
On a Tuesday evening, I am waiting for an interview that I know will be full of gems and will surely change a Black woman’s life. But I’m also full of nerves and anxiety. Friends and family members all around are testing positive and it's like Omarion took his hit song, "Touch" to a new level. My anxiety is on 1,000. Then, E! News host Francesca Amiker joins the Zoom call. Full of joy and light, I can’t lie, she brightened my day as soon as she turned on her camera, flashed that bright smile, and greeted me the only way a Southern belle would.
Born and raised in Atlanta, the Vanderbilt University graduate’s journey is simply inspirational. Francesca originally set out to follow in her father’s footsteps by studying political science and law, but something happened after a special person empowered her to lean into communications because of her brilliant way of captivating the class during public speaking. One idea led to another, and she started her first show, Francesca in The City, where she rode around Nashville with a little camcorder, traveling to museums, hotspots like The Bluebird Cafe, and local events to tell the story of the people.
“That’s when I got the bug. This can be me. I enjoy storytelling. I enjoy smiling at the audience and drawing them in and letting them know something that they didn’t know before.” And just like that, she switched her major to communications and garnered a gang of internships. By the time she graduated, the rising media maven completed 12 internships, from Country Music Television to local news in Nashville, all the way to Time Warner Cable in San Diego.
With detours and delays, Francesca is a testament to hard work and trusting divine timing. After nearly five years of including the position of her dreams at E! News on her vision board, she is now living out her wildest dreams. "I am a woman who is standing firm and who she is now. She knows what she wanted back then. She worked her butt off to get to this position literally to get to her dream job in Hollywood at E! News," she shares. "I’m someone who knows who she finally is, and I know what I bring to the table.”
xoNecole: I heard you say you put E! News on your vision board, so I wanted to talk about how you manifested your new role.
Francesca Amiker: It’s very interesting. If you are in an industry, for starters you need to know and have an idea of who else is in that industry who’s dominating. I knew of various entertainment shows but E! News is the brand that has stuck with me for years. Fifteen years ago, I watched Ryan Seacrest and Giuliana Rancic for the first time, owning that red carpet, captivating the audience, pulling in these interviews, and really getting people excited about the entertainment industry and doing it so effortlessly smack-dab in the middle of Hollywood. It was something I wanted to do—interviewing the biggest stars in the world and bringing them down to earth. Not talking to Oprah because she’s a billionaire, but talking to her about her humble beginnings. That gets me excited because then that creates an ability for viewers to relate.
When it comes to manifesting E! News, the year was 2011, and [I sent] a woman by the name of Jen Lanvin an email stating, "Hi, my name is Francesca Amiker, and I’m a sophomore at Vanderbilt University. I see that you have an E! News associates internship program, and I would love to be an intern for you all." No response. Seven years ago, "Hi there, I see that you guys are creating a digital entertainment show and you’re looking for PAs for that position. I would love to be a production assistant." I heard nothing back, but when I tell you, it’s all about timing.
'What can I do in the meantime to get me to E! News to attract them? How can the morning position in Lansing, Michigan, get me to where I want to be?' I immediately started thinking, 'Alright, I’m going to cover car accidents. I’m going to cover unfortunate vigils and homicides. But I’m also going to cover fun and lighter topics to build those chops for the news because I know I’m going to be there one day.' So I was doing live shots from a hot-air balloon to hosting shows with the Harlem Globetrotters.
So I continue to manifest E! News more and more and more. I said, "I am ready." I got to Atlanta, my hometown, and they created a position for me on the morning show as an entertainment anchor. It was the first time the station had that type of position and entertainment ever, but I knew I had to bring something to the table. I knew I was at a point where I’m now in a top 10 market in my hometown as their first-ever entertainment anchor. What can I do, because we talked about creating where you are, right? Don’t wait until Hollywood calls you. Create in the meantime.
