
While I've never watched an episode of the television show Hoarders before, to be honest with you, I've never had to. Although I'm personally not a hoarder myself (at least not in the classic sense; more on that in a bit), I've been in my fair share of senior homes that would definitely fit the bill. Like really, how many Tupperware cups do you need and is it necessary to keep every single card you've received in your adult life? The amount of "organized junk" that many of them keep around is so fascinating that I absolutely had to ask a couple of 'em what's up. Something that I found to be interesting is they all basically said that when you grow up with little-to-nothing, you tend to store things up for a rainy day; you know, just in case. Even though it's clear that the day rarely ever comes. Which is why they end up with so much…stuff. Yeah, bookmark that.
Yet out of all of the older hoarders I know, there is a younger person who totally takes the cake. In fact, her house is so utterly disturbing that I've only been in it twice—and I was barely able to walk into it then. When I say that there is junk everywhere, floor-to-ceiling, that's no exaggeration. It's been like that for years and, it's only been since she's gone to therapy for some emotional issues, that there has even been a little bit of noticeable change. Did you catch that? In both instances that I just shared with you, there has been an emotional link connected to why people hoard things in the physical sense.
And shoot y'all, when you take into account that reportedly there are between 5-14 million hoarders in the United States alone and then add to it that we're at the tail end of another year (check out "Why Fall Is The Perfect Time To Prep For The New Year"), I figured this would be a really great time for us all to do some serious pondering over whether we're, what I call, emotional hoarders or not. What I mean by that is if we are indeed someone who tends "to accumulate for preservation, future use, etc., in a hidden or carefully guarded place", not realizing that living this way is only cluttering our lives and making our world so much more complex than it really has to be. Have you ever thought about that before?
In order to get to a "yes" or "no" answer, I'm going to share a few signs that you do indeed accumulate people, feelings, things and/or ideas more than you should or, to a point where they really aren't all that helpful to you in the long run. Are you ready to free up some emotional space? Let's make it happen.
You Get into “Unnecessary” Relationships
I don't know what it is about the turn of every birthday that suddenly makes most of us want to live a more minimal lifestyle, even when it comes to the company that we keep. When we're in high school, it's like we base our value on how popular we are; then, once we hit our 30s, we're far more interested in the quality of relationships that we have (check out "According To Experts, We Only Have A Few Friends — Here's Why").
I think a part of the reason is because, when we're young(er), we're still trying to figure out who we are as individuals. Yet as we age and things begin to settle, we're able to get clearer about what we need in our lives—and who. And by "need", I mean just that—people who can clearly serve a purpose in our life, whether it's personally or professionally (check out "According To Aristotle, We Need 'Utility', 'Pleasure' & 'Good' Friends").
That's why I think, when it comes to broaching the topic of emotional hoarding, a good place to start is by asking yourself if you've got relationships in your life that you don't actually need. People who are draining your energy and/or causing drama (or even just ridiculous distractions) and/or you're only really keeping around because they've been around, even though neither one of you are truly benefitting the other.
I've said it before and I mean it from the very bottom of my heart—as we age (and hopefully mature), we learn that there are miles of space in between friendship and someone being an enemy. So when I say that you could be an emotional hoarder if you keep folks around that you don't need, I mean "keeping them" in the intimate parts of your life (check out "Always Remember That Friendships Have 'Levels' To Them") where they can reap from you in the same way that those who are truly worthy of doing so are able to. I'm telling you, moving some folks into the "we cool" sphere can free up a lot of your time, resources and feelings, so that you can give to those who are truly deserving—the ones who reciprocate in a way that actually you need them to.You Suck at Forgiving Others
If you're someone who follows the Bible, the fact that Matthew 6:14-15 tells us that God won't forgive us unless we forgive others should be enough of a reason to do it. Then, if you add to that, that forgiveness reduces our anxiety levels, soothes depression-related symptoms, strengthens our heart, improves our immunity, and even gives us better mental health—I really don't get the "win" in being intentional about not forgiving others. Matter of fact, I think that by choosing not to forgive those who hurt or harmed you, you're actually giving them more power in your life, whether you realize it or not (because again, look at all of what comes from acting forgiving in the first place).
