A good friend of mine recently became a travel nurse, and since then she's been able to live in 4 different cities and meet new people - all while having a housing stipend and a pretty nice paycheck too.
If you're looking for a career that will let you travel the country (or even the world depending on the agency), becoming a travel nurse is a viable option.
However, just like any career, being a travel nurse isn't perfect. As this career field is becoming more popular, there have been more talk about the benefits of being a travel nurse, but not enough real talk around this profession. Recently, we were able to catch up with 5 travel nurses and they shared information about their work experience and the things that they wish they would've known before becoming a travel nurse.
*Responses have been edited for length and clarity.
Breanna Mays
Courtesy of Breanna Mays
Number of Year(s) as a Travel Nurse: 1
Current Assignment: Albuquerque, New Mexico
Favorite Assignment: Washington, D.C.
The Hiring Process:
"After many Google searches, reading travel nurse blogs, and frequent postings on travel nurse FB groups I landed the best agency for my needs at the time. However, I quickly learned that having multiple agencies in my back pocket usually serves me better in the long run. This provides me the opportunity to negotiate contracts and ensures that I am getting optimum pay and accommodations during my stay."
What She Wished She Knew About Changing Locations & Switching Hospitals:
"When I finally made the decision to work contracts at different hospitals around the U.S., I quickly learned that every facility was not the same. Of course that sounds like a pretty obvious fact but realizing every hospital's policies and procedures varied from place to place was definitely an adjustment. Learning how to take care of patients with different levels of acuity was the easy part."
Lessons She's Learned:
"One of the most important things I've learned was oddly enough one of the things I was actually prefaced with before becoming a travel nurse. Sometimes loneliness settles in without warning or contrition. Moving to new places is great, but not knowing a single person within a 1200-mile radius can be quite an unsettling feeling. However, the time for self-discovery is truly limitless during these times. I have learned to embrace the quiet times but I have definitely learned when to speak up when I needed to see a familiar face."
Her Advice to Aspiring Travel Nurses:
"One piece of advice I would give anyone aspiring to work as a travel nurse is to remember that flexibility is a necessary attribute. Nothing is always set in stone. Contracts/shifts get cancelled, pay is not the same in every location, safe and affordable housing can be hard to find, and floating to other units in the hospitals can become routine. Before booking your contracts, remember that you are your best advocate. Do not settle for less than your worth when negotiating contracts and do not settle when recruiters don't seem to be working in your best interest."
Colea Owens
Courtesy of Colea Owens
Number of Years as a Travel Nurse: 3
Current Assignment: Dallas, Texas
Favorite Assignment: Dallas, Texas
The Hiring Process:
"When I started travel nursing, I was so excited to begin traveling that I took the first offer that was given to me. Travel nursing has extremely complicated packaging. You get a base rate which is taxed and paid by the company and a per diem food and travel stipend rate which is untaxed and paid by the government. I had let my recruiter convince me to take an extremely low base rate in order to have a higher per diem rate. For companies, they can pocket a higher overhead because they are taking less money to pay you since the majority of your income comes from the government stipend. It may not be illegal but it's definitely unethical. I had naively fallen into the trap, but thank God I learned early and never made that mistake again."
What She Wished She Knew About Changing Locations & Switching Hospitals:
"Switching new hospitals is fun and I enjoy meeting new people and exploring new locations. I wish I would have known that staff are sometimes very critical of travel nurses. You have to really work hard to prove yourself and be considered a part of their team, particularly because they may resent that you make more or have the flexibility in your lifestyle that they don't have. You also may get the harder patients and most difficult assignments. Be ready to jump right in, be a team player, and don't complain!"
Lessons She's Learned:
"People think travel nurses have it easy and make all this money. In reality, you may make more but you have a different set of challenges. You don't always know if you will have another assignment lined up and your current contract can get cut at any moment. You are also the first one to get floated or canceled for a shift, so you lose hours. You are also held to higher standards than the staff nurses or anyone else. When I was driving 17 hours to my assignment in Dallas, I had to pull over in Tennessee to do a mandatory stroke scale certification that they gave me less than 6 hours to complete or my contract would be cancelled! It was 9 at night and I was on the road looking for a place with internet so I could comply. Be ready for all challenges!"