I created my very own entertainment franchise called The A-Scene, AKA the Atlanta scene, and literally, the interviews started coming. I started getting calls like, "Hey Francesca, we’re going to be at the Waldorf Astoria. Would you like to interview Oprah Winfrey? Would you like to interview Ryan Reynolds?" The respect and credibility started building. My favorite part was educating my audience, so despite whether Hollywood ever called, I was now educating and creating a community of Hollywood or entertainment lovers right in my hometown. Four Emmys later and a bunch of eyeballs later, God is so good.
"The respect and credibility started building. My favorite part was educating my audience, so despite whether Hollywood ever called, I was now educating and creating a community of Hollywood or entertainment lovers right in my hometown. Four Emmys later and a bunch of eyeballs later, God is so good."
It was all about timing. I created a vision board right when I started in Atlanta. I printed off two photos of the [E! News] hosts at the time and then, on that third [spot] I put my face. It didn’t mean that I was going to be a third host, but it meant that I was going to be a part of the news family. And every other day I woke up, and I looked at that vision board, I would see myself and I’d be like, 'You got next. You got next. You got next.’ And right above the words E! News, it said, ‘Remain your authentic self,’ words by Oprah Winfrey and Viola Davis. Remain your authentic self and you will get to where you want to be, where you belong.
Four years [and] many jobs later, and this is where we are. I wasn’t supposed to be at E! News 11 or 12 years ago when I emailed to be an intern. I wasn’t supposed to be at E! News as a PA seven years ago. I wasn’t supposed to be at E! News four years ago when I put a gift on one of the executive’s desks after visiting LA and having a moment in the cafe.
That’s just happenstance. That was just me being prepared for the moment. This was all about timing. It’s all about timing. I appreciate God hindering me and creating those roadblocks and saying not yet because now I have not one doubt of what I’m able to do with this company. I’m so excited because this is the gold standard in entertainment and to be a part of it is a blessing, but it’s a blessing I earned. I’m proud of not letting it go. I don’t take it for granted at all.
"Every other day I woke up, and I looked at that vision board, I would see myself and I’d be like, 'You got next. You got next. You got next.’ And right above the words E! News, it said, ‘Remain your authentic self.’ Remain your authentic self and you will get to where you want to be, where you belong. Four years [and] many jobs later, and this is where we are. This was all about timing. It’s all about timing."
Oh, and you shouldn't because it's so inspirational. I don't even have the words. It's so powerful seeing a Black woman be in this space. What do you love most about being a Black woman?
The power that we have when we walk into a room, people are immediately intrigued by us. People are immediately intrigued by what’s in our minds. Of course, naturally, each Black woman that walks anywhere, we are goddesses. We are gorgeous women. But aside from that, what I think is most beautiful about us are the different levels of thinking and what we possess, and the creative juices that each one of us has. Right now, in my current realm, some Black women are hairstylists, some Black women are makeup artists. Nina Parker, who I adore, is a Black woman who has taken me under her wing. And not just a Black woman who was hosting a TV show, but she is a woman who has now created her own Nina Parker empire.
To just be on the sidelines and seeing that happening, from what’s going on with her clothing line at Macy’s to what she has going on thereafter. I am now in the space of so much greatness, so many entrepreneurs walking by me every single day. We are so varied and so diverse and we’re able to do everything, and if we stick together, we can take over everything together. Black women are just phenomenal creatures, and it’s this little bit of sass about us, too.
It’s the magic for me. It’s the magic. It’s the flavor, and we can deliver it in such a classy, professional, sophisticated way. We are magical chameleons.
That's beautiful. So, as you're entering this new level, how have you learned to balance self-care with your career?
That’s an excellent question because at 31 I’m not sure that I have completely balanced it just yet. Talking about my career, this is one of the insecurities I have. I’m not the best at caring for myself and putting myself first. I’ll give you a prime example. And I said this to one of my girlfriends last month, a realization and I knew it, but I never really said it out loud. I waited and I want anyone who’s watching this or listening to this or hearing this. I don’t want them to make this mistake, and this is probably one of my biggest regrets, but something I appreciate about myself too.
