

What Is 'Comfy Sex'? How Can You Get More Of It?
Call it an occupational hazard but I really do dig words. I mean, more than average person (I think). That's why it kinda tripped me out that when I initially came up with the title for this piece and I went with the word "cozy", who knew that it had some crazy definitions attached to it? While cozy does mean "snugly warm and comfortable" (which is what I was going for), did you know that the word also includes definitions like "convenient or beneficial, usually as a result of dishonesty or connivance", "suggesting opportunistic or conspiratorial intimacy" and "discreetly reticent or noncommittal"? What in the world, y'all?
That's why I swapped out cozy and replaced it with "comfy" because, the goal here, is to offer up some tips that can make sex between you and yours (especially as the colder temps are starting to set in) feel comfy, which is short for comfortable, which is a word that means things like content, at ease, relaxed, snug, warm, healthy and happy. Sex that can feel like curling up in your favorite blanket, as the snow falls outside and you enjoy a cup of warm cocoa indoors? That's what I'm aiming for. Because, as crazy as it might sound on the onset, the reality is that the more comfortable we feel with our environment and our partner before sex even begins, the better the experience tends to be overall.
So, are you ready to learn more about how to have some "comfy sex" this fall and winter season? Yeah, I figured you would be.
1. Invest in a Comfy Comforter
When's the last time you treated yourself to a new comforter? In the name of comfy sex, how about investing one that is solely about how good it feels to be wrapped up in it? If you want one that provides moisture-wicking (so that you won't overheat) warmth, go with one that has some wool filling in it. A fluffy feel? Down filling is a great choice. Silk creates a feeling of sheer luxury while a cotton and polyester blend is a "lighter fluff". Whatever you decide to go with, make sure to get one that is a size up from the size of your bed (like I have a king comforter on a queen bed). That will leave extra material for you and your partner to be able to curl up in. Trust me, it's divine.
2. Determine to Leave ALL Drama Out of the Bedroom
OK, before going deeper into these comfy sex tips, it doesn't make sense to offer up a ton of hacks if you and yours can't use words like serene, pleasant and agreeable (which are synonyms for comfortable, by the way) to define your mindset before sexual activity even begins. You know, I've got clients who are under the totally delusional mindset that the best time to have deep chats is during sex. According to them, that's when they feel like they can "catch" their partner. No, no, NO.
A part of the reason why I agree with interior designers (and a lot of marriage therapists) when they say that the bedroom is for nothing other than sex and sleep is it reminds couples to see that room of their house as a place for pleasure and rejuvenation — no more, no less. When you know that there is a space that's designated for nothing other than that, it makes it an area that you find yourself constantly looking forward to being in. So, in the name of all things comfy, check issues, problems and drama at the door. Literally.
3. Put Some Jasmine, Vanilla or Cinnamon on Your Bedding
Now. Back to prepping. Did you know that there are scents that can help to make you feel more comfy too? Jasmine is awesome because it's considered to be an aphrodisiac — one that has the ability to put you into a better mood and give you more energy. Vanilla is great because it promotes relaxation, relieves tension and improves your quality of sleep. Cinnamon oil is cool because it helps to relieve achy joints and muscles, stimulate blood flow and reduce feelings that are associated with irritability or head tension. As a bonus, if you add a little bit of cinnamon to your feet at night, it can help to increase blood circulation and keep them warm. Just sprinkle one of these on your bedding. You won't want to get out of your bed for days if you do.
4. Enjoy Some Blackberry and Ginger Mocktails
If you and yours like to sip on a lil' sumthin' before or after gettin' it in, have you ever had a blackberry and ginger mocktail before? While both of these foods have a ton of health benefits, the reason why I'm mentioning them today is because blackberries are a good source of magnesium which can curb stress-related feelings while relaxing your system in the process. As far as ginger goes, it's full of antioxidants and bioactive compounds that can improve brain health overall so that you're in a tranquil state. Sipping on a drink that's made of both of these can help to "get your mind right" which is always a good thing when you're about to put your body into action. (Three great mocktail recipes for this particular drink are located here, here and here.)
