It's easy to catch a major case of FOMO when following that stream of amazingly glamorous IG photos with #TravelGoals in the captions. Well-edited, eye-catching, fantasy-enticing imagery will have you booking your next trip to a beautiful resort in Greece, Jamaica, Iceland, or Brazil so you can recreate those same memories for yourself.
If you can make that luxury trek, go for it. I've enjoyed more than a few. Business trips and family vacations have spoiled me over the years, and though the flights may have been coach or business class, the accommodations were always four- or five-star. I'd not even fathomed otherwise---until this past May.
How did I---a bou-ghetto, hell-no-to-a-motel, hate-bugs-and-germs, compliments-to-the-chef kind of girl---end up in a small coastal town in Jamaica, walking barefoot through grass that chickens just tread in, sipping goat-head soup, washing my own laundry in a bucket of pipe water, and taking showers in an outhouse?
God led me on the 30-day adventure of a lifetime, to a place called Savanna-la-mar, AKA Sav, where I got to consult, write, and learn more about life in Jamaica beyond the cruise ports. My lodging was a beautiful compound that included rustic one-room cabins, free Wifi, and a communal way of life, where everyone---except for the owner----pretty much shared resources. (He and his wife lived in the larger main house with a staff and the usual luxuries.)
I welcomed the experience because my spirit needed to be reinvigorated after dealing with the challenges of rebounding from a few business and financial failures. I wanted something off the beaten path, where I could be raw and real and surround myself with people who could care less about what makeup I was wearing, how many clients I had, or what wig I was wearing. I'm so glad I did, because after the life-changing experience, I now favor a vacation off the beaten path over a frou-frou resort stay any day.
Here are 5 damn good reasons why:
I learned soul-stirring, transformative lessons about overcoming fears and anxiety.
There's something about being butt-naked in an outdoor shower among tree frogs, mosquitos, and stray dogs that will test your courage and inner strength. I was slightly a germaphobe, and I'm truly not a fan of bugs or animals. Each day, I was forced to let go of my inhibitions. (Hey, in 90-degree weather, showers are not something you want to skip due to a few fears.) My host took me to Venture River in Westmoreland, where many of the locals bathe and swim, and after while, I no longer even noticed or cared about the outdoor elements. I developed a free-thinking attitude that still helps me in facing issues of anxiety and fear in my personal and professional life.
I learned how to stretch a dollar and have fun without breaking the bank.
I once loved spending a pretty penny on an excursion, 3-course buffet, or Ledo-deck party, but, after becoming a freelancer and budding entrepreneur, I really could no longer afford these experiences. My network and loved ones chipped in to help me with the travel expenses not covered by my host for this trip, and to honor that, I made sure to buy groceries and seek free options for leisure. My host took me to beautiful free-access beaches like Negril Beach Park, where we could take fresh $2 sweet cocoabread and delicious saltfish we bought back in Sav from a seller affectionately called CocoaMan, and stop for $3 Red Stripes at local mom-and-pop shops, many owned by women. (One of my favorites was located on Archer Lane in a nearby town in Negril called Red Ground, and I loved that we were supporting women entrepreneurs.)
Bourbon Beach has free live entertainment and an amazing ambiance at night, and the water is clear, cool, and inviting. My host would cook authentic brown-stew chicken or my favorite curry shrimp with white rice on an outdoor stove, and we'd share meals under the moonlight with the sound of music coming from another local hangout I loved, the Uniqek Car Wash, Bar & Grill. That spot has plenty of Jamaica's finest white rum for a good price, a fun karaoke night where the locals are like family, and a chill vibe. We bought fresh loaves of hard-dough bread from Hammond's Pastry Place and enjoyed fruit, herbs, and veggies picked straight from trees or sold by local farmers, so there were few fears of additives in what I was eating.
I learned important lessons on discipline and flexibility.
I've had the pleasure of having a laundry machine and dryer within walking distance or in the homes I've lived in, so washing jeans, sheets and party dresses by hand can be humbling. There were monsoon-like rains and flooding for the first two weeks I was in Sav, so if I waited too long to wash my laundry, it might not get done or the clothes might get soaked and I'd have to wait another day to wear a favorite pair of shorts. I'd have to wake early to catch tea or breakfast being served, and I had to time my writing and meetings around weather delays and be prepared for power outages. When you are forced to improvise (or you lose work due to not being prepared,) you quickly learn how to take more initiative and rise earlier to get important things done.
