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What Self-Care Looks Like For BuzzFeed Writer Jamé Jackson
For xoNecole's Finding Balance series, we profile boss women making boss moves in the world and in their respective industries. We talk to them about their business, their life, and most of all, what they do to find balance in their busy lives.
No matter if life gives you lemons or straight up lemonade, the choice of what happens is up to you.
This was the case for Jamé Jackson, a style & beauty writer for BuzzFeed's As/Is columns and founder and EIC of TheBlondeMisfit. Our xoNecole fam might also recognize her byline from an article or two. The writer extraordinaire who decided that she wanted to go into journalism, found that there were more closed doors than open, especially for a Black girl from Washington, D.C. with no formalized journalism experience.
Jamé Jackson/Instagram
As a result, she forged her own path, creating content that specifically targeted Black women and the conversations surrounding Black culture in fashion and beauty. When she's not sharing her silly antidotes, beauty splurges, and thrift finds on social media, she's working on ensuring that Black girls are never an afterthought, especially when we define culture, honey.
In this installment of Finding Balance, we chatted with Jamé to find out how she balances working at one of the most prominent tech companies in the world, her health, and in love and relationships.
What is an average day or week like for you?
An average day for me can vary. Working in the beauty and fashion industry, I could be in the city at a media breakfast, meeting a client or a person of interest for a story, or even at showcases that discuss next season's goodies. Sometimes the only thing I'm doing all day is transcribing interviews or reaching out for exclusive quotes, and other days, I'm just writing, writing, writing. I could be preparing for a panel, a shoot, or just chillin', haha. The only thing consistent throughout my week is that I force myself not to overextend my work and responsibilities outside of my work hours. So, I will say, "I can only do something after work 3x a week," so that I have time to go home and actually rest. It's difficult when you're a busybody like me, but it's been so necessary to my emotional and spiritual health.
What do you find to be the most hectic part of your week? How do you push through?
Thankfully, I have really strived to find balance in my life in 2018, and work isn't hectic for me because I absolutely love what I do and the content I get to write for BuzzFeed/As/Is. The most hectic part probably is finding that moment where I turn myself 'off', and decompress after a long day, or finding a healthy schedule to get everything done. I have fabulous work moms (hey Essence and Patrice!) who make sure I take time to rest, and more importantly, that I'm not apologetic for needing time to myself. I'm someone who will literally write "Go grocery shopping," in my calendar so I won't forget. I push through by honoring myself when I see that I'm putting too much on myself, but also forgiving myself when I forget something or just don't have the energy to do it. Nothing is worth trippin' about in the bigger scheme [of things].
I also have amazing accountability partners who work on different teams in BuzzFeed, people who are always pushing me to take a moment and celebrate my wins. There are women like Julee Wilson at Essence, or Dana Oliver at Yahoo, who pour into me all the time. Badass babes like Gia Peppers or Sheriden Chanel who literally keep me filled up with prayer and purpose on a daily basis. There's women like Renae Bluitt from In Her Shoes, Africa Miranda who is a poppin' beauty entrepreneur, or even Necole Kane, who are all amazing examples of women who model what I hope to deposit in this world, but they always remind me that I can't take on the entire world all in a day (even though I try).
"I push through by
honoring myself when I see that I'm putting too much on myself, but also
forgiving myself when I forget something or just don't have the energy to do
it. Nothing is worth trippin' about in the bigger scheme [of things]."
How do you practice self-care? What is your self-care routine?
Self-care to me can be sleeping, watching movies, getting outside on a weekend for some fresh air, or even just binge-watching YouTube videos and podcasts. A huge part of self-care for me has been learning how to stop answering emails, or not feeling like I have to immediately respond. I don't check emails or social media before 10 AM or after 10 PM, unless it is an emergency, in which case, someone can text me. Giving myself that time in the morning to ease into my day before I start consuming everything happening in the world has REALLY allowed me to feel more at ease while at work.
Of course, as a beauty girl, I love things like getting my hair and nails done, doing an at-home spa day for myself, or just giving myself a few more minutes in the morning to do my makeup. I get weekly massages and practice yoga, both of which have helped me release tension in my body. I know it seems very superficial to some, but if it makes you feel better, I'd argue that's part of self-care.
How do you find balance with:
Friends?
This is one of the things I have always struggled with, mostly because I can get so laser-focused that I'll forget to come up for air, sometimes. However, I have learned that as you continue to grow and pursue your passions and purpose, the ones who are meant to be with you will be there, and they won't make you feel bad when you have to do what you have to do. I have friends who I talk to almost every day, and I have others who I'll talk to every few weeks. I think social media has helped too, because I'll see them online and can interact with them there even if I can't see them during the actual week. I don't expect my friends to come to every panel or support every story, but I do expect for my friends to pour into me as I do for them.
