What happens when you get home after a long day's (or night's) work? Do you flop into bed exhausted? Do you half-eat a semi-healthy meal, watch a little Real Housewives, and fall asleep on the couch?
There is a lot of emphasis placed on how well we start our day but how we end it is just as critical. Consistently only getting two hours of rest is not healthy. Neither is going to bed anxious or angry. The quality of our sleep speaks not only to how well we rise the next day, but the holistic quality of our lives. As women, our risks for certain illnesses are already greater and for women of color, the odds increase. Along with eating well and exercising, getting a good night's rest has been proven to improve clarity of focus, minimize the risk of heart disease and stroke, and improve immune system defenses.
We were able to catch up with 7 incredible women, killing it in their respective fields, to find out the rituals/routines that help them wind down and how they end their days well:
Christa Gambrell, PhD, LPC
Licensed Professional Counselor, Founder/CEO of Gambrell Wellness
"Once or twice a week, I take an Epsom salt bath with essential oils. It's a good way for the body to absorb magnesium, a nutrient known to produce a calming effect. I also started propping my feet on a wedge pillow, placing a heating pad on my abdomen, and practicing diaphragmatic breathing. A final seasonal favorite nighttime ritual is to turn out all the lights except the Christmas tree and just take in the beauty. All of these work together to promote a sense of safety and security so I can sleep in peace."
Follow her on Instagram @drcristagambrell.
Davia Roberts
Founder, Redefine Enough
"My night routine varies but one thing that does not change is intentionality. I honor my time to recharge by setting boundaries and genuinely preparing my mind to ease into rest. At 9pm, my phone switches to Do Not Disturb and I detach myself from social media. When distractions are silenced, I can focus on reading, journaling, breathing exercises, or relaxing yoga poses. Once I begin diffusing lavender oil, it's not long before I've fallen asleep.
"To others, my night routines may seem dramatic. However, these practices soothe me after busy days and help me stay focused on what matters. My life is not merely to-do lists and deadlines and taking the time to slow down each night reminds me of that truth. I am my best self when I create balance. The constant hustle doesn't serve me."
Follow her on Instagram @redefineenough and @justdavia.
Ashlee Wisdom
Founder, HealthInHerHUE
"I end my day well by setting aside time to unplug, unwind, and recenter. I usually do this by setting my alarm for the next day, putting my phone on Do Not Disturb, and turning it face down so the notifications don't distract me. I also have a routine of lighting a scented candle in my bedroom as I prepare for bed. (I usually light it before getting into the shower so when I get back to my room, the aroma relaxes me). I also spend some time in prayer and meditation. I reflect on the day – the good, the not so good, the things I'm unsure about – and I talk to God candidly about them. After I pray, I usually do one of three things: read a few chapters of whatever book I'm currently reading, watch a sermon on YouTube (I'm an unofficial member of Elevation Church, Transformation Church and The Potter's House LA/Denver), or watch a TED Talk on a topic of interest. Doing these things helps me silence a lot of the excess noise in my head, and it helps me pour back into myself spiritually and intellectually. My days end well with a nice combination of self-care, self-reflection, and self-investment."
Follow her on Instagram @healthinherhue.
Jayde Ware
Memory Care Director
"I completely unplug an hour before I go to bed, so I turn off the TV and put my phone down. I find completely unplugging gives me a clear headspace to actually wind down from my day. I then do 20 minutes of journaling where I just write out any lingering thoughts/feelings from the day. I also write a list of 3 really good things that happened to me that day and make a list of 5 things I'm thankful for. I find ending my day in a state of pure gratitude does wonders for my mood.
"Then I write out my goals and intentions for the next day. Waking up with a plan already set makes it easier for me to follow through and be productive in the morning. I end my night routine by taking 10 minutes to stretch and then praying. It's always important for me to end every day with a long list conversation with God."
Follow her on Instagram @callherjayde.
Latisha Carr
Self-Care Strategist, Latisha Carr Global
"Every night for the past few years, I have been writing in my journal in a very specific way that helps me to unwind. I first clear my mind by venting about all that has happened in my day, followed by writing out my wins for the day (I make myself find at least one even on the worst days). After that, I write things out that I am trusting God for, things that I am thankful for, and I end with an affirmation for the night. This helps me to clear my mind from any worries or doubts, but more importantly puts me in a place of gratitude and centered on God's Promise every night."
Follow her on Instagram @latisha.carr.
Erin Malone Turner
Writer & Pre-K Teacher
"Before bed, I typically do my nightly skincare routine, briefly read/edit something I've written, and spend the rest of the evening reading something written by someone else – usually a book or a play. I turn off my main bedroom lights and use my string lights until the last minute. Sometimes, I drink tea and tidy up my room a bit. Lastly, I pray and try to ready myself for the following day."
Follow her on Instagram @justphonehome.
Yetti Ajayi-Obe
Mental Health Awareness Blogger at Yetti Says & Entrepreneur
"The end of my day consists of me going through the typical motions: doing my skincare routine and packing up what I'm going to need for the next morning. But what ends my day well is me making time for love and gratitude. I reflect on the blessings of the day and complete my gratitude list. Then right before bed, my partner and I do an exercise called 'I love you today' where we share today's reasons why we love each other. It's a little corny, but it's heartwarming and it makes it easier for me to start the next day with intentionality and a meditation."