I had the freedom to be rawly me without feeling pressure to be refined or well-behaved.
I don't know about you, but I've never been able to skinny dip in a body of water at a resort before. I've always presented an image that I felt matched the five-star status and vibe of a resort. In Sav, I could walk around braless and wear beat-down shorts and my natural curly 'fro without feeling like I was out of place or out of order. I could be barefoot, listen to the latest reggae and dancehall tunes, watch a bike show, and support black- and women-owned businesses with ease. I could relate with everyday people who may not have the degrees, the big houses, and the high-powered positions people I'm used to vacationing with have, but could be the most welcoming, genuine, giving, and authentic people to be around. They had stories that empowered and inspired me, defying odds with a smile, tenacity, and determination to enjoy the simple things in life.
I could connect spiritually with myself and God, and the creative juices were on steroids.
At a resort, there's a lot of noise: the activities, the cocktails, the tourists. In Sav, I'd listen to the croaking of the tree frogs, or sit silently during a storm that caused the power to go off. My mind could connect with God in a way that wasn't possible for me during other travel experiences. Sometimes the AC would go out, and I'd be forced to focus on everything but the heat. I began writing poetry---something I hadn't done in 20 years---and I gained inspiration from being forced to be quiet, forced to look at the bigger picture, forced to endure and embrace things I had not before. As cliche as it may sound, I began to connect with the person I was before the deadlines, the pressures of career climbs, and the anxiety that can come with adulting. I could tap into the child in me---someone who was hopeful, fearless, and optimistic; someone who didn't fear bugs, being barefoot, or being naked.
I can't wait for my next adventure off the beaten path. I now love challenging myself and pushing my boundaries. Savannah-la-Mar has a special place in my heart that no five-star resort experience could compete with.
I'd encourage any woman who is trying to find freedom, authentic connection and spiritual growth to seek out travel experiences that force her out of her comfort zone and challenge her norms. Doing so saved my life and sparked a renewed self that I'm proud to continue nurturing. I was able to get back to the authentic Janell, rawly accepting who I am and embracing the journey to who I am to become.
Featured image by cdwheatley/Getty
Exclusive: Melanie Fiona On Making High-Vibrational Music & Saying Yes To Partnership
Melanie Fiona is back! After taking a little more than a decade-long hiatus, she has officially made her return to music and blessed us with two singles, “Say Yes” and “I Choose You.” While both singles are very different from each other, they both reflect who she is today and the type of music she wants to make. In our conversation, the mom of two expressed what she learned during her time away.
“It's interesting, even when I said it is like coming back, I don't ever feel like I really left because I was always still performing. I've still been public. It's not like I went into being this recluse person or version of myself, but the thing that I really learned in this process is that I think things take time,” Melanie says in a xoNecole exclusive.
“I think often we're so caught up in it, being on the timing of demand or popularity, or, like, striking while the iron is hot and the thing that I've learned is that everything is on God's time. That's it. Every time I thought I would have been ready, or, like, things were taking too long, I had to reship some things, personally, professionally, in my life. I also gave myself permission to make a living, not just make a living, but make a life for myself.”
Making a life for herself included getting married to Grammy-nominated songwriter Jared Cotter, starting a family, and embracing new landscapes, such as podcasting as a co-host of The Mama’s Den podcast. She also began doing more spiritual work and self-care practices like meditation, sound healing, Reiki, acupuncture, and boundary setting, which allowed her to get in touch with her inner voice.
“I wasn't putting out music, and I wasn't experiencing a number one record, but I was being a number one mom,” she says.
“I was experiencing things that were allowing me to heal and get in touch with myself so that I could make new music from a space of joy and freedom, and excitement again because I definitely feel like I did lose some excitement because of just politics and industry and what it can do to your mental health and even your physical health. So giving myself the space to really just say, ‘Hey, it's okay. Everything's right on time.’”
The joy and excitement are felt in one of two new singles, “I Choose You,” which is more of a lovers rock vibe, a tribute to Melanie’s Caribbean roots. While the Grammy award-winner is known for ballads like “It Kills Me” and “Fool For You,” she is becoming more intentional about the music she makes, calling it high-vibrational music. She says her music is a “reflection of my life,” as it captures every facet, from hanging out with friends to riding around in her car.