I intentionally put off a lot in life, just to wait to be in a city that I felt was going to be my forever home. I put a lot off. I’ll start getting my nails done when I get to Cali. I’ll start getting my hair done frequently when I get to Cali. I’ll start dating when I get to Cali. I’ll start going to therapy when I get to Cali. I always put off taking care of myself mentally, physically. I waited until I got the dream job, but what if that never even happened? I never want another woman to make the mistake of putting off life and putting off love—because that’s a part of self-care as well, opening up to the world and allowing someone to love you—which is what I have not done at all for decades.
And allowing you to love yourself, of course, that’s the self-care I can bring to myself. I love myself dearly but as far as balance, I can do a lot better with that. I urge anyone who can take anything from this to put yourself first now because you don’t know if tomorrow’s promised or if next year is promised. You don’t know when that dream job is coming. You don’t know if your dream city is coming. Take care of yourself and protect yourself now.
I’m at a point, Joce, where I am now fortunate enough to take a step back. Let me explore my new city, let me go on a hike, let me go get my nails done, let me see what Black therapists are around this area so I can go to one weekly, because that is, thank goodness, my coworkers talk about that like it is so normal. Therapy is normal and it should be more normalized, so I’m still learning how to balance.
"I never want another woman to make the mistake of putting off life and putting off love—because that’s a part of self-care as well, opening up to the world and allowing someone to love you—which is what I have not done at all for decades. I urge anyone who can take anything from this to put yourself first now because you don’t know if tomorrow’s promised or if next year is promised. Take care of yourself and protect yourself now."
Absolutely. I watched the interview with Gabrielle Union, and she was talking about how the word 'balance' has somewhat of a negative connotation. Sometimes we might not achieve balance, and that's OK. What is something you wish 21-year-old Francesca knew that you know now?
I wish I dated. But do I want to say that?
I feel like that's honest, especially with who you're becoming. That's a very honest answer. You can have another answer, but I hear you when you say that.
Yeah I am. It’s OK to be vulnerable in that state and also be a boss at climbing toward your amazing professional life. For me, it was, 'You’re not about to get in my way.' I see all these girls getting pregnant or she’s upset about this relationship or she’s crying over here, and I did not want that to be me.
But you know what, 21-year-old Fran, she could have learned and begun trying to balance, instead of trying to learn the balance at 31. Ten years ago, I would have challenged her to be open to living life in that way. I lived life academically and professionally. I could have lived a little more and not tried to rush. We always put this limit. I want to get here before the age of 26. I want to have children by the age of 23.
I want us to live in the moment. I would have challenged myself to live in the moment and be in the moment and it’s OK. Let yourself be vulnerable in that way. I protected myself and kept my guard up for quite some time.
Right! I'm wondering if that was modeled for you to know balance was possible, because for me, it wasn't modeled. I always thought you had to pick one: devote yourself to this one thing, and that's it.
It’s interesting, you know, the thing I saw in my household. My parents have been together now for 40 years and have been married for 36 years. I saw my mother as a schoolteacher and my dad as the breadwinner of the home. My mom created an amazing outlook for us on balance. They have an amazing marriage, and I don’t know that my generation is going to measure up to that, so I avoided that at all costs.
And unfortunately, with social media nowadays, I look at social media, and even as a woman at 31, I’m like, 'Oh my gosh, there’s just no hope.' Where are the professional men out there who know how to treat a woman who isn’t thinking like a certain popular influencer, who just truly values a woman and also wants to be valued? I have the fear of never finding the love of my life like my parents. I still have that fear, but I am being more open. Social media has tainted our generation in our generation’s outlook on love—what love is.
And I'm wondering, if you applied the same pressure manifesting a man the way you manifested your dream job, how that would have turned out.
