Your June 2025 Horoscopes Are Here & It's The Soft Rebirth You Didn’t Know You Needed

June is a month of overcoming challenges, clarity, new relationship developments, and being more flexible with life. Gemini Season is underway, and when the Sun is in Gemini, we understand the depths of communication. This is a good month for connection, networking, and finding more common ground with others, and there is power in working together right now.
Venus enters Taurus on June 6 until July 4, and Venus loves being in Taurus, making love and relationship matters especially prominent this month. Venus in Taurus creates a foundation for love and romance, and it’s about planting your seeds in love, creating space for more love to enter, and nourishing what is working for your relationships right now.
Mercury enters Cancer a few days later from June 8 until June 26, and this will be bringing another focus into where your heart stands right now, and the importance of communicating that and spending more time focused on your emotional and intuitive world.
June 2025 Horoscope Overview: A Month of Clarity, Connection & Change
We have a big transit this month, and that is Jupiter's move from Gemini into Cancer on June 9. Jupiter changes signs once a year, and these more lengthy transits in the stars hold a lot of impact. With Jupiter being the benevolent planet of blessings, expansion, spirituality, wisdom, and good fortune, Cancer placements, water signs, and cardinal signs will feel the blessings of this transit a little more strongly.
With Jupiter now in Cancer until June 30, 2026, expansion is available within you, in your home space, your emotional world, and within the things that really matter to you deep down. Jupiter in Cancer brings Mother energy, and there are opportunities for feeling supported, nourished, and safe in this transit.
The Full Moon for the month is on June 11, and is a Strawberry Moon in Sagittarius. This Full Moon is eye-opening, and emotions will be worn on their sleeve. Mid-June is all about letting go of what doesn’t inspire or support your vision for your future, and having more fun with the way life is playing out for you. Mars enters Virgo on June 17 until August 6, making this a summer of getting organized, taking care of your priorities and health, healing, having more energy to do it all, and feeling inspired to create space for a new beginning.
Cancer Season officially begins on June 20, and a few days later, we have a New Moon in Cancer on June 25. This New Moon further amplifies the emotional journey this month is taking us on, and there is a new door opening here. This Cancer New Moon is about setting your intentions from your heart, spending more time with the people who make you feel loved, and about healing in the home.
Overall, June is a month where a lot is being presented, and there are some things to work through with others, but the more you can grasp what both your heart and your head are telling you, the more you can navigate this time with divine trust, power, and timing.
Read for your sun, moon, and rising sign below to see what June has in store for you.
AriesKyra Jay for xoNecoleARIES
June is a month of gathering your strength and remembering that you are worth everything you are working towards right now, Aries. This month is about picking your head up and seeing yourself the way you want others to. It’s about giving yourself the same time and care that you have been giving to other priorities, and remembering your power this month.
With the Sun in your 11th house for most of June, you are being asked to look at your dreams and inspirations as signs from the universe.
The Full Moon on June 11th is a reflection of everything you have experienced this year, and where your heart stands now. You are letting go of old versions of happiness that don’t resonate with you anymore and reclaiming your inner confidence. Jupiter forms a Square to Saturn in Aries on June 15, and it can feel like forces are working against your progress at times this month. Know that redirection is protection, and you are being asked to trust the timing of it all a little more right now.
TaurusKyra Jay for xoNecoleTAURUS
June is a month of victory, Taurus. You are making some major accomplishments this month, and feeling supported in doing so. This is a month of upliftment, owning your dynamic nature, and creating a new beginning in your life through accepting the gifts and blessings that are coming your way right now. With Venus in your sign for most of the month, there is love surrounding you in June, and you are looking around in gratitude.
Mars moves into Virgo and your house of romance, creativity, hobbies, happiness, and pleasure this summer, and there are a lot of exciting and heartfelt experiences ahead of you. These next few months are going to be great for you when it comes to love, self-expression, and feeling the joy of your world. On June 25, we have one of the best New Moons of the year for you to manifest by writing down your intentions or speaking them into existence. At the end of the month, it’s all about focusing on your dreams and aspirations, and knowing that you have the power to bring them to reality.
