

I was a 17-year-old virgin when my gynecologist told me that I was barren.
At the time, my teenage brain couldn’t process how a doctor’s visit for inconsistent periods had resulted in an infertility diagnosis, especially with a rare condition like Premature Ovarian Failure (POF). POF, also known as Primary Ovarian Insufficiency, is when a woman loses the normal function of her ovaries before the age of 40, and according to the American Pregnancy Association, affects 1 in 1000 women, with under 200,000 cases reported in the US each year. If the ovaries fail, they do not produce the normal amounts of estrogen or release eggs regularly, which can ultimately lead to infertility.
The first sign of POF is irregular or skipped periods. In my case, my always-prompt monthly cycle became sporadic around age 15--the same time my father was diagnosed with stage IV terminal lung cancer. Between being a high school sophomore, working a part-time job, learning how to drive, and most importantly, helping my mom care for my father, I barely noticed that Aunt Flow was only coming to visit me every five to six months. Unless I was the second coming of the Virgin Mary, I knew pregnancy wasn’t the cause, so I prolonged making an appointment and attributed the tardiness of my cycle to stress.
After the devastating passing of my father three weeks before my 16th birthday, I attempted to restore normalcy in my life by getting back into some of my old routines, and I assumed that my period would follow suit. After a year of hot flashes, night sweats, extreme irritability, and a period that was still missing in action, I finally decided to see a doctor. I just wish I had chosen a different one.
In retrospect, my initial diagnosis with POF felt more like a scene out of a Shonda Rhimes-created TV drama than how any medical diagnosis should be handled in real life. The socially awkward doctor gave me my infertility diagnosis within the first minute of entering my exam room, and he did so without even making eye contact with me. As he verbally compared my reproductive system to that of a 50-year-old menopausal woman, the robotic physician extended the same amount of compassion and empathy that one would expect to receive during a hammertoe diagnosis!
It wasn’t until I started crying uncontrollably that the doctor realized that the news that he was delivering would be troubling to any woman, let alone a teenager. I abruptly ended the appointment when this so-called doctor couldn’t explain how a healthy 17-year-old girl could spontaneously become infertile. I figured that I would find better medical advice on Google than by listening to him throw around medical jargon that held no substance to someone without a medical degree.
So, I did my research and sought the additional opinions of two physicians who were considered the crème de la crème in the field of infertility. I entered each appointment with positivity and optimism, only to leave heartbroken when both of my highly praised and twice as expensive infertility gurus landed at the same conclusion (although delivered in a much more professional manner) as the first doctor: Yes, I had premature ovarian failure; no, there was no exact cause of the condition; yes, I needed to see an endocrinologist and genetic counselor to rule out any other underlying conditions; and most importantly, I needed to get on a daily hormone replacement therapy (HRT) plan until I reached the natural menopause age, which is somewhere around 50, in order to restore the hormonal balance that my body was currently not receiving because of my defunct ovaries.
Over the next five years, I tried every hormone replacement pill, patch, cream, or ring that was on the market; each one introduced a new undesired side effect. My weight skyrocketed, my hair fell out, my face broke out, and, ironically, I was more hormonal and emotional than a pregnant lady. And those were only the visible changes. Mentally, my infertility diagnosis began wearing me and my confidence down the day that I found out about it.
At 17, the idea of motherhood had honestly never crossed my mind; yet, suddenly the possibility of never having that experience became part of my daily thoughts. Lacking a monthly menstrual cycle didn’t make me feel like I was any less of a woman, the daunting reality that I was naturally incapable of creating and giving life is what left me feeling like part of my femininity had been robbed.
As I got older and began thinking about marriage, my subconscious fear became that I would never find a husband who would love me unconditionally, especially if I couldn’t make him a father. For years, I used this trepidation to convince myself that I had no desire to ever be married or have children, even though I really did. I figured that if I pretended to have no interest in ever having a family of my own, I wouldn’t be hurt or disappointed if it never came to fruition.
Eventually, I developed the perfect defense mechanism to protect myself: focus on building my career and used that as an excuse to sabotage any relationship that was becoming too serious. I built walls up so high that no man dared to break them down; that is until I strengthened my relationship with Christ and realized that I was perfectly created in His image, bum ovaries and all.
It has been ten years since I was first diagnosed with Premature Ovarian Failure and accepting an infertility diagnosis at such a young age hasn’t been an easy thing to do. In fact, I think it is something that I will have to continually work on for the rest of my life. However, coming to peace with it became so much easier when I decided to stop obsessing over something that is out of my control.
Once I started counting my blessing, I realized that I have so many other God-given gifts and talents to be thankful for instead of focusing on the ones that I lack. The moment that I began shifting my perspective, something amazing and completely unexpected happened: I met the man who would love me in spite of all my (infertility) flaws. My bum ovaries weren’t miraculously healed the moment I met my husband, but I do believe that a huge part of my soul was. This incredible man saw the beauty, character, and purpose in what I had once considered to be my greatest insecurity.
Infertility always felt like a heavy burden that I was forced to carry all alone; it was MY flaw, MY problem, and MY battle to fight. Since the day that I confided in him, my husband has never allowed me to feel alone or insecure because of my diagnosis; even on my darkest days throughout this journey, he continues to be my greatest ally and pillar of strength.
While the good days definitely outweigh the bad, I still experience moments of sadness and frustration when I realize it's going to take a little more effort and patience to grow my family. However, I never allow those feelings to linger on for too long. At 27, I finally realize that my inability to conceive should never be a factor in determining my happiness, confidence, and most importantly, my femininity.