5. Or Share a Bottle of Chocolate Wine
If alcohol is what you're after, if it's been a ROUGH day and you and/or your partner just can't seem to get your mind to stop racing, when's the last time the two of you shared a bottle of chocolate wine? Dark chocolate contains polyphenols that are proven to help increase feelings of calm and contentedness while wine plays a direct role in suppressing your nervous system which, in turn, can reduce stress and worry. Total Wine is just one site that sells a few different brands for a really affordable price. You can check out their list here. For tips on how to find the absolute best brand of chocolate wine, Vina Del Vido breaks it all down on their site here.
6. Massage Each Other’s “in Need of Comfort” Pressure Points
A massage is always a smart foreplay move. If you and/or your partner are feeling fatigued, irritated, restless, worried or even a little bit tense, give each other a pressure point massage. While on the onset, it might seem like I'm referring to erogenous zones, I'm actually not.
Some of the pressure spots where anxiety stores up include inside the upper ear, around the shoulder blades, in between the index finger and thumb, on the wrists and at the part of the feet that are right underneath the toes. If you mix a carrier oil like sweet almond, avocado or grapeseed with 5-7 drops of the essential oils that I mentioned earlier, warm the oil up in the microwave for 10 seconds and then massage these areas, it can literally feel like a pampering slice of heaven.
7. Express Something About Your Partner, That Day, That You Appreciate
A couple of years ago, I penned an article for the platform entitled, "10 Creative Ways To Express Gratitude In Your Relationship". Y'all, I can't tell you how many times a husband or wife has told me that they've got one foot out of the door because they feel totally taken for granted. Again, when someone is comfy, they feel mentally and physically comfortable. One way to put your partner into this kind of mental state is to verbally state something that you appreciate about them; not in general, but that they say or did that day. Doing this shows that you're paying attention to their efforts. Doing this reveals that you are proactive about being thoughtful. Doing this will also cause your partner to feel valued in your life. How can you not want to get closer to someone who is intentional about making you feel this way?
8. Cuddle While Taking a 30-Minute Nap. BEFOREHAND.
Whenever a couple tells me that they are too tired for sex, I usually say what I'm about to say to you — take a nap first. While it might sound strange at first, there is all kinds of data to support the fact that a 30-minute nap can help to boost energy levels, strengthen cognitive function, make you more creative, better your memory and put you in a far better mood — all of which is needed for satisfactory sex sessions. And if you nap while you're cuddling with your partner underneath that comforter that we talked about (check out "Fall's Coming: 8 Wonderful Health Benefits Of Cuddling"), the rise in oxytocin levels that can come from it can actually make you desire your partner even more. Just set an alarm. When it goes off, roll over and start kissing. This is the kind of sex hack that is truly unsung.
9. Get into Some Stress-Reducing Sex Positions
While sex, in general, helps to release stress (which is just one of the billions of reasons why you should do it as often as you can), there are positions that encourage less physical tension, more cuddling and greater feelings of comfy-ness. Spooning is wonderful because there is nothing like being the "little spoon" and feeling enveloped in your man's embrace. The Lotus is dope because when your partner is sitting in a pretzel position and you're sitting on top while facing him, how can you not feel super close and intimate? I always encourage having sex in the "cat position" (which is like doggy style but you're lying flat on your stomach) because your partner is literally taking you all in.
Having sex while hugging each other (lying face to face) makes it so much easier to kiss and squeeze one another (it can actually be very sweet). Then there's the good old-fashioned missionary position that is always great for eye contact. Plus, all of these positions are pretty easy on both bodies, so that neither of you are throwing your back out or putting unnecessary stress on your already-tired limbs and muscles in the process.
10. Praise Your Partner for Something Satisfying That Just Transpired
Recently, I was talking to a husband client; he had me cracking up. We were discussing favorite artists and songs. When Jill Scott's name came up, he said, "'Whatever' is my joint." When I asked him why, he said, "Who doesn't want to hear how good they were in bed? That woman told her man that he put it down and then cooked him some breakfast. That's what I'm talking about!" Remember how I said that being comfy is about being at ease? A good lover wants to make sure that their partner is pleased. Whatever yours did to fulfill you, don't waste any time sharing it. It will relax him and make him feel really comfortable with affirming you in return.
11. Turn on the Ocean
I've shared before that until I started sleeping to the sound of rain, I preferred silence. But baby, now that I've found 9-plus-hour videos on YouTube that has real rain falling on them, sleep has never been so good!
