It was approximately 12:20am Wednesday morning when I kicked that damned blanket on the floor and sprung from my bed. In this moment, I realized that I was doing it again. I was momento hoarding.
I'm a sentimental woman, and that's not something I'm ashamed to say.
I made an effort to save all of my old stuffed animals and still have the framed letter that my parents wrote me during my freshman year in college. I'm a sucker for things that hold emotional value, okay? Sue me.
But this wasn't just any blanket. This was the blanket that my ex and I had slept under for two and a half years, a few months of which were spent on my aunt's living room on an air mattress. This blanket was a true ride or die, and even after we broke up, I made excuses as to why I should keep this second-hand, tattered quilt.
I like this blanket because it's not too hot. It's perfect because it's easy to fold: it even dries quickly after going through the washing machine. In retrospect, all bullshit reasons as to why I should keep my ex-boyfriend's grandmother's worn down comforter.
I realized I truly had a problem when a year after I had moved into my first apartment alone, not only had I kept a folder of his old artwork (just in case he wanted it at some point), I also had several pairs of his underwear tucked away in my dresser.
I found myself lost in a sea of emotions just walking into my place. I looked around and realized that the items that had so comfortably ordained my home, all were the belongings of my ex that he refused to accept back.
When a potential suitor came over, I would casually mention that the size 10 Jordans in the corner belonged to a man I hadn't spoken to in months, and assure him that he had nothing to worry about. And when my family asked me why I held on to that dingy ass quilt that poorly adorned my full-sized bed (and in no way matched my room decor), my answers always felt insufficient.
When I packed up my things to leave Louisiana and move to Denver in pursuit of my dreams, I left that apartment with only the things that I could fit in my car. This put me in a bit of a conundrum, because guys, I had a lot of shit.
I heard once that everything that's in your house should make you happy. If you look at something in your home and it doesn't bring you joy, you should get rid of it.
I used this theory, shed about 90% of my dead weight, and got on the road for a 17-hour car ride. When I reached a halfway point in Oklahoma to rest, the window of my car was broken into and I was robbed of most of the things I tried so hard to fit into my car.
They took my computer. They took my degree. They took the last of my ex's underwear that I tried so desperately to hold on to. But they left me something. This dingy ass blanket that now lays on the floor on the side of my bed.
I had been robbed of so many things I cared about, and one of the only things they left me with was this blanket. A blanket that I've slept with for nearly two years since my relationship ended.
Throughout my journey to redemption, I've discovered a valuable lesson: Items hold energy.
Despite my effort to rid myself of every spirit that came along with my ex, I failed to realize that I was still sleeping with him every night.
Even though I seemingly "decluttered" my life when I left Baton Rouge to come to Colorado, I was still holding on to unwanted energy in the name of sentimental value.
I realized that this need to hold on to things that didn't grow me had carried over into my relationships. It was my nature to hold on to people simply because they held sentimental value and it was affecting my energy. Just like this blanket I refused to let go of, I held on to relationships that did not feed me mentally or spiritually because, at one time, they were special to me.
Life purging is the act of eliminating any and everything in your life that may be stifling your growth.
Momento hoarding is a guilty pleasure of mine that now stands to hinder me from moving forward and letting go of what once was. There are people and blankets that will always hold a special place in my heart, but it doesn't mean I need to hold on to them, and it certainly doesn't mean I need to sleep with them every night.
I encourage you to evaluate the items and the relationships that you surround yourself with. Are they around because they hold sentimental value, or are you like me, momento hoarding your life away? The answer to that question can change your life.
Featured image by Shutterstock
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In a xoNecoleexclusive, the iconic actress opens up about embracing this season of her life, new projects, and overall being a “bad motherfucker.” Gabrielle reveals that she was 37 years old when she was diagnosed with perimenopause and is still going through it at 51 years old. Mayo Clinic says perimenopause “refers to the time during which your body makes the natural transition to menopause, marking the end of the reproductive years.”
“I haven't crossed over the next phase just yet, but I think part of it is when you hear any form of menopause, you automatically think of your mother or grandmother. It feels like an old-person thing, but for me, I was 37 and like not understanding what that really meant for me. And I don't think we focus so much on the word menopause without understanding that perimenopause is just the time before menopause,” she tells us.