"My inability to conceive shouldn't be a factor in determining my happiness and my femininity."
It doesn’t matter if my husband and I beat the odds and conceive a miracle baby, go through the In-vitro process, choose to adopt, take in foster children, or decide to remain a party of two. Together, we’re looking forward to telling one hell of a story, that is still being written, about the path that we chose to overcome infertility.
Brittany "Bee" Netherly-Boyd is a full-time Christian, wife, daughter, sister, and friend who strives to find beauty and inspiration in every circumstance. In between completing her Masters in Public Administration, she is also working on her first book to bring encouragement to women (and men, too) who are struggling with Infertility. IG: @beesherelxo
Devale Ellis On Being A Provider, Marriage Growth & Redefining Fatherhood
In this candid episode of the xoMAN podcast, host Kiara Walker talked with Devale Ellis, actor, social media personality, and star of Zatima, about modern masculinity, learning to be a better husband, emotional presence in marriage, fatherhood for Black men, and leading by example.
“I Wasn’t Present Emotionally”: Devale Ellis on Marriage Growth
Devale Ellis On Learning He Was a ‘Bad Husband’
Ellis grew up believing that a man should prioritize providing for his family. “I know this may come off as misogynistic, but I feel like it’s my responsibility as a man to pay for everything,” he said, emphasizing the wise guidance passed down by his father. However, five years into his marriage to long-time partner Khadeen Ellis, he realized provision wasn’t just financial.
“I was a bad husband because I wasn’t present emotionally… I wasn’t concerned about what she needed outside of the resources.”
Once he shifted his mindset, his marriage improved. “In me trying to be of service to her, I learned that me being of service created a woman who is now willing to be of service to me.”
On Redefining Masculinity and Fatherhood
For Ellis, “being a man is about being consistent.” As a father of four, he sees parenthood as a chance to reshape the future.
“Children give you another chance at life. I have four different opportunities right now to do my life all over again.”
He also works to uplift young Black men, reinforcing their worth in a world that often undermines them. His values extend to his career—Ellis refuses to play roles that involve domestic violence or sexual assault.
On Marriage, Family Planning, and Writing His Story
After his wife’s postpartum preeclampsia, Ellis chose a vasectomy over her taking hormonal birth control, further proving his commitment to their partnership. He and Khadeen share their journey in We Over Me, and his next book, Raising Kings: How Fatherhood Saved Me From Myself, is on the way.
Through honesty and growth, Devale Ellis challenges traditional ideas of masculinity, making his story one that resonates deeply with millennial women.
For the xoMAN podcast, host Kiara Walker peels back the layers of masculinity with candid conversations that challenge stereotypes and celebrate vulnerability. Real men. Real stories. Real talk.
Want more real talk from xoMAN? Catch the full audio episodes every Tuesday on Spotify and Apple Podcasts, and don’t miss the full video drops every Wednesday on YouTube. Hit follow, subscribe, and stay tapped in.
Featured image by YouTube/xoNecole
Tisha Campbell Shares Why She Got A Mommy Makeover & And We’re Here For The Transparency
Tisha Campbell is still here. Here. Here. Here. (If you know, you know.) The 56-year-old actress and singer is living her life loudly and without apology, all while keeping it real about the work she's had done.
While gracing the 2025 BET Awards red carpet last week, the My Wife & Kids alum let it be known that she has nothing to hide as she revealed to Entertainment Tonight that she recently had a mommy makeover. "I had extra skin from the baby and a little bit of droppage here and a little bit of droppage there," she shared with the outlet as an exclusive. "They tighten me together."
The mother of two shared that changing her body wasn't about anyone else; it was first and foremost about pleasing herself. "I'm a single mom, not ready for dating," she added. "But I just wanted to feel good for me."
Why Tisha Campbell Chose to Share About Her Plastic Surgery
Tisha isn't new to keeping it a buck and has always been transparent about subjects that others might shy away from, whether it's about her decision to walk away from the show that put her on the map as an actor or her decision to walk away from a 22-year marriage to ex-husband Duane Martin. Cosmetic surgery is simply another topic for the Tisha to be open about.
Even in a post-BBL era, cosmetic procedures are something that is still taboo to talk about, especially among women in Hollywood who have spent decades in the public eye, like Tisha. The self-proclaimed "open book" shared her why behind disclosing her surgery:
"I just think it's more important for people to know why one does it. If you wanna feel good about you. And I just wanted to be honest about it," she told ET. "I think it's more important, to be honest, to know that you know I didn't all this by myself. It's nice to be a little bit more snatched around that area."
Tisha Campbell is serving confidence and honesty about her mommy makeover 👶✨ #BETAwards #tishacampbell #kyliejenner #mommymakeover
So, What Is a Mommy Makeover?
For those who are unfamiliar, a "mommy makeover" refers to a combination of cosmetic procedures and can differ for every woman depending on her personal goals. While the overarching intention of a mommy makeover is often to "restore" their bodies to their "pre-baby" status, the procedures are customizable and ultimately based on what feels good to her personally.
This might look like a tummy tuck or liposuction, a breast lift, reduction, or augmentation, a labiaplasty, or any other nips and tucks that support how they feel in their bodies after giving birth.
What stood out in Tisha's clip wasn't just her transparency in action, but also the intention behind her decision to have surgery. She waited until her sons Xen, 23, and Ezekiel,15, were older to have her procedure and made it clear that she centered herself in her choice. In her new season life, this is how she is honoring herself.
"For me. It's not for everybody, it's for me."
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Featured image by Rob Latour/Shutterstock