The new year is in full motion, which means we’re gearing up to walk into our greatest season yet. While New Year’s resolutions can look different for everyone, every woman needs a trusty journal to write her dream into a reality.
Journals secure our goals, document our lives, and keep our to-do lists in check. And while studies show that on average, one-third of resolutions don’t make it past the end of January, that won’t be our story. We’ve tapped the expertise of Jasmin Foster, founder of the inclusive stationery and gifts brand, Be Rooted for insight on how to utilize journals and planners to crush our goals all year long.
Courtesy of Jasmin Foster
When Jasmin launched her brand in 2020 as a passion project, it was the first time she wasn't chasing someone else’s dreams; instead, she began to prioritize her own. Jasmin established her brand with the belief that Black women deserve to feel seen and represented across covers and within the pages of their journals. It is both a reflection of our stories and an affirmation to be rooted in ourselves, our culture, and our desires. “I want women to be able to see our products and not feel like they had to make a choice,” Jasmin tells xoNecole.
Since launching, Be Rooted has made history by becoming the first Black-owned stationery brand to be sold at Target and continues to inspire Black women to explore their inner muse and celebrate themselves. “I want our customers to know that there’s a brand out there that believes in them and wants them to succeed,” she says. “We are just one of the tools in their toolbox that allows them to increase their productivity and to achieve their dreams.”
For xoNecole, Jasmin drops gems on best journaling practices, how to make measurable goals, how a chance encounter with Issa Rae taught her the importance of being specific while manifesting our dreams and more.
On the importance of representation through design:
Choosing journals that reflect one’s personality and identity is a key part of the journal selection process. Here, Jasmin shares her intentions behind selecting designs that make Black women feel seen. “We wanted to have products that people could carry with them in their everyday life that were reflective of them and encouraged them throughout the day. There weren't a lot of brands, especially national brands, that were putting Black artwork on the covers in the stationery space. Having artwork that was more inclusively designed and reflective of our community was something that really hadn't been tapped into in a large way.”
Courtesy of Jasmin Foster
Jasmin adds, “As we create every single design, we’re taking into account who we’re trying to talk to, how we're embodying her vibe, and taking into account different skin tones, body types, and hair textures. People are coming to our brand to either find a reflection of themselves or a reflection of someone in their life that they're looking to connect with; and if it's not the artwork, they're looking at the words.”
On how to get started in your journaling practice:
Jasmin explains, “Journaling doesn't have to be something that you need to sit down every day and be like, ‘Dear Diary...’, it should be for when you're ready to sit down, write those honest truths, and recap your day. I'm never going to be the person that is going to push that you have to write every single day because that may not be everybody’s authentic truth. However, if you are someone who is looking to make it a daily habit, as a goal of yourself, I would say there are some amazing journal prompts that you can leverage as a starting tool. Some examples that I think are important are, ‘What am I grateful for the day?’ and ‘One thing I was proud of is…’ Using these journal prompts is a great way to get started,” she shares.
On being specific about your dreams:
Jasmin shares how a chance encounter with actress and producer, Issa Rae, revealed the importance of making your goals as gradual as possible. “While at Essence Festival this year, we were running into all these amazing celebrities, and I thought, ‘What if by the end of the week, I could finally meet Issa Rae?’ I didn’t want to meet her as a fan, I wanted to meet her while we were eating dinner or something where I could have a conversation. I went to dinner an hour later and guess who walks into the restaurant? Issa Rae. And she gets the table across from me. I realized I have to be a little bit more specific with my dreams because I meant to tell God that I wanted her to sit at the table with me,” she says laughingly. “Be very intentional with what you ask for.”
On how to make your dreams measurable:
“Be very clear about what you want. I think in the vision board space, we focus on collecting pretty pictures. But we should also take the time to write a couple of action steps to start marching towards that goal. Think of what the pathway is to get there. Another kind of gut check that I've been doing for myself is, as I'm writing down goals, putting timeframes around them. If every goal is something I can complete in the next six months, I'm not dreaming big enough.”
On giving yourself permission to dream beyond the surface level:
“Because I'm moving so fast at building a business, I often don't take the time I should to reflect on all the amazing things that are actually happening in my life. One prompt that I use at the beginning of the year is, 'My dream is…' and then build upon it. For many of us, our dreams can be very surface because we need to feel like we’re able to actually achieve them. So for me, it's important to write, 'My dream is…' and then push it beyond that and take it up another level.”
On how journals and planners can help create structure and routine in your life:
While some people may look to journals as a means to file away tasks, they can also be a great tool for organizing our life. Jasmin shares how she creates structure through daily planning. “I live by my planner. With my busy schedule, I have to write everything down that needs to get done. One thing I love about planners is that it gives you a structured space to prioritize everything. Oftentimes, we use our notebooks to create to-do lists that are 25 items deep, but when you prioritize the top five things that you’re going to do for today, it becomes way more achievable. I leverage those tools to help increase my productivity on a daily basis.”
