My Partner Is Only Vocal When He Orgasms, What Does That Mean?
Most of us want our partners to enjoy themselves during sex. Unless you’re a selfish lover – which is a bigger issue for another day – knowing you are the source of your partner’s pleasure is the ultimate ego boost. Personally, when I hear the moans my partner makes when I do that little thing that they like ignites my water works in ways unimaginable. But what do you do when your partner is quiet? How do you know if they are enjoying it if the only thing you hear is crickets? This is exactly what one of my followers wanted to know. She asked me, what does it mean if her boyfriend is quiet during sex? Does his quietness mean he’s not enjoying it?
Because we have been conditioned to believe that good sex equals vocal sex—thanks to porn and media. We think the louder the moans the better the sex. Sound really has no bearing on the quality of sex. For instance, think about every time you faked it, were you really enjoying it? Or did you make sounds as if you were in hopes to fool your partner? Everyone responds differently during sex, some express pleasure through sighs, giggles, grunts, or screams while others express it through nonverbal reactions. Believe it or not, a lot of people find making sounds during sex embarrassing. Plus, some people just don’t like noisy sex.
Why Some Men Are Quiet During Sex
If your partner is male, having sex in silence is a thing they’ve been accustomed to for years. Men traditionally have been taught to not express emotion. They also have been having solo sex in secret for years, and have mastered the art of climaxing without a sound. So being overly vocal during sex can feel foreign to them. On top of that, a lot of men are not the greatest at multitasking and have a hard time doing multiple things at once. So when they’re having sex, all their concentration is on trying not to cum early and making sure you’re being pleased. Making sounds while in the moment is just not a priority!
How To Tell Your Partner’s Enjoying Sex if He’s Quiet
Regardless of the reason, I totally understand wanting to have a vocal signal during sex. The moans of our partners give us validation that we were hitting all the right spots. However, if your partner is reserved in the bedroom, the best way to know if you’re doing a great job is by watching their body language. Do they get hard or aroused? Do they stay hard or aroused? Did they cum? Can you see their muscles tense? Does the expression on their face change? Are their fingers and toes curling? If the answer to any of these is yes, then it's a good possibility you’re doing something right. As long as they can walk the walk, then talking the talk isn't such a big deal.
How To Communicate Your Needs if You Want Your Partner To Be More Vocal
The best piece of advice I have for anyone wanting to change or improve anything in their bedroom is to communicate. If you want your partner to be more vocal during sex, communicate with them. Communication is the best — if not the only — way to improve your sex life. Tell your partner that you’d like for them to be more vocal during sex and explain how much it turns you on. Make them feel comfortable about it and create a nonjudgmental and open environment where they can express themselves fully. Also playing a little mood music can set the mood and create a sexy vibe and make you or your partner feel less self-conscious. Turning on music while having sex will help buffer any sexual sounds that allow everyone to be in the moment.
If full-on sex noises don’t come easily to your partner, experiment with eye contact. You can communicate just as much with your face as you can with your voice. Plus, looking into your partner’s eyes during sex makes the experience much more intense. Don’t worry about your facial expression — whatever your face naturally does is enough.
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ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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How A Stay At Switzerland's Luxurious 7132 Hotel Reminded Me To Live The Life I Deserve
Sometimes, as women—especially as single Black women—we simply need to be reminded that we are deserving of living a life we dream of. Even if that means creating it for ourselves. I recently set out on a weeklong trip to Switzerland, a trip I’ve been wanting to take for years, and near the end of my visit, I had an epiphany.
“DeAnna, this is the life you deserve,” I thought to myself as I took in the gorgeous bathroom in my suite at the famous 7132 Hotel and Thermal Spa. It was one of the most luxurious hotels (and bathrooms) I had ever stayed in—and that’s saying a lot for someone who often travels for work.
To help you better understand why this was such a mental awakening for me, I first need to give a bit of my backstory. I’m in my late thirties. I’m an attorneyand a journalist. I own a home and have traveled the world extensively. Essentially, I’ve done everything in life I set out to do. However, when it comes to dating, I struggle. Not because there is anything wrong with me per se, but because my career and “lifestyle” often create problems in my romantic relationships.
View from my hotel room
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I’ve been told everything from, ‘I can’t continue to date you because you seem to choose your career over wanting to settle down and have kids’ by a man after only the second date to ‘Maybe if you just sat down somewhere for a while, I’d actually wife you’ by someone who has honestly never proven themselves to be the settle down type. And these are only a handful of the things I’ve been told over the years.
It’s been frustrating, to say the least, and there have even been seasons where I purposely dimmed my light in hopes that my career wouldn’t push away potential suitors. I know what you’re thinking, “Girl, why would you even consider that? If they’re for you, it won’t matter what you do.” Hey, don’t judge me, but also, I one hundred percent agree.
My hotel bathroom
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That’s why this recent moment in Switzerland was right on time. When I first walked into the hotel to check in, I was blown away by the surrounding beauty. It was a five-star property with one of the world’s most famous thermal bathhouses. Yet, it was something about seeing that 90% of the hotel’s guests were couples, that forced me to sit back for a bit of introspection—while soaking in the thermal spa, of course.
As I went through the mental conversation, there was a battle of sorts. On one hand, I knew that being able to partake in experiences like the one I was having at that moment was important to me. I knew that, at times I actually love being able to dabble in the finer things—after all, I’ve worked hard to be able to afford them. On the other hand, and sadly, I knew that sometimes being a single Black woman that publicly showcases her “luxurious” habits can intimidate men and even scare them off from pursuing you under the guise of them feeling like they “can’t do anything for you, because you have everything.”
My hotel room
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So, what is a girl to do?
Do I minimize/hide the life and experiences that I have? Do I play down the hard work I’ve put in to get where I am professionally? Or, do I risk being single in exchange for being able to have said life, without backlash?
Luckily, the joy that I felt while being at this property won. There was something about taking a full day to simply pamper myself at the bathhouse and in my in-room steam shower and soaker tub, indulging in cuisine from a 2-star Michelin restaurant and doing all of this while surrounded by an amazing group of Black women that reminded me—this is certainly the life I was meant to live and that I deserve. Even if it means that right now, I’ll just have to provide it for myself until the right partner comes along. And honestly, I’m okay with that.
Restaurant at 7132 hotel
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