As we close out the year, now is the time that people begin setting New Year's Resolutions that they may or may not keep up with throughout the duration of 2018.
While some people make setting New Year's resolutions a priority before the year-end, Orange Is The New Black actress and body positivity posterchild Danielle Brooks feels otherwise. In a recent feature for Instyle, she spilled the tea on why setting New Year's resolutions is not her cup of tea and her own perspective on setting goals that empower and give back to others.
“Dreams aren't achieved overnight; change happens in baby steps."
I couldn't agree with Danielle more. You don't go to bed on December 31st and wake up January 1st a brand new person and ready to conquer the world. It's a continuous process of self-improvement.
In the feature, Danielle also shared amazing insight on how she approaches goal setting, the importance of building a positive tribe, and how she will make the New Year less about her and more about helping others.
See some of the gems she had to drop below:
On why she doesn't set New Year's resolutions:
To be honest, a lot of my goal setting when I was younger had to do with weight. I'd often resolve to get under 200 pounds or be out of the double-digit clothing sizes. But as I've gotten older, I've started to realize that those superficial achievements aren't what life is all about. Now it's more like, “I want to be healthier and stronger." If I'm feeling powerful, who cares whether I'm a size 14 or 16?"
On making her New Year less self-serving and more about helping others:
I've also been thinking, “How can I make it about helping others and then see how it serves me instead of vice versa?" Instead of saying, “I want to make more money," I can take it a step further and decide that I want to work extra-hard and fight for equal pay so that the next woman who comes up in this field can make what she deserves from the start. Or instead of saying, “I want to run a 5k," maybe it's, “I'll go run a 5k to raise money for women who are battling breast cancer.
On embracing the struggle and the journey:
I had a teacher in college who, when we were looking at difficult plays from Chekhov or Shakespeare, would always encourage us to take it slowly. She'd say, “If you have a script or a monologue and you're not understanding A, B, and C, why the heck are you moving on to L, M, N, O, P?" That always resonated with me, and when I think about the next steps for my life, I try not to get ahead of myself and take on too much all at once. The journey is where you build your character. I grow through my failures just as much as through my successes.
On the importance of a positive tribe:
I think of my goals as newborn babies. I might need some friends and family to help me take care of them at first. (Though, just like with babies, if I bring too many people around, my dreams might get sick, infected by negativity.) So, when I put things out into the universe, I do it carefully and share them with those who encourage my aspirations—the ones who give me the boost I need.
Read more from Danielle Brooks over at Instyle!
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To help you better understand why this was such a mental awakening for me, I first need to give a bit of my backstory. I’m in my late thirties. I’m an attorneyand a journalist. I own a home and have traveled the world extensively. Essentially, I’ve done everything in life I set out to do. However, when it comes to dating, I struggle. Not because there is anything wrong with me per se, but because my career and “lifestyle” often create problems in my romantic relationships.
View from my hotel room
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I’ve been told everything from, ‘I can’t continue to date you because you seem to choose your career over wanting to settle down and have kids’ by a man after only the second date to ‘Maybe if you just sat down somewhere for a while, I’d actually wife you’ by someone who has honestly never proven themselves to be the settle down type. And these are only a handful of the things I’ve been told over the years.
It’s been frustrating, to say the least, and there have even been seasons where I purposely dimmed my light in hopes that my career wouldn’t push away potential suitors. I know what you’re thinking, “Girl, why would you even consider that? If they’re for you, it won’t matter what you do.” Hey, don’t judge me, but also, I one hundred percent agree.
My hotel bathroom
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That’s why this recent moment in Switzerland was right on time. When I first walked into the hotel to check in, I was blown away by the surrounding beauty. It was a five-star property with one of the world’s most famous thermal bathhouses. Yet, it was something about seeing that 90% of the hotel’s guests were couples, that forced me to sit back for a bit of introspection—while soaking in the thermal spa, of course.
As I went through the mental conversation, there was a battle of sorts. On one hand, I knew that being able to partake in experiences like the one I was having at that moment was important to me. I knew that, at times I actually love being able to dabble in the finer things—after all, I’ve worked hard to be able to afford them. On the other hand, and sadly, I knew that sometimes being a single Black woman that publicly showcases her “luxurious” habits can intimidate men and even scare them off from pursuing you under the guise of them feeling like they “can’t do anything for you, because you have everything.”
My hotel room
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So, what is a girl to do?
Do I minimize/hide the life and experiences that I have? Do I play down the hard work I’ve put in to get where I am professionally? Or, do I risk being single in exchange for being able to have said life, without backlash?
Luckily, the joy that I felt while being at this property won. There was something about taking a full day to simply pamper myself at the bathhouse and in my in-room steam shower and soaker tub, indulging in cuisine from a 2-star Michelin restaurant and doing all of this while surrounded by an amazing group of Black women that reminded me—this is certainly the life I was meant to live and that I deserve. Even if it means that right now, I’ll just have to provide it for myself until the right partner comes along. And honestly, I’m okay with that.
Restaurant at 7132 hotel
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