Darla And Ralph Angel Are Constant Reminders That True Love Heals
I'm a writer. It's what God called me to be. But if there are two things that I had a "quiet passion" for while I was in college, it was video directing and acting. I think that's why visuals can hold my attention so intensely to this day and, whenever an actor truly strikes me, I instantly become a fan. So is the case when it comes to Bianca Lawson. Although she's been in the game for 23 years now, I've gotta be honest—when it comes to her craft, I only really know her as Darla (interestingly enough, Darla doesn't appear to have a last name; I checked the cast list). And boy, is Bianca, as Darla, something. Truly something.
As I was checking her out on AOL's Build series from earlier this summer, something that the host Brittany Jones-Cooper said about Queen Sugar really resonated; that it is constantly written with so much intention. Indeed. Not just intention, but realism. Even the sugar farm that the entire show is built around is based in modern-day fact, not fiction. If you don't believe me, check out recently published pieces like "How Did African-American Farmers Lose 90 Percent of Their Land?", "The Great Land Robbery", "So Much of Our National History Is Lost to Guilty Amnesia" and "How Southern Black Farmers Were Forced from Their Land, and Their Heritage".
Not only that, but when it comes to this season's storylines, as an author who penned an autobiography that had a lot of my family (and church members) shook, I could relate to some of what Nova has been going through (although I shared galleys ahead of time; Nova showed out, even to me). As someone who has ran into my molester more times than I would ever like to, I can also empathize with Aunt Vi's paralyzing anger and fear at the return of her abusive ex-husband (you played that, David Alan Grier). But perhaps, more than anything else, the ebb and flow of Darla and that fine (really…does it get any more fine?!) Ralph Angel's love is what has moved me most of all. The writing. The chemistry. The way the love story is constantly unfolding is so… "relatable" is a word that doesn't do those two enough justice, but it's the first one that comes to mind.
Bianca sees it too. In an interview that I recently read on Black America Web, she said this about her and Kofi Siriboe's characters:
"Kofi and I had never met before and he came in and I didn't wanted to run the scene before he came in the room because I like the element of surprise and to see what happens in the moment. You can never get that first moment back. We did the scene and it was good, but after we did the scene, we [improvised.] That was the moment where it just felt that we were on the same wavelength."
When actors have onscreen chemistry, it's palpable and the audience roots for them, even when, as Lawson and Siriboe have seen, if the relationship is tumultuous. According to a funny post on her Instagram page, Lawson is "obsessed" with astrology (she laughs at this description) but can tell you that the two sun sign Pisceans both have Leo rising signs. So even the stars must have aligned to bring these two together.
"[Kofi] likes to say it's because we're both Pisces and we have that deeply intuitive, telepathic thing, which could be true. We can deeply connect depending on the other person's energy."
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Personally, I'm not even gonna try to challenge the theory because, last week, when Ralph Angel told his almost-girlfriend that 1) he hadn't been spending quality time with her because he had been supporting Darla through her relapse and 2) he couldn't commit to her because, when it came to Darla, "I can just see now that, when she hurtin', I'm hurtin'. When she bleed, I bleed. I ain't even sure it's much of a choice at this point but, I'm still in love with Darla"—chills. It literally felt like I was eavesdropping on a conversation in someone's house. Real acting is when you forget that that is what someone is doing. The characters on Queen Sugar pull that art form off so well.
When it comes to Darla and Ralph Angel specifically, unless you've been watching their story unfold, pretty much since season one, it's hard to understand how loving them love each other is far more impacting and significant than checking out a rom-com or fairy tale for fun. These two have such a raw and real story that, as a marriage life coach, I'm tempted to make it required viewing for some of my clients. Not the dating ones, the married ones. Because man, if there are two television characters that take "for better or for worse" to new heights, Darla and Ralph Angel would most certainly be it.
