Back To Basics: Confessions Of A Fashion Blogger
Let me be the first to tell you that being a fashion blogger is not all the glitz and glamour that it appears to be. Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of perks to being an influencer, from the free clothes to event invitations to being in the same room and connecting with fashion's cool kids.
There are, also, a lot of sleepless nights spent plotting, planning, and producing. So, why do it, you may ask? Because the reward is so much greater than the risk and the work. Let me tell you about how I look forward to Mondays now. For the first time in my life, I'm doing something that I actually, dare I say it, enjoy!
Almost nine years of my life was spent building a very dry career as an Engineer in Corporate America. After obtaining a B.S. in Chemical Engineering from Howard University (Aww HU!), I obtained what most considered a "good job". The paycheck was great, the benefits were amazing, I had three or more weeks of paid vacation but I was 100% and absolutely miserable. It was the very essence of square peg round hole!
A few weeks after celebrating a pretty monumental birthday in Paris and Rome, I had a very real come-to-Jesus moment in my life. Someone very close to me had a completely unexpected near death experience. The realization that death can come at any moment has a funny way of shifting your perspective on life. About a month or so after breaking down, jumping on plane last minute, and braving through the severity of the situation, I got a knock on my door. Life showed up and asked me, “Are you going to continue to be miserable or are you going to try to turn this thing around? It's your choice."
A huge part of who you are is how you react to moments of adversity. That situation forced me to be more involved with the direction of my life. I did not have to keep showing up at that job, looking at those gray walls and being stationed at that cubicle for hours doing work that gave me not one ounce of joy. I actually had the power to change it.
I did, however, have to figure out how the bills were going to get paid because they don't stop showing up just because you've had your “Aha" moment. I spent a few more years working and simultaneously building the foundation for my personal style blog, The Werk! Place.
Along this process of continuing to walk in my purpose and getting these bills paid, I've learned a few key lessons:
Lesson #1: It Will Take Some Time Before You Are Paid For Your Work
I learned very quickly as an influencer that just because you've invested time, energy, money and resources into your craft, doesn't mean that people want to pay you for it. You may have to do some a lot of work pro bono.
Starting out, not one person is going to be familiar with your brand, work ethic, or finished product, so you're going to have to show them what you're werking with! Find the right contacts, do the werk and build the portfolio. Once you've shown the consistency and quality needed to sustain your business, then you have the tools necessary to ask for what you deserve.
Lesson #2: Your Network Is Your Net Worth
I'll be honest, I still struggle with this one a little bit. I absolutely hate asking people to connect me to a person, event, or a project. I will do everything in my power to try to get what I need before I go to someone else for the plug. Just know, If I'm asking for help, I've exhausted the possibilities on my own. One day, I'll spend some time on someone's couch and get to the root of it all.
As of late, I'm learning that some people are placed into your life to be vessels. They are meant to take you to a level that you can't reach on your own. So get out there and network at events, mingle with other influencers, publicists and brands on social media, and utilize the network you've already built. Once you reveal to others what you are trying to do, you'd be surprise at how many people are willing to help you get there.
Lesson #3: You Have To Be Your Own Publicist
As an influencer, it goes down in the inbox (and sometimes the DM). If it's set up well, the site and the accompanying social media channels can serve as a living resume. Brands will reach out for collaborations based on what they see online.
Brands were reaching out but they were not always brands that I wanted to align with The Werk! Place. I had to be more active about seeking out the companies that I genuinely enjoyed to create organic partnerships.
I put on my Public Relations hat and called on my best friend Google to create a media kit that would represent my aesthetic. Shortly after I sent it out to potential partners I wanted to work with, it lead to projects that made more sense for my brand.
Lesson #4: You Will Have To Put The Balance Back Into Werk/Life Balance
When you've finally started to enjoy what you do, your brain will always be churning with ideas. You will find that you can literally work for seven days straight if it were not for needing sleep and taking showers.
I learned that while that sounds good in theory, in practice, you can't be very productive if you work all the time. You will burn out and begin to despise what you do. You have to give your body and mind time to rest. I've gotten some of my best ideas in the middle of a run or in the car on the way to an event. Take a break, live a little.
Lesson #5: You Can't Be A Jack or Jill Of All Trades All The Time
I'm pretty independent and have prided myself on being able to do all of the things at the same time all by myself. I mean, my favorite bible verse and one that I repeat several times throughout the day is Philippians 4:13, "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength!" As a small business owner, you're going to have to wear many hats (like all of them). You are going to have to be your own accountant, publicist, manager, assistant, social media manager, and so forth until you start bringing in enough income to hire on people to help you. You'll soon figure out, however, that in order to stay ahead of the game, you're going to have to eventually outsource and delegate some of those tasks.
So much of my time has been spent on the business of blogging that, at times, the actual blogging gets left behind. How Sway?! If you can get someone to manage more of the business, social media scheduling or accounting, you can actually get back to the core of the business.
Lesson #6: Scared Money Doesn't Make Any Money
When I started out as a Personal Style Blogger back in 2012, I set myself up pretty well. Due to my certifiable shopping addiction, I had the clothes, shoes and accessories to create the looks necessary for three years' worth of blog posts. However, I wasn't completely prepared for the other business expenses that I would incur.
