In xoNecole's Our First Year series, we take an in-depth look at love and relationships between couples with an emphasis on what their first year of marriage was like.
Love is patient. Love is kind. And for many of us in relationships, love can be a delicate blend of ups and downs. Such is the case for Harvey and Casey Kelley.
Having known each other since high school, the two were unknowingly living in the same city around the same time and later reconnected via FaceBook. Harvey was a grant program coordinator through the school system and Casey was a consumer product goods professional and later moved from Atlanta to Jacksonville, Florida after she was unfortunately laid off from Coca-Cola. And it was there that they were dealt the hefty task of trying to meld their new huge (think, five girls and two boys kind of huge) family.
And it's arguably that very task that led them and strengthened their bond to build both in love and in their professional lives. Now serving as entrepreneurs to their own business, aptly named Blended Designs, the two have found a way to bring the story of their lives and passion to inspire into the forefront. Serving as a premium backpack and travel bag, Casey tells me that their mission is to elevate, empower, and educate people of color. And in response to the lack of representation of characters of color in the backpack industry, their endeavor thus found a much bigger purpose.
Courtesy of Blended Designs
Now with six years under their belt in marriage and two years in a thriving career, they let us in on some insight they've learned along the way in this latest segment of Our First Year.
The One
Casey: I have two sisters but I grew up an only child, so I never had to share. I never had a time where I had to share with another adult or thinking about another person. It's not that I was selfish, it's just not a skill that you learn as an only child. [When I realized he was the one] it was a point where I was thinking of him more than I was thinking of myself. I was thinking about the decisions I was making and how they were going to impact him.
Harvey: After I got divorced, I said I never wanted to get married again. But she made me want to be in a relationship again. She showed me all the things I was missing from my first relationship. She made me say, "Wow this is how it should've been. This is the kind of relationship I should've been in." That kept me close to her and getting to know her. She literally does the things that I was looking for in a relationship. She filled all these voids that I had.
Courtesy of Casey and Harvey
"After I got divorced, I said I never wanted to get married again. But she made me want to be in a relationship again. She showed me all the things I was missing from my first relationship. She made me say, 'Wow this is how it should've been.'"
Overcoming Fears in Marriage
Casey: My biggest fear was acceptance with the girls. Harvey has five girls from his first marriage. And at the time we got married, the youngest was in middle school and they're very close to their mom. And I didn't want it to be that whole 'you're taking my Dad away thing.' Some of it I think I projected myself as opposed to it really and truly happening. But once the oldest daughter lived with us for a little bit, it gave her the opportunity to really know me and not the person she sees on the weekend. I just had this huge fear and it's something that I think I put on myself. Because now I have a great relationship with the girls! And I have a much better relationship with his ex than before.
Harvey: That was one of my biggest concerns as well because as much as we were a blended family, we weren't a blended family all under the same roof. So being able to manage that and moving away from them but still keeping them involved, that was the hardest part. You have to constantly travel, constantly communicate to make sure things are working.
Love Lessons
Casey: One of the major lessons [I learned in love] is that it's unconditional. Real love will love you through your flaws. I didn't recognize my flaws as much until they were staring me in my face and someone is loving me anyway. Harvey will always say, "We're on the same team, we're wearing the same jersey." I understood that we're the only ones that can control whether or not we spend the rest of our lives together. And we both have an active desire to make sure we're always together.
Harvey: For me it's that if someone loves you, they're going to allow you to be who you are. They're not going to ask you to be different or for you to change and they're going to love you the way you are.
Courtesy of Casey and Harvey
"I didn't recognize my flaws as much until they were staring me in my face and someone is loving me anyway."
Best Advice
Casey: There was a couple that Harvey grew up with and before we got married, they celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary. The wife told me to always remember the look on your face when you say "I do". That there are going to be times where we're going to be upset at each other and when things are harder than they should be. But if I remember the look on his face when he said "I do", then I'll always remember--no matter what is happening in that moment, that he loves me unconditionally.
Harvey: The best advice that I got was addressing problems from the start and to not let things fester. I was told by someone to never go to sleep mad, angry, or upset. You need to make sure before you close your eyes that night, that you resolve whatever issue that were there that day. So that when you wake up in the morning, you both are waking up fresh and ready to go.
