One of the things I've learned about work/life balance is that it doesn't exist, at least not in the way most of us think it does.
In reality, it's more like a juggling act as we try to keep every piece of our lives from falling by the wayside. From family and friends to securing the bag, there are so many different areas of our lives that we, as women, want to make sure we don't forget about.
I spoke with five women who shared their tips on how they at least achieve enough balance to keep their peace of mind because, despite all of our obstacles and responsibilities, we've proven we can have it all, and make it look easy.
Kierra Lanice | Professional MUA
Courtesy of Kierra Lanice
One of the ways I practice a work/life balance is having quiet time in the morning. I wake up with a more soothing alarm instead of an abrupt one that scares me out of my sleep. This is followed by 15 minutes of praying, meditation, reading, or devotion. The key is that this time has to be spent in a designated area outside of your bed.
I also don't think I could have a work/life balance without writing everything, from schedules to tasks and goals, down on paper. Doing this allows you to hold yourself accountable more when you see your own handwriting versus something you type or try to remember on your own.
I've gotten to the point where I schedule time to talk to family and reconcile relationships.
I try to connect with someone in my family at least once a day; not on social media, but on the phone; my siblings, elders in the family, younger cousins, distant relatives, etc. A simple 3-5 minute check-in takes your mind off of your life bubble.
A major benefit I've found in my journey to a work/life balance is the "Do Not Disturb" button on my phone. We live in a high-tech, low-touch society. Turning my phone off to constant notifications and emails allows for more time to focus on what matters in the moment.
I learned to be honest with myself and communicate when I'm getting overwhelmed. If you can lie to yourself, you'll lie to anyone. I had to set boundaries and learn to communicate when they're crossed. This is HUGE for me.
Dani D | Radio Personality
Courtesy of Dani D
It's honestly not easy for me to balance my work and personal life because they run so closely together. Being a radio personality is a lifestyle. I'm a public figure, so being transparent comes with my career. But I try my best not to 'overshare.' Everyone doesn't need to know everything.
On Sundays, which are really my only off days, I take time for myself to talk to God, get in a good pampering session, clean, eat something good, read, or just binge-watch my favorite shows.
" Me time" is crucial for my sanity!
I also make sure that I spend a good amount of time with my family and friends. I never let work get in the way of relationships that are important to me. Overall, I've found that there are ways to balance work and life. It's not easy, but it can be accomplished without a doubt!
Kenni Powe | Model
Courtesy of Kenni Powe
For me, a work-life balance is feeling content with every area of your life. As a career woman right out of college, I was sucked into the "work hard" lifestyle of Corporate America, so I'm grateful the corporation I work for believes in this balance and provides an easy work lifestyle.
I think a peace of mind is the main thing to maintain; peace of mind knowing that everything won't always go as planned. When you have a healthy balance of work and play (meaning life), you feel more at liberty to manipulate your schedule without being afraid.
I am the type of person who believes in boundaries in life and that every piece of your life is only as big and successful as the time you put into it; balance creates contentment. You can't feed one area in your life while the other areas starve and call yourself successful.
I believe balance curates freedom, creativity, flexibility, stamina, and tenacity to fight for what you want in this life and what you will sacrifice to get it.
I am a To-do List Calendar Junkie! I love making daily, monthly, and quarterly lists to ensure my image of success for my life is maintained. Some people measure success by the money they gain. But success to me is being passionately fulfilled and at peace with my life decisions. Back to being a junkie; I routinely ensure that I touch every segment of my life every day in my daily list. This normally starts off with a heading of what makes me who I am and fulfills me as a person.
The headings generally include GOD, Food, Health (workout), Public Projects (community service), Business Projects (corporate), Home, Knowledge, ME ME ME, and Events. The best part of creating these lists is when you get to mark something off of it. Marking a check or scratching through something on my to-do list is like a natural high and toot of my horn. I feel like the queen of Wakanda and a champion of life.
