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Tall Swag: Why This 6'6, 35-Year-Old Virgin Decided She's Worth The Wait
It's Finals week in the NBA and Alicia Jay Smith, Game Operations Manager for the Golden State Warriors, is team no sleep.
She slips her 6'6" frame into a sleek pair of black Alloy Apparel pants with a matching black boatneck tee––one of her go-to outfits for days when she lacks the time or energy to throw on something jazzier––and steps into her four-inch metallic pumps, bringing her towering frame just shy of seven feet.
Yeah. She's tall.
And if that isn't enough to make her stand out in a crowd, try throwing being a virgin into the mix. A 35-year-old virgin, that is. Not that she's boasting about it, nor is she pretending like she hasn't considered giving someone access to her cookie jar.
“I'll be honest with you. One of the reasons why I'm still a virgin is because I know once I start, it's going to happen constantly," she confesses.
“I want it to be with one person because personally I don't want to be with multiple people, but I know if I had started, that would be the case."
Today, Alicia speaks confidently about her decision to save herself until marriage. She openly shares her story and her struggles on her site Tall Swag, a fashion and lifestyle blog dedicated to her fellow long-limbed ladies. She even shot a pilot for Lifetime titled The Tallest Virgin in the World that dives into the real life of being a tall, single woman. But confidence isn't something that is developed in times of triumph, it's built in moments of struggle, and that's something that Alicia knows all too well.
Growing up in Portland, Oregon where the African-American population for the state hovers around 2 percent, Alicia's light skin and curly 'fro often became the source of ridicule from both childhood peers and adults alike. “I was called the N-word walking down the street in my neighborhood, and my PE teacher called me a black B-word," Alicia recalls. “My teacher used to bring me up in front of the class and tell people that I was terrible at spelling."
The racism didn't end at school, either. At home she was not only the darkest person on her block, but also on her mother's side of the family. When her father remarried, she caught heat for being too light. “Within some of my step-family specifically, [they thought] I was better than everybody else because I was whiter. So, I got [ridiculed] from both angles."
While her mom couldn't shield her from harsh criticisms, she could pour into her self-worth. The Smith household was Christian but not religious, and instead of forcing Alicia to attend church and practice abstinence, she taught her the value of being a woman and gave her the option to choose the path that she wanted to take in regards to her spiritual beliefs. "She laid them out and she said I can do this or I can do that," she recalls. "But when she talked about virginity and she talked about waiting for your husband, it was just something that I said, you know what, I do want to wait for my husband. I believe that whoever I marry deserves all of me and to share in all of that. So the church had an impact, but my mom really was the one that sparked this journey of virginity for me. I will always thank her, because I think when you force something on someone they rebel against it. And for her to give me the freedom to choose is the thing that was invaluable in my life."
Deciding that she was worth the wait was only half the battle. Taking a vow of purity not only cost her relationships, but also friendships from those unwarrantedly offended by her lifestyle choices to not have sex. She also doesn't drink, a decision she made after her older brother was killed in a drunk driving accident and watching her father battle with alcoholism. “There have been people that I thought were friends that could not handle the fact that I chose not to do certain things. When it comes to something like virginity or not drinking, I am not a judge of anyone. I want people to choose whatever they want to do and personal choice is a beautiful thing. But if you don't want to be my friend because of the choices that I make, I can't really complain about it because you weren't really a friend in the first place."
In high school being tall and being a virgin in a society where neither were positively embraced left Alicia with bouts of depression. To this day, parts of her past are still blacked out. It wasn't until attending college and joining the basketball team where she was surrounded by women striding securely in who they were that she began to view her height as a blessing instead of a curse. "I realized I'm not alone in this and it's actually an amazing thing to be tall. Over time I just looked around and said what am I doing? Why am I believing these lies that these people are telling me? Going forward, I grew in my confidence."
Finding power in her differences allowed her to embrace those who shared her commonalities. In 2007, she started her fashion blog for the tall in hopes to help others who struggled to find stylish threads. “Growing up, I wore boys' hand-me-down clothes because there was nothing for me. And to go from that to the resources that we have now is amazing."
As the site and positive responses grew, so did her voice and the courage to take the blog to new heights by speaking out on the more personal elements to her story, including the struggle with dating as a tall virgin. While her commitment to virginity is admirable, to some men, it's not necessarily desirable. “They think [virgins] aren't sexual people at all and that we don't like sex and that is not true at all. I just want to do it with one person."
Working in the NBA means that the players are off-limits, too, leaving her with those who approach her the wrong way or scaring off those who can't handle a tall woman who's comfortable in four-inch heels.