GeminiKyra Jay for xoNecoleGEMINI
June is a powerful month for you, and it’s your time to shine, Gemini. Gemini Season is fully underway, and good karma is coming your way right now. This is your time to find your balance, feel empowered by what has been and what is now, and to trust where the universe is guiding you. Jupiter moves out of your sign on June 5 after expanding your world for the past year, and this is helping you take a deep breath and feel a little less pressure on your shoulders.
On June 11, we have a Full Moon in your sister sign, Sagittarius, and you are letting go of relationship dynamics or experiences that don’t serve you, and are focused more on where the support is growing in your life. This Full Moon can also highlight your financial world, and you are gaining clarity on how to feel more abundant or supported here.
CancerKyra Jay for xoNecoleCANCER
June is a beautiful month for you, Cancer. You are feeling in tune with your heart’s desires, and are being met with magic. This is a month of honoring the connections and support in your life, feeling the strength of love, and experiencing more romance and joy in your world. Jupiter enters your sign on June 5, and with the planet of blessings in your sign for the next year, you are going to be experiencing the gifts of a new beginning and are exuding main character energy this month.
Cancer Season officially begins on June 20, and you are entering this year’s Cancer Season on a high note.
You are empowered by where life and love are for you right now, and there is a strong sense of hope in your heart. With Mercury also in Cancer until June 26, this is also a good month overall for communication, networking, coming up with new ideas or insights, and feeling heard. Before the month ends, we have a New Moon in Cancer on June 25, and this is your time to set your intentions for how you want to physically and mentally show up in the world and be seen.
LeoKyra Jay for xoNecoleLEO
This month, for you, Leo, is a month of change, closure, and letting the past go. You are doing some reflecting this month as you recognize where new boundaries may be needed in your world, and how to take care of your energy and your heart right now. With a Full Moon in a fellow fire sign mid-June, you are looking at things with a different perspective and feeling the need for a change. You no longer see things the way you used to, and are changing what and who you want in your life overall.
Mercury enters Leo at the end of the month on June 26 until September 1, and with Mercury in your sign for most of the Summer, you are finding your power within communication matters. It's about being completely vulnerable, open, and honest with yourself and others, to bridge that gap to forgiveness this month. At the end of the month, we have a New Moon in your 12th house of closure, and you are leaving June feeling the blessings that have come from your inner healing.
VirgoKyra Jay for xoNecoleVIRGO
June is all about perspective, Virgo. Your guidance for the month is to focus on where you are growing and not on where things are feeling stagnant for you. The more you can shift your energy when you feel less hopeful about things out of your control, the more you can experience the gifts of the present and the ones coming in for you. With Jupiter moving into your 11th house of friendships, aspirations, community, and dreams for the next year, you are getting real-life examples of the blessings and support available to you in life, and you are more seen and inspiring than you know.
Mars enters Virgo on June 17 until August 9, and with Mars in your sign for most of the summer, life picks up the pace for you at the end of the month. You are going to have a lot of energy to get things done and will be inspired to move forward, overcome, and take charge of your life in a new way over the next few months. You could also be seeing progress in health matters now as well. The New Moon on June 25 will be an opening for you when it comes to community and finding the people who resonate with you on a soul level.
LibraKyra Jay for xoNecoleLIBRA
June is a transformative month for you, and one that changes a lot for you moving forward, Libra. Your guidance for the month is to flow with the winds of change rather than fight them, and to trust that what is leaving your life will be replaced with something better. With Venus in your 8th house this month, there is support there for you if you can ask for it, and you are exploring the depth of your relationships right now.
Love is a strong influence for you in June, but you are also learning to give yourself more of this love right now as well.
On June 11, we have a Full Moon in your 3rd house of communication, and you are getting the answers you have been seeking. This Full Moon is about letting go of perspectives or beliefs that may have been limiting your progress, and about seeking the truth right now. The New Moon in Cancer at the end of the month on June 25 will be a good time to set your intentions for your career world and for what you want to see take place for you this summer.
