There is nothing that gets the Petty Crocker popping in all of us quite like dealing with an ex or a fresh serving of heartbreak.
From Instagram posts to shady subliminals, some people take blasting your ex to a whole new level. If you aren't sure if you've been jamming to Petty Girl Rock yourself, here's how to tell:
Petty behavior is any action or comment that doesn't serve any purpose other than making the situation worse than it has to be.
Petty behavior is when you detour off the high road onto Smart Ass Avenue just because you want to win the argument, have the last word, or make the other person feel as bad as you do. At its worst, pettiness happens in a sad attempt to piece your pride together when you feel someone has destroyed it. Like the quote says, “If people are trying to pull you down, it means they think you're above them.”
All pettiness does is prove that someone touched a nerve and hit you where it hurts the most. Sometimes the best thing to do for a bad situation is to leave it behind you.
If you're still not sure if you've been pulling some Petty Wap moves of your own, here are a few signs you need to lay your immaturity to rest in the Petty cemetary:
1. Removing all evidence of your ex from social media.
You listening? Just because you remove any picture from your Instagram that features your ex, his sneakers, his toothbrush, or even those earrings he bought you last Valentine's Day doesn't mean the rest of us have forgotten how sprung you were for the last two months when we had to see his behind cheesing on your timeline every #MCM. I can respect the process of moving on and getting over someone, but just make sure you're cleaning up your mind and spirit as much as you're cleaning up that timeline.
2. Being extra with your “ex."
If you're tagging the summer fling you haven't heard from since 2007 in pictures of your newborn, you're officially doing the most.
I get it. Maybe you still have a little leftover pain from when he just ghosted you no sooner than the last Labor Day firework, but the best way to prove that you're totally winning that “life after him" thing is to actually move on. And moving on means you don't have to prove yourself to him by bringing his attention to pictures that have zero to do with him.
3. You start creating loans that never existed.
It was all fine and good when you were clicking “Confirm" on Travelocity without a care in the world of whose account that Playa del Carmen vacation was coming out of, but now that the relationship is through, suddenly you're tallying up every extra value meal homeboy got on your dime. Unfortunately, one of the casualties of any relationship is the cash that flowed freely between hands when your heart was in it, but a breakup doesn't entitle you to a refund on everything from movie tickets to Starbucks.
I remember when my now husband and I had our first blowout argument. After agreeing to take some time apart, he started seeing someone new. I remember the only thing I bought him at the time was a bathroom mat and some coasters and I took the first opportunity I could to make a scene out of throwing that ish on his lawn. I looked like a damn fool, but at the time, it was all I brought to the relationship. But let's be honest: Dude didn't really care about stepping out of the shower onto cold tile in the morning, nor did he care about the water rings his glasses were leaving on his coffee table. Let that ish go, girl. You look silly making a scene over all those in-app purchases he got in your name knowing damn well you shouldn't have added him to your family plan in the first place.
4. Suddenly making that person out to be the ugliest/dumbest/craziest person ever.
Contrary to popular belief, every break up doesn't have to be on bad terms. You don't have to force a friendship where you're giving dude advice on how to approach the co-worker he's nursing a crush on, but your ex can still be a good person even if they're not good for you. I can't tell you how many times I've seen friends write Pettysburg addresses on their Instagram about their “broke, trifling" ex-boyfriends and I can't help sit and wonder, “Where were all these bad qualities when you were making that man spinach omelets every morning?" It's OK to vent when you're fresh from rejection, and no one is perfect, but please do try to refrain from the frontin' and making your ex-boo out to be a total bad guy when he was the baddest bae to walk the earth a week ago.
5. Putting your ex on blast out of the blue.
If nothing else, you shouldn't send for someone you don't want coming for you. We've all had moments that we're not proud of or that we'd rather keep private. If your ex is somewhere minding his business, not making your life a living hell, there's no need to start making jokes on Instagram about his nasty nose picking habit unless for whatever reason, dude is still on your mind, sticky fingers and all. Leave the pettiness to high school cliques and continue being the grown woman you are who's too busy to be playing games.
What's the pettiest thing you've done after a break up?
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