

It was the week of my fifth anniversary working for myself as a contracting consultant.
I found myself in a meeting room consulting a CEO and his entire executive team. To consult this caliber of a group was a career first for me and pretty synchronistic for it to occur during my fifth anniversary week.
What I was most blown away by wasn't the titles of these people in the room or the special access I needed to be on the 3rd floor of their headquarters, it was that I was in the same room with people who played at a certain level, at a certain big level. To be a Vice President or the CEO of a global billion-dollar company requires you to embody certain characteristics. And the fact that I was at a place to have a seat at their table meant I was playing at a level that was close enough to theirs. And that's what I was most proud of.
As proud and excited as I was, part of me felt intimidated, like, "Who was I to be in that room?" I don't have an MBA. Sometimes I have to make up what I tell clients because I have no idea what the "right" response is and yet, I was the one chosen to be in that room. Because I belonged there, just as I was. To make things even sweeter, my hourly rate was the highest it's ever been (wins on wins on wins).
As I celebrate these milestones and look back over the last five years of working for myself, there are a few things I've learned about Life, as its our greatest teacher.
Lesson 1: Life always, always has your best interest and highest good at heart.
It may not always feel this way, but Life truly does have your back - all the time.
As a contractor, I never know when my next project will come once the last one ends. Contract consulting is like having to find a new job every 2 - 18 months. And as someone who has a preference for certainty, this can be (and is) terrifying at times because I don't know how long I'll be without a paycheck.
We often fear the unknown, but working for myself has taught me to trust. And not just trust as a whole, but to trust in something bigger than me. Because, in my experience, each time a project has ended, a new and better opportunity has always showed up at just the right time. Not only has it shown up at just the right time, but it usually requires little job hunting on my end. And it's always at a higher hourly rate than the previous project.
Life always catches me and has my back, every single time, without fail.
Lesson 2: The amount of money one makes tends to be in direct proportion to their personal growth.
While I'm blessed that my work usually comes to me with little to no job hunting efforts, I still put in the work, daily. But, the work isn't the kind of work most people think of when it comes to advancing their career.
I rarely network (as an introvert, networking and small talk are my version of hell). I don't actively seek business leads. And I don't send out my resume very often.
The work I do put in is on myself. I work on myself like it's my hobby. From my physical health, to having fulfilling relationships, to improving my relationship with money, to living authentically, and stretching my previous capacities in all aspects of Life. Working on myself isn't a sometimes thing. It's intentional, it's daily, it's a way of being.
Growth and transformation aren't just about trying to become something else. It's also embracing and nourishing who and what we already are.
And as I've made me my favorite hobby, I lived into the version of myself that would land me in the same room with a CEO and his executive team at my highest hourly rate to date.
Lesson 3: Life uses our current circumstances as vehicles for growth.
Often times, we think it's about the job or the relationship or whatever the circumstance may be. But our circumstances are disguised opportunities for our growth.
Everything in Life is a mirror reflecting something back to us. We may or may not like what we see, but it is showing us something. It's what we do with what we see that houses the potential.
Five years ago, I was unexpectedly laid off from my job with a consulting firm. I was devastated and terrified when it happened. But it turned out to be one of the best things to happen to me. Because I chose to see it as an opportunity, I knew that getting laid off was Life's way of helping me move on to better things. And it turned out to be the catalyst that allowed me to work for myself, which had been a dream of mine. Not only did I come out of that working for myself, but I also doubled my income, earning over six figures.
Life has a way of teaching us through our current circumstances. And if we are willing to listen, each circumstance, each moment, each day brings us an opportunity.
Lesson 4: You are worthy and deserving of any seat at any table.
It's not about perfection, it's about growth. Sometimes I feel inadequate. Sometimes I feel that I should be further along in Life. A part of me felt like a fraud being in that meeting room with those executives.
But through the opportunities I've had working for myself, I've learned that wherever I am is because I'm supposed to be there. I can feel insecure and still belong in the same room as a CEO and his executive team. Me, as I am, is worthy of any seat at any table.
In the times when I feel I should be further along or that I shouldn't still be struggling with something, I remind myself of where and what I come from. And from that perspective, I realize I've surpassed every limit my upbringing set me up for. Also from that perspective, I'm able to realize I don't have to be perfect to evolve and grow. I just have to keep evolving and growing.
And Life has its ways of making sure we do just that.
How has your job or business helped you grow? What lessons has it taught you?
As a Business Consultant, Brittney writes to inspire the possibilities in others. She believes what we dream is not only possible, but probable, and the importance of not letting what you come from define you. We often have a sense of what our lives could be, but, sometimes, it takes knowing that it happened for someone else before we actually believe "...wow, that could be me too". Her saviors are yoga, sunshine, audio books, 90s R&B, and flights to distant lands. Connect with her on Facebook and Instagram: @brittney.pappano
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Adrian Marcel On Purpose, Sacrifice, And The 'Signs Of Life'
In this week's episode of xoMAN, host Kiara Walker talked with R&B artist Adrian Marcel, who opened up, full of heart and authenticity, about his personal evolution. He discussed his days transitioning from a young Bay Area singer on the come-up to becoming a grounded husband and father of four.
With honesty and introspection, Marcel reflected on how life, love, and loss have shaped the man he is today.
On ‘Life’s Subtle Signals’
Much of the conversation centered around purpose, sacrifice, and listening to life’s subtle signals. “I think that you really have to pay attention to the signs of life,” Marcel said. “Because as much as we need to make money, we are not necessarily on this Earth for that sole purpose, you know what I mean?” While he acknowledged his ambitions, adding, “that is not me saying at all I’m not trying to ball out,” he emphasized that fulfillment goes deeper.