I can't count how many times I've shared a favorite definition of forgiveness. I believe that it's by author Dr. Gary Zukav. He once said, "forgiveness is accepting that the past cannot change." Unfortunately, because a lot of people think that "forgiveness" means that you dismantle all of your boundaries while offering up no consequences for the offense, they totally clam up at the concept.
Yet, as someone who has endured more abuse and pain than I care to write and you've got time to read, I promise you that all forgiving someone is really doing is 1) choosing to not let them or what they did run your life; 2) keeping you abreast of the fact that you also need forgiving from time to time; 3) allowing you to free up the bitterness and resentment so that you can let others into your life without penalizing them for what has happened that has nothing to do with them; 4) teaching you how to peacefully release rather than violently cut off, and 5) helping you to heal so that you can thrive.
It really is an epidemic, the amount of people who aren't able to soar in their life, both personally as well as professionally, and it's all due to the fact that not learning how to forgive—releasing an offense so that you can stop living in the past, so that you can finally heal from it—is weighing them down. Look at it this way—if everything that you didn't forgive manifested itself into a piece of junk, how much clutter would be in your house? Definitely something to think long and hard about.
You Hide Your True Feelings
If there is one thing that absolutely exhausts me when it comes to the married couples who I work with, it's the number of wives who expect their husbands to be mind readers. Why do I think this happens more with women than men? I believe a part of it is due to how many women pride themselves in thinking that they can read the mind of others. The reason why I stress the word "think" is because, while the emotional side of us can indeed heighten our intuitiveness, we're oftentimes not as "spot-on" as we think when it comes to knowing what other people are thinking (check out "So, Experts Have Something To Say About Your Intuition's Accuracy").
Anyway, because a lot of folks struggle with humbling themselves to this reality, sometimes they become an emotional hoarder because they wait for someone to figure out what they need or how they feel rather than being forthcoming, genuine and honest and letting others know.
I can't tell you how many married couples do not really know their spouse and it's because their spouse has become a master of hiding their feelings. Listen, it's not fair to penalize others for not really meeting your needs if you're not openly sharing what they are. Someone who truly cares about you wants to get to know the real you. And guess what? Whatever comes with that—so long as you're not delivering it in an abusive or combative way—I'm pretty sure they can handle it.
You Obsess over People, Things and/or Ideas
Thanks (although personally, it's actually a strong "no thanks" for me) to television channel Lifetime, a lot of us think that obsession only means that we're stalking someone and/or on the brink of killing them. And perhaps, that's why a lot of us remain obsessed over someone or something for far longer than we ever should. Yeah, believe it or not, there are other ways to be obsessed that are far less extreme. Constantly brooding over something or someone to the point where it keeps you in a rut of negativity is a form of obsession. Being so focused on something or someone that it basically causes everything (and one) else in your life to suffer is a form of obsession. Not being able to find balance (social media, anyone?) so that you can get things done is a form of obsession.
Worry can be a form of obsession. Being a control freak can be a form of obsession. Always trying to change what you cannot—and perhaps even should not—can be a form of obsession. Wishing you were something or someone that you're not can be a form of obsession. Wanting who or what doesn't want you can be a form of obsession. Manipulating things in order to get what you want can be a form of obsession. Basically, allowing any person, thing, or idea to dominate your life, by the very definition of obsession, is a form of obsession.
And here's the thing—as you mature, you learn that mastering life is about finding balance. In part, this means that if anyone or anything is throwing you off-kilter, at the end of the day, it's taking up too much room in your psyche and costing you more than you can afford. Again, obsession doesn't have to go to potential jail time extreme. If something is consuming you, why is that? Because if you want to be mentally, emotionally, and spiritually healthy, it shouldn't.
