

It is now autumn, which means most people will be staying in more and going out less. And what better way to stay home than to stream new series/ movies or binge old favorites? This October, Netflix and HBO Max have everything you need to binge-watch the right way. From Yvonne Orji’s HBO comedy special A Whole Me to the highly-anticipated third season of Netflix’s Love Is Blind, October’s got you covered.
So grab your blanket and check out all that’s new and exciting on Netflix and HBO Max this month.
What’s New on Netflix: October 2022
October 1
17 Again
30 Minutes or Less
60 Days In, season 3
Any Given Sunday
Barbie: It Takes Two, season 2
Call Me by Your Name
Charlotte’s Web (2006)
Chocolat
City Slickers
The Color Purple
Gladiator
How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
I Love You, Man
Labyrinth
Land of the Lost
Last Seen Alive
Mr. & Mrs. Smith
National Lampoon’s European Vacation
National Lampoon’s Vacation
Ocean’s Eleven
Ocean’s Thirteen
Ocean’s Twelve
Point Break (1991)
Risky Business
Robin Hood
Runaway Bride
Rush Hour
Rush Hour 2
Rush Hour 3
Scooby-Doo
Scooby-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed
Sex and the City 2
Sex and the City: The Movie
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: The Movie
Vegas Vacation
Walking Tall
Wedding Crashers
Yes Man
October 2
Forever Queens — Netflix Series
October 3
Chip and Potato, season 4 — Netflix Family
Jexi
October 4
Hasan Minhaj: The King’s Jester — Netflix Comedy
October 5
Bling Empire, season 3 — Netflix Series
High Water — Netflix Series
Jumping From High Places — Netflix Film
Mr. Harrigan’s Phone — Netflix Film
Nailed It!, season 7 — Netflix Series
The Fight for Justice: Paolo Guerrero — Netflix Series
The Trapped 13: How We Survived the Thai Cave — Netflix Documentary
Togo — Netflix Film
October 6
Aftershock: Everest and the Nepal Earthquake — Netflix Documentary
The Joys and Sorrows of Young Yuguo — Netflix Documentary
October 7
Conversations With a Killer: The Jeffrey Dahmer Tapes — Netflix Documentary
Derry Girls, season 3 — Netflix Series
Doll House — Netflix Film
Glitch — Netflix Series
Kev Adams: The Real Me — Netflix Comedy
Luckiest Girl Alive — Netflix Film
Man on Pause — Netflix Series
The Midnight Club — Netflix Series
The Mole — Netflix Series
Oddballs — Netflix Family
Old People — Netflix Film
The Redeem Team — Netflix Documentary
Tiger & Bunny 2, Part 2 — Netflix Anime
October 9
Missing Link
October 10
LEGO Ninjago, season 4
Crystallized, part 2
Spirit Rangers — Netflix Family
October 11
The Cage — Netflix Series
DEAW#13 Udom Taephanich Stand-up Comedy Show — Netflix Comedy
Iliza Shlesinger: Hot Forever — Netflix Comedy
Island of the Sea Wolves — Netflix Documentary
October 12
Belascoarán, PI — Netflix Series
Blackout
Easy-Bake Battle — Netflix Series
The Nutty Boy — Netflix Family
Wild Croc Territory — Netflix Series
October 13
Dead End: Paranormal Park, season 2 — Netflix Family
Exception — Netflix Anime
The Playlist — Netflix Series
The Sinner, season 4: Percy
Someone Borrowed — Netflix Film
Sue Perkins: Perfectly Legal — Netflix Series
October 14
Black Butterflies — Netflix Series
The Curse of Bridge Hollow — Netflix Film
Everything Calls for Salvation — Netflix Series
Holy Family — Netflix Series
Mismatched, season 2 — Netflix Series
Take 1 — Netflix Series
October 15
Blippi’s Spooky Spell Halloween
Under the Queen’s Umbrella — Netflix Series
