
I don't know where y'all live but I live in Nashville, Tennessee (hence all of the y'all-ing that I tend to do). And chile, when the summer creeps on over this way, it can get pretty ridiculous due to all of the humidity in the South. While I've learned a few keep-cool-hacks like investing in blackout curtains, taking cooler showers, sleeping with a fan on (yes, I have central air but who wants to pay rent to keep that running non-stop?) and working downstairs (because heat rises, right?), I've also realized that if I eat certain foods, I am able to remain cooler too.
If you appreciate the summer season, but you can't stand feeling all hot 'n sticky, do your body temperature a favor and eat a little more of the following 10 foods. They're healthy, they're delicious and they're scientifically proven to make you feel cooler, well through Labor Day too.
1. Pineapple

Pineapples are actually one of my favorite fruits. When you get a good one, it's super sweet, plus it's packed with plenty of Vitamin C and manganese. As far as health benefits go, pineapples are good for you because they've got antioxidants that will reduce oxidative stress. Another cool thing is the enzyme bromelain that's in them can help you to better digest your food while also boosting your immune system (bromelain can ease arthritic-related discomfort too). Another bonus with pineapples is, thanks to all of the Vitamin C that's in it (approximately 131 percent of your RDA), it's a great food to treat yourself to if you're trying to get pregnant. That's because Vitamin C helps to fight off free radicals; ones that are prone to do a real number on your reproductive system, over time.
The reason why pineapples make this list of foods that are naturally able to keep your body cool is because, something else that bromelain is able to do is reduce bodily inflammation. The less inflamed your tissues are, the cooler your body temperature will be, overall.
COOL DOWN WITH: Impress your friends with a Pineapple Fluff Dessert. You can cop the recipe here.
2. Watermelon

When you come across a watermelon that is perfectly ripe, it is truly one of the best things ever! On the health tip, watermelon is good for your health because it's high in vitamins A and C. It also contains the plant compound cucurbitacin E, which contains anti-inflammatory properties. Since watermelon also has the plant nutrient lycopene in it, watermelon can help to lower your cholesterol and blood pressure, and keep your vision strong. As a bonus, thanks to the amino acid citrulline that this fruit also contains, watermelon is able to reduce muscle soreness, if you happen to be someone who works out on the regular.
And just how is watermelon able to cool your body down? Water is something that is able to help to regulate our body temperature. Since this is a fruit that happens to be made up of 92 percent water, I'm pretty sure you can connect the dots on why it can be a delicious way to beat the heat.
COOL DOWN WITH: Summer ain't right without some homemade watermelon popsicles. Learn how to make some of 'em here.
3. Cucumber

Guess how much water is in a cucumber? A whopping 96 percent! That's kind of crazy, once you factor in that it is a fruit (yes, fruit) that is packed with protein, fiber and lots of Vitamin K, along with some potassium, magnesium and Vitamin C too. The combination of all of these nutrients makes it possible for cucumbers to keep your blood sugar right, keep your bones nice and strong and, they can even help to make depression symptoms more manageable (due to all of the B-vitamins in them which can balance out your stress levels).
This is one more food that makes the "cool you off" list, mostly because it can hydrate you while keeping bodily inflammation down at the same time.
COOL DOWN WITH: If you're a smoothie kind of girl, how about one where cucumbers are the main ingredient? You can learn how to make that happen here.
4. Celery

Celery is a trip, ain't it? The reason why I say that is because, if there is any food on this list that is a lot like chewing water (well, cucumbers come in a close second), celery would have to be the one. That doesn't mean it's not hella good for you, though. Where do I begin? Celery contains the antioxidants ferulic acid, caffeic acid, and quecetin that help to soothe joint pain, help to heal kidney and liver infections, and also naturally reduce UTI-related symptoms. Celery has the vitamins A, B, C and iron in it. Some other things that are dope about this particular veggie are the properties in it can assist in lowering your blood pressure, fighting bacterial infections and, due to its diuretic properties, celery is a great food for treating bloating. Also, if your man has infertility issues, celery can also help to treat that (plus, it's known to make semen/sperm taste better because the C that's in it helps to make it taste less salty).
Since celery is made up of 95 percent water, it also can hydrate your cells so that your body temperature doesn't increase and cause you to feel hotter when you're out in the summer sun.
COOL DOWN WITH: If you happen to like soup year-round, how about some summer celery soup? The recipe is right here.