ScorpioKyra Jay for xoNecoleSCORPIO
June is about taking a break and letting divine timing do its thing, Scorpio. You’ve been working hard to make your dreams come true, but right now it is about taking a moment to pause, in order for your dreams to reach you. You are getting an opportunity to reflect and plan before you make your next move, and this can be a really inspiring month for you, Scorpio. With Jupiter also moving into your 9th house this month for the next year, travel plans are being made, and things are falling through for you in the best way possible, even when you are least expecting it.
The Full Moon on June 11 is a great time for gaining clarity in financial matters, and old projects or intentions revolving around your sense of abundance are coming full circle for you now. Cancer Season officially begins on June 20, and you flow in synergy when the Sun is in a fellow water sign. With a New Moon happening in Cancer on June 25 as well, you are ending this month feeling more adventurous, in tune with your spirit, and excited about what is ahead of you. Trust your path this month, and know that you are making progress.
SagittariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleSAGITTARIUS
Your guidance for the month is to back your intentions with your actions, Sagittarius. This month is about putting the work in towards your goals and desires, and about strengthening your skill sets and perspective. You have a lot to get done and take care of this month, but these are things that you once wished to come about for you. With your ruling planet Jupiter changing signs this month as well, you are gaining some renewed support and seeing the gifts that come from committing yourself to something you care about.
The Full Moon of the month is in your sign on June 11, and is showing you how much you have grown this past year. Your emotions are running high, but you are feeling in tune with your intuitive world and what you feel called to let go of or move towards right now. It’s all about honoring your growth, not selling yourself short, and letting go of the past. With a New Moon in Cancer on June 25, before we end the month, this is a time of dedication, perspective, and choosing to walk on a new path that resonates more with your multifaceted self.
CapricornKyra Jay for xoNecoleCAPRICORN
June is a beautiful coming together for you, Capricorn. There is abundance, support, and growth present in your life, and you are recognizing that you don’t have to do it all alone. You are experiencing some big personal wins in your life and are enjoying sharing this abundant energy with others. With Jupiter entering your 7th house of love for the next year, you are moving into a time of seeing the gifts of connection, and more support and romance are on the way to you right now.
Mars moves into Virgo and your house of adventure this summer, and there are a lot of exciting experiences ahead of you.
These next few months are going to be great for you when it comes to travelling, expanding the mind, and feeling connected spiritually. Before the month ends, we have a New Moon in your 7th house of love, and this is a good time to set your intentions for how you want to see love unfold for you this summer, and what is truly possible for you here.
AquariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleAQUARIUS
June is all about timing, Aquarius. You have some important decisions to make this month, but you also have to be prepared enough to make them. Let the answers come to you, and trust that they will, knowing that you deserve the clarity you are looking for right now. With Jupiter now in your 6th house of health, work, and daily routine for the next year, you are going to see your everyday life expand and transform for the better, and you are going to see the gifts of taking care of yourself and others, and dedicating yourself to your purpose.
Mars enters your 8th house of transformation on June 17, where it will remain for most of the summer, and you are on a journey of finding and owning your power right now. Your life looks a lot different at the end of the summer than it does now, and what is brought to your attention this month is the catalyst for this change. Before the month ends, we have a New Moon in Cancer, and this is a great time to set your intentions for your work/life balance and where you want to see progress in your everyday life.
PiscesKyra Jay for xoNecolePISCES
Pisces, June is a fast-paced month for you, and you are moving forward in strides. This month is about taking charge of your life, being you unapologetically, and allowing yourself to shine in your independence. You are feeling creative, inspired, and courageous this month, and there is a lot to do and a lot to look forward to. The most important transit of the month for you is Jupiter's move into Cancer, as the planet of blessings will be expanding your romantic world and love life over the next year. This month, you are getting glimpses of that progress, and your heart is shining.