You’re Always in Emotional Debt
If there's a company that will push me to the brink of wanting to plot ways to destroy it, it's Xfinity. On so many levels and for so many reasons, they suck due to their inconsistent customer service and their prices. Still, they are kind of the only complete gig going where I live (they know it too) and so, at least for now, I have to deal. Anyway, I'm bringing them up because, while I'm ashamed to say it, I senselessly gave that company, at least a couple of thousand dollars (no joke), by renting a modem for them for about 15 years (again, at least). When they finally pissed me off to no end a few weeks ago, I went out, bought a modem, and gave them theirs back so that I could get that fee off of my bill. The cost of my new modem was $80. SMDH.
So, what took me so long to make the move? Because, in my mind, I thought renting the modem was convenient when really, it would've been easier, smarter, and far more cost-effective if I had sucked it up, went to an electronics store, and bought a modem years ago. My point?
Sometimes, we keep certain people, places, things, and/or ideas in our lives out of that same convenience. It's not really that they are so awesome or beneficial; it's more like…they are familiar. Yet when we make the move to release them, we realize that they were actually doing us more harm than good; that they were putting us into emotional debt because they weren't giving us what we needed and/or they always had some sort of drama attached to them and/or they never really served a true purpose. Yet because we kept engaging them as they did, it ended up putting us into some level of emotional debt because, after all, debt is basically an obligation—or a liability.
When relationships are healthy and purposeful, they are not disadvantageous (which is what a liability) in our world. You can see clear and immediate benefits that come from having that particular person, thing or idea in your life. You don't keep them around just because you're used to them being there or because you're afraid of what it will cost you to make wiser decisions.
This brings me to my final point.
You Don’t Know How to Let Ish Go
What is hoarding all about? At the end of the day, it's really simple—it's about not letting s—t go. It could be something that's related to a bad experience. It could be what connects you to feelings for a person who, at the end of the day, is fruitless in your life. It could be fears about leaving a job, city or church (hmm). It could be holding onto a friend who really isn't. It could be refusing to shift from who you were and how you processed things 10, five or even two years ago. Basically, anything (or one) that you know that you know that you know is impeding your growth (because you've been feeling triggered throughout this entire piece)—it qualifies as something (or someone) that you're emotionally hoarding on some level; something (or someone) that it's time to shift from, so that you can make more space in your life for what is truly good and healthy for you.
Again, I've never really hoarded stuff yet emotions? Girl, yeah. And the more I release what no longer serves me, the more my life makes complete, total, and peaceful sense. There's no time like the present to stop hoarding what you don't need. What are you waiting for? DO IT.
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Exclusive: Viral It Girl Kayla Nicole Is Reclaiming The Mic—And The Narrative
It’s nice to have a podcast when you’re constantly trending online. One week after setting timelines ablaze on Halloween, Kayla Nicole released an episode of her Dear Media pop culture podcast, The Pre-Game, where she took listeners behind the scenes of her viral costume.
The 34-year-old had been torn between dressing up as Beyoncé or Toni Braxton, she says in the episode. She couldn’t decide which version of Bey she’d be, though. Two days before the holiday, she locked in her choice, filming a short recreation of Braxton’s “He Wasn’t Man Enough for Me” music video that has since garnered nearly 6.5M views on TikTok.
Kayla Nicole says she wore a dress that was once worn by Braxton herself for the Halloween costume. “It’s not a secret Toni is more on the petite side. I’m obsessed with all 5’2” of her,” she tells xoNecole via email. “But I’m 5’10'' and not missing any meals, honey, so to my surprise, when I got the dress and it actually fit, I knew it was destiny.”