If you are going to be successful as an influencer, you will absolutely without a doubt have to invest money into your brand. Your site design, domain name, logo, trademark, (hair, makeup, manicure, pedicure --if your brand is based off of your personal appearance), business cards, thank you notes, media kit, accounting software and continuing education courses will all be valid expenses when starting up your business. Before the companies start blowing up your inbox and sending packages to your P.O. Box, you will have to be your own biggest supporter and sponsor.
These are some of the biggest lessons I've learned during my time as a fashion brand, and tidbits I wish I had known ahead of time.
For more style tips and advice on starting your own fashion brand, follow @tiffanymbattle on Instagram.
Originally published April 13, 2018
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LISTÂ HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
When discussing the topic of raising children, discipline is often the first thing that comes to mind. Children need discipline. Full stop. But what is discipline? And how do we draw the line between discipline and revenge?
The origin of the word "discipline" can be traced back to the Latin word "disciplina," which means "instruction" or "teaching." Over time, however, discipline has come to be synonymous with punishment, with parents relying on shame, fear, and/or physical pain to curb undesirable behavior.
Teaching takes time, so nipping it in the bud in whatever fashion parents deem necessary (within reason) has become the norm. But is this what’s best for children? And when does it become less about curbing undesirable behavior and more about getting our licks back for offenses we feel our children should know better to do?
In my work as a parenting coach, I’ve often heard parents say, “I asked him nicely three times before spanking him. He didn’t stop doing it until I did, so clearly talking doesn’t work.”
And the parent isn’t wrong. Talking often doesn’t work the first, the third, or the even the 10th time. And the reason is directly tied to brain development.
Children cannot and do not process information the way an adult can. Auditory processing is not fully developed until a child is 14 or 15 years old. And even then, if a child has auditory processing delays or Auditory Processing Disorder (APD), they may always struggle with processing auditory commands. According to Susie S. Loraine, MA, CCC-SLP, the term auditory processing refers to how the brain perceives and interprets sound information. Several skills determine auditory processing ability—or listening success. They develop in a general four-step hierarchy, but all work together and are essential for daily listening.
Without this understanding, discipline can easily become revenge because parents will then view their child’s misdeeds as a personal slight. Instead of teaching them to do better, parents now want to show them the consequences of not doing better. This is why it's imperative for parents to discern between discipline and revenge to maintain healthy relationships with their children.
5 WAYS TO DISTINGUISH BETWEEN PARENTAL GUIDANCE AND RETALIATION:Â Â
​Understanding The Intent
Discipline is rooted in love and concern for the child's well-being. It focuses on teaching lessons and helping children understand the consequences of their actions. Conversely, revenge-driven actions stem from a desire to inflict pain or punishment as payback for perceived slights or disobedience. Parents should reflect on their motives before taking disciplinary actions. Ask yourself whether your intention is to help your child learn or to make them suffer for upsetting you.
Example: If a child accidentally breaks a valuable item, a disciplinary response would involve discussing the importance of being careful and working with the child to come up with a way to replace or fix what they’ve broken. On the other hand, a vengeful reaction might involve yelling, harsh punishment, or bringing up past mistakes to intensify guilt.
​Maintaining Emotional Regulation
Effective discipline requires parents to remain calm and composed, even in challenging situations. It's natural to feel upset or frustrated when children misbehave, but responding with anger or resentment can escalate the situation and blur the line between discipline and revenge. Before addressing the issue, take a moment to breathe and collect your thoughts.
Example: If a child cannot follow instructions, a disciplined response would involve calmly explaining why their cooperation is necessary in working with the child to accomplish the goal. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve shouting, name-calling, or resorting to physical punishment out of anger.
​Promoting Growth and Learning
Discipline should always aim to promote growth and learning. It involves guiding children toward making better choices and understanding the impact of their actions on themselves and others. Effective discipline strategies include positive reinforcement, setting clear expectations, and providing opportunities for reflection and growth.
Example: If a child repeatedly forgets to complete their chores, a disciplinary approach would involve discussing the importance of responsibility and finding solutions together, such as creating a chore chart or setting reminders with Siri or Alexa. In contrast, a revenge-driven response might involve imposing overly harsh punishments or belittling the child, which can undermine their self-esteem and hinder their ability to learn from their mistakes.
Momo Productions/Getty
Building Trust and Communication
Trust and open communication are essential components of a healthy parent-child relationship. Discipline should strengthen this bond by fostering trust and encouraging children to confide in their parents without fear of judgment or retaliation. When children feel safe and supported, they're more likely to accept discipline as a form of guidance rather than punishment.
Example: If a child admits to breaking a rule or making a mistake, a disciplined response would involve listening to their perspective, discussing the consequences of their actions, and working together to find a solution. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve accusations, blame, or shutting down communication, which can erode trust and damage the parent-child relationship.
Seeking Professional Guidance
Parenting is a learning journey, and, disciplining children is a delicate balance between guiding them toward responsible behavior and nurturing their growth. By understanding the intent behind our actions, maintaining emotional regulation, promoting growth and learning, building trust and communication, and seeking professional guidance when needed, as parents we can help our children built on love, respect, and understanding.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Courtney Hale/Getty Images