Her Advice to Aspiring Travel Nurses:
"One piece of advice I would tell aspiring travel nurses: set a standard and negotiate your pay. After my first assignment, I didn't take less than $20/hr for a base rate (remember base isn't your take-home rate) which is a safe zone for auditing and other government items. I got a tax accountant to cover my numbers. I knew the tax laws in each state I traveled to. And I didn't submit information to a recruiter until they sent me a pay package I liked."
Reneisha Walker
Courtesy of Reneisha Walker
Number of Years as a Travel Nurse: 5
Current Assignment: Birmingham, Alabama
Favorite Assignment: Northern California
The Hiring Process:
"When I first began traveling, I traveled within my state of Alabama. I did not go through a travel company. Instead, I took an internal contract with the hospitals. I prefer to do it that way. I can stay in the comfort of my own state and make double the amount of money. You don't have a low hourly rate, like if you go through an agency, which I prefer because I like to work a lot of overtime. If the facility is close enough, I can stay in the comfort of my own home or with a friend. When I travel out of state, I use an agency. I have used several different agencies and most are pretty much the same. I just compare the jobs and pay packages available and choose the best one for me."
What She Wished She Knew About Changing Locations & Switching Hospitals:
"Research your cost of living. If you still have a home to maintain, is it going to be worth going to another state and having to find somewhere to live and rent a car if you don't get yours shipped? Travel companies give you the option of taking a tax-free stipend or letting them find housing for you. It's best to take the stipend and find your own housing. But before you take any assignment, look on sites like Airbnb, Craigslist, and travel nurse housing, and see how much it will cost you to move there. Do a budget of how much you will make there, subtract how much it cost to live there, then compare that to how much you already make. If I am leaving the comfort of my home, the magic number for me is always double what I'm currently making. Have a set number in mind when you talk to recruiters and don't take anything less than that."
Lessons She's Learned:
"A misconception that I hear all the time is that you can't travel with your family or if you have a family. Definitely not true. I have friends who bring their whole family with them on assignments and they get to enjoy a new city with their loved ones. I only travel out of state during the summer, so that my daughter can come with me or stay with her grandparents. If you have children and you want to travel, find other nurses with kids as well and split housing."
Her Advice to Aspiring Travel Nurses:
"Some of the staff at hospitals will not like you because you are coming in to do their job and make twice as much. They label travelers as incompetent very quickly if you don't go in on your p's and q's. They will even try to get your contract cancelled. It's best to stay to yourself and take great care of your patients."
Deanna Wallace
Courtesy of Deanna Wallace
Number of Years as a Travel Nurse: 4
Current Assignment: Houston, Texas
Favorite Assignment: Houston, Texas
The Hiring Process:
"The interview process as a travel nurse is always different with each location I apply to. I usually apply directly through a staffing agency. A recruiter calls me back to go over the details of what I am looking for, and the details of the jobs they have available. When the managers are available, they will call to interview you. During the hiring process, I feel like the hardest part is being available when the manager tries to call for the interview. Sometimes you are at work, and you can't answer the phone. Due to that, I sometimes lose out on that job because there are 10 other nurses that the manager is interviewing that same day. By the time I am able to get the manager back on the phone, they have already hired someone else. I would recommend setting a time and date on an off day so you can give the best answers possible for your interview. If you have to do your interview while you're at work, you should definitely do the interview on your lunch break to avoid distractions."
What She Wished She Knew About Changing Locations & Switching Hospitals:
"I wish someone had told me before I started travel nursing to pack lighter. Whenever it is time to move, I always regret having so many items to pack back up. Pack light but also remember to pack enough clothes for when the weather changes from hot to cold, outfits to explore the city, or a beach day to relax. Be ready to explore each new city to build memories because you may never visit that city again."
Lessons She's Learned:
"One misconception about travel nurses that I have found is the same at each hospital is that travel nurses are lazy, we never want to help staff nurses, and that we aren't as smart as the staff nurses. My advice to you is to just continue to be a great nurse as you have always been. Do not let anyone's opinion of travel nurses put you down when you know you're doing an awesome job. With travel nursing you will have to always prove that you are a good nurse through excellent patient care, helping out other staff nurses, and communicating well with the doctors."
Her Advice to Aspiring Travel Nurses:
"The best advice I can give to any nurse looking to start travel nursing is to make sure to pack light, make new friends with staff nurses and travel nurses to explore the city with, save money each time you get paid, and travel to one new country or city each time you take a break in between assignments. Trust me, you won't regret it."