“Say Yes” has the classic R&B vibe Melanie is known for. However, both songs are inspired by her relationship. Melanie and Jared got married in December 2020, and the Toronto-bred artist dished on their relationship. Fun fact: he is featured in the “Say Yes” music video.
“When we first started dating, I had come into that relationship post a lot of self-work. I had gotten out of a long-term relationship, I had a year and a half to date and be by myself and do a lot of work on myself alone. And when we met, I remember feeling like this has to be my person because I feel it,” she says.
“And so when we went into that relationship, and we started dating, I was very clear. I was like, I know what I want. I'm very clear on what I need, and I'm not going to withhold my truth about myself in this process because of pride or fear of rejection. I know you love me, but I'm coming with my heart in my hand to let you know that if we're gonna get there, we have to put fear aside and say yes. So that was kind of like my open letter to him, which is why the video is us having a conversation.”
Melanie also shares that saying yes to her partner has empowered her in many ways, including motherhood and showing up for herself. Her new EP, also titled Say Yes, will be available at the top of 2025.
Check out the full interview below.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Feature image by Franco Zulueta
Essence Atkins Shares Why Abstinence Is Her Path To Purpose And A 'Great Harvest'
Essence Atkins is having a very important conversation.
Known for her role on the hit show Half & Half, the actress appeared on Sherri to discuss her latest projects, her friendship with Tia Mowry, and spilling the tea on her personal life. Surprisingly, Essence revealed that she has been abstaining from sex for the past four years and plans to continue until she remarries.
The star met her first husband, Jaime Mendez, on Valentine's Day in 2008 through the online dating platform Match.com. Mendez was a former All-American collegiate football free safety. The couple wed in September 2009, with Atkins' co-star Valarie Pettiford performing at the reception. However, the marriage ended in divorce in 2016.
When talking about why she chose abstinence, Essence said, "It was something that I heard very clearly. I believe there's honor in what I'm doing, and my obedience is going to yield a great harvest."
And the benefits are real. "I have tremendous clarity. When I meet someone, I can really assess and listen with much better ears because I’m not distracted by the possibility [of physical intimacy]," the actress shared.
Most of all she believes her journey should serve as encouragement to young women. "It's important that we value ourselves and make sure that others are valuing us. Can you spend time with someone without physical companionship? Do they make you laugh? Are they joyful? Are they purposeful and intentional?"
Abstinence vs Celibacy
Abstinence is a temporary decision to avoid sexual activity, while celibacy is a lifestyle choice to abstain from sexual activity for an extended period of time, or even a lifetime.
The Girls Are Celibate
A recent survey conducted by BLK, a dating app designed for the Black community, has uncovered a growing trend of celibacy among Black Gen Z women. The survey's findings indicate that 64% of Black Gen Z women are currently practicing celibacy, with a significant majority (63%) having made this decision within the past six months.
61% of respondents chose celibacy as a means of self-improvement. Furthermore, 66% reported experiencing improved emotional well-being, and 87% found that celibacy either positively impacted or had no negative effect on their dating lives.
As a millennial woman who practiced celibacy for three years, it is a truly awakening experience because you get to wholly honor yourself. And with the dating pool having some pee and other unknown substances in it, it just feels good to make the decision for myself.
Dating apps that focus on specific communities, like BLK, have a unique opportunity. They can see and respond to changes in dating behavior, such as the growing trend of celibacy among Black Gen Z women. For these women, celibacy is a way to take control of their own stories, resist societal pressures, and build healthier relationships. By adapting to these needs, these apps can better serve these users and strengthen their connection with these important sub-communities.
4B Movement
CNN reports that following the news of Donald Trump's re-election as President of the United States, there has been a significant increase in interest in the US for the concept of "4B". The article says, “Young liberal women across TikTok and Instagram are discussing and sharing information about the South Korean feminist movement, in which straight women refuse to marry, have children, date or have sex with men.”
These women are furious after the majority of their male counterparts voted for a candidate who was found liable for sexual abuse. They are also frustrated that his appointment of three conservative Supreme Court justices overturned national abortion rights protections.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Robin L Marshall/Getty Images for ESSENCE