October 16
Dracula Untold
Toni Morrison: The Pieces I Am
October 17
Waffles + Mochi’s Restaurant — Netflix Family
October 18
Gabriel Iglesias: Stadium Fluffy Live From Los Angeles — Netflix Comedy
LiSA Another Great Day — Netflix Documentary
Somebody Feed Phil, season 6 — Netflix Series
Unsolved Mysteries: Volume 3 — Netflix Series (new episodes weekly)
October 19
The Green Glove Gang — Netflix Series
Love Is Blind, season 3 — Netflix Series (new episodes weekly)
Notre-Dame — Netflix Series
The School for Good and Evil — Netflix Film
The Stranger — Netflix Film
October 21
28 Days Haunted — Netflix Series
Barbarians II — Netflix Series
Descendant — Netflix Documentary
From Scratch — Netflix Series
High: Confession of an Ibiza Drug Mule — Netflix Series
Oni: Thunder God’s Tale — Netflix Family
Pokémon Ultimate Journeys — Netflix Family
October 22
LOL Surprise! Winter Fashion Show
October 23
Franco Escamilla: Eavesdropping — Netflix Comedy
October 24
The Chalk Line — Netflix Film
October 25
Barbie Epic Road Trip — Netflix Family
Blade of the 47 Ronin
Fortune Feimster: Good Fortune — Netflix Comedy
Guillermo del Toro’s Cabinet of Curiosities — Netflix Series
October 26
Fugitive: The Curious Case of Carlos Ghosn — Netflix Documentary
The Good Nurse — Netflix Film
Hellhole — Netflix Film
Robbing Mussolini — Netflix Film
October 27
Cici — Netflix Film
Daniel Spellbound — Netflix Family
Dubai Bling — Netflix Series
Earthstorm — Netflix Documentary
Family Reunion: Part 5 — Netflix Family
Hotel Transylvania 2
Romantic Killer — Netflix Anime
October 28
All Quiet on the Western Front — Netflix Film
The Bastard Son & the Devil Himself — Netflix Series
Big Mouth, season 6 — Netflix Series
Drink Masters — Netflix Series
I Am a Stalker — Netflix Documentary
If Only — Netflix Series
My Encounter With Evil — Netflix Documentary
Wendell & Wild — Netflix Film
Wild is the Wind — Netflix Film
October 29
Deadwind, season 3 — Netflix Series
What’s new on HBO Max: October 2022
October 1
Æon Flux, 2005 (HBO)
Along Came A Spider, 2001 (HBO)
Bad News Bears, 2005 (HBO)
Bad Teacher, 2011
Before I Fall, 2017 (HBO)
Before Mickey Mouse: A History of American Animation
Black Nativity, 2013 (Director's Cut) (HBO)
Blackthorn, 2011 (HBO)
Butch Cassidy And The Sundance Kid, 1969
C.R.A.Z.Y., 2005
Call Me By Your Name, 2017
Century of Animation Showcase: 1922, 2022
Charlie St. Cloud, 2010 (HBO)
Christmas in Connecticut, 1945
Coneheads, 1993 (HBO)
Disclosure, 1994 (HBO)
District 9, 2009 (HBO)
Down Terrace, 2009 (HBO)
Dude Where's My Car?, 2000 (HBO)
Eyimofe (This Is My Desire), 2020
Fair Game, 2010 (HBO)
Federico Fellini's Intervista, 1987
Frank, 2014 (HBO)
Freedomland, 2006 (HBO)
Grand Piano, 2013 (HBO)
Hoosiers, 1986 (HBO)
Hot Summer Nights, 2017 (HBO)
Hotel Mumbai, 2018 (HBO)
I'm Gonna Git You Sucka, 1988 (HBO)
Jumper, 2008 (HBO)
Juno, 2007 (HBO)
Kiss The Girls, 1997
La ronde, 1950
Let's Be Cops, 2014
Little Women, 1933
Luci del Varieta, 1950
Max Steiner: Maestro of Movie Music, 2019
Meet the Spartans, 2008 (Extended Version) (HBO)
Miracle in Milan, 1951
My Best Friend's Girl, 2008 (Extended Version) (HBO)
Navy Seals, 1990 (HBO)
Nightcrawler, 2014 (HBO)
No Place on Earth, 2012 (HBO)
Nothing But Trouble,1991 (HBO)
Oliver!, 1968
Open Season 2, 2008
Open Season, 2006
Popstar: Never Stop Never Stopping, 2016 (HBO)
Promised Land, 2012 (HBO)
Rock Dog, 2016 (HBO)
Scooby-Doo! The Sword and the Scoob!