Leia Osbourne
Courtesy of Leia Osbourne
Number of Years as a Travel Nurse: 4
Current Assignment: San Diego, California
Favorite Assignment: Both Los Angeles and San Diego, California
The Hiring Process:
"One challenge about the hiring process is keeping up with current assignments and getting references! Sometimes it is hard to get a reference from a charge nurse or manager that you have worked with temporarily, but you need one to move on to the next assignment."
What She Wished She Knew About Changing Locations & Switching Hospitals:
"Not every hospital is travel-friendly. You would think that if the hospital needs help with staffing needs, that employees would be grateful...but not always. You need tough skin, and need to know how to advocate for yourself and navigate the system if anything happens (such as a canceled contract/wrongful termination, unpaid wages, housing difficulties, etc.)."
Lessons She's Learned:
"A misconception about travel nurses is that we are rich because we travel! There are definitely ways to secure the bag as a travel nurse, but we have bills, families to take care of, and expenses just like everyone else."
Her Advice to Aspiring Travel Nurses:
"Be flexible, shop around for the best pay package (you don't have to accept the first offer), save and invest your money. And don't be afraid to say "no" to a recruiter, assignment, pay package, manager, or anything/anyone else that is not in your best interest."
If you're interested in becoming a Travel Nurse, be sure to take note of the tips above! If you're a Travel Nurse and would like to share your experience, tweet us at @xonecole.
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- Top 10 Benefits of Being a Traveling Nurse | Rasmussen College ›
- Requirements to Become A Travel Nurse - 2019 NurseJournal.org ›
- 10 Excellent Pros (and Cons) of Travel Nursing Careers ›
- 10 Ways to Prepare for a Career in Travel Nursing - 2019 ... ›
- Considering Travel Nursing? 7 Things You'll Need to Decide ›
- 5 Requirements To Become A Travel Nurse | Travel Nursing ›
- 10 Steps to Become a Travel Nurse » BluePipes Blog ›
- How to Become a Travel Nurse - 2018 Guide | All Nursing Schools ›
- 20 Questions: What You Need to Know About Travel Nursing Jobs ›
- Trust Me, I'm a Traveler: 7 Things Only a Travel Nurse Would Know ›
RELATED
Whether you're planning to meet a certain financial or fitness goal, or you're simply trying to maintain and build on the progress you made this year, having something to look forward to is always a good look. Setting actual goals, according to research, actually leads to more success than just playing things by ear. So here are a few to get you started, sis:
(Disclaimer: Not everything is for everyone, so do like my Granny always says: "Eat the meat. Spit out the bone." Take on five out of the 40 and focus on that for the remainder of the year, or do them all. Either way, this is just to get you started.)
40 Ways To End The Year Strong and Inspired
Money Moves
Riska/Getty Images
1. Increase your retirement (or other savings/investment) contributions by 1%.
Experts have found that you could be leaving money on the table by not upping your contributions when you can.
2. Cancel two to five subscriptions.
You could be missing hundreds, even thousands, of dollars a year due to sneaky price hikes and "updates."
3. Create a "fun" in a high-yield savings account.
This is especially important if you struggle with the dreaded b-word (budget) and will make next year's efforts a lot less intimidating. Even if it's $10 a month, do it.
4. Put on your big-girl panties, and set up automatic transfers and payments for at least one bill.
It reduces the stress of managing bills, lessens the chance of a missed payment---and the fees that come with that---and there can be cost savings for doing so.
5. Invest in a cleaner or housekeeping service.
Bosses who value their time (and mental health) invest their dollars into areas where the time they'd spend doing those tasks themselves could be better used to focus on other money-making projects. (And yes, rest is part of that.) Get a housekeeper, sis, or drop off that laundry, even if it's once per month.
6. Donate to a charity.
Beyond the tax benefits, it's a win-win for the greater good of communities you care about.
7. Review your insurance policies and negotiate a better rate (or move on) before their end dates.
Experts often agree this is a small but mighty step to take each year, especially since insurance rates are competitive, you could be spending more money than you need to (or not enough) and your insurance rates can affect your mortgage payments.
8. Call your loan provider and refinance.
As interest rates fall, “millions of borrowers may be able to refinance and get more affordable payments. As interest rates eased down to 6.5%, about 2.5 million borrowers could already refinance and save at least 75 basis points (0.75%) on their interest rate,” the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau reports. You can also refinance student and other types of loans.