On June 17, Mars enters Virgo and your 7th house of love for the next few months, and you are motivated by the relationships, abundance, and harmony that are possible for you now. Disagreements or conflicts are also possible, however, with Mars being the planet of war, though, if you can find a middle ground when differences or challenges arise, you can move through this time making real progress in love.
The New Moon on June 25 is another magical moment for the heart, and you are leaving the month feeling more seen, supported, and encouraged than ever.
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Featured image by Kyra Jay for xoNecole
Exclusive: Viral It Girl Kayla Nicole Is Reclaiming The Mic—And The Narrative
It’s nice to have a podcast when you’re constantly trending online. One week after setting timelines ablaze on Halloween, Kayla Nicole released an episode of her Dear Media pop culture podcast, The Pre-Game, where she took listeners behind the scenes of her viral costume.
The 34-year-old had been torn between dressing up as Beyoncé or Toni Braxton, she says in the episode. She couldn’t decide which version of Bey she’d be, though. Two days before the holiday, she locked in her choice, filming a short recreation of Braxton’s “He Wasn’t Man Enough for Me” music video that has since garnered nearly 6.5M views on TikTok.
Kayla Nicole says she wore a dress that was once worn by Braxton herself for the Halloween costume. “It’s not a secret Toni is more on the petite side. I’m obsessed with all 5’2” of her,” she tells xoNecole via email. “But I’m 5’10'' and not missing any meals, honey, so to my surprise, when I got the dress and it actually fit, I knew it was destiny.”
The episode was the perfect way for the multihyphenate to take control of her own narrative. By addressing the viral moment on her own platform, she was able to stir the conversation and keep the focus on her adoration for Braxton, an artist she says she grew up listening to and who still makes her most-played playlist every year. Elsewhere, she likely would’ve received questions about whether or not the costume was a subliminal aimed at her ex-boyfriend and his pop star fiancée. “I think that people will try to project their own narratives, right?” she said, hinting at this in the episode. “But, for me personally – I think it’s very important to say this in this moment – I’m not in the business of tearing other women down. I’m in the business of celebrating them.”
Kayla Nicole is among xoNecole’s It Girl 100 Class of 2025, powered by SheaMoisture, recognized in the Viral Voices category for her work in media and the trends she sets on our timelines, all while prioritizing her own mental and physical health. As she puts it: “Yes, I’m curating conversations on my podcast The Pre-Game, and cultivating community with my wellness brand Tribe Therepē.”
Despite being the frequent topic of conversation online, Kayla Nicole says she’s learning to take advantage of her growing social media platform without becoming consumed by it. “I refuse to let the internet consume me. It’s supposed to be a resource and tool for connection, so if it becomes anything beyond that I will log out,” she says.
On The Pre-Game, which launched earlier this year, she has positioned herself as listeners “homegirl.” “There’s definitely a delicate dance between being genuine and oversharing, and I’ve had to learn that the hard way. Now I share from a place of reflection, not reaction,” she says. “If it can help someone feel seen or less alone, I’ll talk about it within reason. But I’ve certainly learned to protect parts of my life that I cherish most. I share what serves connection but doesn’t cost me peace.
"I refuse to let the internet consume me. It’s supposed to be a resource and tool for connection, so if it becomes anything beyond that I will log out."

Credit: Malcolm Roberson
Throughout each episode, she sips a cocktail and addresses trending topics (even when they involve herself). It’s a platform the Pepperdine University alumnus has been preparing to have since she graduated with a degree in broadcast journalism, with a concentration in political science.
“I just knew I was going to end up on a local news network at the head anchor table, breaking high speed chases, and tossing it to the weather girl,” she says. Instead, she ended up working as an assistant at TMZ before covering sports as a freelance reporter. (She’s said she didn’t work for ESPN, despite previous reports saying otherwise.) The Pre-Game combines her love for pop culture and sports in a way that once felt inaccessible to her in traditional media.
