What We Can Learn From Ronda Rousey: 'Being Defeated Is A Choice'
Being a celebrity in a Twitter kind of world is hard and not because it gives you the opportunity to tell to your fans that your “embarrassing” $53 million dollar debt is stifling your creative process. On its best day, social media will remind your fans that your three-year-old debut album just went platinum, that you shut down this year’s Superbowl without even having to touch the ball, or that your Grammy performance is enlightening a whole new audience about social injustice.
But on its worst day, social media will make you relive your losses, one Instagram post at a time. Michelle taking a tumble on 106 & Park while performing with Destiny’s Child? Someone is using that as a GIF right now about falling in love. Bill Cosby has been meme’d more than I can think of when it comes to consent and, while we all have a good laugh and keep scrolling, the truth is someone is being forced to relive the worst moment of their life, one tweet at a time.
Ronda Rousey is no exception.
Last night, the UFC fighter returned to the ring for her first bout since her devastating first career loss to Holly Holm and suffered a knockout within the first 48 seconds of the fight. It wasn't a complete loss for Rousey who collected a payday of $3 million for showing up, but the TKO has critics calling for her retirement -- including her mom.
Back in February, when the former UFC champ sat down with Ellen Degeneres in one of the first appearances since losing to Holly Holm in UFC 193, she appeared to be humbled by the experience as she talked about what her first defeat taught her.
"In that exact second, I'm like, 'I'm nothing. What do I do anymore?'" the MMA fighter revealed through tears while talking to Ellen about the devastating defeat.
"What am I anymore if I'm not this??
No one gives a s--t about me anymore without this.”
Rousey gave some honest insight on the feelings that come with reassessing your self-worth when the one thing you have been defined by seems to disappear. But what makes Rousey’s struggle so relatable is the fact the we are all one failed relationship, one job loss, or one loss of a loved one away from reconsidering our place in the world and the value placed on what we have to offer it.
According to Rousey, that sometimes is necessary:
“I did a lot of thinking and I was like, 'Why did this happen? Why did this have to happen like this?' I do believe that all the best things in life happen from the worst things. I do believe all the best things come from the worst things. All the worst things in my life resulted in all the absolute best things. And I’m trying to think what is the reason of all this. And I’m thinking, what is my actual purpose?
She continued:
Maybe winning all the time isn’t what is best for anybody. Everyone has their moment of picking themselves up off the floor. And I’ve gone through several of my [moments of picking myself up] but no one has actually ever seen me go through it. So maybe I had to be that example of picking myself off the floor in front of everyone, maybe that’s what I’m meant for.
"I really do believe that I'm still undefeated. Because being defeated is a choice. Everyone has losses in their life, but I choose to always be undefeated."
[Tweet "Being defeated is a choice. Everyone has losses in their life, but I choose to always be undefeated."]
And she's right. It's not about what happens to you, but ultimately how you respond to it. So why is Ronda Rousey's loss met with so much hate?
Not being familiar with MMA fighting, I tried researching reasons why fans, celebs, and other fighters alike seem to revel in their hobby of hating Rousey. The most I came up with:
[Tweet "We love to build up celebs, just to break them down."]
It would be like if Beyoncé came out with a bad single that went double aluminum foil; social media would have a field day. Before the knockout, Fortune magazine credited Rousey with being a “cultural phenomenon”. Rousey was the first American woman to win an Olympic medal in judo and one of the highest-paid fighters (male or female) in UFC history. She also stars in the bestselling Electronic Arts video game UFC 2, has a best-selling autobiography and made appearances in blockbusters such as Furious 7, The Expendables, and Entourage.
OK, maybe she did make a little comment-bragging that she could beat boxer, Floyd Mayweather. But seriously, did we really expect a woman who along with tennis superstar Serena Williams and Nascar’s Danica Patrick, who are giving the figurative finger to common stereotypes about female athletes to be a shrinking violet? Why should Rousey’s personality be any less bold than Muhammad Ali, or Mayweather who reminds fans on a daily basis that he makes more in a night than some of us do in a decade?
Nonetheless, after the first knockout everyone couldn’t wait to celebrate Rousey’s defeat with Donald Trump even tweeting:
“Glad to see that @RondaRousey lost her championship fight last night. Was soundly beaten - not a nice person!”
Social media was flooded with opinions about Rousey being “overrated” and “overhyped” simply because of one brutal “L”. All comments that until I learn otherwise allude to the fact that because Rousey was winning both in and out the ring and doing it well that she needed to be humbled. Because of course any girl who‘s feelin’ herself just a little bit after breaking records is in urgent need of a life lesson.
Ultimately the only thing that Rousey’s loss did was make her more human. Rousey revealed having to deal with fans afterwards that hated her without even knowing her, and finding a reason to get up again made her battle with some self-destructive thoughts:
"I was literally sitting there thinking about killing myself."
The one thing that gave her reason to go on? Some good old-fashioned love:
"I looked up at him and I was just like, 'I need to have his babies. I need to stay alive,'" she explained about her boyfriend, UFC fighter Travis Browne and the days following her loss when she would sit around crying into a bowl of ice cream. "I was meant to have him at my lowest point, for sure. I don’t think I would’ve made it.” Her finding a reason to live in her soul mate is also an indication of how important it is to have a strong support system during a time of loss and defeat.
Rousey’s story reminds me of a saying my father has always told me: The only thing you can depend on in this life is change.