There's not nearly enough time or space to get into all of their nuances, but if there are three solid reasons why I think, if you are in a relationship, checking out this season On Demand is must-see TV, they are as follows:
Love Forgives
Sometimes I'll sit in a premarital counseling session and, although I know that the two people sitting in front of me care a lot about each other, what I also know is they are not remotely prepared enough for something that marriage requires, on some level and to a certain extent, every single day—forgiveness. Yeah, I promise you, with everything in me, that if you're not good at forgiving others (or yourself, for that matter), marriage is going to be really hard, if not close to impossible, for you. The reason why is because love doesn't work without forgiveness. It's not designed to. In fact, a part of what makes love so beautiful is its uncanny capability to "pardon offenses" and "cease to feel resentment against". Even the Bible says so—"Love bears up under anything and everything that comes, is ever ready to believe the best of every person, its hopes are fadeless under all circumstances, and it endures everything [without weakening]. Love never fails [never fades out or becomes obsolete or comes to an end]." (I Corinthians 13:7-8—AMPC)
Ralph Angel displayed this oh so well when, after Darla found out from her "friend" Jordan that she had been with two men on the night that Blue was conceived, that information devastated her to the point of relapsing and she shared all of this with him, Ralph Angel said, four times on loop, "You ain't got to be sorry." He then followed that up with, "You ain't got nothin' to apologize for. We gonna get through it. You hear me?...Whatever it take Darla, I'm right here with you. You know that? I'm right here."
This man found out last season, that after years of thinking that Blue was his biological son, he actually wasn't. The news caused him and Darla to end things. But now knowing that Darla had been too inebriated to give her consent to the sex that ultimately created her son—the one that Ralph Angel chose to continue to raise as his own—his heart has softened.
Ralph Angel felt betrayed. Understandably so. But his profound love for Darla helped him to see that she had been as well. Because he is a walking example of "love never fails", Ralph Angel is able to look past his fear, his pride and probably even mass confusion and love Darla anyway. Because true love forgives. And endures.
Love Evolves
I was just having a conversation with a couple about how, it is my belief, that one of the hardest things about staying married is figuring out how to grow as an individual while remaining intact as one part of a union; especially when one person may be developing light-years ahead of their spouse.
When I was watching Ralph Angel share with Darla that he still had feelings for her in last week's episode, a part of what he said was, "Just because we ain't together, don't mean I don't care about you no more. I have to. My own peace of mind, really…I ain't felt like that since, since we first got together. When we had Blue, I spent so much time, just worrying about you. Did she make it to her dorm OK? She had a good breakfast? Stupid stuff like that…thing is, nobody tells you that loving somebody could hurt so much." In response, Darla asks Ralph Angel if he could forgive her enough for them to go back to how they once used to be. I guess we'll have to see what happens next tomorrow night (September 4).
The roller coaster that is Darla and Ralph Angel. They get together, they break up. She grows, so does he. They get back together again, they break up. She grows some more, so does he. Sometimes, when you're only on the outside looking in, when a couple is in this kind of cycle, you're tempted to call it counterproductive or maybe even toxic. But when you're on the inside looking out, oftentimes what you realize is that the love came before the maturity—now the maturity needs some time to catch up.
Darla and Ralph Angel's journey, to me, is a poetic example of this very thing. Their love is big…HUGE even. But they've needed time to evolve into it. The show is letting them. Sometimes, in real life, we should follow suit.
Love Gives Both People Room to Learn How to Love…More
Something that is really unfortunate about certain break-ups is they come from one of the individuals believing that they've got love mastered.
Listen, as long as you're living and breathing, you will be a student of love. It is too powerful, too perfect, too supernatural for any human being short of Christ himself to be able to do it flawlessly. And for those of us who are paying close attention, every person who crosses our path, they teach us how to love…more. Better too.
There was something about Darla dating someone else this season that showed her the importance of establishing boundaries for the sake of self-care. There was something about who Ralph Angel was seeing (I really dug her too) that taught him the importance of being in something healthy; that relationships should be healthy. When the light bulb went on for both of them, when the lesson was learned from the people they were seeing, they "somehow" ended back together. Love has a way of doing that.
I don't have any idea what the writers have in store for Darla and Ralph Angel moving forward; that includes tomorrow night. What I do know is that what I've seen, thus far, has been a wonderful ode to love and healing. Darla and Ralph Angel's love story is deep, painful, rich, relatable and truly beautiful. Just like love tends to be in the real world. Sometimes we need to be reminded of that. If it has to be on a television screen, every Wednesday night, so be it. And thank you. Especially to you Bianca and Kofi. Well done. Salute.
