more than her monthly limit of The New York Times, attending concerts, and being a badass, multi-tasking supermom. She also runs her own blog MichelleSasha.com. Keep up with her latest moves on IG: @michellesashawrites and Twitter: @michellesashas
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Stress Awareness Month: Sneaky Workplace Triggers Affecting Black Women, And How To Cope
We all know about the major stress triggers of everyday life, from relationship woes to monthly bills to unexpected emergencies, but there are small, subtle triggers that impact Black women in a big way, especially when it comes to work. It’s good to be aware of these sneaky stressors in order to maximize your day and find ways to incorporate solutions into your self-care routines.
Since it’s Stress Awareness Month, we caught up with Keanne Owens, LCSW, founder of Journey To Harmony Therapy Center, to talk about these triggers and what Black women can do to manage and cope.
Owens is an experienced South Florida-based counselor and social worker who offers her services via Grow Therapy, a therapy and medication management platform. She has worked with Black women professionals to unpack issues related to workplace stressors. “One is the pressure to perform–having to meet deadlines and deliverables. And a lot of times, these subtle stressors from performance are put upon ourselves as Black women. We want to make sure we’re doing our best. We don’t want to be critiqued in certain ways.”
Excessive micromanagement leading to fear of overly critical bosses is another subtle trigger that can negatively impact Black women in the workplace.
“Whenever something is done wrong, or we experience some type of injustice and have to report it, it’s the fear of retaliation–[fear that] we won’t be taken seriously or [our words] will be taken out of context because of being deemed as the ‘angry Black woman,’” she said.
Black Women And Workplace Stress Triggers
Her sentiments are backed by research. A recent report by Coqual found that 28% of Black women (compared to 17% of White men) say their supervisor uses “excessive control or attention to detail” when managing them. There’s more: A survey by the National Employment Law Project found that Black workers were “more likely to have concerns (80 percent) and twice as likely as white workers (18 percent) to have unresolved concerns at work, with 39 percent reporting they were “not satisfied with the employer’s response or did not raise concerns for fear of retaliation.”
The survey also found that 14 percent of Black respondents said they “avoided raising concerns to their employer for fear of retaliation—more than twice the average rate of 6 percent for all survey respondents.”
Owens pointed to the fact that these subtle stress triggers can negatively impact our physical health and our career advancement. “A lot of time it’ll affect our productivity,” Owens added. “We start to have negative thoughts of ourselves. The stressors can also cause fatigue. We’re no longer meeting or working up to our desired potential.” Other challenges as a result include insomnia and increased insolation, withdrawal, and lack of motivation to apply for jobs or promotions even when qualified.
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How To Manage Subtle Stress Triggers
While there are systemic issues at play for Black women at work that has less to do with us and more to do with major overhauls that must be addressed by the powers that be, there are steps we can take for the betterment of ourselves and our mental health. Owens offered the following tips:
Tap into a support system, whether it’s a coworker you trust, a family member, an organization, or an outlet like a hobby.
Create a good work-life balance before burnout even starts. “Having certain boundaries [is the goal] such as, for example, if you get off at 5, you get off at 5. If your job description is this, you don’t go above and beyond because that brings you to a lot of burnout,” Owens said.
Prioritize self-care, whatever that means for you. “If you don’t have a routine, create one. Practice mindfulness and even some meditation,” she added.
Create structure in your life outside of work. “Even if you have a family, applying some structure in your routine helps relieve stress,” she said.
Get into grounding techniques. “Do a real quick square breathing exercise, that’s literally 30 seconds, or you can do a grounding technique that’s less than two minutes, right there where you are. You don’t need any other materials. That’s something you can do with just yourself and your body.”
Ask for help. “As Black women, we don’t ask for help enough,” she said. “Find where you need to ask for help. A lot of times, people think that’s indicative of weakness, but we need to rewrite that narrative. It’s okay to ask for help where you see fit. [If] you’re a mom, [it could be] every Wednesday from 5 to 6, your children are with the dad. You have to carve out that time.”
For more information on Grow Therapy, visit their website. You can also find out more about Keanne Owens, LCSW, via BeginYourJourneyToHarmony.com.
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Featured image by Charday Penn/Getty Images