Despite the odds, Alicia is confident that it'll all play out in her favor. “It's another filter to find who he is," she says. "If someone can't handle confidence and they can't handle me waiting for them, they're not the person that I'm supposed to be with. I'm a firm believer that God leads him to you."
"If someone can't handle confidence and they can't handle me waiting for them, they're not the person that I'm supposed to be with."
But to keep it real, it gets hard. There are moments of impatience and questioning as to when her Boaz will come, especially since motherhood is something that she desires. "I'm imperfect, but at the end of the day, God does have everything planned out even before we're thought of. So all of these tests and trials are there to prepare me for what He has planned for me in the future."
She's not sitting around idly, though. When she's not beasting it on the sidelines at the games, she's walking in her purpose as a voice for those who need to be reminded of the beauty in their individuality, regardless of body type, race, or religious beliefs.
“It is okay to show the world who you are. It is okay to want to be something that isn't the societal norm. Overcoming the fear of being bold, you have to say no that insecure voice. That has helped me become the strong woman that I am."
Kiah McBride writes technical content by day and uses storytelling to pen real and raw personal development pieces on her blog Write On Kiah. Follow her on Instagram and Twitter at @writeonkiah.
This article is sponsored by Hulu.
UnPrisonedhas returned for its highly anticipated second season, delving deeper into the complex dynamics of the Alexander family.
The series premiere comes a year after its debut season garnered rave reviews from fans and critics and earned record-breaking ratings for Hulu's Onyx Collective brand. UnPrisoned's success can be attributed to its raw, relatable themes and comedic appeal.
Inspired by creator Tracy McMillan's life, the show follows Paige (Kerry Washington), a therapist and single mother whose life takes an unexpected turn when her father, Edwin (Delroy Lindo) --who was released from prison-- moves in with her and her teenage son, Finn (Faly Rakotohavana).
Throughout UnPrisoned's first season, viewers witnessed how Edwin's incarceration deeply affected Paige's life and relationships. In the series, Paige unpacks her trauma through interactions with her inner child and her online followers. Meanwhile, Edwin is overcoming specific struggles with his own past that led to his life of crime, including a dysfunctional upbringing and his mother's arrest. As the Alexanders attempt to reconcile, new challenges arise.
This new season promises to further explore their unconventional family dynamic. Here are several compelling reasons why season two of UnPrisoned should be on everyone's watchlist.
The Alexander Family Life Is Still In Shambles
UnPrisoned's second season resumes where the series left off, with Paige grappling with the fallout from her troubled therapy practice and Edwin navigating life independently after moving out. Meanwhile, Finn faces his own challenges. The teenager is battling anxiety and seeking information about his father—a topic Paige avoids discussing.
The Alexander Family Are Attending Therapy To Resolve Their Underlying Issues
Amid the chaos in their lives, the Alexander family decides to mend their bond by confronting their past traumas. They seek professional help and attend therapy sessions with a “family radical healing coach,” played by John Stamos, a new cast member. This collective effort aims to unravel the complexities of their shared history and strengthen their relationships.
The process of unraveling each character's internal conflicts and their potential impact on future relationships may clash with Paige's textbook therapy approach. While Paige is used to being in the therapist's seat in both career and family, this forces her into the unfamiliar role of a patient during therapy sessions. This shift would compel her to look in the mirror and try a radically different approach.
The Alexander Family Learned A Big Lesson During A Therapy Session
In therapy, the Alexanders are tasked with addressing their individual traumas to salvage their remaining relationships. One of the family therapist’s eccentric suggestions was an exercise involving a family wrestling match. During this session, Paige faces tough questions about her refusal to share information about Finn's father.
While it's unclear whether this scene is reality or fantasy, the image of the family duking it out in the ring certainly makes for hilarious yet compelling television.
Paige Tries Dating Again Following Failed Relationships
Amid her life's chaos, Paige decides to step back into the dating field. However, her many attempts have left her with mixed results. The dating apps have turned out to be a fail, and an outing with her ex Mal (Marque Richardson), who is also her father's parole officer, doesn’t go quite as expected after he brings an unexpected guest – his new girlfriend.
The situation takes an awkward turn when Mal's new partner learns why the former couple split, partly due to Paige's self-sabotage.
UnPrisoned Is A Perfect Balance Of Comedy And Drama
As a dramedy, UnPrisoned takes a comedic approach to its heavy subjects. The show takes us on a ride with Paige's dating misadventures and navigating a friendship with her ex.
Other lighthearted moments include Edwin's attempts at CPR based on online videos and, of course, the antics of the Alexander family's unconventional new healing coach.
The second season of UnPrisoned is now available on Hulu.
