'Tis the season of sensuality, pleasure, and self-indulgence with hella planets in Taurus right now, placing an emphasis on our physical, earthly experience. This energy encourages us to get embodied by enjoying the sensory experience of life like basking in mother nature, enjoying your favorite comfort foods and having a whole lot of sex (cues Megan Thee Stallion's Fever).
When most people think of sex, they likely imagine a passionate exchange between two people; however, we can't overlook the importance of practicing acts of self-pleasure, which can be equally beneficial as a shared experience with a partner.
As taboo as masturbation is, for whatever reason, there are many benefits to being more intentional about including this practice in your self-care routine. According to Planned Parenthood, "Masturbation can release sexual tension, reduce stress, help you sleep better, improve your self-esteem and body image, help treat sexual problems, relieve menstrual cramps, etc…" Not only is masturbation good for your physical health but it can also help you strengthen your relationship with self by giving you the chance to explore yourself, what you like, and don't like.
Developing greater body awareness can make it easier for you to communicate your needs with your sexual partner.
Now there are many ways to do the do—some like the old-fashioned finger or two, others are more into the bells and whistles that come with a five-speed vibrator, and then there's the exceptionally innovative cucumber crew. My personal preference is the traditional method but every now and then I may opt for my toy. After working with Yoni eggs for a couple of years and completing a coaching program last summer, I was gifted my first crystal wand—a girthy, 7-inch, spiraled Rose Quartz wand that I've infrequently referred to as "Mandingo".
Vanessa Cuccia, the mastermind behind the renowned Chakrubs, created her own line of crystal sex toys in hopes of dismantling the stigma around sexual expression. After spending time working in a Los Angeles sex toy shop, Cuccia knew that she had something else to offer the self-pleasure industry. In a 2018 interview with Refinery29, she said:
"I came up with the concept of Chakrubs in 2011 when I was working in an adult shop and living with a spiritual teacher who deepened my understanding of crystal healing. I wanted to create a mindful practice that sensitises you to subtle energetic vibrations, creating a more emotional connection. This is what I needed when I created the concept – a great orgasm, plus a way to connect to myself on a deeper level."
Read on to learn more about how to access the healing power of crystal dildos in your self-love, self-healing, and self-pleasure practices.
Types of Crystal Wands: Rose Quartz, Obsidian, and Amethyst—Oh My!
When it comes to investing in your first crystal, there are a few things to consider—the first being the energy you'd like to cultivate (or release).
Each crystal has its own special components that can offer a variety of experiences unique to the individual using it. As it pertains to crystal wands, the most popular go-to's include Rose Quartz, Black Obsidian, and Amethyst. If you're focused on amplifying self-love and soothing emotional distress, Rose Quartz is your best bet. Black Obsidian is more of a heavy hitter with its potential to unlock repressed sexual trauma and shame surrounding your sexuality. For those of you trying to get your third eye popping, Amethyst is your friend and this crystal is also good for alleviating anxiety.
There are a few other crystals to consider that may better suit your intentions so make sure to do your research prior to making your purchase. You may even wish to simply follow your intuition, as your spirit will be drawn to the energy that you can benefit from the most.
Crystal Wands: Length or Width?
Now it's time to get choosy. Crystal wands come in different sizes and shapes for those of you ladies that prefer the curve ;) A standard wand is about 7 inches long and 1 and a half inches wide. The slim wand is the same length but only a little over an inch wide. The curved wand featuring a bulbous end is perfect for stimulating your G-spot measuring about 6.75 inches long and 1.25 inches wide. Some wands feature enhancements such as the gentle ridges featured on the spiral wands.
It's also imperative that you purchase your crystal sex toy from an ethical source to keep your coochie safe and sound. A reputable provider will often have their crystals go through a gemstone report analysis by the GIA (Gemological Institute of America) and you're more than welcome to request this information prior to making your purchase. A very reputable brand to look into for crystal dildos and sex toys is called Chakrubs, a company founded by Vanessa Cuccia.
How to Clean Your Crystal Wand
So you finally made the leap and purchased your crystal wand. What next?