Follow her on Instagram @yettisays.
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7 Monday Morning Habits For Succesful Work Weeks – Read More
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I sipped the herbal beverage offered by the concierge and took in my surroundings while the front desk attendant rapidly typed in my information. The hotel was beautiful. The kind of pristine white and neutral color palette that would normally disinterest me, but this place was artfully designed and tastefully decorated. More museum than monotone. With water surrounding a narrow walkway that parted ways to different destinations— restaurants to the left, the beach ahead, my room to the right.
I exhaled a sigh of relief that my home for the next three days was just as breathtaking as social media had described.
I’ve always wanted to take a solo trip. Something about traveling abroad without the comfort of friends and family scared me a little, which made me want to do it even more. While I’m no stranger to moving solo, I find solace in knowing that there’s usually someone journeying with me to foreign lands. But this year, I wanted something different. I wanted to not only step outside of my comfort zone but also embrace the peace and clarity that only stillness can provide.
Room for one.
Write on Kiah/Substack
“I’m going on a solo trip,” I responded whenever someone asked what my plans were for my birthday. The statement was often met with looks of intrigue and perhaps a bit of bewilderment as to why I would choose to be alone, in a foreign country, on my birthday—no less.
I must admit that I questioned the decision a couple of times myself. Birthdays are the one time of year when I can take a break from celebrating everyone else and be celebrated. But it’s also something that often only gets the spotlight if I’m the one planning it. And for the last couple of years, planning has been the last thing I felt like doing. I was starting to find self-centered celebrations to be a stressful endeavor. Figuring out where to go, who to invite, and what outfits to purchase (only for the outfits to not look as I had hoped). Organizing, waiting to see who would drop out last minute, and driving up the costs a little more. By the time I finished planning and prepping, I would find myself emotionally fatigued and lacking enthusiasm for the trip to come.
This year I just wanted to go and to be without the pressure of performing for the world to see. There would be no premeditated photo shoots. What I sacrificed in clothing hauls and beauty routines I made up for in high-quality accommodations.
This trip wasn’t about what would look great on social media, it was about what would feel good to my soul. With the perfect kind of bourgeois niceties that made you aspire for more than an average existence. I gave to myself (within my budget) how I desired to be treated—the best.
As I opened the door to my complimentary upgraded room (the first room was met with a lovely birthday surprise from my mom, but was a little too close to the noise of happy vacationers), I said a quiet prayer as I walked in awe throughout the suite.
Thank you, Father God, for providing me with the means to be able to experience this moment. For the opportunity to rest in a space that sparks joy.
I was also thankful that I decided to come on my own. It allowed me to experience the quiet solitude of the hotel in a way that I wouldn’t have if I was with others. I could go where I wanted and move at my own pace without considering how everyone else would feel or feel the need to entertain.
I casually moved about the property, stopping occasionally to snap a photo or two of aesthetically pleasing spaces. I treated myself to piña coladas on the beach as the sun set, and eucalyptus-filled steam rooms in the spa. I swam a few laps in an overlooked and under-used rooftop pool that I was quite sure most people didn’t realize existed and dipped my toes in the cold waters of the Pacific Ocean.
I did what I wanted, when I wanted—freedom at its finest.
Table for one.
Write on Kiah/Substack
I’ve always found eating alone at restaurants to be a little awkward. On one hand, I desire to be fully present and detached from my phone. Maybe lock eyes with a cute stranger and spark a conversation that carries well into the night. But I find that rarely happens. Instead, you’re looking around, watching others who are mostly coupled or in groups, trying not to stare. The bartender whirs to and fro as they mix together alcoholic concoctions, and even if there is someone joining in on your solo experience, their eyes are usually glued to their phones. Go figure.
But a solo birthday dinner in a beautiful country? Well, that’s different. You’re taking in your surroundings, chuckling at the drunken happenings around you, or tuning into too loud conversations that you can’t help but be privy to—keenly aware, but mildly amused.
And for some reason, everyone wants to talk to you. The waiters are extra friendly and attentive. The guests want to do you favors you didn’t ask for and snap photos because they like how your outfit matches the sunset. Your new next-table neighbors smile and clap as they sing along to the embarrassing happy birthday song that even fancy restaurants insist on chanting. You’re both the center of attention and the object of curiosity.
Who is this person who dresses up and dines alone?
It makes me realize how many fear their own company. They don’t know what to do when there’s no one to distract them from themselves. They’re afraid to look unpopular or unwanted. They fear the questions that they imagine other people are asking.
But I find that being alone is an invitation to truly know oneself. Deep ruminations turn into much-needed revelations. There’s a sense of empowerment that comes with being willing to do what others won’t. It’s in solitude that time slows to allow quiet reflection. And as a bonus, you feel badass when, at the end of it all, you pay for your check and walk away having accomplished your task for the day.
While I somewhat seriously declared this as my only solo birthday trip because next year, God-willing, I’m shedding the single title, I don’t believe this solo trip will be my last. There’s so much to gain in the absence of others. So many more parts of myself that I want to explore.
For more, check out the Write on Kiah Substack.
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Featured image by Thomas Barwick/Getty Images