9. Stop buying individual items and stock up via going bulk.
Research has found that, among 30 common products, buying in bulk could save you 27% compared with buying in lower quantities. Water, paper products, and baby products like diapers, toiletries, and garbage bags are the top items where people see the most cost-effectiveness. (This has been a lifesaver for me—children, large family, or not—especially when it comes to toothpaste, deodorant, toilet paper, and feminine hygiene products, saving stress, time, and money.)
10. Go cash-only for the holidays.
If you set smart goals and stick to limits on things like gifts, going out to eat, or groceries, you'll see the benefits of this. Cash-stuffing is one method recommended, but something as simple as taking a $10 bill out for lunch, disabling that card for an hour, and leaving your card in a safe place at the office can give you that mindset jump start to see how far you can take your money without the need to splurge.
Love And Romance
11. Say "no."
There are clear mental and physical health benefits to saying no including the setting of healthy boundaries, creating time and energy for other self-care activities, and protecting yourself from physically harmful situations (i.e. unprotected sex or abuse). Just say it, clearly and simply, when you need to.
12. Set a fun, free, adults-only date night for once a week or twice a month with your spouse.
If busy, high-profile folk have touted the success of this, even you can make the time for quality time with your partner. And it's even better when it costs nothing. The best connections are made doing something chill, challenging, or outside the usual dinner-and-a-movie date. Play a game that allows you to reconnect, take a walk in your neighborhood to chat and laugh, or try a little erotic chocolate/edible liquid/paint episode a la Mea Culpa.
13. Go out with Mr. or Ms. "Not My Type."
I love my man, but if I were waiting out for my "type" at the time, we wouldn't be celebrating seven (going on eight) years together. Sometimes having strict, unrealistic expectations for a spouse (especially related to things like height, physical features, or career path) is what's keeping you alone and lonely.
Take the pressure off and explore all your options. I'm not telling you to stop popping the balloon on the guy who earns $20,000 less than you if that's a hard no that Jesus himself told you to skip. I'm asking you to explore other options and see what else God might have out there for your love journey.
14. Immediately apologize and pray together.
I've learned that always being "right" isn't always ideal when you truly care about someone and you're in a relationship for the long haul. Defaulting to an apology when necessary, even when things aren't 100% resolved, is a good way to prioritize peace and save your energy for more worthwhile battles. Research has even supported the benefits of apologies in relationships, and how couples married for five or more years do it often.
15. Get a Rose and discover true self-love.
Do I really have to explain this? You've gotta know what satisfies you, and how better to figure that out than to practice self-love in the bed by yourself? You can also try this with a partner, but as a woman who got on this train very much later in my sexual activity journey. I have a lot more learning to do on my own, and even in a satisfying relationship, I like to find out new things about myself, by myself.
Figure out what you're into, watch what you want to watch, and read what you want to read to define pleasure for yourself. There's a freedom and empowering element there especially if you're used to prioritizing pleasing your partner.
16. Be direct and have the "money talk" with bae.
Money issues are one of the leading causes of divorce, so you need to have those conversations before you even think about marrying someone. And true, nobody can predict the future so you won't be able to avoid some challenges altogether, however, talking with your potential spouse about how they view money, their spending habits, and the pain points in terms of their approach to money management can at least give you a glimpse into what's in store if you do walk down the aisle, move in with them, or decide to share a bank account/business/child with them.
17. Invest in the "paid" version of that dating app.
I know plenty of successful, married folk who did this and met "the one" as a result. Let's be honest: The free version is for playing around. I had a lot of fun with my "free" profile back in the day, trust me. Upgrade that photo, profile, and package, and see if the quality of your dating adventures changes when you're serious about finding a true partner. Dating coaches and matchmakers cosign this.
18. Solo travel to meet that long-distance connection.
Sometimes, your perfect match isn't within 100 miles of you, and that's okay. Make it an adventure, enjoy the memories, and book that ticket. I met my man this way and it's been a whirlwind escape ever since. If you're not comfortable traveling solo, travel or (network to plan travel) with a group via Facebook.
Career And Business
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19. Schedule coffee or virtual meetups with smart people from your graduating class, previous employer, or current employer.
I have gotten many freelance opportunities by doing this. It's as simple as connecting and offering value (or simply learning how you can better equip yourself to do so.) It's also a great way to expand your network, spark new friendships, or find out about new job opportunities.