The first thing you want to do is energetically cleanse your wand just as you would for any any of your personal crystals. There are a few ways to go about this. My go-to method is burning a stick of Sage around my crystal wand while affirming that it be cleansed of any energies that came into contact with it prior to me receiving it. If you're not into Sage, you can burn your favorite incense or some Palo Santo.
Using the power of a Full Moon is also a great way to dispel unwanted energies from your crystal sex toy. On the night of the Full Moon, or during the waning phase, place your crystal wand in a glass container with fresh water and a little bit of salt. Avoid tap water unless you've boiled it and wait until the water cools down before you put your crystal in it. If you can, set your container out on the night of the Full Moon, as this energy is perfect for cleansing rituals. Keep in mind that your intention is powerful and even a simple prayer can do the job.
Now that you've energetically cleansed your crystal wand, it's time for a physical cleanse as well. I typically opt for a solution of warm water and Apple Cider Vinegar. You can also replace the ACV with Lemon instead. Mild soap or your favorite feminine wash can also be used. Check out the piece I wrote about Yoni eggs for a more detailed synopsis of the cleansing method.
Using Crystal Wands: The Initiation
After I energetically and physically cleanse my crystal wand, I like to partake in a self-care ritual to initiate it. I've been big on spiritual baths for the past few years as they're perfect for energetic clearing and enhancing sensuality. Have fun and use your intuition when it comes to what you include in your bath. Before preparing your bath, make sure you have an intention in mind. This will be different for each person and may include something along the lines of "getting over an ex", "enhancing self-esteem", "healing sexual shame/trauma", "attracting new love", etc.
After you've spent some time reflecting on this, it's time to brew your spiritual bath. Sea salt is an absolute must for me in every single bath that I take due to my work as a spiritual practitioner (but you don't have to be a Tarot reader to benefit from a salt bath). We come into contact with so many energies throughout our day making the aura muddled and discordant. Not only does the salt help remove toxins from your body but it also dispels foreign energies that may latch onto you throughout your day. Relax, sis. You're not hosting dark forces but you may be carrying around your bestie's break up blues or your boss's irritability.
Soaking in a salt bath can actually neutralize your aura back to its home state by clearing out the energy that is not yours.
As you prepare your bath, you may like to play some music that gets you in the mood or some self-love affirmations. The element of water has the ability to take on the energy of anything around it and the effects of sound can actually alter the frequency of the water you'll be bathing in. If you've got a Singing Bowl or Bells, you can use those as well. So we've got the water and earth elements taken care of for the spiritual bath and now all we're missing is air and fire. Burning pink, red, or white candles can add to the ambiance while also helping you focus on the intention you set for your spiritual bath.
Now that your bath is intricately and lovingly prepared, it's time to actually enjoy it. Give yourself a minimum of 30 minutes to one hour maximum to soak in the water. It's during this time that I initiate my crystal wand. During my first go-around with this, I was hella apprehensive given the size of my crystal wand. If you're a bit scary like myself, that's totally okay. There's no need to rush right into insertion (which I mistakenly assumed was the right way to go about it). Instead of going all the way, I found myself seductively gliding my crystal wand across my body as I soaked in my bath. Before I knew it, my wand had found a hot spot that it wanted to give extra attention to, which resulted in me gliding the crystal in a circular motion around my womb area for about 10-15 minutes.
The primary focus of both my Yoni egg and crystal wand practices has been about healing childhood sexual trauma, which is often stored in the womb so I was pleased to witness how my spirit was guiding this whole process, knowing exactly what I needed. As I continued with the foreplay process, I slowly began feeling ready to go all the way by starting off with just the tip for a few minutes. At this point, all inhibition went out the door, I drained my bath water, and went to my bedroom to finish the deed (you can definitely do this in the bathtub, if that's your preference).
Afterwards, I felt a rush of euphoria and an expansiveness in my heart that wasn't quite there before. Whenever I use Rose Quartz, I feel a sense of innocence restored, which is necessary for the inner child work that I've been doing the past few years. And to think, this was just my first time using my crystal wand and it was already proving to be another integral, cathartic tool for my healing journey.