It’s funny because while I was interviewing Ciara I asked, "So you finally released this prayer!" She said, "Y’all have been begging for it. I just found it was the right time." For me, it’s all about timing. Maybe young Francesca was not ready. I wasn’t ready to dive into this amazing love. Maybe she would have been too immature. Maybe she would have not been willing to bend like she should because a relationship is about ebbs and flows. Right now, I realized that his time is just as valuable as mine, and my love and his love, it needs to equal out.
I agree. You keep talking about divine timing. I'm in therapy and that's something I'm learning. I'm just thankful that you keep dropping these gems. What's next for you?
You know this week and next week I’m about to create that vision board. I do one every single year. I encourage everyone to not only write their vision but to go get those magazines, glue, tape, scissors, and a poster board. And even go to Google, search the item—the picture that you see for yourself—and you put that baby smack dab in the middle of your vision board. I urge everyone going into this new year, even with all the uncertainty, things are still possible. We can continue to live out our biggest, wildest dreams.
Some folks had the best two years, ever in the past two years, with this pandemic. Some people have tapped into things that they didn’t even realize they would have time to do, or they would have the mental capacity to create, and so I just want this to be a challenge to all of our xoNecole readers. There’s a reason you dream and you wake up and you go and you turn to the side, or you go to call your girlfriend and go, 'Can you believe that dream?' There’s a reason she may not fully understand what you’re talking about. Because God only gave you that dream.
It only showed up in your heart, it only showed up in your mind. I want people to seriously take those thoughts, those creative juices that happen now and then, write them down and take them seriously because we’re one action away from living our wildest dreams and creating financial lifestyles that we can only imagine. You’re one dream away from a billion-dollar contract with a company that goes, 'Wow, you’re the only person in the world that thought of that.'
I challenge us to just tap into ourselves more and to deliver on these dreams.
To learn more about Francesca, follow her on Instagram. You can also catch Francesca on E! News’ Daily Pop weekdays at 11 am ET on E!
Featured image courtesy of Francesca Amiker
Because We Are Still IT, Girl: It Girl 100 Returns
Last year, when our xoNecole team dropped our inaugural It Girl 100 honoree list, the world felt, ahem, a bit brighter.
It was March 2024, and we still had a Black woman as the Vice President of the United States. DEI rollbacks weren’t being tossed around like confetti. And more than 300,000 Black women were still gainfully employed in the workforce.
Though that was just nineteen months ago, things were different. Perhaps the world then felt more receptive to our light as Black women.
At the time, we launched It Girl 100 to spotlight the huge motion we were making as dope, GenZennial Black women leaving our mark on culture. The girls were on the rise, flourishing, drinking their water, minding their business, leading companies, and learning to do it all softly, in rest. We wanted to celebrate that momentum—because we love that for us.
So, we handpicked one hundred It Girls who embody that palpable It Factor moving through us as young Black women, the kind of motion lighting up the world both IRL and across the internet.
It Girl 100 became xoNecole’s most successful program, with the hashtag organically reaching more than forty million impressions on Instagram in just twenty-four hours. Yes, it caught on like wildfire because we celebrated some of the most brilliant and influential GenZennial women of color setting trends and shaping culture. But more than that, it resonated because the women we celebrated felt seen.
Many were already known in their industries for keeping this generation fly and lit, but rarely received recognition or flowers. It Girl 100 became a safe space to be uplifted, and for us as Black women to bask in what felt like an era of our brilliance, beauty, and boundless influence on full display.
And then, almost overnight, it was as if the rug was pulled from under us as Black women, as the It Girls of the world.
Our much-needed, much-deserved season of ease and soft living quickly metamorphosed into a time of self-preservation and survival. Our motion and economic progression seemed strategically slowed, our light under siege.
The air feels heavier now. The headlines colder. Our Black girl magic is being picked apart and politicized for simply existing.
With that climate shift, as we prepare to launch our second annual It Girl 100 honoree list, our team has had to dig deep on the purpose and intention behind this year’s list. Knowing the spirit of It Girl 100 is about motion, sauce, strides, and progression, how do we celebrate amid uncertainty and collective grief when the juice feels like it is being squeezed out of us?