UnPrisoned | Season 2 Trailer | Hulu
Feature image courtesy
Is it just me, or do our bodies have an “If it’s not one thing, it’s another” vibe as we get older? And lately, new or recurring skin conditions have been yet another thing to add to the growing list of “WTF is this, am I dying?” When it comes to seborrheic dermatitis, it’s one of the most common skin issues, impacting 3 to 10 out of 100 people, per the National Institute of Health. You may have heard of it, been diagnosed with it, or will relate to this article and finally feel seen and relieved that there’s a name for what you’ve been going through.
We’re breaking down everything you need to know about seborrheic dermatitis, from what it is and its symptoms to shutting down a few common myths, and of course, how to know if you actually have it. Let’s get into it.
What Are The Signs?
You may be experiencing seborrheic dermatitis if your skin, eyebrows, scalp, or facial hair has dandruff, irritable skin patches, or flakes, according to the Mayo Clinic. More specifically, and on the verge of TMI, oily skin with flat white or yellow scales may also be a sign.
When it comes to rashes, it’s likely they’ll show up in a ring-like form (which is called petaloid seborrheic dermatitis). For the melanated folks, rashes may appear darker or lighter (per the National Eczema Association, people of color may get a more intense flare-up with lesions on the hairline and discoloration), while those with fair skin may experience red rash areas.
Where Is It?
While seborrheic dermatitis can occur on various body parts, it’s frequently seen on the scalp, according to the NEA. The Mayo Clinic notes that the condition also pops up on oily facial and body areas like the edges of one’s nose, eyelids, and eyebrows, as well as the chest and ears. Skin can appear inflamed with rashes and patches, and the scalp will typically battle with relentless dandruff.
Seborrheic dermatitis can be super irritating and frustrating, but fortunately, if you’ve been diagnosed, it doesn’t lead to permanent hair loss, and it isn’t contagious, The Mayo Clinic states. In fact, with doctor-prescribed treatment or products like special shampoo, it could disappear or at least reduce flare-ups.
What Triggers It?
It’s difficult to pinpoint what specifically causes the condition. The Mayo Clinic points out that it could arise thanks to too much oil in the skin or the presence of Malassezia, a type of fungi. Commonly, things like fatigue, weather changes, and stress also play a role. More serious conditions that can trigger it range from Parkinson’s and depression to HIV, as well as the aftermath of life-altering events like a heart attack.
Bronchitis, strep throat, the flu, tonsillitis, and ear and respiratory infections are also known to cause flare-ups, along with skin issues like bruises, sunburns, scratches, and bites, per the Cleveland Clinic.
Interestingly enough, the NIH notes that seasons changing has a role too. Seborrheic dermatitis can disappear in the summer months, and then make a comeback like it never left in the winter.
Who Does It Affect?
Unlike many other things we go through as women, seborrheic dermatitis is actually more common for men, according to the NIH. It often appears for the first time in the young adult years or for those who are older than 50.
What About Psoriasis Though?
Seborrheic dermatitis is often compared to psoriasis, and for good reason. They both impact the skin, especially the scalp area. They can both also leave scaly patches on the skin, flakes on your hair, and cause itching. However, they’re not identical. Healthline notes that areas of seborrheic dermatitis flareups are typically easier to remove compared to psoriasis. Psoriasis also tends to be sorer and more tender, while seborrheic dermatitis can itch or create a burning sensation.
Let’s Clear The Air
There are a few rumors about the power of seborrheic dermatitis and what it can cause. So let’s break down the truth for a second. According to the NEA, this condition is not cancerous, nor does it indicate or increase a higher risk for cancer in the future.
Just a reminder, it doesn’t cause hair loss, nor is hair loss a symptom. If you are experiencing concerning hair loss, it is likely a sign of something else.
How Can You Treat It?
Seborrheic dermatitis can be treated pretty easily (praises be). Certain medicines like shampoos with tar, anti-inflammatory creams that include steroids, creams and shampoos with antifungal agents, or creams that feature salicylic acid, can be applied to the inflamed area to help resolve the problematic area, according to the NIH.
Just a note though: As tempting as it is to cover up scaly patches with heavy foundation or concealer, experts with the NIH actually advise against it as it can clog your pores. However, a light foundation can be used occasionally, along with skin care products that aren’t too oily to help temporarily conceal it.
A unique type of sunscreen also isn’t needed. You can use what you typically would before stepping out into the sun. And your skin soaking in a few extra rays could actually help your skin.
Should You Self-Diagnose?
As tempting as it is to make an appointment with Dr. Google, The Mayo Clinic advises you to call your actual physician if the condition interrupts your sleep, makes you lose focus throughout the day, contributes to anxiety, or simply doesn’t go away with at-home remedies. Simply put, it’s always best to check with your doctor to ensure you’re actually experiencing seborrheic dermatitis and get the treatment you need to help monitor or prevent it.
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