Courtesy of Jasmin Foster
On what journaling has taught her about herself over the years:
Jasmin shares how getting your thoughts out on paper can help you get honest about your dreams. “Journaling has allowed me to be honest when I'm ready. I oftentimes find that I will stay in the ruminating phase of dealing with my thoughts/ideas in my head until I'm ready to write them down and put them on paper; and at that point, it becomes real for me. A lot of people are trying to figure out how to take their ideas and then turn them into reality, and journaling did that for me.
"The moment I put my thoughts on paper, I have to be honest with whatever goes onto that paper. You can tell yourself different lies or ignore your beliefs and thoughts when they're in your head, but when you write them down, that makes it real.”
On the affirmation she’s taking into the new year:
Simply put, “I'm that girl.” Jasmin says, “I've always played small and been comfortable being behind the scenes while figuring out how I can elevate and uplift those around me. I still want to do all of those things, but I'm stepping into the season of, ‘I'm that girl.’ I'm not going to play small. I'm not going to diminish myself. I'm going to fully embody the person that I'm trying to become, and y'all are gonna see that.”
“I think a lot of us need to own that we are ‘that girl’ in whatever space that looks like. We all need to stand tall and own the greatness and power that we have,” she adds.
Be Rooted is available for purchase at berootedco.com, Amazon.com, Target.com and Target Stores Nationwide.
Featured image courtesy of Jasmin Foster
Originally published on January 9, 2023
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Anyway, I personally think that the less shallow folks out here may contemplate calling things “quits” or they at least distance themselves a bit from their partner (and what I’m referring to is serious relationships) due to all of the stress and strain that oftentimes comes with the holidays whether it be financial, familial, due to their tight schedules or something else.
Listen, I would hate for you and your man to miss the fun and happiness of experiencing this time of year, all because you are so overwhelmed or irritated that you can’t really enjoy it. That’s why I have a few practical tips for how to avoid allowing the typical holiday season stress from INFECTING your relationship.
Manage Your Expectations
GiphyUnmanaged expectations. If there is a main reason why the holiday season tends to be so stress-filled for so many people, I’d bet good money that this is the cause. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, expectations can manifest themselves in all sorts of cryptic and/or unexpected ways. You might have relatives who assume that you are going to be with them for Thanksgiving or Christmas when you have other plans in mind. You might be thinking that you are going to spend one amount for presents while your man is thinking something totally different. When it comes to scheduling, your signals may be crossed.
And you know what? To all of these scenarios, this is where clear and consistent communication come in. Don’t assume anything. Don’t dictate anything either. From now until New Year’s, mutually decide to check in once a week, just to make sure that you are both on the same page as it relates to the holidays and what you both are thinking will come along with it. The less blindsided you both feel, the less stressed out you will be. Trust me on this.
Set (and Keep) a Budget
GiphyOkay, so I read that last year, 36 percent of Americans incurred some type of holiday-related debt. Hmph. Last year, there was still some sense of normalcy in this country, chile, so I can only imagine what finances are gonna look like over the next several weeks. That said, since I don’t know a lot of people who don’t find being broke stressful, make sure that you and your bae set a budget and then stick to it this year — no ifs, ands or buts.
Because really, y’all — it doesn’t make sense to deplete savings and/or max out credit cards for a few days of giggles only to be damn near losing your mind because you don’t know how to make ends meet come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
And by the way, this tip doesn’t just speak to things like food and gifts; I also mean travel. If it doesn’t make a ton of sense (or cents) to be all over the place this year — DON’T BE.
Keep Matthew 5:37 at the Forefront
GiphyIf off the top of your head, you don’t know what Matthew 5:37 says, no worries, here ya go: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” That verse right there? Oh, it’s a boundaries lifesaver! I say that because do you see “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” in there? Nope. LOL. It says that you should tell people “yes” or “no” and leave it at that — and that complements Anne Lamott’s quote, “’No’ is a complete sentence” impeccably well. Yeah, you’ve got to remember that anything beyond a yes or no to a request is privileged information; you don’t owe anyone details or an explanation.
Besides, if you are really honest with yourself, when someone asks you something and you give a “Umm, let me think about it” kind of reply, more times than not, you already know what your answer is going to be — so why not let you both off of the hook? Give your response. Commit to that. And let everyone (including yourself) get on with their lives and schedules.
I promise you that when it comes to those holiday parties, you are pissing more folks off by not RSVP’ing or doing so and not showing up than just saying, “Thank you but not this year” off the rip.