As we wrestled with that question, we were reminded that this tension isn’t new. Black women have always had to find joy in the midst of struggle, to create light even in the darkest corners. We have carried the weight of scrutiny for generations, expected to be strong, to serve, to smile through the sting. But this moment feels different. It feels deeply personal.
We are living at the intersection of liberation and backlash. We are learning to take off our capes, to say no when we are tired, to embrace softness without apology.
And somehow, the world has found new ways to punish us for it.

In lifestyle, women like Kayla Nicole and Ayesha Curry have been ridiculed for daring to choose themselves. Tracee Ellis Ross was labeled bitter for speaking her truth about love. Meghan Markle, still, cannot breathe without critique.
In politics, Kamala Harris, Letitia James, and Jasmine Crockett are dragged through the mud for standing tall in rooms not built for them.
In sports, Angel Reese, Coco Gauff, and Taylor Townsend have been reminded that even excellence will not shield you from racism or judgment.

In business, visionaries like Diarrha N’Diaye-Mbaye and Melissa Butler are fighting to keep their dreams alive in an economy that too often forgets us first.
Even our icons, Beyoncé, Serena, and SZA, have faced criticism simply for evolving beyond the boxes society tried to keep them in.
From everyday women to cultural phenoms, the pattern is the same. Our light is being tested.

And yet, somehow, through it all, we are still showing up as that girl, and that deserves to be celebrated.
Because while the world debates our worth, we keep raising our value. And that proof is all around us.
This year alone, Naomi Osaka returned from motherhood and mental health challenges to reach the semifinals of the US Open. A’ja Wilson claimed another MVP, reminding us that beauty and dominance can coexist. Brandy and Monica are snatching our edges on tour. Kahlana Barfield Brown sold out her new line in the face of a retailer that had been canceled. And Melissa Butler’s company, The Lip Bar, is projecting a forty percent surge in sales.

We are no longer defining strength by how much pain we can endure. We are defining it by the unbreakable light we continue to radiate.
We are the women walking our daily steps and also continuing to run solid businesses. We are growing in love, taking solo trips, laughing until it hurts, raising babies and ideas, drinking our green juice, and praying our peace back into existence.
We are rediscovering the joy of rest and realizing that softness is not weakness, it is strategy.
And through it all, we continue to lift one another. Emma Grede is creating seats at the table. Valeisha Butterfield has started a fund for jobless Black women. Arian Simone is leading in media with fearless conviction. We are pouring into each other in ways the world rarely sees but always feels.

So yes, we are in the midst of societal warfare. Yes, we are being tested. Yes, we are facing economic strain, political targeting, and public scrutiny. But even war cannot dim a light that is divinely ours.
And we are still shining.
And we are still softening.
And we are still creating.
And we are still It.

That is the quiet magic of Black womanhood, our ability to hold both truth and triumph in the same breath, to say yes, and to life’s contradictions.
It is no coincidence that this year, as SheaMoisture embraces the message “Yes, And,” they stand beside us as partners in celebrating this class of It Girls. Because that phrase, those two simple words, capture the very essence of this moment.
Yes, we are tired. And we are still rising.
Yes, we are questioned. And we are the answer.
Yes, we are bruised. And we are still beautiful.

This year’s It Girl 100 is more than a list. It is a love letter to every Black woman who dares to live out loud in a world that would rather she whisper. This year’s class is living proof of “Yes, And,” women who are finding ways to thrive and to heal, to build and to rest, to lead and to love, all at once.
It is proof that our joy is not naive, our success not accidental. It is the reminder that our light has never needed permission.
So without further ado, we celebrate the It Girl 100 Class of 2025–2026.
We celebrate the millions of us who keep doing it with grace, grit, and glory.
Because despite it all, we still shine.
Because we are still her.
Because we are still IT, girl.
Meet all 100 women shaping culture in the It Girl 100 Class of 2025. View the complete list of honorees here.