I have had to become very "business"-like with my friendships, because the reality is, not everyone will root for your success. If it doesn't serve me or add to my bottom line for health and prosperity, I gotta cut them loose. When I stopped attaching my worth to friends' circles and instead started thanking God for sending me only the right ones, that's when my attitude around life and friends really changed.
"When I stopped attaching
my worth to friends' circles and instead started thanking God for sending me
only the right ones, that's when my attitude around life and friends really
changed."
Love/Relationships?
Like friendships, I believe love and relationships that are meant to be will work. While I love the idea of marriage and kids one day, right now I am so selfish with my time and energy. If I end up sharing that with someone else, they won't subtract anything from me, they'll only add. And they won't make me feel bad for being a focused woman with her eye on the prize.
With relationships, it's all about balance but also about intention. When I began setting better intentions for myself, by asking the Universe and God for authentic people in my life, that's when He was able to honor them. The biggest relationship I have is the one with God, followed by my relationship with myself. When I improved my relationship with God, I saw my personal relationship with myself improve. Now, I have so many women in my life who pour into me and aspire me to be bigger, and better, versions of myself. And then I'm able to give it back.
Exercise? Does it happen?
I don't exercise as much as I'd like to, but I do yoga. I've become a huge yoga lover over the past few months, and have really seen how it benefits me emotionally, spiritually, and mentally. The days I don't go to the studio, I'll go the gym and workout, or go running in my neighborhood. While everyone's physical needs are different, I definitely think a balance of exercise will help creatives who may need a physical outlet to the stress that's natural with the job.
Health?
Many of the major life changes I've had to make were direct results of a deteriorating health. I remember one time being in the doctor's office, and after getting my blood results back, one of my blood levels were so low, the doctor said, "I don't even know how you are able to have enough energy to get yourself out of bed in the morning." This was the same doctor who said that I'd never be able to have children because my estrogen levels were non-existent. At that moment, I had to pick myself up, and begin making lifestyle changes that would not only allow me to have the life that I always wanted, but the life that I never knew I was missing out on. Especially as Black women, it's vital that we take our health seriously and I'm blessed that I've been a living testament of changing your life around, even if I still have a long way to go. I'm also a huge advocate for support groups and therapy.
Do you ever detox? What does that look like for you?
I don't do physical detoxes (although I'm never opposed to one!) but I do my own versions of detoxes, like a few times a year, going a month without meat or without coffee. I also do spiritual detoxes, where I'll pull myself back from social media. It's hard when you work in the influencer space and people literally depend on your photos and imagery, but I can't serve others if I don't serve myself.
"I can't serve others if I don't serve myself."
When you are going through a bout of uncertainty, or feeling stuck, how do you handle it?
I always have to remind myself that faith and fear are polar opposites, and if I am feeling fearful, then I'm not practicing faith. I always think of the scripture that says not to be anxious for anything, and that the latter half of that scripture says to make my requests known unto God through prayer. When I get 'stuck', or start questioning myself, I pray. At the end of the day, God is the single most important thing in my life, and I live to honor Him by the work that I do. I have a ton of screenshots in my phone of DM's, emails, and texts, from people who have thanked me for the work that I do or even just given me that "Yaaass, Black Queen!" stamp of approval. Funny enough, when I feel down, I do a shoutout on my Insta stories for people to tell me about good things that happened to them that day, and reading those responses lets me know God is still up and movin'! It's the moments of encouragement and positive words that help re-ground me into my purpose on this Earth, which is to uplift and empower Black women.
What does success mean to you?
When I first moved to New York, success meant being in every room with the big dogs. Now, success is experiencing the fullness of peace, and not feeling the need to push for things when I know I am already equipped with everything I need to succeed.
What is something you think others forget when it comes to finding balance?
Balance isn't really formulaic, which is why I think I have an issue with how people try to be very prescriptive on finding balance. Everyone will find balance with their different variances of percentages, so it's not always a 50/50 thing. Sometimes it will sway left, sometimes it will sway right. The most important part is that you always find yourself coming back to center, no matter what.
Follow Jamé on Instagram @theblondemisfit. Also be sure to check out some of the other amazing ladies we've featured in our Finding Balance series by clicking here.
These Newlyweds Found Love Thanks To A Friend Playing Matchmaker
How We Met is a series where xoNecole talks love and relationships with real-life couples. We learn how they met, how like turned into love, and how they make their love work.