5. Mint

Bet you didn't see this one coming, huh? Let's start with all of the ways that mint is good for you. For starters, its anti-inflammatory properties can help to soothe cold and asthma-related symptoms. Since mint has a powerful way of inhibiting the growth of bacteria that is in our mouths, it's a great way to treat bad breath. Since mint also contains digestive enzymes, it's able to help your body to better absorb the nutrients from your food while also supporting your ability to maintain your preferred body weight. The anti-bacterial properties in mint can help to remove toxins from your system. And, mint is also able to stimulate the area of your brain that is directly connected to mental awareness and memory.
Thanks to the menthol that's in mint, if you put some mint leaves into your drink or even chew on a piece of mint gum, it can create a "chilling" sensation; one that won't literally cool your body down, but it can make you feel a lot more comfortable when you're in the summer heat.
COOL DOWN WITH: Feel like downing a couple of mocktails or two? How about a virgin mojito? You can make it here.
6. Apples

If you want to get a little more fiber into your system, apples totally have your back. They also have a nice amount of Vitamin C in them, so that you're able to get some antioxidants into your body as well. Since apples also have the flavonoid epicatechin in them, they can help to fight heart disease and lower your blood pressure. If you happen to have a real sweet tooth, some studies indicate that apples can actually lower your type 2 diabetes risk by as much as almost 30 percent. Apples also promote good gut health, contain properties that fight cancer and, the flavonoid quercetin that's in them can reduce bodily inflammation and significantly decrease the chance of having recurring asthma attacks.
COOL DOWN WITH: Treat you and your kids to some Caramel Apple Pie Ice Cream Sandwiches. If you want to, learn how to make them here.
7. Coconut Water

There are quite a few people in my life who are all about coconut water. That's actually a good thing because it's the kind of water that contains fiber and protein, along with with a fair amount of manganese, potassium, magnesium and Vitamin C. All of these nutrients (and others) can help to lower your blood sugar levels, strengthen your heart and, even reduce high oxalate levels that can ultimately lead to kidney stones. Another awesome ingredient found in coconut water is cytokinins. They are natural hormones that help plants to grow. In our bodies, they're beneficial because they are able to fight off cancer-causing cells while slowing down signs of aging as well.
When it comes to the ability to cool your body down, coconut water has its fair share of electrolytes. If you take those into your system when you're feeling hot, they can help your system to maintain a proper fluid balance which can support your body temperature remaining at a healthy level, as a direct result.
COOL DOWN WITH: Know what would be dope? Some Rainbow Coconut Water Spritzers. The recipe for them is here.
8. Peaches

Peaches are dope. Full stop. Matter of fact, it's kind of a trip that something so delicious can also be so good for you. Every time you bite into a peach, you're getting some fiber and protein into your system. As far as nutrients go, this is a fruit that also has a nice amount of vitamins A and C, along with traces of potassium, copper, zinc and vitamins E and K. Thanks to the fiber, peaches can help to keep you regular. There are studies to support that peaches can also keep your skin's texture nice and smooth while protecting it from UV damage. Another perk is, peaches are able to stifle the production of histamines in your system; this means that if you're prone to summertime allergies, this is a fruit that can make them more bearable.
Peaches are a cool-down-food because they can also replenish electrolytes. And, it should go on record that vitamins like vitamins C and E are able to reduce oxidative stress while zinc can calm your nerves. The less "worked up" you are, the easier it is to remain cooled down.
COOL DOWN WITH: A couple of slices of homemade Creamy Peach Icebox Cake would be so bomb. Learn how to make it from scratch here.
9. Sprouts

Sprouts are the kind of food that, while they typically don't come up a lot, they probably should. By doing something as simple as adding them to your salad, sprouts are able to be a good source of protein and fiber. Not only that but sprouts actually contain as much as 100 times more enzymes than most fruits and vegetables, they can reduce the acids that can throw off your body's pH balance and the calcium and magnesium that sprouts have in them are able to keep your body chemistry in check as well.
And why is eating sprouts a wonderful way to cool your body down? Something else that sprouts are considered to be is an astringent food. What that means is, it's the type of food that helps the tissues in your body to shrink so that water is able to flow more smoothly throughout your system, ultimately cooling you down in the process.
COOL DOWN WITH: Interested in chowing down on a delicious sprout salad? Get all of the ingredients that you need here.
