R&B superstar Tank and I have a lot of things in common. Sort of.
We both love R&B.
We're both church kids.
And we both decided to spend some of our time quarantined learning and playing new songs on our piano. Unfortunately for me, that's where the buck stops.
You see I can play, but Tank can PLAY play. And I can arguably sing but Tank can undoubtedly SANG. And those who know, know that there's definitely a difference.
So when the Grammy-nominated artist hopped on the phone to chat with me on a busy afternoon in April about his new EP aptly entitled While You Wait--I was all ears. Each song on the six-track project is composed of strictly keys and vocals. Which is a breath of fresh air in the overly synthesized, auto-tuned-laced music world he's been accustomed to for nearly 20 years. And when I asked him to explain his reasoning as to why he opted not to add a lot of "flare and fizzle" this time around, he admitted to wanting to produce something that spoke to just how close we were all forced to be during this time. "We got everybody home right now: we got the kids; we got mom and dad; it's the grandma. I really wanted something to really add to that connection or just describe it," he tells xoNecole. "And be the soundtrack to it in a sense." A different yet still musically satisfying move for a man who effortlesly oozes all things sex, love, and pain on a pretty regular basis. (Looking at you, "When We".)
We recently got the chance to catch up with the "Savage" singer where we discussed his new EP, what he's learned in love, and just how he keeps his marriage "grown and sexy". Here's what he had to say.
xoNecole: First things first, how are you?
Tank: C'mon now, I'm awesome. You know, it's quarantine time, people are closer, they got to be connected. It's the perfect time for R&B baby! (laughs)
You know what I’m glad you feel that way, let’s talk about it. Your EP, 'While You Wait' is--
Did you like it?
I did, I honestly did. You really stripped it down to the bare bones you know--just piano and vocals. What was your thought process behind deciding to do it that way?
My Elevation EP had so many different colors: turn up, turn down, or turn in--it's got all of that. But I really wanted to dedicate a full piece to everybody because sometimes my music can be a little "not totally for everybody" (laughs). Sometimes my music can be '21-and-older' or maybe '25-and-older', we don't get to unite the entire family under one body of work. So, I really wanted to dedicate something to that.
I can understand that. And you know, you touched on this a little bit ago. But I feel like I can't say the name Tank without also saying the term “R&B”. The two go hand in hand in my mind.
And I’m sure a lot of your fans would agree. So for you, what is it about the essence of R&B that makes you keep producing that type of music and the fans coming back to enjoy it?
I'm a church kid, right? So, it's always been about creating something that feels like something. R&B for me is just that. It's being able to dedicate a melody, a lyric, instrumentation to make moments. When I think about the R&B songs I was raised on, I can connect moments to it, I can connect people to it. There's a feeling that comes on and it comes over me. It's almost like this high, but it's also like a high in a time machine all at the same time. It's like, 'Let's go back to where this feeling was.' And I've always wanted my music to do that. So, that's what keeps me loyal to this.
"When I think about the R&B songs I was raised on, I can connect moments to it, I can connect people to it. There's a feeling that comes on and it comes over me. It's almost like this high, but it's also like a high in a time machine all at the same time. It's like, 'Let's go back to where this feeling was.' And I've always wanted my music to do that."
So normally, this is the part where we like to switch gears a bit and get a little close and a little intimate. Are you up for that?
Well, you know. I mean, this is what I do (laughs). You need to ask yourself that question.
You’re right--let me assess. The answer is yes.
Let's do it.(laughs)
I feel like I also can't say the name Tank without also automatically thinking: grown and sexy. What are some ways you like to keep things grown and sexy in your own marriage?
When it comes to marriage and relationships--and especially in relationships like mine where we've known each other for so long--there are all these conversations about trying to find new and innovative ways to keep the spark going, to keep the fire going. I think a lot of that is creating memorable dates, carving out real time. The thing that I'm continuing to grow in is the thoughtful side of being romantic. Which is something that as men we have to continue to work on. Because we can become disconnected, especially once we get to working. But women are good at staying connected. So for me, the 'grown and sexy' is all about staying connected and me thinking about my woman.