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here and check out the related reads below:
Kofi Siriboe On Why He's Not Accepting Bae Applications
11 Black-Led TV Shows Worth Watching This Year (So Far)
10 Black Couples On TV That Make Love Make Sense
Colorism Is The Conversation We Should All Be Having
Feature image by Queen Sugar/OWN
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Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
These Newlyweds Found Love Thanks To A Friend Playing Matchmaker
How We Met is a series where xoNecole talks love and relationships with real-life couples. We learn how they met, how like turned into love, and how they make their love work.
Jason and Elise Robinson’s union is a reminder that kind people still get their happily ever after. The pair had their first date in October of 2021 and tied the knot on June 15, 2024. Both of them have dedicated their lives to celebrating and supporting Black culture so it was only fitting they get married in what's considered the Black Hollywood of America during the Juneteenth celebration weekend. From the florists to Elise and Jason's gown and suit designers to the table signage and so much more, everything was Black-owned. It's no wonder their love for Black culture was the jumping-off point for their love story.
When they met, Jason had just moved to Atlanta for a new job opportunity, and Elise was living happily in her career and had put dating on the backburner. But luckily, a mutual connection saw something in both of them and thanks to a yoga-themed baby shower and a chance text message, they found their forever. Check out their beautiful How We Met story below.
I’ll start with the easiest question. Can you both tell me a little bit about yourself and your background?
Elise: Sure, my name is Elise. I’m actually from Atlanta, GA – not a transplant. I grew up here and left right after college to pursue my career. Now I’ve been back going on eight years, and I’m in my early 40s.
Jason: And I’m Jason. I’m originally from Racine, Wisconsin. I went to school at Florida A&M University, so I am a rattler. I went back to the Midwest for a period of time, in Indianapolis. Now, I’ve been in the Atlanta area for a little over two and a half years.
Jason and Elise Robinson
Photo by FotosbyFola
Wow, that’s nice because Atlanta gets a bad rap when it comes to relationships. So you have to give us the deets. How did you two find each other?
Elise: So I work in TV and I was on-air for a number of years and then transitioned into being a producer and then a manager. As a producer, I’d always have guests on. And there was a woman who came on frequently named Rosalynn (@Rosalynndaniels, often referred to as The Black Martha Stewart), and we connected instantly. Anyway, she got pregnant right before COVID and invited me to a “modern-day yoga baby shower.” I came to support, but was also just curious about that theme.
I had an amazing time. And when it was over a few of us stuck around and convos got personal. She ended up asking me the infamous ‘Are you dating’ question. When I told her no, she decided to set me up. So I should tell you, in both of my only two serious relationships, I was set up – so I was like no.
But she pointed at her husband, who was folding up chairs, and said that another friend set her up with him. Sometimes, it takes people outside of us to see what we need. A few months later, she reached out and said she had family relocating and thought I’d really like him. So she gave him my number, and I reached out with a text. He responded with a call, and that night, we talked for about 2-3 hours. So that’s how we met. I was a little nervous because me and Rosalynn were starting a friendship, and here I was, talking to her family!
Jason: It was new for me too. Remember, I was new to the area, and I had heard so many “stories” about how people have been done wrong in the dating world. Whether it’s by theft or scamming (laughs). Plus, I had just got a new job and wanted to focus on that. But I did want to be able to date someone in a more personal way and see where it led. I felt like who better than someone who I trust to connect me. Rosalynn knows I’m private, about business life, and my personal life is important to me.
So let’s get into your courtship. What was your first date like?
Elise: We had our first convo on a Monday, and he asked me out the next day. I didn’t have any plans, but I still said no. I was just playing hard to get (laughs). But we were talking every day, and he told me he wanted to take me somewhere I’ve never been. And I’m like, you’re in my city! But he sends me three options, and sure enough, two of the places I hadn’t gone to. So, our first date was October 1, 2021, and somebody was 45 minutes late.
Now Jason, why were you 45 minutes late?