S.W.A.T. (Movie), 2003
Silent Hill: Revelation 3D, 2012 (HBO)
Slacker, 1990
Spotlight, 2015 (HBO)
Terms of Endearment, 1983 (HBO)
The Adventures of Pinocchio, 1996
The American President, 1995
The Bad News Bears, 1976 (HBO)
The Bad News Bears Go To Japan, 1978 (HBO)
The Bad News Bears In Breaking Training, 1977 (HBO)
The Bridge on the River Kwai, 1957
The Eye, 2008 (HBO)
The Haunting In Connecticut 2: Ghosts of Georgia , 2013
The Perfect Host, 2010 (HBO)
The Perfect Storm, 2000
The Swimming Pool, 1969
The Two Faces of January, 2014
The Witch, 2015 (HBO)
Tim and Eric's Billion Dollar Movie, 2012 (HBO)
To The Wonder, 2012
Twisted, 2004 (HBO)
Waist Deep, 2006 (HBO)
Whose Line is It Anyway?, Season 9
Yvonne Orji: A Whole Me, Special Premiere (HBO)
October 2
101 Places to Party Before You Die, Season 1
Housing Complex C
October 5
Eraser: Reborn, 2022
October 6
Folklore, Max Original Seasons 2 Premiere
Pennyworth: The Origin of Batman's Butler, Max Original Season 3 Premiere
Wahl Street, Max Original Season 2 Premiere
October 7
Habla Loud, Documentary Premiere (HBO)
October 8
Straight Out of Nowhere: Scooby-Doo Meets Courage the Cowardly Dog, 2021
October 9
We Baby Bears S1E
October 10
Avenue 5, Season 2 Premiere (HBO)
Oh Hell, Max Original Season 1 Premiere
October 11
38 at the Garden, Documentary Premiere (HBO)
October 14
Blippi Wonders, Season 2A
Fixer Upper: The Castle
October 15
Trick or Treat Scooby-Doo!, 2022
October 17
Mr. Pickles
The Vow, Part Two Documentary Series Premiere (HBO)
October 18
Batwheels, Season 1B Premiere
By Design: The Joe Caroff Story
Mama's Boy, Documentary Premiere (HBO)
Meet the Batwheels, Season 1A
October 19
Year One: A Political Odyssey, Documentary Premiere (HBO)
October 20
Legacy, Max Original Season 1 Premiere
The Fastest Woman on Earth, 2022
October 21
Restoration Road with Clint Harp Season 3
Teen Titans Go! Season 7D
Vale Dos Esquecidos, Max Original Season 1 Premiere
October 23
La Pitchoune: Cooking in France Season 1
October 24
Green Lantern: Beware My Power, 2022
October 26
A Tree of Life: The Pittsburgh Synagogue Shooting, Documentary Premiere (HBO)
October 28
Garcia, Max Original Season 1 Premiere
October 30
The Lost Kitchen, Season 3
The White Lotus, Season 2 Premiere (HBO)
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The Final Mercury Retrograde Of 2024 Is Here—How This Bold Energy Will Shift Your Perspective
The final Mercury retrograde of the year arrives this month, and this is an opportunity to close one chapter and prepare for a new one. Mercury retrogrades are the time of the year when you take a step back, assess where your life currently is, and be a little more flexible with how things are playing out for you. When Mercury is in retrograde, miscommunications and misdirections are more likely; however, this isn’t the time to fear where you are headed; it’s more about looking at things from a different perspective right now.
Mercury enters Sagittarius on November 2, will be retrograde from Nov. 25 until Dec. 15, and will be in this sign until Jan. 8, 2025. Mercury in Sagittarius is bold and outspoken but, in retrograde, can come across as impulsive and brash. Thinking before speaking is important right now, and so is considering your values and interests before committing to something new. Since Sagittarius rules long-distance travel, this isn’t the best time to plan a new trip or to rush the ones already in place.
Consider where you want to be, and take your time getting there.