It’s a saying I often look to when I find myself allowing myself to be defined too much by one thing. When you place all of your self-worth on the fact that you’re a CEO, a platinum-selling singer, or even a mother or wife, in the event that that title is taken from you, you’ll be left to redefine yourself all over again. That doesn’t have to be a bad thing, but it can be a painful process and it’s important to remind yourself that you are so much more than a title and that you are more than your most recent win.
[Tweet "You are so much more than a title, and your most recent win"]
Whether you’re actually in the ring or just feel like life is kicking your ass in general, Ronda Rousey’s appearance on The Ellen Show might help if you are in the process of picking yourself up and putting it all back together:
Writer, sexual health superhero, and #BlackGirlMagic and #BlackBoy curator regularly featured on @Madamenoire. Toya can usually be found in between her earbuds, listening to trap music and refreshing her browser for concert tickets. Tweet her @thetruetsharee.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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If you’re like many other people who are prioritizing wellness these days, then attending a wellness retreat might be something to consider. Wellness retreats are a cool way to get the relaxation you’ve been missing in a space with like-minded people who share a common goal. I descended upon my first wellness retreat, the Mind, Body, + Sol Retreat, a couple of weeks ago at the Zoëtry Agua Punta Cana Resort in Punta Cana, Dominican Republic.
Zoëtry Agua is part of the Inclusive Collection for the World of Hyatt. It is nestled on a secluded part of Uvero Alto beach, which has crystal blue waters. The resort itself is picturesque, with its thatched roofs and lazy rivers that make you feel like you’re in a cute little village.
Mindy, Body, + Sol Retreat was hosted by Koya Webb, holistic health and wellness coach and yoga instructor, and it also featured other wellness practitioners who combined provided the ultimate gift of relaxation and getting back to oneself.
The first night was a Welcome Dinner that featured a five-course meal and an opportunity to meet our companions for the next three days. The food was impeccable and the only downside was that I wasn’t able to finish it all. The next day, however, was the official start of the classes, and I was ready to dive in.
Aura and Chakra Reading
Aura and chakra reading
Photo courtesy
My first class was an aura and chakra reading led by Laura McCann and James Levinson, an Asheville, NC couple. I’ve had chakra readings before, but never like this. There was a computer, a camera, and a scanner, which I placed my hand on for the reading. After two minutes, I received a 15-page report explaining my aura and chakra reading.
It breaks down what the colors of your aura are and what your chakras say. My main colors were green and yellow, which were defined by a variety of things. The top of my aura was green, meaning I have a social mental state and I’m a natural healer. My aura on my left side was yellow meaning my energy flowing is optimistic and light and so on.
After James discussed the findings with me, I then met with Laura, who gave me aromatherapy oils from their ADORAtherapy line that represented each chakra. She further explained the results of my chakra reading and shared how each oil can assist. Chakras are the energy centers in our body, and there is a total of seven: root, sacral, solar plexus, heart, throat, third eye, and crown. All of my chakras were high except for my heart chakra, which I have since been working on. I may follow up about that in another article.
Sound Bath
Sound bath class
Photo courtesy
Next was the sound bath class. It was located in the spa, which was indoor/ outdoor and the perfect setting for this kind of experience. Andrew Francis and Carrie Bailey of Zenden Meditation were the co-pilots in transporting attendees into a place of tranquility. I laid down, closed my eyes, and allowed the sounds around me to bring me into a relaxing state. From the singing bowls to the wind chimes, I was in heaven. I even fell asleep and got some of the best rest I’ve had in a while. It was a beautiful experience. However, remember when I noted it was an indoor/ outdoor venue? I forgot to put on bug spray and woke up pretty itchy. But it didn’t stop me from enjoying the moment.
Tea Party
Art of Tea Ritual Tea Party
Photo courtesy
The last event of the day was the Art of Tea Ritual located in the resort’s tea garden. It was everything you could want in a tea party. Delectable treats such as cookies, cakes, and white chocolate-covered strawberries, which are my fave. And, of course, tea. While I got to sip tea, I also got to make my own tea blend. There were many different teas to choose from, like hibiscus to your regular black tea. I decided to mix rose and mint and I called it RoseMint. I didn’t get to try my tea blend until I got home, and I’ll be honest, it’s probably the best tea I ever had. The tea herbs taste so fresh, and I love how fragrant it smells.
Breathwork
Breathwork Class
Photo Courtesy
The next morning was all about breathwork. If you exercise regularly, then you probably know the importance of breathing. But there’s more to it besides remembering to breathe during your workout. Margaret Townsend is a breathwork facilitator who helps people achieve wellness by consciously changing their breathing patterns. In her class, I learned to change my breathing pattern for energy as well as for relaxation. While I know that breathing is a relaxation tool, I was blown away to learn that it can also energize you. Because it was a different breathing pattern, I was also able to stay present and keep a steady pace.
Yoga
Koya Webb's yoga class
Photo courtesy
The final class of the retreat was evening yoga with Koya Webb, who, as I mentioned earlier, was the host. Her class was held beside the beautiful Uvero Alto beach, which made for a stunning backdrop and the perfect way to end the retreat. It was important for me to get back into my body after not doing yoga for a few weeks, so I was really focused on nailing the moves. However, Koya kept the energy light and fun, evening cracking a few jokes throughout, which made it easy for me to relax and enjoy the moment. She ended the class with a dance break and hugs from our classmates.
The Mind, Body, + Sol Retreat reminded me how important it is to take time to love on myself. Each class was an opportunity to be present and get reacquainted with oneself in the most loving way. Being surrounded by individuals who encouraged my journey was what I needed, and I am so honored to have had this experience.
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