Courtesy of Casey and Harvey
"If I remember the look on his face when he said 'I do', then I'll always remember--no matter what is happening in that moment, that he loves me unconditionally."
Favorite Part
Casey: I know that this is someone who 100% has my best interest in mind. There's nothing self-fulfilling about what he suggests or wants to do. I know other business people and mentors and they have the best business interests in mind, but Harvey has MY best. I don't know that anyone else cares about that. And to be able to travel for business with my husband, it's strengthened our relationship so much. Its being able to bring our relationship to another level that I didn't even know we had. I knew my husband prayed for me but now he prays WITH me.
Harvey: I think the best part is that my highlights are OUR highlights. When we win, we win together. So it's like we're there in the moment as it's happening and we're able to share that because we're both a part of that.
"The best part is that my highlights are OUR highlights. When we win, we win together."
Featured image courtesy of Casey and Harvey
Want more Our First Year love stories? Check them out here.
RELATED
Lifting as you climb is the idea that ascending to success should not be a lone undertaking, but rather a group effort in which everyone must lend support to those attempting to follow in the footsteps of others. This mentality sets the great apart from the good. It separates those who will be remembered in history from those who will be remembered for now.
During the 2024 Paris Olympics, many have exemplified the "lift as you climb" spirit as retired Olympians returned to support those in their sports. However, none have shown it with the grace and ease Simone Biles had. When returning to the games, Biles was seen as a fan favorite and a possible contender for gold. However, many were skeptical if she would have the appropriate mentality to be able to finish the games or if she would withdraw as she had done before.
Nevertheless, many hadn't realized that if Biles had left with ten medals or no medal, she would have still been successful in the Olympic games. Biles sparked an empowering movement that extended well beyond her personal achievements by imparting her wisdom, connections, and Olympic experiences. She kindled a flame in others, inspiring rivals and allies to reach heights they never thought imaginable. And in doing so, she not only made her own life better but also gave others a strong sense of fulfillment and purpose. As she embarked on her Olympic journey, the world watched in awe as she did so while shouting, "Mental health matters."
In her collective ascent, and possibly her final Olympic games, Biles' comeback allowed spectators to walk with her, hand in hand, while she showed us how to create a world where dreams take flight and potential knows no bounds. Here's how she did it:
Tokyo 2020
Simone Biles of the United States during the Artistic Gymnastics Podium Training at the Ariake Gymnastics Centre in preparation for the Tokyo 2020 Olympic Games on July 22, 2021 in Tokyo, Japan.
Tim Clayton/Corbis via Getty Images
In the summer of 2021, to the shock of the athletic world, Simone Biles withdrew from the Tokoyo Olympic competition shortly after uncharacteristically balking mid-air while completing twists on the Amantar vault, and nearly falling over when landing.
Known as the "twisties," this dangerous phenomenon causes gymnasts like Biles to lose their perception of their body while in the air. This can result in serious injury because, without awareness, the gymnast can lose their sense of where they are and how they will land. Despite knowing this, Biles decided to compete in the Olympics for the sake of her teammates, even though she was aware of the hazards involved, her mental anguish, and she had been telling people that she was "fighting [her] demons" during her training.
When she competed, she debated her routine at the last minute and changed parts of it to make it safer. Though, in the air, she continued to experience the twisties, which resulted in her completing fewer turns than expected, and landing by chance on her feet. Nevertheless, instead of being thankful that she was uninjured, or concerned that she has developed the "twisties," Biles' first thought was of everyone else.
During an interview with Call Her Daddy podcast, she recalled what she was thinking at the time: "America hates me. The world is going to hate me, and I can only see what they're saying on Twitter now." She added, "Holy shit, what are they going to say about me... If I could've gotten on a plane and flown home, I would've done it. I thought I was going to be banned from America 'cause that's what they tell you: 'Don't come back if not gold. Gold or bust. Don't come back.'"
Immediately after she left the mat, Biles walked up to her coach and stated she had been done for the competition. Not wanting to take any chances, Biles made the bravest choice any competitor could make: she chose herself.
Centering Mental Health
In certain respects, Biles believed that by leaving the vaulting podium, she was letting her supporters and country down. Nevertheless, she understood that she needed to take care of herself in choosing to be the best version of herself.
In choosing herself, Biles centered her mental health.