20. Invest in a well-made suit.
I don't care what industry you're in, a suit says "power," and it's not as old-school or out-of-style as you'd think. Plus the whole experience of looking for a new one (or getting one tailored) is fun and affirming. Try these options. I swear, anytime I wear a blazer, I'm treated like a celebrity or boss, especially when traveling. I was once upgraded to first-class wearing a yellow blazer outfit, and the airline professional literally said, "You look like somebody important. Here you go."
21. Volunteer for a worthwhile project or cause that's important to your company.
If you're overworked and underappreciated, skip this one, but if you truly have the time, love what you do, and want to advance, this move is clutch. Volunteering for extra projects got me where I am today in media because I had foresight, and knew that was the only way at the time to leverage relationships, and I was able to challenge myself to learn skills that 20 years later are still bankable. That VP you can't get a meeting with will be at that gala your company is planning, so join that committee, sis.
22. Write down why you deserve a raise and ask for it in your next one-on-one.
Gather those receipts (ie sales increase numbers, KPIs met, deals closed, people acquired via recruitment, the impact of systems updates, or other tangible success metrics) and ask for that raise before the first or second-quarter budgets are being finalized.
23. Instead of quitting, write down your exit plan.
While revenge quitting is set to be a thing next year (and maybe you're among those who will be leading the trend), try the better boss move and quit with a real plan.
24. Start automatically separating that estimated self-employed quarterly tax estimate.
If you have side hustles (or you're collecting 1099 income,) baby, you do not want to neglect those quarter tax payments. Talk to a professional, do your research, and set up automatic transfers to an account specifically for paying these at the appropriate due dates.
25. Sign up for a free one- to 11-week course related to your industry—or the industry you want to be in next year.
Institutions like Harvard University and platforms like Coursera offer free courses that can enhance your skills. You can also invest in certificate courses with accredited colleges as well as tech training.
26. Hit "Easy Apply" for 10 dream jobs listed on LinkedIn.
While you shouldn't solely rely on this when actively job-seeking, using this convenient LinkedIn option is a great way to get into the habit of applying for positions. And if you're already employed, you should still be "dating" other employers if you're looking to make a move in the next six months. Keep your interview skills sharp, practice toughening up for the "nos," and get a bit of an ego boost in the process.
Self-Care And Wellness
27. Pre-schedule three month's worth of massages.
Oftentimes this is cost-effective since some spas offer deals for multiple bookings. Also, it makes an act of self-care deliberate and important, not an option. When you get that reminder call, you'll know it's real.
28. Fire that therapist and try another one.
Cultural competency in mental health support is one major problem that can hinder Black women from even bothering with therapy. And who wants the added stress of spending multiple, paid sessions explaining why something is a microaggression? Cut the cord and move on to try someone else, either via a Black women therapists channel or recommendations from others.
29. Join a small group at church.
Bedside service ain't gonna cut it and neither is going to the usual Sunday service. Join a smaller group and upgrade your efforts to connect, network, and elevate spiritually. Even if virtually, take a step to dig a bit deeper with more targeted Bible study and discussions.
30. Say no, even to loved ones.
This is on here twice, for a reason. Saying no is the simplest, most powerful micro-action you can take today to make 2025 better. No explanations. No guilt. Say no.
31. Choose one "luxury" beauty product for skincare and stick to it.
This was trending big on social, especially for millennials hitting their 40s. There's just something so freeing about not giving in to every trend and sticking to the basics that work, especially when there are quality, healthy ingredients involved. Put those orders on auto-renew.
32. Sign up for a new sport or fitness class just for fun, not for results.
It's great to be on a weight-loss or weight-lifting journey, but try something just for the fun of it. Switch things up with a couple of these fitness activities.
33. Book a staycation.
Leave the passport at home and explore a nearby community or another town in your state. There's so much enrichment in your own backyard right here in the U.S., and you don't even have to break the bank.
34. Pre-schedule your mammograms, Pap smear, and peri-menopause checkups for next year.
Take control of your health by pre-scheduling essential appointments like mammograms, Pap smears, and peri-menopause check-ups for 2025. Prioritizing these screenings early ensures you stay on top of your wellness and make time for self-care in the new year.
35. Cut off support of beauty and wellness professionals whose customer service is below standard.
This is another one that many Black women have been vocal about—from unrealistic pre-appointment requirements, to booking fees, to long waits, to unsavory in-salon experiences. Spot the red flags early, and just stop accommodating foolishness. Support salons or experienced stylists who are kind, have proper systems in place and value your time.