She’s not just a podcaster, though. When she’s not behind the mic, taking acting classes or making her New York Fashion Week debut, Kayla Nicole is also busy elevating her wellness brand Tribe Therepē, where she shares her workouts and the workout equipment that helps her look chic while staying fit. She says the brand will add apparel to its line up in early 2026.
“Tribe Therepē has evolved into exactly what I have always envisioned. A community of women who care about being fit not just for the aesthetic, but for their mental and emotional well-being too. It’s grounded. It’s feminine. It’s strong,” she says. “And honestly, it's a reflection of where I am in my life right now. I feel so damn good - mentally, emotionally, and physically. And I am grateful to be in a space where I can pour that love and light back into the community that continues to pour into me.”
Tap into the full It Girl 100 Class of 2025 and meet all the women changing game this year and beyond. See the full list here.
Featured image by Malcolm Roberson
What Is A 'Vulnerable Narcissist'? How It Creeps Up In Female Friendships.
Narcissist. Boy, if there is a word that has been used — and, in many ways, misused — to death, especially on social media, that would be the one. I say that because the folks who think that just because a relationship didn’t go as planned, or they no longer gel with someone, that it must be because that person is a narcissist? Whew, chile.
So, let me just say before we get into today’s topic that one, I won’t really be referring to narcissistic personality disorder; people who have that are diagnosed by professionals — not randoms on social media who like to Google a lot. Nah, this is more about how some individuals display several traits of being narcissistic — and for the sake of this article, the traits of being a vulnerable narcissist, specifically.
I was inspired to write this because, recently, while reading about eight types of narcissists and what their traits consist of, I revisited what a vulnerable narcissist is all about. Then, as I connected some dots via another piece that I read about how it shows up in female friendships — well, because this is a platform for Black women, I definitely wanted to put y’all on notice. Because when it comes to toxic friendships (which really is a bit of an oxymoron, isn’t it?), there is probably nothing worse than having a narcissist friend — someone who displays traits like being highly self-centered, pretty apathetic, and constantly gaslighting those around them.
Okay, so what’s the difference between a “regular” narcissist and a vulnerable one? Yeah, let’s get into that now because I’ve got a feeling that some light bulbs are going to go on for a few of you…as it relates to at least one of your current…“friendships.”
So Basically, a Vulnerable Narcissist Is the Same Thing As a Covert One
GiphyIf you check out the article, “Science Says That Happy Couples Do The Following 7 Things” on this platform, one thing that you will notice that I said is, since I’ve been a marriage life coach, I’ve not really been big on using the word “vulnerable” when it comes to serious relationships. Charge it to being a writer who takes words pretty literally (dictionary-defined ones, not what social media makes up from year to year) yet I’ve never understood why we should encourage people to be vulnerable with someone who they deeply trust.
I say that because I know that vulnerable means things like “capable of or susceptible to being attacked, damaged, or hurt” and “open to moral attack, criticism, temptation, etc.” And although I get that no one is perfect, if you feel like dealing with those closest to you requires taking this level of an emotional risk, on a fairly consistent basis? In my opinion, that is a dark orange flag, if not a flat-out red one.
I’ve said before that my preferred word is “dependent” because it means “relying on someone or something else for aid, support, etc.” — and healthy relationships? They absolutely should be INTERDEPENDENT. Yeah, whether it’s romantic, familial or a friendship — why are you out here feeling like sharing yourself makes you open to attack and harm when you should be involved with individuals who can be relied on for support? See the difference? And that is why a vulnerable narcissist makes sense to me — since a narcissist is unsafe, by the very definitions of vulnerable, a vulnerable one would be too. Even more so, in fact.
Here's the clincher, though. Even if you’ve never heard of a vulnerable narcissist before, I’m willing to bet that some of you have heard of a covert narcissist, which is basically the same thing. The fascinating thing about a covert narcissist is they are more subtle than some of the other types — which is exactly how they are able to trip folks up. Because although they need lots of attention and they tend to act really self-important (like all narcissists do), a covert narcissist moves in some pretty sneaky ways.