10/10, would definitely recommend.
Featured image by Giphy
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This Is How To Keep 'Holiday Season Stress' From Infecting Your Relationship
Hmph. Maybe it’s just me, but it seems like there is something really weird happening in the fall season air (because winter doesn’t officially begin until December 21) that cuddle season is in full swing while break-up season is as well. In fact, did you know that break-ups are so popular during the holiday season that December 11 is deemed Break-Up Day?
The reasons why relationships shift around this time vary; however, I did both roll my eyes and chuckle when I read that a very popular one is because it’s an easy way to get out of getting one’s significant other a Christmas present. SMDH.
Anyway, I personally think that the less shallow folks out here may contemplate calling things “quits” or they at least distance themselves a bit from their partner (and what I’m referring to is serious relationships) due to all of the stress and strain that oftentimes comes with the holidays whether it be financial, familial, due to their tight schedules or something else.
Listen, I would hate for you and your man to miss the fun and happiness of experiencing this time of year, all because you are so overwhelmed or irritated that you can’t really enjoy it. That’s why I have a few practical tips for how to avoid allowing the typical holiday season stress from INFECTING your relationship.
Manage Your Expectations
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Unmanaged expectations. If there is a main reason why the holiday season tends to be so stress-filled for so many people, I’d bet good money that this is the cause. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, expectations can manifest themselves in all sorts of cryptic and/or unexpected ways. You might have relatives who assume that you are going to be with them for Thanksgiving or Christmas when you have other plans in mind. You might be thinking that you are going to spend one amount for presents while your man is thinking something totally different. When it comes to scheduling, your signals may be crossed.
And you know what? To all of these scenarios, this is where clear and consistent communication come in. Don’t assume anything. Don’t dictate anything either. From now until New Year’s, mutually decide to check in once a week, just to make sure that you are both on the same page as it relates to the holidays and what you both are thinking will come along with it. The less blindsided you both feel, the less stressed out you will be. Trust me on this.
Set (and Keep) a Budget
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Okay, so I read that last year, 36 percent of Americans incurred some type of holiday-related debt. Hmph. Last year, there was still some sense of normalcy in this country, chile, so I can only imagine what finances are gonna look like over the next several weeks. That said, since I don’t know a lot of people who don’t find being broke stressful, make sure that you and your bae set a budget and then stick to it this year — no ifs, ands or buts.
Because really, y’all — it doesn’t make sense to deplete savings and/or max out credit cards for a few days of giggles only to be damn near losing your mind because you don’t know how to make ends meet come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
And by the way, this tip doesn’t just speak to things like food and gifts; I also mean travel. If it doesn’t make a ton of sense (or cents) to be all over the place this year — DON’T BE.
Keep Matthew 5:37 at the Forefront
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If off the top of your head, you don’t know what Matthew 5:37 says, no worries, here ya go: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” That verse right there? Oh, it’s a boundaries lifesaver! I say that because do you see “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” in there? Nope. LOL. It says that you should tell people “yes” or “no” and leave it at that — and that complements Anne Lamott’s quote, “’No’ is a complete sentence” impeccably well. Yeah, you’ve got to remember that anything beyond a yes or no to a request is privileged information; you don’t owe anyone details or an explanation.
Besides, if you are really honest with yourself, when someone asks you something and you give a “Umm, let me think about it” kind of reply, more times than not, you already know what your answer is going to be — so why not let you both off of the hook? Give your response. Commit to that. And let everyone (including yourself) get on with their lives and schedules.
I promise you that when it comes to those holiday parties, you are pissing more folks off by not RSVP’ing or doing so and not showing up than just saying, “Thank you but not this year” off the rip.
Remember That Your Personal Space Is Privilege Not a Right
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A friend of mine recently bought a new house and invited me over to come see it. He’s a single man with no children, so as I was taking in all of the space that he had, especially as I walked through his finished basement, I joked about relatives coming to live with him. “Hell no” and “absolutely not” were pretty much his immediate responses as he went on to say that some folks even had the nerve to be offended when he told them that he had no intentions on taking DNA in.