You know if I'm out and about, it's grabbing something and being like, 'Wow, this will be cool for my wife.' That's the type of thing I'm working on and trying to do more of. And carving out that time so that we can get away twice a year and carving out another moment where we can shoot to Vegas for three days. Or shoot to Cabo for three days. Because once you start having kids (laughs), it all gets in the way of being able to take that time with the person you love. And that's the important part of it, right?
"The thing that I'm continuing to grow in is the thoughtful side of being romantic. Which is something that as men we have to continue to work on. Because we can become disconnected, especially once we get to working. But women are good at staying connected. So for me, the 'grown and sexy' is all about staying connected and me thinking about my woman."
Because nobody wants to do a quickie ALL of the time, you know what I'm saying?
Not all the time.
Exactly. Sometimes you really want to sit there and take that thing apart and properly digest that thing without having to get up and run away.
Well since we’re on the subject kind of, I imagine you have a "Mood Playlist", and I know you know what I mean by that.
I do know what you mean and it's 90's music.
All 90's music?
Yeah, it's mostly 90s. Maybe some early 2000s--but none of my music. I don't need to be listening to myself. I don't do that. Maybe I'll sprinkle in some of the new artists, some H.E.R. Summer Walker's got some nice things out. Bellinger has some nice things, [so does] Sammie. But lovemaking for me is a 90's vibe.
I can get with that. So, if you had to describe Tank the lover in three words and three words only, what would they be?
Mmm. Three words only, OK. Passionate, attentive, aggressive.
I think we all got a little glimpse of all those in “Dirty".
So when you think about your relationship 10, 15, 20 years from now, what do you want it to look, feel, or sound like?
I just want it to be--and what I've alway wanted it to be--is really cool and really fun. I just want to laugh and drink tequila. I'm a 'glass half full' kind of guy. And for me, I'm always trying to figure out how to relieve the stresses, which sometimes come naturally. But it becomes more, the more you dwell in it and the more you lay in it. So, I'm always trying to stay stress-free. We are fortunate to live a life where the stresses that our parents grew up with, we don't have those. We've been blessed in a different kind of way. So, sometimes the Universe for balance purposes will try to create things and we have to step back and say, 'You know what, this really aint that important.' So every year, I want to laugh, I want to have fun and I just want to do as much of it as we can together.
What's the biggest difference you've found between Tank at the beginning of your relationship with [your wife] Zena and the Tank now?
I think as men we're always growing and evolving. It's just learning the relationship and learning the person in the relationship. And I think what we continue to grow in is the sacrifice. The idea of putting someone first has to be a choice that you make every single day. And it's not a thing you're going to get right everyday or all the time. In the beginning of what we were and what we were becoming, I didn't totally have that concept or even know what that meant because music for me has always been my first marriage. It was my first love. But then when you start going into the space where you're becoming one with another person, they kind of take precedence over that. So, for me in the beginning, I didn't really have a concept of what that was. And as we've grown and continue to grow, I'm being better about that constantly.
"The idea of putting someone first has to be a choice that you make every single day. And it's not a thing you're going to get right everyday or all the time. In the beginning of what we were and what we were becoming, I didn't totally have that concept or even know what that meant because music for me has always been my first marriage. It was my first love."
Last thing before you go, what do you know now about love that you didn't know before?
I'll say two things: one is that love isn't the maker of anything. Love didn't "make you" do anything. Now, it was a deciding factor in whatever decision you came up with, but love didnt make you do anything. And two, if it's done the right way, love must be and has to be unconditional. I learned that in having kids and having my daughters. My relationships with my daughters aren't perfect, they aren't perfect. I'm not perfect. But they're my daughters. I love them with all of my heart, I don't care what happens between us, my love for them will never change. Period, point blank. And the person you decide to go all the way with, they are now part of that unconditional system. It's not supposed to be perfect, none of us are perfect, by design, we aren't perfect. So, if you walk into it expecting anything other than that you're fooling yourself. You really have to walk into this thing knowing that, there is work ahead and it's going to take understanding without conditions in order for all of this to last.
While You Waitis available to stream everywhere NOW. And for more of Tank, keep up with him on Instagram @therealtank.
Featured image by Shutterstock
Writer. Empath. Escapist. Young, gifted, and Black. Shanelle Genai is a proud Southern girl in a serious relationship with celebrity interviews, The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, and long walks down Sephora aisles. Keep up with her on IG @shanellegenai.