Remember That Your Personal Space Is Privilege Not a Right
GiphyA friend of mine recently bought a new house and invited me over to come see it. He’s a single man with no children, so as I was taking in all of the space that he had, especially as I walked through his finished basement, I joked about relatives coming to live with him. “Hell no” and “absolutely not” were pretty much his immediate responses as he went on to say that some folks even had the nerve to be offended when he told them that he had no intentions on taking DNA in.
Ain’t it wild how people think that your stuff is their right? And yes, that brings me to my next point. Your home is your sanctuary space. If you want to host folks this year — cool. If not, ALSO COOL. Please don’t let folks (family included) guilt you into how they want you to act or even into what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot. You are not them — and as one of my favorite quotes states, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name Larry Dixon said that.)
Hell, my friends? They know that I am good for sending them random things that they need or even want all throughout the year. Coming over to hang out at my pace, though. Uh-uh. Chalk it up to being a card-carrying member of the ambivert club yet I like keeping my living space personal — and I sleep like a baby, each and every night, for feeling that way.
Always remember that your space, your time, your resources, your energy and shoot, yourself period (including your relationship), are all things that are your own. You get to choose how, when and why you want to share them. The holiday season is certainly no exception.
Cultivate Some “You Two Only” Traditions
GiphyIt’s not uncommon for some couples to hit me up after the holiday season to “detox.” Sometimes it’s due to the financial drama (and sometimes trauma) that they experienced. Sometimes it’s because they allowed their relatives (especially in-laws) to get more into their personal business than they should’ve. More than anything, though, it tends to be because they didn’t get enough quality time together and so ended up feeling “disconnected.”
Please don’t let that happen. Listen, I’m not even a holidays kind of woman and yet, I will absolutely sit myself down with some hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies to enjoy a Hallmark holiday film or two. Aside from the fact that most of them are lighthearted and sweet, I also like that they usually focus on couples loving on each other amidst all of the holiday beauty and ambiance — which is something that all couples should set aside some time to do.
Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe it’s a staycation. Or maybe it’s my personal favorite, A SEXCATION. Whether it’s for a few days, the weekend or even overnight — don’t you let the holidays go by without setting aside time for you and your man to celebrate one another. Don’t you dare (check out “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?”).
GET. SOME. REST.
GiphyI once read that 8 out of 10 people get stressed out over the holidays and 3 out of 10 lose sleep during to it — and when you’re stress-filled and sleep-deprived, that can absolutely lead to hypersensitivity, making mountains out of molehills and even not being in the mood for sex.
Your relationship can’t afford to go through any of this, so definitely make sure to prioritize rest. I don’t care how unrealistic it might seem during this time, sleep should never be seen as a luxury; it will always and forever be a great necessity.
That said, try to get no less than six hours of shut-eye in (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”) and even ask your bae to take a nap with you sometimes (check out “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.”). Not only will sleep help to restore your mind, body and spirit but, when it’s with your partner, it’s an act of intimacy that can make you both feel super connected, even in the midst of what might feel like chaos.
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Holiday season stress is real. Still, never give it the permission or power to throw your relationship off. Put you and your man first and let the holidays be what they are gonna be, chile.
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1. Create a Budget. Stick to It.
GiphyBudgets, boy. I recently read that one of the reasons why they don’t work for a lot of people is because many folks don’t have a clue about how much money they spend on a monthly basis to begin with. SMDH. That said, at the end of the day, it’s important to remember that a budget is simply setting boundaries/limits on your spending — and being intentional about moving in this fashion is always a wise move; especially when it comes to this time of the year…especially being that it’s typical for half of all Americans to take on some type of holiday season debt with 17 percent needing six (or more) months to pay it off.
Know what can prevent this kind of financial chaos? A SPENDING BUDGET. Tips for how to create one of your own this year can be found here.
2. Never Shop When You’re Stressed or Pressed
GiphyYou know how they say that it’s not a good idea to go grocery shopping when you’re hungry? Although the holiday season can be a stressful time, avoid shopping for gifts (or décor or food for recipes) when you are feeling stressed out or pressed for time. More times than not, that cultivates anxiety which could cause you to either purchase things that you don’t really want or to spend money that you don’t really have (P.S. If you’re relying on credit cards, that qualifies as money that you don’t really have. Just sayin’).
3. Don’t Keep Up with the Joneses
GiphyKnow something else that can stress you out: trying to keep up with the Joneses. And y’all, now that we have social media, the reality is that envy is at an all-time high. That’s because it can be really easy to watch holiday engagements, holiday trips and folks bragging about the things that they’ve received in times past, only for you to find yourself wishing that you were them — or putting pressure on yourself and those in your world to keep up.