Featured image by xoStaff
Someone's Trying To Hook You Up? Ask These 6 Questions First
As we all know, it’s cuffing season. We’re also on the cusp of the holiday season, and that happens to be the time of year when a lot of people get engaged. And that’s why the fall and winter seasons are the times of the year when folks wanna play matchmaker.
And so, sis, if at least one person in your life is currently trying to set you up with someone they know right now — charge it to it being “tis the season” more than anything else. Because let’s be real — folks tend to be more lovey-dovey than ever right about now, and that is usually what inspires them to try to get as many people boo/bae’d up as possible. Chile…CHILE.
It’s not like it has to be a bad thing. In fact, studies say that somewhere around 15 percent of engaged couples actually met through a friend. All I’m saying is, before you entertain someone’s “I’ve got someone I want you to meet” invitation, it would benefit you to interview them first — for the sake of all parties involved.
The questions that I recommend asking? The following six are what I think can get everyone on the same page, so that there is more pleasure than regret from the hook-up attempt.
1. Why Are They So Invested?
GiphyTwo things that I recently watched over again are the series Survivor’s Remorse (the writing is so damn good) and a movie called Trapped in Temptation (both are currently on Tubi). Something that both of them made me think about is the fact that motive reveals a lot when it comes to why people say and do the things that they do.
When it comes to the movie, specifically, without giving the film away — let me just say that, if you are in a relationship, be really careful about listening to individuals who try to talk you out of maintaining it. More times than not, the motive is shady as hell. And honestly, sometimes people who are close to obsessed with you being in one deserve a bit of side-eye too.
Now, if it’s someone who loves all things love, they are in love and they want you to experience something similar — that’s sweet. Just make sure that they are approaching the set up from a healthy space. What I mean by that is they don’t see singleness as some sort of relational handicap or they aren’t trying to override what you want for your life as if they somehow know better (there are so many ways to be a control freak, y’all).
Hmph. Now that I think about it — make sure that the set-up crew isn’t trying to use you to “save” some male friend or relative of theirs. I say that because I once knew a mother whose son had — count ‘em — 10 kids and she was FOREVER trying to get me to date him. Girl, that wasn’t for me. She was looking for a Holy Ghost Jr. for that child of hers. I’ll pass. HARD PASS.
Bottom line with this one — if someone wants to set you up with someone else, the first thing to ask is why? Make sure to really listen to what their answer is. Then pay attention to if your mind, body and spirit are at peace with their answer(s).
2. Do They Know What You Want?
GiphyI don’t know about y’all, but the people (and let’s be honest, by far, it’s usually women) who have tried to set me up with someone? They didn’t even know what my preferences or type was. Hell, they didn’t even know my thoughts or timeline as it relates to being in a serious relationship were either. And what that boils down to is they were trying to hook me up based on their agenda, not mine — and that usually meant that the guys who they came up with? Yeah…I was good on them. LOL.
Yeah, if someone wants to hook you up, you definitely should ask them if they know what you are looking for in a guy when it comes to his looks, personality, passions, spirituality, relational desires and goals, location, etc. Because, indeed, what is the point in going out with someone who is fine as hell and yet, you want kids and he doesn’t (or vice versa) or who has a great personality yet he isn’t even in the same ballpark of your spiritual beliefs?
If your friend really wants to help you out, valuing your time should come with that — and that means bringing someone into your life who complements your lifestyle. No wiggle room here.
3. Are They Aware of Your Deal-Breakers?
GiphyLast year, I wrote an article for the platform entitled, “Should Bad Sex Actually Be A Relationship Deal-Breaker?” The thing that I think needs to go on record about deal-breakers is they aren’t exactly standards that you have. No, a deal-breaker is something that can’t be worked out even after trying to negotiate or compromise. When it comes to relationships, a deal-breaker might be how long two people should date before becoming exclusive or getting engaged. Another deal-breaker might be if being religious is more important than being spiritual and how that manifests itself (church or no church, etc.). And yes, another deal-breaker may be what each other’s sexual needs and expectations are.