10. Hot Peppers

Do you tend to like a little bit of "kick" to your food? While all peppers are good for you (thanks to the vitamins A, C, potassium, folate and iron that are in them), what I'm specifically gonna touch on is hot peppers. Believe it or not, hot peppers are an anti-irritant that can actually help to treat ulcers. Some other I-bet-you-never-saw-coming benefits that come with hot peppers are, if you eat them while having a migraine, the sensation from the peppers can get your mind off of your headache discomfort; the chemical compound capsaicin that is in hot peppers is able to relieve joint pain; hot peppers are able to give you a boost of energy so that your metabolism goes into high gear and, they are also able to fight fungal infections that can trigger a cold or full-on flu attack.
If you're like, "I can get with that, but it makes absolutely no sense to eat hot peppers in the heat", I hear you. But, that's actually not true at all. When you eat them, they cause you to perspire. When that happens, it sends a message to your body that you need your system to cool you off. So, don't be afraid to toss back some jalapeños or chili pepper or two. They're better for your health than you probably thought they were. Plus, they can help to keep you cool—all summer long.
COOL DOWN WITH: How about a Coconut Jalapeño Margarita? A delightful recipe is right here.
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Featured image by Shutterstock
Your December 2025 Monthly Horoscopes Are All About Surrender & Alignment
December is about letting go. We end the year with the need for more peace, reflection, and rejuvenation, and that is exactly what December is providing for us. The Sun is in Sagittarius, and anything is possible. This is the month to believe in that and to know that the universe is supporting you. With a Supermoon in Gemini as we begin the month as well, we have an opportunity to gain the closure we have been looking for this year and to wrap up old projects, ideas, and communication breakthroughs.
This is the month to make your peace the priority and let go of trying to control the way the tides are turning. Trust in your new beginning, and give yourself time to prepare for it this month.
A big part of the clarity that is coming through this month is due to Neptune going direct in Pisces on December 10, after being retrograde here since July. With Neptune now direct, we are able to see our inspiration and creativity a little more clearly, providing the perfect energy for dreams and manifestation to be built upon. The smoke is clearing, and it’s up to you to decide what you want to do with this newfound clarity that this transit is bringing. Mercury also moves back into Sagittarius on December 11, which is great for communication and clarity, and the adventures you were trying to see through at the beginning of November come around for you again with greater purpose and support.
On December 15, Mars enters Capricorn until the end of January 2026, and this is the extra push we need to make important changes and to be on the path towards greater abundance, stability, and prosperity. Mars in Capricorn takes care of business, and we have extra energy at our disposal during this time to do so. This transit is an ideal time to focus on your career or financial goals for next year and to start putting some of these plans into motion now. A few days later, we have the New Moon of the month, which will be in Sagittarius on December 19, and this is the perfect New Moon to manifest.
The energy is high, magic is in the air, and it’s all about moving forward with the new beginnings that are inspiring you and bringing you joy to think about right now.
Capricorn Season officially begins on December 21, and this earth sign energy is how we heal, gain closure, and build new foundations in our world. With Venus also moving into a Capricorn a few days later, there is something about peace, prosperity, and security that we are gaining in life and in love as we close out the year, and this is what we need right now. This month is about reflecting on what was, letting go of old hurt, and renewing. December is an ending and a new beginning in one, and there is magic in this space to be created.
Read for your sun and rising sign below to see what December 2025 has in store for you.
AriesKyra Jay for xoNecoleARIES
December is a full-circle moment for you, Aries. You are seeing the gifts in your world and have a lot of gratitude for the way things have come about for you as of late. There are culminations in your world that are providing you with more abundance, stability, and community, and you are exactly where you are meant to be this month. With the Sun in a fellow fire sign and in your 9th house of travel for most of the month, December is a good time to get out of your comfort zone, explore the world around you, and get your body moving.
Mars, your ruling planet, also makes a change and moves into Capricorn on December 15, which will fuel your inspiration and power in your career space. You are making a lot of professional progress as we close out the year; however, make sure to be more mindful of your competitive drive right now. The New Moon on December 19 is the perfect opportunity for you to create some new plans and goals when it comes to traveling, education, and where you want to gain some new inspiration in your world. Overall, this is a month of things coming together for you serendipitously.