While having sex to the sound of rain can be sexy and romantic for sure, since the focus here is comfort, consider going with ocean sounds instead (whether it's before, during and or following copulation). There are many studies to support that listening to things like waves crash or rain on the water can reduce stress and cultivate a sense of calm.
Hey, you'll never know until you try it…right? (Go to YouTube and put "ocean sounds" or "ocean ASMR" in the search field for a list of options to choose from.)
12. Spoon Yourself to Sleep
We already touched on spooning from the sex position standpoint. That said, once you both have "culminated" (wink), getting into the spoon position in order to fall asleep is pure bliss too. It's relaxing. It keeps the feeling of closeness and intimacy going. Oxytocin boots can also help you to fall and stay asleep. Dopamine (which enhances pleasure) and serotonin (which helps to regulate your moods and sleep patterns) are natural hormones that are also released when you spoon as well.
From a very practical angle, you significantly decrease your chances of snoring when you're on your side (vs. your back). While you may not remain in that position all night long, it's definitely a way that conveys "I adore you and tonight was amazing." You can go into sex feeling comfy, experience sex being comfy and end it being in that same head and heart space. And it really doesn't get much better than that, chile.
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Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
Exclusive: Gabrielle Union On Radical Transparency, Being Diagnosed With Perimenopause And Embracing What’s Next
Whenever Gabrielle Union graces the movie screen, she immediately commands attention. From her unforgettable scenes in films like Bring It On and Two Can Play That Game to her most recent film, in which she stars and produces Netflix’s The Perfect Find, there’s no denying that she is that girl.
Off-screen, she uses that power for good by sharing her trials and tribulations with other women in hopes of helping those who may be going through the same things or preventing them from experiencing them altogether. Recently, the Flawless by Gabrielle Union founder partnered with Clearblue to speak at the launch of their Menopause Stage Indicator, where she also shared her experience with being perimenopausal.
In a xoNecoleexclusive, the iconic actress opens up about embracing this season of her life, new projects, and overall being a “bad motherfucker.” Gabrielle reveals that she was 37 years old when she was diagnosed with perimenopause and is still going through it at 51 years old. Mayo Clinic says perimenopause “refers to the time during which your body makes the natural transition to menopause, marking the end of the reproductive years.”
“I haven't crossed over the next phase just yet, but I think part of it is when you hear any form of menopause, you automatically think of your mother or grandmother. It feels like an old-person thing, but for me, I was 37 and like not understanding what that really meant for me. And I don't think we focus so much on the word menopause without understanding that perimenopause is just the time before menopause,” she tells us.
Gabrielle Union
Photo by Brian Thomas
"But you can experience a lot of the same things during that period that people talk about, that they experienced during menopause. So you could get a hot flash, you could get the weight gain, the hair loss, depression, anxiety, like all of it, mental health challenges, all of that can come, you know, at any stage of the menopausal journey and like for me, I've been in perimenopause like 13, 14 years. When you know, most doctors are like, ‘Oh, but it's usually about ten years, and I'm like, ‘Uhh, I’m still going (laughs).’”
Conversations about perimenopause, fibroids, and all the things that are associated with women’s bodies have often been considered taboo and thus not discussed publicly. However, times are changing, and thanks to the Gabrielle’s and the Tia Mowry’s, more women are having an authentic discourse about women’s health. These open discussions lead to the creation of more safe spaces and support for one another.
“I want to be in community with folks. I don't ever want to feel like I'm on an island about anything. So, if I can help create community where we are lacking, I want to be a part of that,” she says. “So, it's like there's no harm in talking about it. You know what I mean? Like, I was a bad motherfucker before perimenopause. I’m a bad motherfucker now, and I'll be a bad motherfucker after menopause. Know what I’m saying? None of that has to change. How I’m a bad motherfucker, I welcome that part of the change. I'm just getting better and stronger and more intelligent, more wise, more patient, more compassionate, more empathetic. All of that is very, very welcomed, and none of it should be scary.”
The Being Mary Jane star hasn’t been shy about her stance on therapy. If you don’t know, here’s a hint: she’s all for it, and she encourages others to try it as well. She likens therapy to dating by suggesting that you keep looking for the right therapist to match your needs. Two other essential keys to her growth are radical transparency and radical acceptance (though she admits she is still working on the latter).
"I was a bad motherfucker before perimenopause. I’m a bad motherfucker now, and I'll be a bad motherfucker after menopause. Know what I’m saying? None of that has to change. How I’m a bad motherfucker, I welcome that part of the change."