“I just felt like it would be a little bit better to take a back seat to work on my mindfulness, and I knew that the girls would do an absolutely great job,” Biles explained in the press conference following her withdrawal in 2021. "And I didn't want to risk the team a medal for kind of my screwups, because they've worked way too hard for that. So I just decided that those girls need to go and do the rest of our competition."
After her withdrawal, Biles was met with some backlash, but overall she found solidarity. Many fans, athletes, and celebrities, even the president, commended the act from the gymnast and applauded her stepping aside for the sake of her mental health. Considering the act braver than the Olympic competition, Biles was applauded for mentioning mental health and the importance of maintaining mental wellness as an athlete, where outside pressure is endless.
In her two-year hiatus, the athlete addressed her anxiety, depression, and panic attacks, and advocated for mental health and wellness supports while also participating in therapy.
When she returned to the sport, many were happy the star had done so on her own terms. Simone Biles stated, “The Olympics was not how I expected it to go, but putting my mental and my physical health first will probably be one of my greatest accomplishments.”
At a 2023 event in Illinois, Biles opened up to CNBC about her mental health break, “I worked on myself a lot, I still do therapy weekly, and it’s just been so exciting to come out here and have the confidence I had before."
The World Champions Centre Gymnastics Academy
In 2014, Biles and her family created a gym for gymnasts to feel safe and train safely. Known as the World Champions Centre, the gym has become one of the nation's largest places to train top-level gymnasts. So much so, that five out of the fifteen women who competed in the Olympic trials this year came from the Houston gym.
Originally starting as a "construction project," WCC was created by Biles' parents after she had won her first world all-around title in 2013. However, after five years into their "project," the family realized quickly what they had when their gymnasts started to show continuous improvement.
By that time, Biles had won greatly in the 2016 Olympics, and the concept of training with elite groups instead of individually proved to be fruitful. Biles' form improved as the competition continued, and she displayed skills that no other woman had attempted. This would lead to more gymnasts and competitors seeking the gym to build and maintain their elite skills.
One of those gymnasts was Jordan Chiles.
Jordan Chiles
After being passed over for international meets, Jordan Chiles had grown weary of the sport and felt that she had been "stalled out" of the competition. By 2018, Chiles had been ready to quit, however, Biles changed her mind. She encouraged the gymnast to join her at the WCC and to train with her coaches Cecile and Laurent Landi. Once she finished high school, Chiles accepted Biles' invitation and moved from Vancouver, Washington to Houston, Texas in hopes of revitalizing her career and training with Biles.
"We have such an amazing bond. I wish I can explain it to you, but I don’t even know how our bond is so strong," Chiles has said of her and Biles' friendship. "I think we bring different things out of each other. I bring the young self out of her. I bring that, ‘Ooh, let’s vibe and go have fun.’ And then she brings out the motivation, and the encouragement, and the support."
As a result of the WCC and Biles' "lift as your climb" mentality, Chiles transformed into a consistent competitor and eventually found herself heading to the 2021 Tokyo Olympics. There, the then-20-year-old Chiles was slated to compete in two events but had to compete in two additional events in Biles' place following her controversial decision to pull out of the Tokyo Games. In the end, Chiles helped the USA Team win silver and attributed the medal's attainment to the influence of Biles.
Later, due to the WCC, Chiles would win gold and silver in the World Championship 2022 competition and gold in the 2024 Paris Olympics. Over the weekend, Chiles had to return the bronze medal she won in the floor exercise. As of August 12, the US is working to appeal that ruling made by the Court of Arbitration for Sport (CAS) on Saturday.
Simone Biles' Comeback Season
During her two-year hiatus, Biles spent time trying to distance herself from the pressure of Tokyo, and the doubters who discouraged her return. She contemplated whether she would return to compete, and still considered whether she would be up for her third Olympics.
However, Biles decided she was ready to commit to serious training and committed to the 2023 U.S. Classics, also known as the Core Hydration Classic. In her return to gymnastics following the Tokyo Games, Biles found herself back in front of a crowd, but this time, she was in control. Now older, wiser, and more confident, Biles soared to victory in her first meet in years. Winning her sixth-career U.S. Classics all-around title (she has since won her seventh), the gymnast dominated receiving a gold medal performance on floor exercise, and a silver medal on uneven bars and balance beam routines.