The episode was the perfect way for the multihyphenate to take control of her own narrative. By addressing the viral moment on her own platform, she was able to stir the conversation and keep the focus on her adoration for Braxton, an artist she says she grew up listening to and who still makes her most-played playlist every year. Elsewhere, she likely would’ve received questions about whether or not the costume was a subliminal aimed at her ex-boyfriend and his pop star fiancée. “I think that people will try to project their own narratives, right?” she said, hinting at this in the episode. “But, for me personally – I think it’s very important to say this in this moment – I’m not in the business of tearing other women down. I’m in the business of celebrating them.”
Kayla Nicole is among xoNecole’s It Girl 100 Class of 2025, powered by SheaMoisture, recognized in the Viral Voices category for her work in media and the trends she sets on our timelines, all while prioritizing her own mental and physical health. As she puts it: “Yes, I’m curating conversations on my podcast The Pre-Game, and cultivating community with my wellness brand Tribe Therepē.”
Despite being the frequent topic of conversation online, Kayla Nicole says she’s learning to take advantage of her growing social media platform without becoming consumed by it. “I refuse to let the internet consume me. It’s supposed to be a resource and tool for connection, so if it becomes anything beyond that I will log out,” she says.
On The Pre-Game, which launched earlier this year, she has positioned herself as listeners “homegirl.” “There’s definitely a delicate dance between being genuine and oversharing, and I’ve had to learn that the hard way. Now I share from a place of reflection, not reaction,” she says. “If it can help someone feel seen or less alone, I’ll talk about it within reason. But I’ve certainly learned to protect parts of my life that I cherish most. I share what serves connection but doesn’t cost me peace.
"I refuse to let the internet consume me. It’s supposed to be a resource and tool for connection, so if it becomes anything beyond that I will log out."

Credit: Malcolm Roberson
Throughout each episode, she sips a cocktail and addresses trending topics (even when they involve herself). It’s a platform the Pepperdine University alumnus has been preparing to have since she graduated with a degree in broadcast journalism, with a concentration in political science.
“I just knew I was going to end up on a local news network at the head anchor table, breaking high speed chases, and tossing it to the weather girl,” she says. Instead, she ended up working as an assistant at TMZ before covering sports as a freelance reporter. (She’s said she didn’t work for ESPN, despite previous reports saying otherwise.) The Pre-Game combines her love for pop culture and sports in a way that once felt inaccessible to her in traditional media.
She’s not just a podcaster, though. When she’s not behind the mic, taking acting classes or making her New York Fashion Week debut, Kayla Nicole is also busy elevating her wellness brand Tribe Therepē, where she shares her workouts and the workout equipment that helps her look chic while staying fit. She says the brand will add apparel to its line up in early 2026.
“Tribe Therepē has evolved into exactly what I have always envisioned. A community of women who care about being fit not just for the aesthetic, but for their mental and emotional well-being too. It’s grounded. It’s feminine. It’s strong,” she says. “And honestly, it's a reflection of where I am in my life right now. I feel so damn good - mentally, emotionally, and physically. And I am grateful to be in a space where I can pour that love and light back into the community that continues to pour into me.”
Tap into the full It Girl 100 Class of 2025 and meet all the women changing game this year and beyond. See the full list here.
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There is a very specific reason why I decided to write this article before the holiday season officially gets underway. It’s because I once read a study that said it’s quite common for most Americans to double the amount of alcohol that they consume between Thanksgiving and New Year’s Day.
It makes sense when you stop to think about all of the holiday parties, time off, and moments spent with loved ones that transpire around this time of year. And while there is certainly nothing wrong with enjoying some mulled wine, real-deal eggnog, or peppermint martinis, because your health is something that never “takes a vacation,” I thought it was important to share with you some of the benefits (pros) and challenges (cons) that can arise from alcohol consumption.
My main motive? Mostly, I hope that it will serve as a solid reminder to embrace all of the things that you adore about this time of year, so long as you do it in moderation and you weigh the costs.
Especially as far as drinking alcohol is concerned.