Elise: It was me – in my own city. I just got turned around, and the traffic was horrible. I kept calling him and giving him permission to leave. Full transparency: I probably wouldn’t have waited if the shoe was on the other foot. But this was my first sign of what I now know and love the most about him. It’s his patience. When I got there, I was frazzled and everything, but he was just super calm. It ended up being a great first date.
Jason: I remember just waiting and being concerned for her well-being. Because I know how traffic can be, especially when someone is rushing. I was just scrolling through my phone and looking through the menu. It was cool.
Elise and Jason Robinson
Courtesy
That’s beautiful. Now let’s talk about the “what are we” convo? Did you have one of those and if so, who initiated it and how was it?
Elise: I initiated it. Jason was dating me – and still does. But by this time, we had been on a number of dates. We were on our way to a winery, and we had a bit of a drive. So I decided to state my intention. We were just a few weeks in, but we were spending a lot of time together and we are people of a particular age. So I told him, I know Atlanta can be a Black man’s playground. There’s so many beautiful professional women here. But I’m dating with intention. I don’t want to kick it or hang with a good guy even though he’s not my person. I was done with all of that. So I’m “laying down the law” in my eyes, and he didn’t flinch. He let me finish and basically let me know we were on the same page. He was not trying to sow his royal oats.
Jason: Yeah, I was not trying to be Prince Akeem. But also, it was more so about setting a tone and goal for myself. My mama always told me to set my goals. And having a family was always one of mine. I think the biggest thing of it all, was I felt blessed – in terms of moving for work and meeting Elise, now being married. There’s victories being placed in my life.
I love that you both shared that because sometimes I get feedback on these stories and it seems like sometimes we’re afraid to really voice what we desire, no matter what that looks like.
Elise: Yeah, I think sometimes women feel like they don’t want to put pressure on their partner. But it’s not pressure. Look, Jason and I are based in faith, and what is for us is for us. Being upfront and honest is best – and early makes sense. You don’t have to convince someone to be your person.
Jason: I think her sharing those values resonated with me, and hearing her “lay down the law” was fine because I was there, too. I would say to millennial women, don’t be afraid to tell a mate what you want. You never know what that would lead to. Time is a precious commodity. Elise saying that early on showed me that she values both of our time. It showed her heart, character, and integrity, and I was drawn to that and the mature conversation. In the social media world, we don’t have those pointed conversations face-to-face. I would challenge readers to have those conversations in person, and you would get more from that convo than any post or reel. Because you see body language reactions and have deeper communication.
Yeah, I think sometimes women feel like they don’t want to put pressure on their partner. But it’s not pressure. Look, Jason and I are based in faith, and what is for us is for us. Being upfront and honest is best – and early makes sense. You don’t have to convince someone to be your person.
You both have mentioned time, family, and integrity. I’m curious what other core values do you both share?
Elise: Early on, our faith. Not just do you believe in God. It had to be deeper in that. I needed someone who would lead me, our home, and our family. I didn’t want to be in a push-and-pull relationship about prayer, church, or have conversations about being better people. Also, we discussed finances. That doesn’t just mean going to work. We chatted about ownership and what it looks like for us. How do we support each other individually and together? I know I like having my hands in a few different pots, and I needed someone who was supportive of that and likewise.
Jason: My background is that I was raised in the church. My father is a deacon and my mom is a deaconess. They've been married for 55 years. Faith was very important to me and it was crucial that my wife have that relationship as well.
Elise and Jason Robinson
Photo by FotosbyFola
Can we talk about challenges? Big or small, what are some things you had to grow through together?
Elise: I have never lived with anyone – not a roommate, a sister, friend, boyfriend or anything. Now, I’m in my 40s and I'm living with someone. When you’ve been by yourself for so long that was a challenge for both of us. We weren’t pulling each other's hair out but I’m a bit extreme. Things are color-coded in my closet. For me, working in news is chaotic so I want my home to be peaceful and organized.
Jason: I’m a man, and she’s a woman. That dynamic alone adds a flair to it. She wants things a certain way. She’s a Capricorn. But just in terms of how she wants to keep a home was a big adjustment for me. It took time.
On a smaller level, what are some of the things you disagree about day-to-day?
Elise: Cleanliness and systems. Like, he recycles and I do not. But sometimes I just have to decide if it really needs to be a thing or if I can just take care of it.