36. Schedule five to 10-minute moments of silence on your calendar.
Again, wellness is not optional, and if it's not on my calendar, it's not official. Sit quietly. Pray. Meditate. Or do nothing. The benefits of silent moments are almost endless.
37. Download a meditation app.
If you've found that meditation is difficult to schedule or to even start, an app can help. Try this, this, or this one, and take that step to embrace something new to enhance your wellness routine. If you're tired of downloading apps, create a playlist for meditation via Amazon Music or Spotify and schedule a reminder to do it once a day or week.
38. Invest in a healthy meal prep or delivery service.
Time is emotionally expensive, so save as much of it as possible. Getting into meal prep to keep to your goals is a great way to save time, stress, and effort. The health benefits of meal prepping have also been proven via research.
39. Create a positive playlist on Spotify, Amazon Music, YouTube, or other streaming platform.
It can be podcasts, music, affirmations, or somatic sounds. It's a game-changer. You can even set an alarm to wake you up to start your day with the positive playlist. Not into creating your own? There are plenty to choose from with a quick search.
40. Set up reminders for Alexa (Siri or other AI) to remind you, "You are loved," and "You are okay."
This simple effort can boost your endorphins and remind you that you're indeed, not alone, and you will be okay, regardless. To set mine up, I simply commanded, "Alexa, remind me everyday 'Jesus loves me,'" and like clockwork she does. She almost scared the ish out of me one day when I'd forgotten the reminder was active, but it was the reminder I needed when anxiety had gotten the best of me that week.
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Either way, we’re breaking down how to harness the alluring black cat energy to attract and cultivate your purrrfect match, or how to deepen your current relationship.
What is Black Cat Energy?
Black cat energy has made a splash all over TikTok since 2021 where users have popularized “the black cat/golden retriever” theory based on the notorious attributes of felines and pups.
Pet owners and those who have had the pleasure of engaging with furry friends know that cats tend to have personality traits of being more independent, cautious, and unbothered until they develop a relationship with you – then you’ll be graced with their loveable side – whereas dogs, much like golden retrievers, are often overly excited to see you, bursting with happy energy, and seeking your affection, even if they just met you.
Black cats especially possess an elusive, regal, and pompous vibe that makes them irresistible. You can’t simply win these mysterious creatures over with your mere presence. You’ll have to earn their affection.
And if by a stroke of luck, they open up to you, they’ll always keep you wanting more of them. That same je ne sais quoi is what TikTokers are raving about, claiming that if you channel black cat energy into your love life, you’ll summon the person of your dreams and make them fall in love with every part of you.
What’s more, according to The Spruce Pets, single women in Japan who own black cats are believed to attract more suitors. In parts of Great Britain, a black cat is the quintessential wedding gift because they’re believed to bring good luck and happiness to the bride.
Why the Black Cat/Golden Retriever Dynamic Works
ArtMarie/Getty Images
Anyone can be the black cat or the golden retriever in the relationship, but TikTokers and some relationship experts say the best way to ensure long-lasting compatibility is for the woman to be the black cat, while the man exudes golden retriever tendencies.
Dating coach Anwar White solidifies finding the yin to your yang, instructing women to find their complement. “Most people look to date their clone and you’re going to need to date looking for your compliment – that is what is going to bring you the most success.”
In the 14 years he’s been a dating coach, he shared the best complementary personalities that make for a good match. “If you’re a type A, boss babe, you’re going to be looking for the optimistic golden retriever guy. This is the guy that wants to get done whatever you want to get done. This is the engineer, the federal employee, or an architect. It’s very much black cat/golden retriever vibes.”
No matter what stage you’re at in your love life, it’s never too late to transition from subservient golden retriever to omnipotent black cat.
TikToker @jaclyn.dasilva explains that she used to be in her golden retriever energy in her marriage – catering to her husband, and what he needed and liked until she learned how to epitomize the black cat energy.
“We have this beautiful energy as women. When we learn to put all that beautiful, nurturing energy into ourselves that is when they want us. That is when they chase us. Now I think about what I want to eat. What do I want to drink? What book do I want to read? And I put my energy into myself.”
She continues, “And now he’s the one chasing me. He’s the one who can’t get enough of me. When we see ourselves as the prize, that is when he sees us as the prize. Stop chasing him. Let him chase you. Be about you, he’ll be about you.”