Ain’t it wild how people think that your stuff is their right? And yes, that brings me to my next point. Your home is your sanctuary space. If you want to host folks this year — cool. If not, ALSO COOL. Please don’t let folks (family included) guilt you into how they want you to act or even into what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot. You are not them — and as one of my favorite quotes states, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name Larry Dixon said that.)
Hell, my friends? They know that I am good for sending them random things that they need or even want all throughout the year. Coming over to hang out at my pace, though. Uh-uh. Chalk it up to being a card-carrying member of the ambivert club yet I like keeping my living space personal — and I sleep like a baby, each and every night, for feeling that way.
Always remember that your space, your time, your resources, your energy and shoot, yourself period (including your relationship), are all things that are your own. You get to choose how, when and why you want to share them. The holiday season is certainly no exception.
Cultivate Some “You Two Only” Traditions
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It’s not uncommon for some couples to hit me up after the holiday season to “detox.” Sometimes it’s due to the financial drama (and sometimes trauma) that they experienced. Sometimes it’s because they allowed their relatives (especially in-laws) to get more into their personal business than they should’ve. More than anything, though, it tends to be because they didn’t get enough quality time together and so ended up feeling “disconnected.”
Please don’t let that happen. Listen, I’m not even a holidays kind of woman and yet, I will absolutely sit myself down with some hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies to enjoy a Hallmark holiday film or two. Aside from the fact that most of them are lighthearted and sweet, I also like that they usually focus on couples loving on each other amidst all of the holiday beauty and ambiance — which is something that all couples should set aside some time to do.
Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe it’s a staycation. Or maybe it’s my personal favorite, A SEXCATION. Whether it’s for a few days, the weekend or even overnight — don’t you let the holidays go by without setting aside time for you and your man to celebrate one another. Don’t you dare (check out “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?”).
GET. SOME. REST.
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I once read that 8 out of 10 people get stressed out over the holidays and 3 out of 10 lose sleep during to it — and when you’re stress-filled and sleep-deprived, that can absolutely lead to hypersensitivity, making mountains out of molehills and even not being in the mood for sex.
Your relationship can’t afford to go through any of this, so definitely make sure to prioritize rest. I don’t care how unrealistic it might seem during this time, sleep should never be seen as a luxury; it will always and forever be a great necessity.
That said, try to get no less than six hours of shut-eye in (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”) and even ask your bae to take a nap with you sometimes (check out “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.”). Not only will sleep help to restore your mind, body and spirit but, when it’s with your partner, it’s an act of intimacy that can make you both feel super connected, even in the midst of what might feel like chaos.
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Holiday season stress is real. Still, never give it the permission or power to throw your relationship off. Put you and your man first and let the holidays be what they are gonna be, chile.
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While doing a podcast interview a couple of weeks ago, when I said my age, the interviewer complimented me by saying that what I said is not what they would’ve guessed. When they asked what the secret was, the first thing that came out of my mouth was, “Oh, I’m gonna take me a nap.”
I adore sleep. I’ve said before that it’s like what Six Flags is to some people. And really, it’s just a plus that there are so many health benefits from getting plenty of rest. Beauty-wise, science does reveal that getting no less than seven hours a night can slow down signs of aging. Know what else? There are some direct things that sleep — and the lack thereof — can do to your immunity as well.
And so, since this is the time of year when catching a cold (and/or the flu) is common, let’s talk about the impact that sleep (and again, a lack thereof) has on your immune system. That way, you can remain as healthy as possible during the fall and winter seasons.
1. Less Sleep Means More Colds
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Like I stated in the intro, I’m pretty sure you’ve heard somewhere that the fall and winter are the seasons when people are most susceptible to catching a cold or coming down with the flu. And that’s exactly why I thought I would start this all off by sharing the fact that some studies reveal that if you get less than six hours of sleep, on a consistent basis, you end up making yourself more vulnerable to coming down with both. In fact, some research says that only 18 percent of people who get six-plus hours of rest caught a cold while almost 40 percent who got less than that did.