What to Expect from Mercury Retrograde in Sagittarius
A little more than a week after Mercury goes retrograde in Sagittarius, Mars goes retrograde in Leo. With these important transits happening in fire signs, energy can be misdirected right now. It’s about looking at the full picture and not overwhelming yourself with too many options or interests. Take your passions and align them with your heart and willpower, without confusing inspiration with ego. Emotions are running high, yet this activation is creating a breakthrough in personal development before the year ends.
Read below to see how this Mercury retrograde transit will be for you. Read for your sun sign and rising sign.
ARIES
Mercury goes retrograde in Sagittarius, and you are focused on the bigger picture right now, Aries. With Mercury retrograde in your 9th house of adventure over the next few weeks, this is the time to expect the unexpected and to go at your own pace. Don’t rush the clarity that is meant to bloom for you right now, and take things one day at a time.
Even if you don’t have all the answers you need right now, there are still some important truths and insights to gain. You are in the process of reinventing yourself and your life, and the universe is helping you get the space in order to do so. If you are traveling over the next few weeks, remember to be flexible and to go over plans thoroughly.
TAURUS
Mercury goes retrograde, and you enter a time of change and rebirth, Taurus. This transit, for you, is an opportunity to gain balance, perspective, and empowerment. Your commitments and close partnerships are being addressed right now, and you are seeing where your needs are being met and where they aren’t. You are on a journey of letting go and allowing more, and this is the time to focus on being more flexible rather than controlling outcomes.
This retrograde could also be affecting your shared finances and earnings, and this is a good time to take another look at the money coming in and the money going out and make sure things are in order here. Trust your intuition right now, Taurus.
GEMINI
Mercury goes retrograde in your sister sign, Sagittarius, and you are ready for a fresh perspective in love. This retrograde will highlight your 7th house of partnership, connection, romance, and inner harmony, and your heart is figuring things out right now. Confusion or disagreements are more likely within your relationship dynamics, and this is the time to address what your partnerships need.
If you have been feeling out of balance when it comes to love, then this is the time to get things back on track.
This Mercury retrograde is helping you gain a new perspective and reminds you that you deserve the love you are looking for. Use this time to forgive, grow, and use better judgment regarding matters of the heart and the relationships you are building in your life right now.
Coveteur
CANCER
This Mercury retrograde transit for you is a chance to gain some renewed clarity regarding your health, well-being, and work life. You could be feeling more pressure to perform and have it all together on the job, and there is a need to delegate, let go, and take care of your health more right now, Cancer.
This transit will highlight where some cracks are seeping, where you may need to build stronger foundations and healthier daily routines, and also how you can manage a better work/life balance. Your daily lifestyle may feel a little more difficult to find consistency in right now, and this is because new avenues and perspectives are waiting for you to grab ahold of. Overall, use this time to listen to your inner voice and do more of what feels right for you and your body.
LEO
Mercury goes retrograde in Sagittarius, and this transit highlights your 5th house of romance, creativity, passion, and happiness, Leo. This retrograde is an opportunity for you to address what and who makes you happy and how you can show up more for these fortunate experiences in your life. You are looking at if you’ve been making your happiness as much of a priority as it should be this year and also taking a look at what sources help you align with that energy altogether.
This time is about being a little bit more flexible, doing things differently, and being open to a new perspective. Relationship developments are also providing your heart more clarity right now, and you are balancing your needs with the needs of your partnerships and creative ventures.
VIRGO
Your ruling planet Mercury goes retrograde before the year ends, and this is helping you rebuild your foundations, Virgo. Mercury will be retrograde in an area of your life that has to do with your home, history, family, and emotional stability- and you are getting a new grasp on things here.
Where you have been planting your seeds and building for your future are coming up for review during this time, and you are gaining clarity on which of these foundations is stable enough to continue to build upon. You could be feeling less secure than you would like to right now, and this change of pace is helping you reassess your goals and figure out what is worth it for you and the legacy you want to live.
Coveteur
LIBRA
Mercury goes retrograde in Sagittarius, and the focus turns towards your communication channels, Libra. Mercury retro is already a more chaotic time when it comes to communication, and with this retrograde also happening in your 3rd house of insight and communication, you may feel this heaviness a little more right now.
This transit, for you, is about taking your time getting your message across, being patient while traveling and running errands, and giving yourself space to gain some new clarity.