Another tactic in maintaining this lifestyle is a balance of theoretical and actuals. I'm not a "life is bubbles and unicorns" type of girl, so I try to balance optimism and realism; myth and perfection. I ensure I don't battle my faith with actual natural abilities. Meaning, I love to look at numbers and I do believe numbers don't lie, however, I don't set my expectations of my abilities based on a reality of a situation. Everyone's maintenance is different but being a To-do List Calendar Junkie Optimistic Realist is how I maintain.
Remember to always unplug, meditate, give yourself props, self-analyze, prioritize, and above all let go of perfectionism.
Gabrielle Flowers Rader | Vlogger & Influencer
Courtesy of Gabrielle Flowers Rader
For me, work/life balance is kind of tricky since I work from home with my husband and the majority of our work stems from documenting everyday life. Starting the day with some form of "me time" is super important, whether it's heading to the gym for an early morning workout or taking the time to read a couple of devotionals and pray. When I allow myself to have that time, I can move through the day feeling more focused.
In order to amp up my productivity, I take the time to brain dump and make a list of all the things that need to be done. I then prioritize which tasks are truly important for the day and utilize time-blocking to make sure there is a space for them to actually get done. When you work from home, it helps to have designated times in place or else your day will just run together and you'll look up and wonder where the time went. To keep me in the mind frame of work, I set office hours and try to complete business tasks in my home office or a local coffee shop for a change of scenery.
Once the important tasks are complete, I switch gears and focus on spending quality time with my family without distractions.
To be completely honest, every day doesn't look like this. There are some days where I'm on it and then there are others where I struggle to get anything done. You can't give 100% to every single thing at the same time and that's okay. I often remind myself of that when I feel like I'm getting off track and then give myself grace to try again the next day.
Kristyn Alexis | Lifestyle YouTuber
I currently manage a YouTube channel of almost 150K subscribers, which is a part-time job, and I have a career in medical devices, so my life is crazy! I also have three kids – one in college and twins in elementary school.
Maintaining a good work-life balance starts with scheduling. I plan everything in advance from cooking to working on my channel. I recently obtained my certification in project management and had to scale back a lot, but I maintained to keep up by keeping my schedule. I also feel it's important to get lots of sleep and plan fun times.
Staying busy keeps me sane and happy, so while my crazy schedule works well for me, it wouldn't be suitable for everyone. My fiancé is also supportive of me doing as much as I do. That is critical to the success I have experienced in my life.
The last thing I think is important is staying scrappy (a term I learned while participating in a group called MLT – Management Leadership for Tomorrow). It means having a determined resolve to complete any task, and it has helped me to stay on track.
Overall, balance comes from prioritizing and support.
Featured image by Getty Images.
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Anyway, I personally think that the less shallow folks out here may contemplate calling things “quits” or they at least distance themselves a bit from their partner (and what I’m referring to is serious relationships) due to all of the stress and strain that oftentimes comes with the holidays whether it be financial, familial, due to their tight schedules or something else.
Listen, I would hate for you and your man to miss the fun and happiness of experiencing this time of year, all because you are so overwhelmed or irritated that you can’t really enjoy it. That’s why I have a few practical tips for how to avoid allowing the typical holiday season stress from INFECTING your relationship.
Manage Your Expectations
GiphyUnmanaged expectations. If there is a main reason why the holiday season tends to be so stress-filled for so many people, I’d bet good money that this is the cause. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, expectations can manifest themselves in all sorts of cryptic and/or unexpected ways. You might have relatives who assume that you are going to be with them for Thanksgiving or Christmas when you have other plans in mind. You might be thinking that you are going to spend one amount for presents while your man is thinking something totally different. When it comes to scheduling, your signals may be crossed.