PRO: Manages Blood Sugar Levels
GiphyHere’s something that you may have never seen coming. Were you aware of the fact that alcohol can actually help to stabilize your blood sugar? Yep, according to the American Diabetes Association, so long as you leave it to no more than 1-2 cocktails a day, alcohol may be able to lower your A1C levels. Pretty cool, right?
CON: It’s a Carcinogen
GiphyAlcohol is a carcinogen. The reason why this should somewhat alarm you is because carcinogens are things (like tobacco, UV rays, processed meats, etc.) that can increase your chances of being diagnosed with cancer (especially mouth, throat, esophagus, stomach and breast cancer). There are various ways this happens including the fact that alcohol, specifically, can hinder your body from breaking down certain nutrients, it can cause your estrogen levels to spike and alcohol can also cause certain toxins to damage your DNA and certain bodily proteins over time.
PRO: Cultivates Euphoric Feelings
GiphyIf you find yourself feeling more euphoric while you’re enjoying a drink, it’s not all up in your head. Although, for the more part, alcohol is considered to be a depressant, when consumed in small amounts, it can provide a stimulant effect. This happens due to the fact that when you first start to consume alcohol, it causes the production of the feel-good hormone known as dopamine to increase — and since dopamine makes us all feel more relaxed and confident while heightening our senses of pleasure too…well, there you have it.
CON: May Increase Anxiety/Depression
GiphyAs they say, “what goes up, most come down” at some point — and that is what you have to be careful of when it comes to alcohol consumption. For instance, when you drink alcohol, although it tends to initially cause your dopamine levels to uptick, because it is a temporary bodily response, sometimes the dips are lower than the rises…and that is when anxiety starts to kick in. A similar point is made with depression because oftentimes, people with depression-related symptoms, will use alcohol as a way to deflect from what’s really going on with them — and that can make them feel even worse than ever once the buzz of alcohol starts to wear off.
PRO: Has Some Heart-Related Benefits
GiphyWhen it comes to your heart, there are interesting findings surrounding its relationship to alcohol. For instance, some research states that, so long as the consumption is moderate, alcohol can actually help to increase the good cholesterol in your system while also breaking down proteins that can potentially lead to blood clots; both of these factors alone can reduce your chances of dying from heart disease.
CON: Packs on Pounds
GiphyIt’s no secret that alcohol tends to contain quite a few calories. That’s why, it’s not uncommon for people who’ve lost weight to mention “I’ve stopped drinking” as one of the causes for the shed pounds. That’s not to say that there aren’t some alcoholic beverages that have less calories than others including vodka (133 calories per serving), white wine (148 calories per serving) and tequila (99 calories per shot). Just keep in mind that the more you drink, the more calories get into your system and the more weight you stand to gain.
PRO: Lowers Inhibitions
GiphyAlthough you really should only be uninhibited around people who you absolutely trust, if that person is your partner and you’re looking to have a pretty — eh hem — active evening, alcohol can certainly help to make that happen. The science of it all is the prefrontal cortex of your brain is what regulates your inhibitions and levels of self-control. Meanwhile, alcohol suppresses your inhibitions which can cause you to be more spontaneous and open to trying things that you might not immediately do if you were sober. And with the right individual, that can be sexually beneficial (emphasis on “right person”).
CON: Makes It Harder to Orgasm
GiphyOn the other hand, as odd as it may seem (in light of what I just said), if you have too much alcohol in your system, it could make climaxing difficult. That’s because orgasms happen, in part, due to your nervous system being stimulated — and since alcohol is technically a depressant…well, it could reduce nerve sensitivity (especially as far as your clitoris goes) for you while making it challenging for your partner to remain erect or have consistent stamina. And yeah, that sucks.
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‘Tis the season. And with that, if some wassails or hot buttered rums are in your immediate future — hey, don’t let me stop you — not even a lil’ bit.
All I’m saying is now that you know what alcoholic drinks have to offer (both ways), you can know exactly how to incorporate them into your holiday plans. Enjoy!
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