For instance, they might go really heavy on what seems like compliments (more on that in a sec) in order to make you think that they admire you when, really, they just want to get your guard down in order to get whatever they want out of you. Another example of a covert narcissist is they might act like they are proud of something you accomplished; however, they are actually sticking close by to get some of your contacts or to work themselves into the successful world that you created, so that they can actually compete with you. One more example of a covert narcissist is if they don’t get their way, they may ghost you for days, weeks or months at a time and then be all passive aggressive about it whenever they resurface.
And why are they like this? Because vulnerable/covert narcissists get off on gaslighting — they want you to feel like you are crazy for thinking what is, 8.5/10, spot-on about them. That way, you can be the villain and they can play the victim — even though it’s probably the exact opposite that is actually going on. They do this because, ultimately, to boost their ego. For a narcissist, pretty much of any kind, game-playing is what fuels them and makes them bigger in their minds than they actually are (or even deserve to be).
10 Dead-Ringer Signs of a Vulnerable Narcissist
GiphyOkay, so even with all of what I just said, what if you’re like, “Shellie, I think I get it, but I need a few more examples of what you’re saying”? I hear you and I’ve got you. Some other ways that vulnerable narcissists like to show up and out?
- They are hypercritical and condescending
- They act like they are allergic to accountability
- Their expectations are unreasonable (and hypocritical)
- They are walking contradictions
- They want to be the center of attention (and while monopolize things
- They are masters at giving others the silent treatment
- Their expectations are unrealistic and their demands are ridiculous
- They deflect instead of apologize
- They flatter (use fluffy and insincere words) yet don’t affirm or compliment (yes, there is a difference)
- They lack empathy or humility
And why — or even how — would you be a friend with someone like this? Well, the other thing that you have to keep in mind about narcissism is they are excellent at using charm to their advantage. Charming people tend to come off as being charismatic and witty. Charming people seem to be really interested in you (at least initially). Charming people have a way of making you feel very comfortable around them. At first, charming people seem genuine, attentive and respectful. And they definitely make a good impression — sometimes one that is so solid that you keep going back to that memory during the “bad times” with them.
Hmph. The thing that you have to always keep in mind when it comes to charm, though, is what Scripture says about it: “Charm is deceitful…” (Pr. 31:30) — and that is just what a narcissist is: deceptive.
And when it comes to a vulnerable narcissist and her friendships with other women? The deceptive runs deep.
How a Vulnerable Narcissist Shows Up Especially in Female Friendships
GiphyAlways remember that a vulnerable narcissist moves in subtle and sneaky ways. Hmph, that alone should make you want to ponder if you have some female friends who would fit the bill of being a vulnerable narcissist because we do have a way of being clever and ingenious…which are two of the things that come with being a subtle type of individual. And the way that subtle narcissists use their clever and ingenious ways to their advantage? I’ll give you an example.
A former friend of mine who was — and from what I hear, still is — an absolute vulnerable narcissist really wanted me to be her fan rather than her friend. One time, she even invited me to a bachelorette party and said, “You’re the only one here who isn’t a bridesmaid. You should feel honored.” Nah, what you really said is that you don’t truly value what I bring into your life enough to be a bridesmaid but you know I am good for bringing one hell of a gift and cheering you on regardless.
And that’s how a lot of our friendship was — doing way more giving than I was receiving, doing way more listening than leaning and when I would call her out on some of these things, she would either freeze me out or play the victim and act like somehow it was my fault that she wasn’t being a better friend.
Yeah, that’s what you’ve gotta watch about vulnerable narcissists — it is going to be oh so very rare that they will take full accountability for where they have dropped the ball. To them, somehow, it — whatever “it” is — is either going to be your fault or someone else’s. And that’s why, in their eyes, if you were a “real friend” to them, you would coddle them through not meeting your needs instead of expecting them to actually change their ways so that you both could benefit from the relationship.
And why don’t your needs matter? Because, to a vulnerable narcissist, they believe that they are worthy of extra special treatment at all times — think of them like being a bridezilla 24 hours a day. LOL.