Jason: This is where my organization takes over (laughs).
What are your love languages? Do you know?
Elise: Jason’s is an act of service which works because I love cooking for him. It doesn’t feel like a chore to me. I love when I’m out, picking up his favorite juice. The other day I saw he needed t-shirts while folding clothes. So I just like doing small things for him that he doesn’t expect. He’s very much that guy that will ask to help so it doesn’t bother me.
Jason: I’d say Elise is all of them, but physical touch would probably be the biggest one. I had to get used to that. She’s taught me it in a number of ways. I remember we actually talked about love languages, and I sent her this song called “More Than Words” by Extreme. That explained to her how I felt.
Finally, can we end with the proposal? Tell us everything!
Jason: It was at a restaurant. And again, I was trying to find somewhere she hadn’t been. Also, I didn’t want to do it on our anniversary because that would have been too obvious. I contacted one of the restaurant’s staff and decided to change up the dessert menu. Each item was something special to us.
Elise: We go on so many date nights, so I just thought it was a regular night. We had finished eating, and I had to go to the bathroom. They had a nice mirror, girl. So I’m in there taking videos and stuff.
Jason: While she’s in the restroom, I’m getting everything in place with the waitress.
Elise: So as I’m reading the menu, I realize it’s telling our story and he eventually proposed. It was so special; I actually had the menu framed! It was so beautiful and thoughtful.
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Feature image by FotosbyFola
Common Says He May Be Ready To Put A Ring On Jennifer Hudson: 'If I’m Going To Get Married, It's To Her'
Rapper and actor Common stirred speculation about his future with Jennifer Hudson during a revealing TheBreakfast Club interview to promote his new album.
The couple, who sparked dating rumors in 2022, confirmed their relationship years later on The Jennifer Hudson Show. Since then, both have offered occasional glimpses into their romance during interviews and social media posts.
Common opened up about his relationship with Jennifer during his recent The Breakfast Club appearance. The 52-year-old discussed managing their high-profile romance, how the actress and singer has reconnected him with his roots, and hinted at what the future might hold for the couple.
Common On How He Handles Their High-Profile Relationship
When asked about his relationship playing out in the media, Common acknowledged the couple's celebrity status and the public's intrigue. "The Light" emcee revealed that he solely focused on building a solid foundation for their relationship to withstand external pressures.
“I just try to make sure we stay as sacred as possible with us. I try to make sure we build our foundation because once people start talking, they can distract you, can get you off, it can discourage you,“ he said.
Common On How Jennifer Helped Him Get Back To His Chicago Roots
Further into the conversation, Common shared how the daytime television host helped him reconnect with his Chicago roots - a shared background, as both were born and raised in the Windy City.
While discussing his new track "Chi-Town Do It" from The Auditorium Vol. 1 album, the rapper expresses his appreciation for Chicago and his love for Jennifer. Common elaborated that his relationship with the EGOT winner has led to frequent visits to Chicago, allowing him to spend extended time with loved ones and stay rooted in his community.
“I’m going to be real with you. Having a lady that’s from Chicago allowed me to go home and just be home,” he stated.”I hadn’t did that in a while. Where I was just like going home and being around my loved ones and didn’t have no work to do… So me going back just for regular shit, it just helped me stay rooted in what I do and who I am.”
Common On Possibly Marrying Jennifer Hudson
When asked about taking the next step with Jennifer, Common expressed optimism, citing that their healthy and loving relationship could lead to wedding bells.
"With all due respect to all the women I've dated, it's all love, but this is a really healthy and beautiful relationship…If I’m going to get married, it's to her,” he said.
This revelation suggests marriage may be on the horizon for Common and Jennifer. It's not the first time the Fool's Paradise actor has hinted at tying the knot, lending more weight to the possibility.
Earlier this year, Common revealed in an interview that personal growth and lessons from past relationships have transformed his perspective on marriage. The star sees himself ready for commitment, stating he'll propose when the timing feels right.
Although wedding bells aren't ringing yet, it's beautiful to see Black love flourishing.
Common & Pete Rock On Respect For Hip Hop, LL Cool J, Kendrick, Jennifer Hudson, New Album + More
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