TaurusKyra Jay for xoNecoleTAURUS
December is about trusting your intuition, Taurus. You have a lot on your mind this month, and it’s best to delegate, communicate, and allow yourself some relief by opening up to someone and not feeling like you have to hold everything in. As we begin the month, we have a Supermoon in Gemini happening in your house of income, and the plans and projects you have been building here come to fruition for you now. This is the time to gain clarity on your financial world and to take a look at what spending habits you want to let go of here as well.
With Venus in your 8th house of shared resources for most of the month, you are doing a cleanse on your commitments, partnerships, and business ventures. You are taking a look at what you want to dedicate yourself to in the future, and what commitments you may need to let go of now in order to be in the space you truly want to be, both financially and within some of your relationship dynamics. Before we end the month, we have a New Moon in this same area of your chart, and it’s time to look at the opportunities that are presenting themselves and to trust your internal guidance system to lead you forward.
GeminiKyra Jay for xoNecoleGEMINI
You are moving forward fearlessly this month, Gemini. December is your month of love, passion, and dignity, and you are owning the light that you shine. We begin the month with the last Supermoon of the year, happening in your sign, and you are stepping up to the plate. You are showing up, owning how much you have grown this year, and allowing yourself to heal while also acknowledging that you have done your best and you deserve to have fun in the midst of the changes you are creating.
Mercury, your ruling planet, is officially out of retrograde, and you can use this energy to the fullest potential now. With Mercury in your 7th house of love, it’s time to speak from the heart and to talk about the things that matter and that are inspiring you right now to your loved ones. You never know what kind of epiphanies you may have when you open up the conversation to others. Before the month ends, you have a New Moon in this same love area of your chart, and this New Moon is all about manifesting romance, commitment, and abundance in your world.
CancerKyra Jay for xoNecoleCANCER
December is an opening for more love, more joy, and more freedom in your life, Cancer. You have come to a place where you hold so much gratitude in your heart for where you are today and where your heart is shining, and things come together for you with more ease right now. With the Sun in your 6th house of health, work, and daily routines for most of the month, you are getting your ducks in a row while also putting more energy and effort into taking care of yourself, your priorities, and your well-being. This month surprises you in many ways, and it’s because you are showing up.
Mars and Venus both move into your house of love, relationships, marriage, and abundance this month, and you are making strides in your love life. You have both of these opposing forces on your side and are being recognized for the love you are while also receiving the love you want. This month, overall, is about focusing more on the positives in your world and letting your heart have its joy. Before December comes to an end, there is a New Moon in Sagittarius, and this is the perfect opportunity to create the plans you want to see through next year, especially when it comes to your work life, colleagues, business ventures, and health.
LeoKyra Jay for xoNecoleLEO
The scales of karma are balancing, and they are balancing in your favor this month, Leo. December is your month of truth, and of seeing it clearly in your world. The Sun is in your house of romance, pleasure, and happiness for most of the month, and it’s time to relax, be in the present moment, and allow what is meant to be, to be. With a Supermoon in your 11th house of manifestation as December begins, this is a powerful month for seeing your dreams come to fruition, and for feeling like the intentions you have set this year are finally here for you now.
Mars also moves into your 6th house mid-month, and this is the perfect energy to have to move into the new year. You have extra energy at your disposal right now and are feeling fearless with what is possible for you and your daily routine. Before the month ends, we also have a New Moon in a fellow fire sign, Sagittarius, and this is a breakthrough moment for you and your heart. December, overall, wants to show you how loved and supported you are and will be doing so in magical, unexpected, and concrete ways.
VirgoKyra Jay for xoNecoleVIRGO
December is a month of victory, Virgo. You are showing up and experiencing some new successes in your world that move you forward on your path in life. With a Supermoon in your 10th house of career as we begin the month, the effort and intentions you have made this year come into full bloom, and you are being recognized for who you are and the good work you have done. This month is all about showing up and allowing yourself to be seen and loved, knowing that you deserve the support and opportunities you are receiving.
Mars moves into Capricorn on December 15, which brings the passion and excitement into your love life, hobbies, and little pleasures in life that light you up. You want to have fun this month and are going to be walking into the new year with this fearless, happy, and spontaneous energy within you. Before the month ends, Venus also enters Capricorn, and in this same area of your chart, you have a lot to look forward to and believe in right now. Overall, December wants you to be happy and will be doing everything possible to make that happen for you. This is your month to shine, Virgo.