How To Embody The Black Cat Principles In Your Dating Life
Dating and maintaining a flourishing relationship in today’s technology-driven world is no easy feat. We have abundantly more access to swipe right or left on apps, or serendipitously meet a great catch in person than our parents and grandparent’s generations.
And yet, with all the potential options, somehow it seems more difficult to stumble across Mr. or Mrs. Right or to maintain a long-term symbiotic relationship. Fortunately navigating dating and relationships becomes easier when you know exactly who you are–your different quirks, flaws, and assets–and when you keenly understand the little things that titillate your world and accept the nuances and icks of a person that you know are not aligned with you.
A woman relishing in her black cat energy and femininity knows exactly what she wants and needs and doesn’t detour from who she is for anyone. These are the qualities of black cat women:
High Standards
Nothing says you’re the main character or HBIC like flaunting high standards and sticking to them.
TikToker Anna Kristina, the self-proclaimed creator of the "black cat theory" shared how to become the ultimate black cat and have men eating from the palm of your hand. “You have to be inconvenient. You have to be bitchy. You have to have standards and certain expectations. The higher the expectations, and the more unrealistic, the better.”
Elusiveness
Relationship TikToker Tomisin Atobatele offers women insights into the essence of being elusive. "I want you to stop being eager to tell men everything you’re thinking and feeling, and especially tell men exactly what you desire. If a guy asks you what you want out of a guy, or what you’re looking for, I want you to be vague…When you’re vague, and someone’s interested in you, it forces them to do work in order to get those answers.”
"And just that fast, you’ve created a scenario where he’s thinking about you," he added. "He’s thinking about your needs. He’s thinking about your wants and desires. And in the process of him thinking about your wants and desires, his focus is on you.”
Firm Boundary Setter
Self-preservation, respect, and overall happiness stem from healthy boundaries. A woman basking in black cat energy knows exactly when and how to implement boundaries. Black cats have boundaries. They will let you know when they are done getting petted," said TikToker Marian Bacol.
“They will let you know when they want to give you attention. They will stare you down if they are done with you. They are clear on their boundaries and they’re not afraid to enforce it. They don’t give love and affection to anyone and everyone the way that dogs do. Cats are more selective and that’s how you have to be with your energy.”
Unapologetically Authentic
A sure way to have a man perpetually falling for you is to be authentically you without changing who you are, solely for him.
“If you want him to chase you as opposed to you chasing him, you need to remember this one thing…whatever attributes you have: your style, your hair color, your whatever you’ve got going on – you don’t change for him," said life coach Margarita Nazarenko. "The black cat would never change for a man and that’s what’s going to make him chase you.”
She cements the rule with an analogy: “The rule is: if you make the best chocolate cake and he likes apple pie, make him the best chocolate cake, not a sub apple pie.”
Famous Couples That Successfully Personify Black Cat/Golden Retriever Energy
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These power couples prove why women who helm their black cat energy make their men swoon:
Rihanna & ASAP Rocky
"[The relationship] is going great. I don’t think there’s a more perfect person because when the schedules are hectic, she’s very understanding of that," A$AP Rocky told Billboard about his relationship with Rihanna. "And when the schedule’s freed up, that’s when you get to spend [the] most time together. It’s all understanding and compatibility.
Ashanti & Nelly
Lauren Speed Hamilton & Cameron Hamilton
Lauren Speed Hamilton and Cameron Hamilton are proof positive of the Love Is Blind concept. More recently, the married couple got real on their podcast about the struggles of expanding their family through fertility treatments. "When I saw what you were going through, terms of taking the medications, doing the daily shots, knowing that IVF and all this stuff wasn't really something that you naturally wanted to do but you did it for me," Cameron shared in episode 2 of The Love Seat podcast with Lauren, his voice beginning to crack.
"You showed me a new level of love that I'd never seen before."
Kristy Scott & Desmond Scott
Zendaya & Tom Holland
"You can’t really find anything against Zendaya, she’s kind of like the perfect person," Tom Holland shared about girlfriend Zendaya in a 2021 interview with Backstage. "It was so wonderful to have someone like her in my corner, to help me grow through that process … Having her as a friend has been so valuable to the success and happiness of my career and life."
Gabrielle Union & Dwyane Wade
Ciara & Russell Wilson
"For me, I knew that God had brought me in her life to bless her and for her to bless me," Russell Wilson told Access Hollywood about wife Ciara.
Serena Williams & Alexis Ohanian
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