When someone is setting you up, it is imperative that they know about your standards. For instance, for me, I am not interested in dating a divorced person, pretty much ever (I Corinthians 7:10-11). I’ve had friends who have tried to hook me up with that demographic before and it has always been a moot effort. The fact that some of them have gotten frustrated with my convictions has absolutely nothing to do with me. Some have tried to get me to compromise my deal-breakers too — like a long-distance relationship. Is it a firm “naw”? No. However, it’s not really something that I am interested in, so why not just…recommend someone local?
Yeah, if someone thinks that they know you well enough to hook you up, they absolutely should be well-versed in what your deal-breakers are before they do. And if they’ve never asked, all they are doing is assuming — and we know what that typically means. LOL.
4. What Is Their Track Record?
GiphyIt’s kind of wild that we now live in a time when more couples meet online than they do through “old-fashioned ways” like via their friends (although some reports say that Gen Z is getting back to that) — and yet, here we are. Still, if you are willing to let someone play pseudo matchmaker in your life, you are well within your rights to inquire about their track record in that department. Have they hooked others up, successfully, before? Has any of their “Cupid work” caused both people to get exactly what they wanted out of the situation? If/when things went awry, why was that?
I know someone who is constantly trying to hook people up. Thing is, maybe 10-15 percent (no joke) of their efforts have proven to be positive and fruitful — and we’re talking about close to close to two decades of them doing it. Listen, time is too precious to be out here doing stuff ONLY to please other people. That said, if someone wants you to devote some time to one of their grand ideas, you are well within your rights to ask about their past and current success score when it comes to it.
5. Can They Keep Their Own Feelings Out of It?
GiphyWanna know if someone who is offering to do something for you is actually doing it more for themselves? If they try to make it be about them when things don’t go the way they would like, that is a dead ringer. An example? They post a message about you on social media and then question you about why you didn’t do the same thing in return. Another example? They do something for you and then throw it in your face during an argument. Still another example? They set you up with someone, it doesn’t work out, and suddenly you’ve put them in a weird spot. No dear — you put your own self in that position by trying to hook two people up in the first place.
I promise you, it will spare everyone unnecessary energy spent (or even drama experienced) if, before you agree to be hooked up, you get the matchmaker on record stating that they will keep their emotions out of it as much as possible. MEANING — they will do the introductions and then let the chips fall where they may. If they can’t do this, my two cents (save it or spend it) would be to decline the offer. Because all you need is someone texting you about why you haven’t called their cousin back or having an attitude with you when you break up with some guy at their church who they thought was the perfect catch (P.S. These aren’t hypothetical examples — LOL).
6. Will They Respect Your Boundaries? Start to Finish?
GiphyYeah, this final one is a biggie. Just because someone sets you up with another person, that doesn’t automatically or necessarily mean that they should have the right to the details of the dynamic. I don’t care if it’s the first date or the 10th date. I don’t care if you decide to just be sex buddies or to have a full-blown relationship. I don’t care if you stay together or break-up — it’s your relationship which makes it your business. Whatever you share is privileged data.
Yeah, I would say that probably the most challenging thing about being hooked up by someone you know is they have a tendency to think that they are a part of the relationship too — and that is a lie. If things go well beyond a couple of dates, you and the guy should discuss what you will both share with the person who introduced you and then agree to stick to that boundary, no matter what. It’s a great way to protect the dynamic, to keep “outside voices” from influencing the growth and to navigate how you want to move, moving forward.
Someone who hooked you up for the right reasons and knows how to honor limits? They will understand. Will they ask questions? Absolutely. Will they pry? Nah.
___
Should you sit and let someone hook you up? I mean, you never know how your blessing will come. Just make sure that they are prepared for you to do some digging into their mindset before they start sweetly meddling into your love life.
It’s only fair. Hell, and right. LOL.
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