LibraKyra Jay for xoNecoleLIBRA
December is a month of opportunity for you, Libra. New doors open, and you are financially making breakthroughs this month because of it. December begins with a Supermoon in your 9th house, and you are getting a clearer view of where you have been making strides in your life and how it has all brought you here to this present moment of freedom. This month is showing you what happens when you are fearless with your purpose and when you believe in yourself and what you are worthy of.
Moving further into December, Mars moves into your 4th house of home and family mid-month, and you are closing out the year in your safe spaces. You are spending more time with your loved ones and taking the time to quiet your mind and listen to what your heart has been telling you. Before the month ends, we have a New Moon in Sagittarius, happening in an area of your life that deals with communication. This is a great time for getting the answers you have been looking for and for feeling more clear-headed and confident about the decisions you are making as you move into the new year.
ScorpioKyra Jay for xoNecoleSCORPIO
Patience is a virtue this month, Scorpio. December is all about remaining patient and vigilant with what you are creating in your world, and knowing that the universe has your back. It’s time to be reminded of the power of hope, and this month is an opening to greater clarity in your life. There is a lot of energy in your financial zones right now, and this is providing you with new opportunities and new insight; however, the speed at which things come about for you may feel daunting. Keep your head up and eyes focused on what you want and know that you are more than worthy of receiving it.
With Mercury in your 2nd house of income this month, December is a good time to plant new seeds and to think about where you want to be financially a month from now or even a year. This month is asking you to think bigger and to think more long-term so that you can set the appropriate plans into motion now. We also have a New Moon in your house of income before the month ends, and this is when you will see more of your dreams come to fruition in this area of your life, and have more opportunities to build. Overall, December will be teaching you a lot, Scorpio.
SagittariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleSAGITTARIUS
Sagittarius Season is here, and there is a lot in store for you this month, Sag. December is all about what you are dedicating yourself to. It’s about setting your intentions and putting the work in to back up your dreams, and about getting things in order so that when the new beginnings come, you are ready for them. The Sun and Venus are in your sign for most of this month, and there are a lot of eyes on you right now. You have the potential to create a new beginning for yourself, and it’s time to invest in yourself, your love life, and your dreams.
Mercury moves into Sagittarius on December 11, and this is giving you another opportunity to see through some of the plans that you had initiated in November. Mercury was retrograde in your sign last month, and there may have been some disruptions to your vision and plans for the future, and now this energy is turning around for you. Before the month ends, we also have a New Moon in Sagittarius, and you are walking through new doors fearlessly. You are catching others by surprise by your growth this month, and you are thinking a lot about your purpose, future, and plans for the new year.
CapricornKyra Jay for xoNecoleCAPRICORN
December is all about the vision, Capricorn. You are moving through a lot of changes and transformations this month, yet they are giving you a chance at a new beginning in the process. You are focused more on the future and what goals you want to manifest for yourself right now, and are ready to let go of what hasn’t been working for you. With the Sun in your 12th house of closure for most of December, this is your time for healing, but remember, healing doesn’t have to be isolating or boring; you can thrive while you renew, and you are this month.
Mid-month, the excitement picks up for you, and you are feeling more energized than you have in a while. Mars moves into Capricorn until the end of January 2026, and you are being proactive with your goals, intentions, and passions. You are a force to be reckoned with this month, and you are making things happen for yourself with confidence. Capricorn Season officially begins on December 21 this year, and this is definitely speeding up your healing process. You are breaking free from what was, and with Venus also moving into Capricorn before the month ends, you are leaving this year in high spirits and with love opening a new door for you.
AquariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleAQUARIUS
December is all about community, creativity, and manifestation, Aquarius. This is the month to work together with others to help bring your dreams to life. You are in a space of inspiration, empowerment, and beauty, and are creating more of this energy around you and in your world. Look out for what support comes your way this month and know that you don’t have to do everything alone to succeed. With the Sun in your 11th house of manifestation and friendship, your intentions are coming to fruition, and it’s time to celebrate with the people you love and to own how far you have come this year.
On December 19, we have a New Moon in Sagittarius, lighting up your life in all of the best ways possible. This is your New Moon of freedom, victory, and magic, and you are seeing new beginnings appear that you were once just hoping for. Before the month comes to an end, Venus moves into your 12th house of closure, and after an active and successful month, you are ready to relax, heal, and give your heart some of the attention it has been asking for. You are moving into the new year with the need to release and renew what hasn’t been working in your relationships, and you are finally ready to.