And you know what? To all of these scenarios, this is where clear and consistent communication come in. Don’t assume anything. Don’t dictate anything either. From now until New Year’s, mutually decide to check in once a week, just to make sure that you are both on the same page as it relates to the holidays and what you both are thinking will come along with it. The less blindsided you both feel, the less stressed out you will be. Trust me on this.
Set (and Keep) a Budget
GiphyOkay, so I read that last year, 36 percent of Americans incurred some type of holiday-related debt. Hmph. Last year, there was still some sense of normalcy in this country, chile, so I can only imagine what finances are gonna look like over the next several weeks. That said, since I don’t know a lot of people who don’t find being broke stressful, make sure that you and your bae set a budget and then stick to it this year — no ifs, ands or buts.
Because really, y’all — it doesn’t make sense to deplete savings and/or max out credit cards for a few days of giggles only to be damn near losing your mind because you don’t know how to make ends meet come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
And by the way, this tip doesn’t just speak to things like food and gifts; I also mean travel. If it doesn’t make a ton of sense (or cents) to be all over the place this year — DON’T BE.
Keep Matthew 5:37 at the Forefront
GiphyIf off the top of your head, you don’t know what Matthew 5:37 says, no worries, here ya go: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” That verse right there? Oh, it’s a boundaries lifesaver! I say that because do you see “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” in there? Nope. LOL. It says that you should tell people “yes” or “no” and leave it at that — and that complements Anne Lamott’s quote, “’No’ is a complete sentence” impeccably well. Yeah, you’ve got to remember that anything beyond a yes or no to a request is privileged information; you don’t owe anyone details or an explanation.
Besides, if you are really honest with yourself, when someone asks you something and you give a “Umm, let me think about it” kind of reply, more times than not, you already know what your answer is going to be — so why not let you both off of the hook? Give your response. Commit to that. And let everyone (including yourself) get on with their lives and schedules.
I promise you that when it comes to those holiday parties, you are pissing more folks off by not RSVP’ing or doing so and not showing up than just saying, “Thank you but not this year” off the rip.
Remember That Your Personal Space Is Privilege Not a Right
GiphyA friend of mine recently bought a new house and invited me over to come see it. He’s a single man with no children, so as I was taking in all of the space that he had, especially as I walked through his finished basement, I joked about relatives coming to live with him. “Hell no” and “absolutely not” were pretty much his immediate responses as he went on to say that some folks even had the nerve to be offended when he told them that he had no intentions on taking DNA in.
Ain’t it wild how people think that your stuff is their right? And yes, that brings me to my next point. Your home is your sanctuary space. If you want to host folks this year — cool. If not, ALSO COOL. Please don’t let folks (family included) guilt you into how they want you to act or even into what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot. You are not them — and as one of my favorite quotes states, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name Larry Dixon said that.)
Hell, my friends? They know that I am good for sending them random things that they need or even want all throughout the year. Coming over to hang out at my pace, though. Uh-uh. Chalk it up to being a card-carrying member of the ambivert club yet I like keeping my living space personal — and I sleep like a baby, each and every night, for feeling that way.
Always remember that your space, your time, your resources, your energy and shoot, yourself period (including your relationship), are all things that are your own. You get to choose how, when and why you want to share them. The holiday season is certainly no exception.
Cultivate Some “You Two Only” Traditions
GiphyIt’s not uncommon for some couples to hit me up after the holiday season to “detox.” Sometimes it’s due to the financial drama (and sometimes trauma) that they experienced. Sometimes it’s because they allowed their relatives (especially in-laws) to get more into their personal business than they should’ve. More than anything, though, it tends to be because they didn’t get enough quality time together and so ended up feeling “disconnected.”
Please don’t let that happen. Listen, I’m not even a holidays kind of woman and yet, I will absolutely sit myself down with some hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies to enjoy a Hallmark holiday film or two. Aside from the fact that most of them are lighthearted and sweet, I also like that they usually focus on couples loving on each other amidst all of the holiday beauty and ambiance — which is something that all couples should set aside some time to do.
Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe it’s a staycation. Or maybe it’s my personal favorite, A SEXCATION. Whether it’s for a few days, the weekend or even overnight — don’t you let the holidays go by without setting aside time for you and your man to celebrate one another. Don’t you dare (check out “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?”).
GET. SOME. REST.
GiphyI once read that 8 out of 10 people get stressed out over the holidays and 3 out of 10 lose sleep during to it — and when you’re stress-filled and sleep-deprived, that can absolutely lead to hypersensitivity, making mountains out of molehills and even not being in the mood for sex.
Your relationship can’t afford to go through any of this, so definitely make sure to prioritize rest. I don’t care how unrealistic it might seem during this time, sleep should never be seen as a luxury; it will always and forever be a great necessity.
That said, try to get no less than six hours of shut-eye in (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”) and even ask your bae to take a nap with you sometimes (check out “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.”). Not only will sleep help to restore your mind, body and spirit but, when it’s with your partner, it’s an act of intimacy that can make you both feel super connected, even in the midst of what might feel like chaos.
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Holiday season stress is real. Still, never give it the permission or power to throw your relationship off. Put you and your man first and let the holidays be what they are gonna be, chile.
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And honestly, the holiday season isn’t exempt from this. I know from personal experience because, as someone who hasn’t observed any for many years now (without one regret), you’d be amazed by all of the theories that I’ve heard as to why that is the case. SMDH.
Chile, you don’t have the time and I don’t have the space to get into all of that nonsense. For now, I just want to provide a silver lining from my having to endure other people’s yapping by letting those of you who may not be super enthusiastic about the holidays this year (or any year) either that there is nothing wrong with that — or with you.
I’ll break down why and how I’ve come to that conclusion.
Not Being “on-10” Doesn’t Make You a Grinch
GiphyHonestly, I have some pretty solid memories about Christmastime. Because my mother grew up with an alcoholic father (and supreme spiritual hypocrite), she was very emotionally tied to the holiday because it was the only time that she recalled having real peace in her home. And so, we did the Christmas thing, pretty much to the hilt — fresh Christmas trees, baking Christmas-themed desserts, watching holiday movies, going caroling, stringing popcorn…you name it.
It wasn’t until I became an adult and I started doing research on the origin stories of holidays (check out “The History of Christmas” if you don’t already know about it), in general, that I became more and more detached. Plus, as a seventh-day Sabbath observer (Exodus 20:8-11, Hebrews 4, Matthew 28:1) — every Friday sunset through Saturday sunset was like a holiday in certain ways to me, so I never really “lived” for traditional calendar ones.
That doesn’t mean that I am all "Bah humbug" to folks who are totally into the holiday, though. For instance, my godchildren’s father acts like Christmas is a drug for him and so anything Christmas-like that he can think of is his fix. And although the girls (6 and 14) know that I don’t observe, I am good for getting them a “cold weather present” usually around the time the temps drop (in October) instead of an actual Christmas gift. And although I usually pass on hanging out with folks on Christmas Day, I’ll help bake a cookie or two in the days leading up to it.
So yeah, the first thing that folks who are pretty “meh” about Christmas need to be reminded of is that doesn’t automatically or necessarily make you a Grinch. If you recall the Grinch’s story, he did have some trauma and so he took it out on Christmas. Meanwhile, most of us who can take or leave the holidays, we aren’t “mad”…we’re just…for the most part…disinterested. The rest of y’all “do you,” though. And we mean that sincerely.
Not Being Thrilled Doesn’t Mean That You’re Depressed Either
GiphyI’ve shared before that there is someone in my world who gets so excited about Christmas that I almost want to see if there is a disorder linked to it. LOL. I mean from the start of October on, you are going to hear about her Christmas plans, plus, you are going to start seeing holiday décor up in her house — and she’s always been that way.