Gabrielle Union
Photo by Brian Thomas
"But you can experience a lot of the same things during that period that people talk about, that they experienced during menopause. So you could get a hot flash, you could get the weight gain, the hair loss, depression, anxiety, like all of it, mental health challenges, all of that can come, you know, at any stage of the menopausal journey and like for me, I've been in perimenopause like 13, 14 years. When you know, most doctors are like, ‘Oh, but it's usually about ten years, and I'm like, ‘Uhh, I’m still going (laughs).’”
Conversations about perimenopause, fibroids, and all the things that are associated with women’s bodies have often been considered taboo and thus not discussed publicly. However, times are changing, and thanks to the Gabrielle’s and the Tia Mowry’s, more women are having an authentic discourse about women’s health. These open discussions lead to the creation of more safe spaces and support for one another.
“I want to be in community with folks. I don't ever want to feel like I'm on an island about anything. So, if I can help create community where we are lacking, I want to be a part of that,” she says. “So, it's like there's no harm in talking about it. You know what I mean? Like, I was a bad motherfucker before perimenopause. I’m a bad motherfucker now, and I'll be a bad motherfucker after menopause. Know what I’m saying? None of that has to change. How I’m a bad motherfucker, I welcome that part of the change. I'm just getting better and stronger and more intelligent, more wise, more patient, more compassionate, more empathetic. All of that is very, very welcomed, and none of it should be scary.”
The Being Mary Jane star hasn’t been shy about her stance on therapy. If you don’t know, here’s a hint: she’s all for it, and she encourages others to try it as well. She likens therapy to dating by suggesting that you keep looking for the right therapist to match your needs. Two other essential keys to her growth are radical transparency and radical acceptance (though she admits she is still working on the latter).
"I was a bad motherfucker before perimenopause. I’m a bad motherfucker now, and I'll be a bad motherfucker after menopause. Know what I’m saying? None of that has to change. How I’m a bad motherfucker, I welcome that part of the change."
Gabrielle Union and Kaavia Union-Wade
Photo by Monica Schipper/Getty Images
“I hope that a.) you recognize that you're not alone. Seek out help and know that it's okay to be honest about what the hell is happening in your life. That's the only way that you know you can get help, and that's also the only other way that people know that you are in need if there's something going on,” she says, “because we have all these big, very wild, high expectations of people, but if they don't know what they're actually dealing with, they're always going to be failing, and you will always be disappointed. So how about just tell the truth, be transparent, and let people know where you are. So they can be of service, they can be compassionate.”
Gabrielle’s transparency is what makes her so relatable, and has so many people root for her. Whether through her TV and film projects, her memoirs, or her social media, the actress has a knack for making you feel like she’s your homegirl. Scrolling through her Instagram, you see the special moments with her family, exciting new business ventures, and jaw-dropping fashion moments. Throughout her life and career, we’ve seen her evolve in a multitude of ways. From producing films to starting a haircare line to marriage and motherhood, her journey is a story of courage and triumph. And right now, in this season, she’s asking, “What’s next?”
“This is a season of discovery and change. In a billion ways,” says the NAACP Image Award winner. “The notion of like, ‘Oh, so and so changed. They got brand new.’ I want you to be brand new. I want me to be brand new. I want us to be always constantly growing, evolving. Having more clarity, moving with different purpose, like, and all of that is for me very, very welcomed."
"I want you to be brand new. I want me to be brand new. I want us to be always constantly growing, evolving. Having more clarity, moving with different purpose, like, and all of that is for me very, very welcomed."
She continues, “So I'm just trying to figure out what's next. You know what I mean? I'm jumping into what's next. I'm excited going into what's next and new. I'm just sort of embracing all of what life has to offer.”
Look out for Gabrielle in the upcoming indie film Riff Raff, which is a crime comedy starring her and Jennifer Coolidge, and she will also produce The Idea of You, which stars Anne Hathaway.
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Feature image by Mike Lawrie/Getty Images