PiscesKyra Jay for xoNecolePISCES
December is a big month for you, Pisces. You are making some huge accomplishments this month, and are feeling like everything you have been through this year has been worth it for these moments that are coming to fruition for you now. The Sun is in your 10th house of career and reputation for most of the month, and this is where a lot of your focus is right now. You are claiming your successes and putting yourself out there in ways that not only serve you, but that inspire others as well.
Neptune officially goes direct on December 10, after being retrograde in your sign since July, and you are finally seeing things a little more clearly. You are feeling renewed inspiration and passion in your life, and your intuition is your strongest asset right now. Before December comes to an end, we also have a New Moon in your 10th house of career, and what happens now not only changes things for you in the present, but it also opens new doors and what is possible for you in the new year as well. Overall, you are on top of your game this month and are owning the joy and empowerment you feel.
Featured image by Kyra Jay for xoNecole
Do You Expect Others To Read Your Mind? Here's The Problem With That.
Omniscience. If someone were to offer you $100 right this second for the definition of that word, could you immediately provide it? If you’re not sure, basically omniscience is about being able to know everything — and to those who believe in God, only he is given that honor. For those who believe in Satan? Not even he is omniscient (as much as he would like people to think otherwise).
Sometimes, it might feel that otherwise because some beings and even people are truly masterful when it comes to reading body language, observing patterns, and picking up on cues. Still, no matter how much it might seem like someone can read someone else’s mind, they can’t. It is literally impossible — and I will briefly expound on that in just a moment.
Oh, but there are plenty of people whose egos have them thinking that they can read someone else’s mind. Then there are others who have fantasies, which create unrealistic expectations that others in their lives actually should read their mind. And you know what — both of these things can cause unnecessary stress, drama, and trauma, if folks aren’t careful.
And that’s why I think it’s important that we unpack this a bit more. Because if you’re someone who thinks that if another person truly cares for you, they should be able to read your mind, it’s time to let that ridiculous yet semi-popular notion absolutely and completely go.
Here’s why.
It’s Scientifically Impossible for Someone to Read Your Mind
There are a couple of reasons why I am starting this off with R&B singer Avant. For one thing, I don’t think that he gets nearly enough flowers and secondly, clearly, this is a more-than-fitting song for today’s topic, wouldn’t you say? Because, lawd, there really is something that makes some of us feel all warm ‘n fuzzy about the mere thought of a man telling us that he is so in tuned with us that he can basically read our mind.
Hmph. Problem with that is, as I said in the intro, it is scientifically impossible (for us and for AI to do, praise the Lord!). And yet the fact that so many individuals think that they defy scientific data and research is oftentimes why there are so many breakdowns in communication — because if you run on assumption (that you can read someone’s mind) without clarification and confirmation, you can create issues that didn’t exist before you decided to fall for your own mind-reading theories.
Now to be fair, while science is still trying to figure out why we can’t read minds, what is sure is that we do have the capability to perceive the thoughts and actions of others if we’re willing to pay really close attention. However, do keep in mind that reading and perceiving are different. Reading? It’s about being able "to apprehend or interpret the meaning of" and "to anticipate, expect, or calculate by observation." Perceiving? It’s all about “to become aware of, know, or identify by means of the senses” and “to recognize, discern, envision, or understand.”
And already, do you see the differences? So much certainty comes with reading while perceiving is about humbling oneself (bookmark that) to not try to know everything but instead to try and understand what is transpiring. And since no one person (or their mind) is ever truly static, that is a huge part of the reason why believing that you can read someone’s mind — no matter how close you may be to them — is futile. You can change your mind on a dime. Others can do the same. Learning to perceive what is going on instead of assuming that you can “read” folks is far more beneficial.
Besides, you might be surprised by a particular demo who thinks that if you are truly who they need you to be, you will read their minds — and boy, once you know who they are, that may cure you of the whole “read your mind” ish…quick, fast and in a hurry.
The Expectation Is Oftentimes Rooted in Egomania
GiphyWhile doing a bit of research on this topic, I thought it was interesting that a particular type of person kept coming up. Can you guess which one? A NARCISSIST. What I kept noticing is a telling sign of a narcissistic individual is they expect others to read their mind.