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Release Stress & Restore Harmony In Your Body With Shaking Meditation
When we reflect on our own path as women in light of the women who came before us, it’s easy to see that the loads we’ve carried haven’t always been the lightest. From everyday stresses to generational trauma with roots that are difficult to trace, one must ask where all that weight goes if we never release it.
The body holds the score for all the anxieties, worries, and unease that we’ve endured over time. Family and society often tell us to quiet our emotions, maintain a brave face, and keep our emotions bottled up within. But as we know, anything with too much pressure will eventually burst.
And while we are steadily discovering self-care methods like meditation to shed this emotional baggage, it may take a little more than sitting still in the quiet of our mind to let go of our deep-rooted tension. Fortunately, mindful movement could be an unexpected way for you to let go of worry and anxiety while building emotional resiliency, and such is the case with shaking meditation.
What Is Shaking Meditation?
Shaking meditation is a form of tension and trauma-releasing exercises or TRE that “assists the body in releasing deep muscular patterns of stress, tension, and trauma.” This series of exercises of muscular shaking and vibrating activates a natural reflex mechanism that releases muscular tension, thus calming down the nervous system and encouraging your body to return back to a state of balance.
“Shaking meditation can be powerful because it moves your body — and in Eastern medicine, we say that moves your chi,” says Jenelle Kim, DACM, L.Ac, a ninth-generation doctor of acupuncture and Chinese medicine and author of Myung Sung: The Korean Art of Living Meditation.
According to Dr. Kim, understanding chi helps us understand our bodies and how we're feeling mentally, physically, and spiritually. In Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM), chi is known to represent your life force; it is the energy that flows through you and everything, and in many cultures, plays an essential role in our health.
“We have chi that moves in our blood and throughout our entire body; connecting our organ systems, muscles, and joints,” she tells xoNecole. “It allows everything to function and to be nourished. We know blood travels throughout our body through our circulatory system, but chi also travels through our body — much in the same way — through the meridian system. If you picture chi as vital energy, it moves the blood.”
It’s important for our body’s chi to stay in flow. When we go about our daily life with stress, trauma, or even mental injuries, our energy becomes stagnant. But various movement practices like Qigong or shaking meditation encourage your chi to circulate through your body which activates the parasympathetic nervous system, which “is in charge of telling our brain and body to calm down, relax, ultimately, let go,” Dr. Kim says.
As Black women, there are times in life when it feels like we bear the weight of the world on our shoulders, with few spaces to go when we need to lighten the load. But as Dr. Kim explains, because women are “naturally yin beings,” we take on more because we can handle more. “According to the energies of nature that have been passed down for thousands of years, women are more complex. And what that almost always means is that we can think a lot more.” And while that speaks to the resiliency of our being, it can have a negative effect on our bodies when we store more than we release.
“If we don't have ways of releasing this, it will ultimately affect our lives physically, mentally, and spiritually. Then it passes on to our children, and that's where we get generational trauma,” she says.
Although shaking meditation may be a new and unfamiliar practice, it’s one that could prove to be beneficial to those who have experienced trauma on an individual and communal level. The movements are simple to follow and accessible, and in a matter of minutes, you’ll feel more calm and relaxed, while relieving any anxiety, frustration, and tension inside of you.
So if you’re ready to restore harmony within your body, here are the steps to perform shaking meditation on your own.
How To Incorporate Shaking Meditation Into Your Daily Routine:
Step 1: “Stand with your feet hip-width apart. You can do this while sitting or standing — depending on your comfort level. Make sure all of your joints are soft, so nothing's locked.
Step 2: “Begin raising onto your tiptoes and falling back onto your heels. Not so hard to where you're shocking your spine, but enough to just kind of wake up your body. Repeat three to five times, dropping down onto your heels.”
Step 3: “Next, start with your hands first and shake them. There’s no right or wrong way to do this. Shake them and go up to your arms, to your elbows, and then up to your shoulders. Now your whole arms should be moving.”
Step 4: “Then you can start your legs, repeating the same shaking movement. You then move your feet moving, go up through your core, and then shake everything out through your head.”
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