Gabrielle Union and Kaavia Union-Wade
Photo by Monica Schipper/Getty Images
“I hope that a.) you recognize that you're not alone. Seek out help and know that it's okay to be honest about what the hell is happening in your life. That's the only way that you know you can get help, and that's also the only other way that people know that you are in need if there's something going on,” she says, “because we have all these big, very wild, high expectations of people, but if they don't know what they're actually dealing with, they're always going to be failing, and you will always be disappointed. So how about just tell the truth, be transparent, and let people know where you are. So they can be of service, they can be compassionate.”
Gabrielle’s transparency is what makes her so relatable, and has so many people root for her. Whether through her TV and film projects, her memoirs, or her social media, the actress has a knack for making you feel like she’s your homegirl. Scrolling through her Instagram, you see the special moments with her family, exciting new business ventures, and jaw-dropping fashion moments. Throughout her life and career, we’ve seen her evolve in a multitude of ways. From producing films to starting a haircare line to marriage and motherhood, her journey is a story of courage and triumph. And right now, in this season, she’s asking, “What’s next?”
“This is a season of discovery and change. In a billion ways,” says the NAACP Image Award winner. “The notion of like, ‘Oh, so and so changed. They got brand new.’ I want you to be brand new. I want me to be brand new. I want us to be always constantly growing, evolving. Having more clarity, moving with different purpose, like, and all of that is for me very, very welcomed."
"I want you to be brand new. I want me to be brand new. I want us to be always constantly growing, evolving. Having more clarity, moving with different purpose, like, and all of that is for me very, very welcomed."
She continues, “So I'm just trying to figure out what's next. You know what I mean? I'm jumping into what's next. I'm excited going into what's next and new. I'm just sort of embracing all of what life has to offer.”
Look out for Gabrielle in the upcoming indie film Riff Raff, which is a crime comedy starring her and Jennifer Coolidge, and she will also produce The Idea of You, which stars Anne Hathaway.
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Feature image by Mike Lawrie/Getty Images
How This Wealthy History-Making Couple Found Love By Breaking The First Date Rules
How We Met is a series where xoNecole talks love and relationships with real-life couples. We learn how they met, how like turned into love, and how they make their love work.
Have you ever heard the saying, “You can't have it all?” Do you think there’s any truth to it? The more I resonate with the thought, I realize it just depends on what one considers “all.” In this “How We Met” story, I chatted with two individuals who have reached an unusual level of success but, for years, celebrated it alone. Now, they have a beautiful marriage centered around faith, family, and legacy.
But the journey to getting there required them to be uniquely intentional, submit fully to God, and practice an amount of vulnerability that I think most people would find uncomfortable – especially on the first date.
Santia Barnes, known more commonly as @Trackbaby001 on Instagram, earned the highest-paid contract ever for a woman in American football. Also, she is the first female athlete to have her own shoe company. With a combined social audience of 3 million followers, she’s established herself as a mega-influencer in the health/fitness and lifestyle space. But surprisingly, in our 48-minute phone call, we only discussed this for roughly 60 seconds. Instead, I had a beautiful conversation with Santia and her husband Isaac, a successful tech entrepreneur, about their dream-like partnership.
His company was one of the fastest growing in his county for two years, and he is the only Black entrepreneur to win a federal aviation award for being a government contractor. Plus, he previously won a $13.4 billion contract with the Air Force and Space Force (cues, "he got money" in my best Quinta Brunson voice). But seriously, both of them have such an amazing story alone – yet they made it even better by finding each other. It almost sounds too good to be true, right? Well, Santia felt the same way. In fact, on their first date, they actually tried to disqualify each other. Here’s how it went.
Let’s start from the beginning. How did you two meet?
Isaac: Well, firstly, we connected through the divine grace of God. But we met on Bumble and talked there, and she gave me such a hard time (laughs). But we built a connection online and then took it offline to the phone and eventually in person. Since that meeting, we’ve been stuck like glue.
Santia: Yes, we met on Bumble. But I’ve gotta add to that. I was pretty much done with love, relationships, and especially online dating. But it was right around Valentine's Day, and I felt like God was telling me to try just one more time. So, I created my profile and made it very blunt; I was super clear about what I wanted. I started swiping for a few days and eventually came across his profile, and I noticed our profiles were very similar.