And although some of what I said can be nuanced, for the most part, that really is how a vulnerable narcissist tends to make themselves seen and heard in female friendships: treat them like queens and expect to be mere subjects in their court or…why are you around at all, chile?
5 Hacks for Handling a Vulnerable Narcissist
GiphyFeeling triggered? Or better yet, are you feeling like you finally can “scratch the itch” of what you’ve been looking for to describe a certain person (or certain people) in your life goes? If that is the case and although you see some flags, there tends to be at least a little bit of good enough in your dynamic with “your” vulnerable narcissist to not totally break things off (yet), how do you keep a vulnerable narcissist from causing (anymore) harm?
1. Set firm boundaries. The former friend who I just spoke of? It took years to fully and finally unravel out of all of that (pretty much because she took her elitism to “no turning back” levels a few years ago). A part of the reason why is because she’s not the devil; she really isn’t — she’s just a narcissist. So, what I did to make things more bearable for myself for a while was set some emotional boundaries.
Sometimes I had to tell her “no” and provide no explanation behind it (narcissists think that they are owed every damn thing, chile). I refused to be at her beck and call all of the time. When I felt like she was stressing me out, I would take a bit of time off from phone calls or hanging out. Listen, you will never survive a narcissist, of any kind, unless you have some firm and consistent ARTICULATED boundaries set. If you don’t heed any other point, please heed this one.
2. Have consequences in place for when they are broken. There is no point in setting a boundary if there aren’t going to be consequences for when they are broken. So, for instance, if you tell a vulnerable narcissist that you don’t appreciate them not taking accountability for telling your business to a mutual friend (because they are also extremely entitled individuals), you should probably keep your mouth shut around them for a while. Narcissists care more about their present interests than your holistic comfort which is why they tend to do stuff like that (sometimes).
3. Look at patterns over promises. Narcissists are a lot like energy vampires — and something that both of those need is a source of supply to leech off of whether it’s attention, emotional investing, resources…whatever will benefit them and what they are wanting at the time. And that is why they have no problem telling you that they will do something for you…even if they don’t end up following through. They do this because they want you to put enough confidence in them to be willing to go out of your way on their behalf — at least until they get what they need in the moment. Be careful of that. In genuine friendships, you should be able to rely on others just as much as they should be able to rely on you.
4. Choose to not see them as your “safe place.” Remember, narcissists are charming. They can also be witty, fun and totally entertaining to be around. A word that I wouldn’t use for them, though, is “safe.” The former friend who I mentioned? Although she was good at keeping information confidential (which is a safe trait), she couldn’t be relied on when I was hurting because, somehow, she was going to find a way to turn the focus on her (that is unsafe). I mean, rarely could I tell her something and she wasn’t going to turn it into a story about herself. Yeah, narcissists are always on some sort of makeshift stage, chile. And that can be exhausting.
5. Make sure you know what your “breaking point” is. I tell clients often: Be okay with being someone’s consequence sometimes because there may be a chance that they won’t learn any other way. Do I miss that former friend of mine? Eh, by the time that I was done, I was DONE done. However, we had a lot of years between us and so there are memories that get to me on random occasions. And although I don’t hate her and can see her and genuinely care about how she’s doing, we have nowhere to go in the future. She’s always going to want me to do most of the work — and I am no longer interested in doing so. Breaking points are good. They let us know when a chapter in a relationship has…completed itself.
____
An author by the name of Nassim Nicholas Taleb once said, “Love without sacrifice is theft” (that kind of makes me think of the late author Eric Jerome Dickey’s quote, “Sex without love is violence”). At the end of the day, that saying is a good way to “gut check” your relationship with a vulnerable narcissist. Ask yourself if you are basically the only one doing any sacrificing. And if that is indeed the case, is it worth it?
Remember, a vulnerable narcissist thinks that they deserve to be treated better than everyone else — including you. If you want to keep that type of person as a friend, just know what you are getting yourself into. Because since they are probably never going to change, you will be the one who has to.
One way or another, sis. One way or a freakin’ other.
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