Because she knows that “I’m good” on Christmas, there have been times when she’s asked me if it’s because my parents divorced when I was young or if it’s because my family lives overseas or if it’s because I am not married and never had children. Shellie, you’re way too excited for your birthday for you to just…not care about Christmas. I think you might be suppressing something.
Good lord, girl. LOL. I’m excited for birthdays because another year of life in my right mind is a blessing. Christmas, personally, doesn’t make a ton of sense to me (especially to be spending a lot of cents) and so, I’ll pass. It’s really not any deeper than that. Besides, it’s not like I’m sitting in the dark somewhere on Christmas Day rocking back and forth in a corner. If anything, I really appreciate how quiet the world seems to be (both online and off) while everyone else is doing their thing. THANK YOU.
So yeah, if Christmas — or the holiday season, period — doesn’t have you jumping up and down, don’t let other people’s enthusiasm gaslight you into thinking that you should see a therapist. That said, for the record, if someone has mentioned depression to you, here are some signs that mental health professionals say are associated with holiday-related depression:
- Feelings of hopelessness
- Trouble sleeping
- Anxiety
- Tension
- Internalized frustration
- Feeling lonely and isolated
- Not doing any of the things that you typically enjoy
Do you see not wanting to go to a holiday party, opting out of Christmas shopping with a bunch of friends or preferring to not have any Christmas decorations up in your house on the list? Yeah, me neither. Moral to the story: Please don’t let people get you down by trying to manipulate you into thinking that if you aren’t like them, something must be wrong with you. During the holiday seasons or otherwise, chile.
Use This Time (Unapologetically) for Yourself
GiphyRemember how I just said that one of the things I damn near adore about Christmas is, since everyone is focused on their own families, I can get some real quality time to myself? Although a lot of things are closed on Christmas Day, you can still order a favorite meal the day before, turn off your phone and sleep in on Christmas Day and, if you want to get out and about — I don’t know about y’all but one of my favorite things is to go to the movies alone and movie theaters are always open on Christmas.
You know, I’ve shared before that I once interviewed a Jewish woman who was married to a Christian man. Together, they observe Chrismukkah and there is something that she said about it that has always stayed with me (paraphrased): “I don’t believe in Christmas but anything that can bring peace, joy and goodwill to humanity, even for a day, that is something that I can get behind.” I agree. And sometimes, what we need to remind ourselves is we need to set aside time to bring peace, joy and goodwill to ourselves. Use the holiday season to do that, if nothing else. You won’t regret it.
Do Private Things More than Public Ones
GiphyEven beyond Christmas, specifically, what if the entire holiday season is something that you’re pretty ho-hum about because things like mall traffic, stressed out relatives and the busyness of it all aren’t your favorite things? My two cents would be to not put your head under the covers and just wait for January 2 to arrive. Instead, opt out of big celebrations and do “calmer and quieter” things with some of your favorite people.
Since pretty much from a couple of days before Christmas until kids go back to school, folks are not on their “usual schedule,” go to brunch with your favorite aunt (or uncle), host a sleepover with a couple of girlfriends and/or Zoom one of your buddies to create vision boards for the new year.
Listen, just because you may not be in the traditional holiday spirit, that doesn’t mean that you can’t take advantage of the time that it offers for you to do some quality things with people you care about. Just you and them. No one else.
Create Your Own Traditions
GiphyNot into the 12 Days of Christmas? Pamper yourself for the week leading into the New Year. Don’t want a Christmas tree? Have some roses or poinsettias sent to your house. Couldn’t care less about a ball dropping on New Year’s Eve? Rent out a huge Airbnb New Year’s Eve and enjoy a change of scenery.
Y’all, just because the holiday season comes with its own traditions, there is no written rule which says that you have to follow them — or that you can’t come up with some of your own. Hell, if you put enough thought into this tip, you might look up and realize that you absolutely adore this time of year — just for a totally different set of reasons than most. Beautiful.
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