I felt like it was rare for a man to be that intentional. Also, I like that he was attractive and an entrepreneur. I felt like he could understand my life. It took him a couple of days to swipe back, though, and I was little in my feelings. I was literally going to delete the app when he DM’d me. So, it was really the grace of God.
Tell me about your first date. What was the chemistry like?
Isaac: She was late (laughs). But we went to Seasons 52, which made sense because I’m vegan, and she likes to eat healthy. So I made reservations, but again, she was late. Eventually, she got there, and when she did, I saw the entire room shift. It was the weirdest thing. I’ve never seen that in real life. It was like the whole restaurant was looking at us. So we got a table, and immediately, it felt like our energy flowed together so smoothly.
You know how first dates can be awkward? This was exactly the opposite. She grilled me, and I grilled her. We asked some of the deepest questions ever. It was like we were trying to disqualify each other. After dinner, I walked her back to her car because she was recently injured. And in that moment, God talked to me. I knew that this is what it is.
Santia: We talked for like three hours on that date. I remember in the conversation, I said, “Not to be weird, but your energy makes me feel very calm.” That was a big green flag for me. I also remember him walking me back to my car and not trying anything but genuinely just caring for my leg. I was like, this is different. It was an A+ date.
"We asked some of the deepest questions ever. It was like we were trying to disqualify each other. After dinner, I walked her back to her car because she was recently injured. And in that moment, God talked to me. I knew that this is what it is."
Photo courtesy of Santia and Issac Barnes
So, what are some of these intense disqualifying questions y’all asked?
Isaac: We asked everything. We talked about our thoughts on kids, marriage, church, gender roles, family, past relationships, and trauma.
Santia: Yeah, we asked everything they tell you not to. But that’s how I knew he was the one; he didn’t get uncomfortable.
Okay, so if you were still dating, walk me through that next step. What was that conversation like when you two decided to take it to the next level?
Isaac: I had a business trip I had to go to in Orlando, and because of my connection with the Creator I knew she needed to go on this trip with me. She was overcoming tearing her ACL and just needed a break. So we took a road trip together. We drove from Atlanta to Orlando in the car for 8 hours, and we just did the work. We got into childhood trauma and aspirations. It got deep –
Santia: Like, I cried. I discovered stuff about myself I haven’t talked about with anyone else.
Isaac: In that moment, I developed a deeper sense of trust in her because of her vulnerability. And after that trip, I just knew. She still had some concerns, but I was good (laughs).
Santia: Yeah, because I felt like something had to be wrong. Like, I remember calling my mom and she tried to help me just embrace it. Eventually, I actually asked him, “What are we?” And he literally said, “You’re going to be my wife.” And I still was like, are you going to ask me to be your girlfriend though, and he did – and I said yeah. (laughs). But that was only like a month in. It was very quick.
It seems like communication has been a core part of your relationship. What are some important lessons you’ve learned about yourselves individually through loving each other?
Isaac: That’s hard to answer just for this week. A lot of our stuff is self-discovery. But I’ll say, I learned how skeptical I was that this is possible. Also, I learned that all of what I went through is crafting me to be who I am today. Through this relationship, I’ve learned to embrace my 100% authentic self. Her love matters more to me than anything else, and that’s my #1 priority.
So if she accepts me how I am, who is the world to tell me I can’t be this way? She has allowed me to see myself more than any other human, and because of that, I have to shower her with as much love as possible.
Santia: I don’t even know where to start. He’s taught me a lot since day one. He made me more confident in who I am. As an influencer, you don’t always know who is there for the right reasons. But he’s made me feel 100% more confident in standing on who I am. He’s also taught me so much about business. He taught me how to open up more, not feel shame in who I am, and how to set boundaries and stick to them.
And Issac has melted every fear, doubt, and insecurity I’ve had about relationships. I could keep going, but overall, he has a really amazing way of teaching me in a loving way. Having someone that sees and understands me – and not just the social media me – but Santia Barnes, the individual, has been beautiful, and I’ve never experienced it until now.
"Issac has melted every fear, doubt, and insecurity I’ve had about relationships. Having someone that sees and understands me – and not just the social media me – but Santia Barnes, the individual, has been beautiful, and I’ve never experienced it until now."
Photo courtesy of Santia and Issac Barnes
How do you guys navigate past struggles, baggage to work toward your relationships?