Meditation, journaling, and talking to someone who can support you are therapeutic, and know that your voice deserves to be heard. You are looking at ways you can take up more space and show up in the world without letting your insecurities keep you away from true connection, vulnerability, and understanding.
SCORPIO
This Mercury retrograde is happening in your 2nd house of income, values, assets, and self-confidence, and you are taking a step back to assess your current reality, especially financially, Scorpio. This is a good time to go over your spending habits and earnings, to find greater balance here, and to think about some of your financial goals moving forward.
Look at your resources, skills, and talents, and make sure what you are receiving is equal to or greater than what you have been giving. Less is more right now, and this isn’t the best time to overspend or overindulge, as you need more time to grasp your current stance on things, and how to increase your overall wealth and abundance.
SAGITTARIUS
With this Mercury retrograde happening in your sign, it’s hitting a little closer to home for you, Sagittarius. This is a good time to refine your goals and direction in life and how you want to show up right now. You deserve to be able to change your mind when you need to, and you are thinking about some of the things you have done and what you want to do moving forward.
Miscommunications are more likely while Mercury is in retrograde, but you can use this as a source of empowerment, knowing that you are living in your truth and allowing yourself room to grow in the process. Remember to be a little kinder to yourself during this transit and to give yourself the grace you need right now.
Coveteur
CAPRICORN
This Mercury retrograde for you, Capricorn, is about rest and taking care of your emotional world. You are being given the opportunity to spend more time alone, to gather your strength, and to heal before you enter the new year. A lot has happened, and there have been many changes in your world this year. This Mercury retrograde is here to help you find acceptance and closure.
You are in a preparation stage right now, and things can feel a little more lonesome in this energy, but with a different perspective, you can see just how much of this space your heart truly needs right now. The past is coming up for you to see things in a new light, and you are ready to gain some renewed insight, closure, and healing.
AQUARIUS
This Mercury retrograde highlights your friendships, community, and your hopes and dreams, Aquarius. You are being reminded of the importance of connection, but more significantly, of good connections. You are looking at who and what surrounds you right now and gaining clarity on whether this energy matches who you are and the things that you stand for.
Your social circle and the people around you are shifting as the power dynamics do, and you are finding your place and purpose amidst this change. It’s about identifying who and what makes you feel good and aligning things in your life to bring in more of that energy. Don’t be discouraged right now; find your people and ask for support.
PISCES
Your career and ambitions are the focus during this Mercury retrograde, Pisces. You have a lot to address here, and you are gathering your skills and talents and reminding yourself that you are worthy of your dreams. Miscommunications and setbacks are more likely within your professional world, but they are here to ask you if what you are striving for, is really what you need right now.
You are thinking a lot about how you show up in the world, what you want to be known for, and what successes you still want to obtain. This isn’t the time to let anyone’s idea or vision of you define who you are; rather, define that for yourself. Show up as you want to be seen, and don’t count yourself out right now, Pisces.
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This Is How To Keep Your Family From Driving You Crazy Over The Holidays
I promise you that if my friend wouldn’t have a complete fit for putting her full government name in the title of this piece, I would have — ‘cause y’all, if there is one person I know who, I have to mentally prep myself to hear vent around this time of year, it’s her. What it all boils down to is she’s not really much of a fan when it comes to the holidays.
Not because she doesn’t like them; it’s because her family (and her husband’s family) pretty much suck when it comes to respecting boundaries, not saying any and everything that immediately comes to their minds and not picking up on cues that they have come extremely close to wearing out their welcome. And since this has always been the case, my friend damn near freaks out at the mere thought of what Thanksgiving and Christmas will bring into her life via her relatives.
What’s wild is just how much she is not alone in all of this. In fact, USA Today once published a piece entitled, “Survey: Nearly 85% of Americans avoid family over the holidays” and a big part of the reason is because they don’t want to deal with the stress, pressure, and/or arguments about things like politics (can you just imagine what this year is gonna be like?!), religion or how to raise children.
If you’re looking at your screen in agreement and yet you know that dealing with your relatives is pretty much unavoidable, instead of giving yourself a nervous breakdown, how about applying the following tips, so that “peace and goodwill towards men” with your people is something that can be genuine and not merely performative this year?