Listen, it is King Solomon who once said, “So are the ways of everyone who is greedy for gain; It takes away the life of its owners” (Proverbs 1:19 — NKJV) and “A sound heart is life to the body, but envy is rottenness to the bones” (Proverbs 14:30 — NKJV) and he’s considered to be the wisest man who ever lived (during his time — I Kings 4:30). Yeah, both of these verses are a spiritual reminder that whatever you are planning to do or give, do it out of the goodness of your heart — not so that you can low-key “outdo” the next guy.
4. No Need to “Tit-for-Tat”
GiphyThis one might be a bit controversial yet I’m totally okay with that. I don’t care what the occasion is, no one is OWED a present. A gift is a voluntary token of one’s appreciation or affection. That said, if you decide to give someone a present this year, don’t automatically expect something in return. If you get something, cool. If not, if you were giving for the right reasons, it really shouldn’t matter (RIGHT?). On the flip side, if someone decides to get you something and you don’t have something to offer in return, also cool.
Other than going to someone’s home for a holiday dinner or party, for anyone to feel like they should have something in hand because someone else does…that’s not giving, that’s competing — and that absolutely should not be the spirit that you are in (or around) during this time of year.
Again, a gift is not an obligatory thing. If you’ve always thought otherwise, it’s time to do some serious reprogramming.
5. Avoid the Pressure to Buy for Lots of Adults
GiphyLast month, Newsweek published an article that said it’s wise to not spend a ton of money purchasing gifts for adults. A financial expert in the piece said that it’s best to buy for kids because, more times than not, you’re going to get adults something that they already have a lot of, they don’t really need or they’re not going to use (beyond maybe regifting) anyway.
If you’re not feeling that insight, my take would be to exchange names and set a price cap for the grown folks. I say that because, I don’t think that people ever outgrow wanting something over Christmas. It’s just that the over-the-top energy should be reserved for the kiddies — and even then, the “4-gift rule” (want, need, read, experience) is probably your best bet for them…financially and otherwise.
6. Go for Thoughtful over Expensive
GiphyIt’s kind of wild how much close-to-torture folks send themselves through to purchase gifts that, a good 6-8 months now, most folks aren’t even going to remember. That’s why it’s also a good idea to purpose in your mind to get something thoughtful over expensive.
Honestly, that’s a big part of the reason why Etsy continues to be a go-to for gifts (for every occasion) for me. It’s because you can oftentimes get things customized/personalized which ends up meaning so much more to people than something that you bought at a generic department store that might have a high price tag yet still lacks in sentimentality and deep meaning.
7. Use Coupons and Promo Codes
GiphyCoupons (and promo codes) are a slippery slope in the sense that…they remind me of when I used to go overboard while thrift store shopping. I say that because, just because I might find several bomb dresses for under $20, what am I going to do with 50 of ‘em (over time)? It’s just as much of a waste of money as buying couture if neither option gets much use.
And that’s kind of the thing about coupons and promo codes. Some people end up overspending because they rationalize that so long as there are discounts attached, it’s all good. At the same time, this doesn’t mean that you should forego coupons and promo codes altogether. The key is to put together your shopping list (and budget) and then use discounts specifically for those items. If you do this, you could save well over $1,000 annually (at least, depending on what you decide to buy).
8. Avoid Add-Ons
GiphyYeah. Dodge add-on expenses. Add-ons like what? The first thing that comes to my mind is a warranty. What’s the chance that someone is actually going to need that? Another example is paying for things to be “professionally” gift wrapped. Chile, throw that stuff in a gift bag with some tissue paper and go on about your day. All good.
9. Rethink Gift Cards
GiphyIf there is any time of the year when there is a noticeable hike in gift card purchases, now would be it. And although they are a convenient approach to gift giving, at the same time, many come with hidden fees, the full amount oftentimes goes unused (which ends up being a waste of money) and they do come with expiration dates that are oftentimes forgotten.
So, if you’re someone who likes to wait until the last minute to do your holiday shopping, resist the urge to impulsively pick up a handful of gift cards. Unless it’s to a place that you know someone is going to use within the next few months, they could end up in somebody’s kitchen drawer for the next couple of years. And what a waste that would be.
10. They’ll Get It When They Do. And That’s Okay.
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GiphyOne more. Although it is super thoughtful and proactive to get people their gifts in time for whatever occasion you purchased them for, if trying to reach that goal is going to require paying for rush shipping that is damn near as high as the price of gift or spending a lot of gas money that you don’t have at the moment to drive miles and miles away — take the pressure off to spend a ton of cash just to make sure that something arrives at December 25. Listen, through doing business with Etsy, I have learned that through this administration, there are all sorts of tariff issues going on and the USPS is slower than ever too, so paying more may not guarantee much.
The hack? Send a message that something special is coming…soon enough. The thought really is what counts (more times than not); plus, it builds anticipation of something good coming, even if it’s after all of the Christmas Day hoopla. And no one (with sense) is going to have a problem with that.
Now don’t you feel better? Happy Holiday Shopping, sis.
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