"I feel really good about where I am right now, mentally and physically," Biles revealed in an interview post-meet. "I still think there are some things to work on in my routines, but for the first meet back, I would say it went pretty well. I'm very shocked. Surprised."
She would later go to the World Championships in October and win gold and silver there. After two years, Biles had secured multiple medals and accolades at national and international competitions and returned as a singular, monumental force in her sport.
Breaking More Records: Making Team USA
In preparing for her third Olympics, Biles surprisingly became even better. When creating her routines, she didn't repeat the same routines from her 2023 comeback season. Instead, she added more difficult skills. On the floor, she added a triple-twisting double tuck, which was named after Biles. She also included a new dismount combination on the bars. By the end of the 2024 U.S. Classics, Biles received yet another victory and was guaranteed a spot on the USA Team.
Known as a favorite, Biles was predicted to take medals home during the Paris 2024 Olympics. However, it was clear that though Simone was there to compete, winning wouldn't be her main priority. Instead, she would go out and support her teammates and have a little fun with her routine, now that she had gained her confidence back. Winning was a goal, but it had no longer become a necessity.
Regardless, the legendary medalist showed up and showed out, and broke records while doing so.
At the age of 27, Biles became the oldest gymnast to compete in the Olympics and win individual all-around gold. She led the USA Team to a gold team medal and acquired silver for her floor exercise. At the end of the 2024 Olympics, she had become an 11-time Olympian medalist. In doing so, Biles became the most decorated gymnast in history, displaying a comeback like no other.
Setting the Standards for Gymnastics: 'F.A.A.F.O.'
Before the start of the 2024 Olympic Games, beef broke out between Biles and gymnast MyKayla Skinner, who competed on the 2020 Olympic team together. This drama began after Skinner posted an unflattering video where she explained why she believed the current U.S. team was unsatisfactory.
“Besides Simone (Biles), I feel like the talent and the depth just isn’t what it used to be,” she said in a since-deleted YouTube video. “Obviously, a lot of girls don’t work as hard ... The girls just don’t have the work ethic.” Later on, after receiving backlash for her comments, Skinner attempted to retract her statement by offering a formal apology and clarifying statements to media outlets. However, the damage had already been done, and no amount of backpedaling could stop the current team from their feelings of resentment, especially Biles. As a result, the team embraced the motto of "Fuck Around and Find Out," or what Biles would later call "F.A.A.F.O."
In the process of "finding out," Skinner quickly ate her words when Team USA won the women's gymnastics team event during the Olympics' first week. After the win, Biles posted a photo of the team clutching their gold medals as she captioned the photo "lack of talent, lazy, Olympic champions." The caption provided another nod to Skinner, who has now blocked the gymnasts since she openly called her negative comments.
'Find Out': Simone Biles Claiming Silver and Gold
Simone Biles of Team United States poses with her Paris 2024 Olympic medals following the Artistic Gymnastics Women's Floor Exercise Final on day ten of the Olympic Games Paris 2024 at Bercy Arena on August 05, 2024, in Paris, France.
Naomi Baker/Getty Images
In the 2024 Paris Games, Biles only missed one podium event. After winning four medals, the gymnast rose to prominence as a formidable example of what a "Greatest of All Time" contender should look like. She demonstrated to the world what it meant to be a strong competitor--someone who is prepared to take a step back and reevaluate their goals and reasons for competing. She showed that a fierce competitor was someone who was prepared to treat everyone and anyone in their vicinity as equals and promote those who deserved praise.
Biles showed that a great competitor was prepared to look back and lift those behind them as they climbed.
It is Biles' ability to identify the preeminence of her competition and congratulate their excellence that sets her aside from the rest. The gymnast won silver and gold at the Paris Olympics, but she also won the admiration of many viewers who had the pleasure of watching her break barriers that many would have let topple them.
Whether she was bowing for the Brazilian gymnast Rebecca Andrade, planning TikToks with Suni Lee, or encouraging Jordan Chiles relentlessly from the sidelines. Biles showed that to be a true Olympic hero and considered the greatest of all time, you'd have to have resilience, bravery, and confidence.
Even when the world is telling you all of the reasons why you shouldn't.
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Featured image by Naomi Baker/Getty Images