1.Avoid Being Pressured into Hosting at Your House
Recently, I was talking to some friends who’ve been having a bit of a financially stressful time over the past several months. When I asked them what their plans were for Thanksgiving, I chuckled a bit when they said that some family members told them that they were coming to their city (and house) but they’re not sure if they are okay with that. Y’all, ain’t it wild how many people will just presume that they can stay at your place whenever they want to without thinking about — shoot, not just the cost but the imposition by coming from such an entitled space?
Anyway, my chuckle elevated to a laugh when the husband said that he wasn’t too stressed about it because if he did oblige, 72 hours firm is all he had to offer.
Look, I get it, because I’m not big on visitors myself. In part, because certain people who have stayed with me in the past think that they are “low-maintenance” when that couldn’t be further from the truth. And so, if I’m going to be the-hostess-with-the-mostest, five days is all I’ve got to take you to all the places you want to go, let you monopolize my electronic devices, and listen to you talk about stuff that, sometimes, I couldn’t care less about.
Bottom line here — you’re grown and having folks in your house, for whatever the season or reason should be seen as a privilege on their part. So, if you don’t think that you’re up to hosting this year, remember what novelist Anne Lamott once said: “’No’ is a complete sentence,” then follow that up with the wisdom of the individual who said that anyone who is looking for an explanation for your boundaries is usually looking for a loophole in them too. SMDH.
Y’all, hosting should be a pleasure, not something you feel pressured to do. If the latter is what’s going on — YOU DON’T HAVE TO DO IT.
2.Don’t LISTEN to Everything That Is Said
Personally, I’m not someone who believes that seniors/elders are too old to change. As long as someone has breath in their body, they can choose to be(come) a better person. At the same time, it is also my belief that since a lot of folks don’t subscribe to this way of thinking, older individuals will sometimes manipulate their way into saying whatever, whenever, however, and then acting like folks should just take it as a sign of “respecting” them.
Honey, the Golden Rule of “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you” doesn’t have an age range on it; it applies to everyone. Unfortunately, some folks are not elevated in their thinking, so they seem to find an odd sense of pleasure in gaslighting and triggering folks. One way to handle them without all hell breaking loose is to practice the art of hearing without listening.
What’s the difference? Hearing is when you acknowledge what is being said on a very surface level while listening is when you fully take something into your psyche. That said, when your great-aunt is back on some you’re too old to be single, and, in a minute, no one is going to want to marry you, hear her without listening. For one thing, she doesn’t know enough about your life to draw such drastic conclusions.
Secondly, never allow anyone to rattle you to the point where you start to question your own life and reality. When you hear, you can shrug her off and walk into the next room, so that she can focus on low-key tormenting someone else. If you listen, that’s how you can find yourself being so hurt or offended that the rest of your day is ruined.
When it comes to cyclic nonsense, it isn’t worth it, chile. Let it go…in one ear and right out of the other.
3.Choose Your Battles
A few days ago, I actually watched a cute Christmas movie on Tubi entitledA Verry Merry Hood Christmas. In case you want to check it out, I won’t give the storylines away. What I will say is there were all kinds of examples of what happens when folks don’t choose their battles; 8 times outta 10, whenever that happens, it damn near turns things into a war. For instance, if you’re not a Christian, why get into debates about “the true meaning of Christmas”?
Whoever you voted for, I don’t even care for this phrase, yet it really “is what it is” at this point, so why get angry? You’ve been married for a while and don’t want kids? You don’t have to prove why you feel that way. Just bought a car and your uncle wants to take it upon himself to berate you about the economy? Just eat some pie and do the hearing thing that we just talked about.
My point here is we’re all individuals which means that we’re not going to agree on everything. My bigger point? Even if you win an argument, it’s not like there’s a $1 million check waiting for you. If you really want to experience “peace and goodwill,” choose your battles. Straight up.
4.Going Elsewhere? Nap. Meditate. No Sugar and/or Alcohol Beforehand.
Contrary to however your loved ones try to make you feel when people are in your house, you can set whatever rules/boundaries that you would like. When you’re going over to someone else’s place, though? Yeah…not so much. And if you already sense that there is potential for you having to use up more energy (or self-control) than you would like, there are a few things that you should consider doing before heading out of the door.