I must admit that I was caught off guard by that at first because narcissists and their damn egos are so out of control (bookmark that) that it would seem like they would be more focused on acting like they know the thoughts of other people. Here’s the thing, though — the reason why narcissists want others to read their mind is because they want you to do things like guess what they want and need before they ask — and they want that to happen because they believe that they are so damn special that you should put in the extra blood, sweat and tears to figure it all out. Hmph. Now that tracks.
Another reason why narcissists want you to be able to read their mind is so they can manipulate and deflect. Meaning, if you say and do things based on what you thought they wanted you to, should everything crash and burn, they can dodge accountability and blame you for it. Hmm, does reading someone’s mind seem romantic and beautiful now? SMDH.
And again, all of this is tied to ego because, at the end of the day, mind-reading is a form of control and narcissists are definitely very controlling people. And honestly, mind-reading is as well because why do you even want to know someone’s private thoughts before they share them and, at the same time, why would you want someone to have that kind of power in your life either? “Eww” is what immediately comes to my mind. “Yuck” is what follows.
So, why is it that so many people think that it’s a good thing to have someone read their mind — I mean, the ones who don’t show narcissistic tendencies, that is? Good question.
5 Reasons Why Some People Wish Someone Would/Could Read Their Mind
GiphyOkay, so ego and pridefulness aside, what would be some other reasons why people think that it’s such a wonderful thing if someone who they are in some sort of intimate relationship with can read their mind.
1. They are caught up in Disney and rom-coms. One day, I am going to do an article on all of the ways that Disney and rom-coms have destroyed the reality of relationships. For now, I’ll just say that the scripted tales of both have caused a lot of people to think that if someone loves them, they should be able to read their mind. Nooo…if someone loves you, they should care to know what is on your mind. And that brings me to the second point.
2. They aren’t as good at communicating as they think. Are you a good communicator? One way to know if you are is you’re able to clearly articulate your wants and needs — because really, if you are able to do that, why should anyone even need to read your mind? Feel me? Let’s move on.
3. They want someone else to work harder at their relationships than they do. I say it in my sessions often — it’s beyond crazy to think that someone should work harder at figuring out what your wants, needs and expectations are than you are willing to express them. Hmph. It makes me think of a friend of mine who says that “should” is a dangerous word. What she means by that is saying that someone should do or not do something simply because YOU THINK that’s how it “should” go is a surefire way to stay disappointed and even be disillusioned. No, your man shouldn’t just know what you want every year for your birthday. Did you state it? If not, why aren’t you playing fair? Who has time for all of the guessing games and then getting penalized if they guess wrong? Stop it.
4. They think it’s the sign of a healthy relationship (it isn’t). Anyone who knows me knows that I am always and forever going to be Team Healthy over Team Happy and my reason why never changes. Only children expect to live in a world where they are happy all of the time — and yes, there are a lot of childish people out here. People who want their mind read? They tend to live in happy land. Meanwhile, a healthy relationship knows that clear communication, mutual respect, keen listening, patience and understanding that humans make mistakes are foundational to its success.
5. They are lazy. And yes y’all, some people want others to read their mind because they are lazy and it really is just as simple as that. Thing is, while they are being passive aggressive, dropping hints or giving the silent treatment so that you can figure out whatever it is that they…want you to figure out, that tends to take more effort than simply speaking up. Ridiculous, chile.
How to Let the Myth Go
GiphyGee, after reading all of this, suddenly reading minds just seems like a lot of silliness with a sprinkle of drama and potential trauma, doesn’t it? And it’s all because some people choose to treat something that is a myth like it’s a bona fide fact. SMDH.
And what if you happen to be one of those individuals? How do you break free? COMMUNICATE. Openly, clearly and maturely share what’s on your mind and heart because, the true tell of a solid relationship isn’t that someone can read your mind; it’s that they can retain what you’ve already stated.
Less reading. More perceiving. That’s the secret sauce.
And when you accept this for what it is, you will realize that it’s far better for you, your partner and your relationship to stop expecting the impossible and to accept what is actual: that learning your partner, as they strive to do the same thing with you, is better than you both assuming that you know what…maybe you do, maybe you don’t.
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Author Frank Sonnenberg once said, “People can’t hear what you don’t say. Thinking isn’t communicating” — and I think this is a perfect place to bring all of this to a close.
Find the kind of relationship(s) where intention is so strong that mind-reading isn’t even desired.
At the end of the day, it really is as simple as that.
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