“We are here to be happy. We are here [to] fulfill a purpose that we are put on here for.”
On Passion vs. Survival
Adrian spoke candidly about the tension between passion and survival, describing how hardship can sometimes point us away from misaligned paths. “If you find it’s constantly hurting you… that’s telling you something. That’s telling you that you’re going outside of your purpose.”
Marcel’s path hasn’t been without detours. A promising athlete in his youth, he recalled, “Early on in my career, I was still doing sports… I was good… I had a scholarship.” An injury changed everything. “My femur broke. Hence why I always say, you know, I’m gonna keep you hip like a femur.” After the injury, he pivoted to explore other careers, including teaching and corporate jobs.
“It just did not get me—even with any success that happened in anything—those times, back then, I was so unhappy. And you know, to a different degree. Like not just like, ‘I really want to be a singer so that’s why I’m unhappy.’ Nah, it was like, it was not fulfilling me in any form or fashion.”
On Connection Between Pursuing Music & Fatherhood
He recalled performing old-school songs at age 12 to impress girls, then his father challenged him: “You can lie to these girls all you want, but you're really just lying to yourself. You ain't growing.” That push led him to the piano—and eventually, to his truth. “Music is my love,” Marcel affirmed. “I wouldn’t be a happy husband if I was here trying to do anything else just to appease her [his wife].”
Want more real talk from xoMAN? Catch the full audio episodes every Tuesday on Spotify and Apple Podcasts, and don’t miss the full video drops every Wednesday on YouTube. Hit follow, subscribe, and stay tapped in.
Featured image by xoNecole/YouTube
Self-Validation, No Meals After 5 P.M. & The Wellness Rituals That Helped Lizzo Take Her Power Back
Don't let the "weight release" fool you, Lizzo's transformation wasn't just physical. It was spiritual, emotional, and deeply personal. In her Women's Health cover story, the "Good As Hell" artist opened up about the low point that became the catalyst for radical change in her life, inside and out.
In the summer of 2023, Lizzo found herself at the center of what she calls painful allegations when some of her former dancers filed a lawsuit against her. The 37-year-old singer has denied their claims, and though she has experienced "backlash my entire career," going through such legal woes coupled with public scrutiny proved to be detrimental to her mental health, leading her to one of the darkest periods of her life.
She told Women's Health, "I got very paranoid and isolated. I wasn’t even talking to my therapist. I wasn’t present. I wasn’t open. I wasn’t myself anymore."
After spending months in isolation, Lizzo, whose real name is Melissa Viviane Jefferson, decided to go to a tour stop on the Renaissance World Tour. She was nervous that the public would shun her, boo her, or reject her, but instead, she was embraced. It shifted something in her and after feeling so in the dark, she saw the light again. "It made me feel like, wow, maybe I don’t want to die," she shared with Women's Health.
"That was the kick-starter to me being like, ‘Okay, Melissa, get your ass in gear and take your f*cking life back.’"
Her first step in Operation Get Your Life Back? Cutting out the external noise. She gave her team total control of her social media and stopped looking at comments. "My validation was from external sources, people telling me they loved me, or that I look good, and accepting me," she explained. "But if that’s all I’m getting my validation from, when it changes—and it will, because people are not always going to like you—what happens? Where are you going to get your love from?"
Lizzo continued, "I can convince myself that I’m beautiful, my body fine, no matter how big or small. But reminding myself that you can’t let others tell you who you are—that was hard work."
Lizzo started going to therapy again, she started practicing quigong meditation, reading books, journaling, and doing sound baths. She released unhealthy relationships, drank echinacea tea, and began incorporating Pilates as a means to "feel sacred" and "be gentle" with herself.
But what many have interpreted as a "weight loss transformation" after she popped out sharing she met her "weight release" goal earlier this year, Lizzo has clarified that it has been something deeper for her than the aesthetic of a smaller body. "I wanted to be big-girl skinny," she told the mag. "Every big girl knows what I’m talking about. Big-girl skinny is 250 pounds." According to her, it was her back issues that inspired her to take the physical part of her wellness journey seriously.
I DID IT! #weightrelease
@lizzo I DID IT! #weightrelease
Through her friend Kelly Rowland, she linked up with her now-trainer Marvin Telp and developed a fitness regimen that prioritized strength and intention. Her weekly schedule now includes moves like single-leg deadlifts, reverse flies, and lateral lunges, along with infrared sauna sessions and cardio. Add to that a change in eating habits after realizing her vegan diet no longer served her (to be fair, she wasn't doing the vegan thing the "healthiest" way).
All the meat substitutes, bread, cashew cheese, and soy left her bloated and lightheaded, so now she's switched things up a bit to fill the nutritional gaps. When it comes to diet, it's heavy on the protein and vegetables for Lizzo. A typical day eating looks like scrambled eggs and cauliflower hash browns for breakfast, Thai chicken salad or lettuce wraps for lunch, and turkey meatloaf with greens for dinner.
She also has a strict cutoff of no meals after 5 p.m. to support her GERD and give her body the time it needs before bed to digest her food sans the acid reflux. Of her relationship with food and wellness, she told Women's Health, "There's a balance. I think that's what true health is."
Read Lizzo's full cover story with Women's Health here.
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Featured image by Stephen Lovekin/Shutterstock