The logic behind it all is sleep gives your body time to build up the proteins and cells (like cytokines and T-cells) that you need to fight off certain viruses. So, if nothing bothers you more than having a stuffy nose or stubborn cough when it’s cold outside, getting more sleep is one way to prevent that from happening to you.
2. Less Sleep Means More Allergy Symptoms
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At the end of the day, an allergy is basically what transpires whenever your immune system “overreacts” to something that other people’s systems do not. And since sleep is what helps to keep your immune system nice and strong — well, I’m sure you get how less allergy-related symptoms and more sleep go hand in hand. Also, since sleep helps to decrease bodily inflammation (more on that in a bit) and inflammation can also intensify allergy symptoms, that’s just one more reason to get as much shut-eye as possible.
3. Less Sleep Means Potential Diabetes and Heart Disease
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Did you know that in 2024, Black women were diagnosed with diabetes 24 percent more than any other adult demographic. Also, it continues to be a reality that heart disease is the leading cause of death for Black women. These two sobering statistics alone should be enough of an incentive to do whatever you can to keep the risk of diabetes and heart disease way down.
One way to do that is by getting more sleep. Aside from the fact that sleep strengthens your immune system to where it is easier for you to fight off illness and diseases, sleep can keep your blood sugar levels in a healthy space; plus, when it comes to your heart, it gives it, along with your arteries and blood vessels a break.
4. Less Sleep Means Less Time for Your Body to Push “Reset”
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If you really stopped to consider all that your body goes through during the day (you can read some about that here), you definitely would respect it enough to do your best to thank it by giving it no less than six hours of sleep, each and every night. Sleep is what helps to slow your brain and body down so they are able to “refuel” for the next day. After all, how can your body prevent you from getting sick if your immune system is too worn out to fight ailments off? Exactly.
5. More Sleep Helps You to Fight Off Infections
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Speaking of, in order for your body to fight off infections, there are certain cells and antibodies within you that need to be healthy and strong — one way that they get and stay that way is by you getting a good amount of sleep. For instance, remember when I touched on cytokines earlier? Well, the same way that they help to prevent colds, they also help to prevent infections too. And since sleep lowers your cortisol (stress) levels, rest gives your body the time and space to build up an army that can fight off free radicals and other health-related challenges while you are awake.
6. More Sleep Lowers Bodily Inflammation
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Whenever a health-related issue is mentioned on this platform, inflammation is something that is mentioned quite a bit. Probably the easiest way to explain inflammation is it’s how your body responds/reacts whenever something is happening to your body that shouldn’t be, whether it’s an illness, an injury, a germ or something that you may be allergic to.
If you happen to have chronic inflammation, some symptoms that are associated with that include fatigue, stiff joints, skin rashes, weight gain and moodiness.
The interesting thing about all of this is if you aren’t getting enough rest, you could be triggering inflammation in your body. That’s because studies reveal that a lack of sleep can elevate molecules that are associated with inflammation. So, if you don’t want inflammation to increase within your system, you should definitely catch more zzz’s.
7. More Sleep Regulates Hormones
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When it comes to hormones like serotonin, estrogen and cortisol, believe it or not, they play a role in how your immune system acts and overreacts. That’s because, if your hormones are out of balance, that can cause your immune system to work harder than it actually should and that can make you more vulnerable to sickness. One way to keep your hormones leveled out? SLEEP.
That’s because sleep gives your body the opportunity to rest, repair and restore your hormone levels. On the other hand, when you are sleep deprived, that can put/keep your hormones on the ultimate roller coaster ride. #notgood
8. More Sleep Strengthens Vaccines
flu shot GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY
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If you’re someone who is good for getting some sort of vaccine around this time of the year, make sure that you rest up before and after getting your shots. Not only does adequate rest before a vaccination help your immune system to be better receptive to your shots but sleep also helps your body to build up enough antibodies to make your vaccinations effective after getting them. Because if you’re gonna get pricked, shouldn’t it be worth it? My thoughts exactly.
Get some freakin’ sleep! Your immune system depends on it.
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