First, if you’re already a bit sleep-deprived (for whatever the reason), take a nap. Naps reduce stress, make you more alert, and help to boost your mood. Once you wake up, do 10 minutes or so of meditation. Meditating also relieves stress and anxiety, strengthens your willpower, and helps you to have more compassion toward others (well looka there — LOL).
And finally, try and keep sugar and alcohol to a minimum. Sugar is a stimulant that can make you feel good for a moment and then not so good once you crash from the rush. And alcohol? I mean, most of us have a relative who gets drunk AF over the holidays. It might be funny but it’s also hella awkward and sometimes leads to unnecessary drama. Why create what can be avoided?
5.Manage Your Expectations
One of my favorite husbands has been married for about 20 years now. He always makes me laugh when he tells me what he says to his wife whenever she finds herself comparing them to other couples or she’s impatient about something that she wants: “Babe, you really need to lower your expectations.” And you know what? It works. LOL.
For any of you who want to challenge his statement, there is absolutely nothing wrong with lowering expectations — when they are unrealistic to begin with. And when it comes to this article, specifically, expecting people to be any different than they’ve been, shoot, ever since you’ve known them, is only setting you up to be frustrated…if not flat-out mad.
It is actually the actor Bruce Lee who once said, “I’m not in this world to live up to your expectations and you’re not in this world to live up to mine” and, have mercy, I can only imagine how smoothly family/holiday events would go if everyone maintained that mindset while spending time with each other people. Try applying this mantra this year. See how it goes.
6.Know Your Limits (and Honor Them)
Boundaries are limits and there really is no point in having any if you’re not going to honor them — and by honoring them, that means articulating them and being okay with providing a “cause and effect” if they are violated. And what kind of boundaries should you consider setting?
Being someone’s child, grandchild, niece, etc. doesn’t make you A CHILD. Therefore, refuse to be spoken to in a way that is patronizing or condescending or that makes you think that someone’s advice is a directive. At this point in the game, it’s not.
Don’t say “yes” to something if you don’t really want to do it. Yes, you’re going to have to compromise; however, if you are being asked — or worse, told — to do something that you absolutely don’t want to do and yet fear or guilt is motivating you to do it, you are always going to be disrespected in this way. “Yes” is your right. “No” is too. Never forget that.
Refuse to overextend yourself. Spending more money than you have. Going above and beyond to the point where it’s going to take you two weeks to recover once the holidays are over. Doing things that will cause you to feel nothing more than resentful the entire time — none of this is healthy for your mind, body, or spirit — so why do it? All of us have a bandwidth. Constantly going past it is actually a form of disrespect.
Plan out responses for the out-of-pocket people. If for the past five years, your mother-in-law has said something crazy about your weight or mothering skills, don’t bite your tongue or rail on your husband afterward like you always do. This year, think about what an appropriate response would be (like “I really wish you wouldn’t bring that up anymore. It makes me uncomfortable.”). Oftentimes, what makes mountains out of molehills when it comes to dealing with family is people react out of emotion rather than logic and facts.
When someone runs over a boundary, address it. One definition of insanity is doing the same thing while expecting the same result, right? Keeping that in mind, I am a firm believer that it gets to the disrespect portion of the program once a boundary has been stated and then someone overrides it. So, if you’ve let people know a limit and they pretty much convey that they don’t care by being dismissive of it, don’t let it slide — bring it to their attention.
Whether they need time to adjust or they need to realize that not everyone is just gonna let them do…whatever, you deserve to enjoy the holidays knowing you’re going to be around people who are safe enough to respect your (reasonable) requests.
7.Reward Yourself Before — and After
Please don’t feel bad if you’ve got some relatives that you love yet don’t like very much because more people actually feel this way than they would care to admit. Instead, if you know that you are going to have to be around those individuals this holiday season, plan a way to reward yourself for not dodging them before you see them and then for acting like a mature adult after interacting with them too.
Reward literally means “something given or received in return or recompense for service, merit, hardship, etc.” and when you decide to exercise self-control, patience, and as much empathy as possible while dealing with difficult people, a day of binge-watching your favorite show, a scheduled massage or deciding to go phone-free for an entire weekend is more than warranted. You survived the crazy with class and grace. Give thanks, sis. Real talk.
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