Issac: On our honeymoon, I vowed that I would come into this relationship with a clear understanding of what’s holding me back so I can be my best self going through our marriage. For example, on our first day over there, we both wrote down all of the negative anchor thoughts we had around money and finances, and we literally went through every thought.
I found 50 financial aspirations, and every time I read something that I didn’t agree with, I wrote it down. And we talked about where these negative thoughts came from, going back to childhood.
Santia: We do that all the time. If anything comes up, we talk about it, try to get to the core of it, dissect it, and we solve it.
Okay, seriously do ya’ll argue at all (laughs)?
Santia: I mean, if we feel something, we say it.
Isaac: The way we got there is that we established early on that if we’re going to do this we have to be on the same team. We have a championship we’re trying to win, and that’s a family legacy. If something is going on, I’m gonna treat it like my teammate is going through it, and we’ll work through it. But it’s impossible not to have any challenges.
Santia: We don’t have to yell, scream, or be disrespectful though. We can talk in a calm voice and disagree. As long as we know that we’re on the same team, we’re good. I always know we’re not purposely trying to hurt each other, and I know that he's my partner. Looking at it from that lens changes things. We’ve only had two real arguments. It was early on, and when we dissected those too, we realized that back then, we didn’t know each other the way we do now. We weren’t sure we were on the same team (laughs).
Do you guys have any rituals or daily practices that help keep your relationship strong?
Isaac: To cement our process, we listen to our spiritual practice. We practice Sabbath every Friday evening until Saturday evening. So that means no work, no outside communication, we’re just in each other’s skin for 24 hours and experience the world together. Then we recap our week, things we’re grateful for from each other and from God, things that bother us, and then we process it right there. We do that every week.
Santia: We also go over a Bible verse and dissect it together. We have a lot of processes because when you have a plan, you can’t really fail.
Isaac: And the Bible verse always relates. It’s crazy. (laughs)
Photo courtesy of Santia and Issac Barnes
What are your love languages?
Santia: Mine is acts of service, gifts, and words of affirmation
Isaac: Mine is physical touch, acts of service, and words of affirmation.
Are there any challenges you guys had to work through?
Santia: This is my first time living with a man. So things that guys do – like not flushing the toilet, putting dishes in the sink when I’m washing the dishes, and stuff. Honestly. I was really scared about that because I love my space. But surprisingly, I adjusted very quickly. We both work from home and have our own offices, too. So it just kinda works out.
Isaac: For me, it was going from being a single man to adjusting to her needs. For example, she likes flowers. To me, that meant I occasionally bought her flowers. But to her, that means, nah, I want them multiple times a month. Date nights meant occasionally to me; she wants them weekly. It’s just about making sure our needs and expectations are articulated correctly. We come from different worlds, so it’s important to do that.
Finally, I’ll close with how did you know it was love?
Santia: We took a trip to NOLA – another road trip. I cried again and just remembered thinking there’s no one like him. I was like, God, if he’s not my person, this is a cruel joke. But more blatantly, like three months into us dating, I was so conflicted because I was like, I’m falling, and I don’t want to be hurt again.
I remember I had a dream where I was in this dark room and there was this figure there, and I knew it was God, and in that dream, I feel like he told me clear as day that Isaac was my person. Plus, my Mom hates everyone I’ve ever dated, but she was like he’s gonna be my son-in-law. I had so many confirmations that I eventually just let go.
Isaac: It was multiple moments. I really got confirmation on the first date, but I became sure in one moment. I was sitting in my office, and she came in, and we were talking about her making history. So I started showing her some of my awards, too, and at that point, she still didn’t know what I did. And she was like, why don’t people know about this, and I showed her my Facebook page – where I had made a small post with a few likes (laughs). And she was like, do you know how many young Black children don’t know this is possible? It was different.
I felt like a hypocrite because I do everything for the next generation. So, she allowed me to see myself in that totality and still hold me accountable. The only person who had done that for me was my Dad and [he] passed away a few days before my 18th birthday. So after that, that did it for me. Then we went to the DR for my brother's anniversary, and she met my family and I saw how well she blended with my family, and I just knew.
Santia and Isaac are continuing to grow their individual businesses and love journey. Through that process, they have created an intentional dating platform on Instagram called @dateintentional1.
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Featured image courtesy of Santia and Issac Barnes