Jason and Elise Robinson’s union is a reminder that kind people still get their happily ever after. The pair had their first date in October of 2021 and tied the knot on June 15, 2024. Both of them have dedicated their lives to celebrating and supporting Black culture so it was only fitting they get married in what's considered the Black Hollywood of America during the Juneteenth celebration weekend. From the florists to Elise and Jason's gown and suit designers to the table signage and so much more, everything was Black-owned. It's no wonder their love for Black culture was the jumping-off point for their love story.
When they met, Jason had just moved to Atlanta for a new job opportunity, and Elise was living happily in her career and had put dating on the backburner. But luckily, a mutual connection saw something in both of them and thanks to a yoga-themed baby shower and a chance text message, they found their forever. Check out their beautiful How We Met story below.
I’ll start with the easiest question. Can you both tell me a little bit about yourself and your background?
Elise: Sure, my name is Elise. I’m actually from Atlanta, GA – not a transplant. I grew up here and left right after college to pursue my career. Now I’ve been back going on eight years, and I’m in my early 40s.
Jason: And I’m Jason. I’m originally from Racine, Wisconsin. I went to school at Florida A&M University, so I am a rattler. I went back to the Midwest for a period of time, in Indianapolis. Now, I’ve been in the Atlanta area for a little over two and a half years.
Jason and Elise Robinson
Photo by FotosbyFola
Wow, that’s nice because Atlanta gets a bad rap when it comes to relationships. So you have to give us the deets. How did you two find each other?
Elise: So I work in TV and I was on-air for a number of years and then transitioned into being a producer and then a manager. As a producer, I’d always have guests on. And there was a woman who came on frequently named Rosalynn (@Rosalynndaniels, often referred to as The Black Martha Stewart), and we connected instantly. Anyway, she got pregnant right before COVID and invited me to a “modern-day yoga baby shower.” I came to support, but was also just curious about that theme.
I had an amazing time. And when it was over a few of us stuck around and convos got personal. She ended up asking me the infamous ‘Are you dating’ question. When I told her no, she decided to set me up. So I should tell you, in both of my only two serious relationships, I was set up – so I was like no.
But she pointed at her husband, who was folding up chairs, and said that another friend set her up with him. Sometimes, it takes people outside of us to see what we need. A few months later, she reached out and said she had family relocating and thought I’d really like him. So she gave him my number, and I reached out with a text. He responded with a call, and that night, we talked for about 2-3 hours. So that’s how we met. I was a little nervous because me and Rosalynn were starting a friendship, and here I was, talking to her family!
Jason: It was new for me too. Remember, I was new to the area, and I had heard so many “stories” about how people have been done wrong in the dating world. Whether it’s by theft or scamming (laughs). Plus, I had just got a new job and wanted to focus on that. But I did want to be able to date someone in a more personal way and see where it led. I felt like who better than someone who I trust to connect me. Rosalynn knows I’m private, about business life, and my personal life is important to me.
So let’s get into your courtship. What was your first date like?
Elise: We had our first convo on a Monday, and he asked me out the next day. I didn’t have any plans, but I still said no. I was just playing hard to get (laughs). But we were talking every day, and he told me he wanted to take me somewhere I’ve never been. And I’m like, you’re in my city! But he sends me three options, and sure enough, two of the places I hadn’t gone to. So, our first date was October 1, 2021, and somebody was 45 minutes late.
Now Jason, why were you 45 minutes late?
Elise: It was me – in my own city. I just got turned around, and the traffic was horrible. I kept calling him and giving him permission to leave. Full transparency: I probably wouldn’t have waited if the shoe was on the other foot. But this was my first sign of what I now know and love the most about him. It’s his patience. When I got there, I was frazzled and everything, but he was just super calm. It ended up being a great first date.
Jason: I remember just waiting and being concerned for her well-being. Because I know how traffic can be, especially when someone is rushing. I was just scrolling through my phone and looking through the menu. It was cool.
Elise and Jason Robinson
Courtesy
That’s beautiful. Now let’s talk about the “what are we” convo? Did you have one of those and if so, who initiated it and how was it?
Elise: I initiated it. Jason was dating me – and still does. But by this time, we had been on a number of dates. We were on our way to a winery, and we had a bit of a drive. So I decided to state my intention. We were just a few weeks in, but we were spending a lot of time together and we are people of a particular age. So I told him, I know Atlanta can be a Black man’s playground. There’s so many beautiful professional women here. But I’m dating with intention. I don’t want to kick it or hang with a good guy even though he’s not my person. I was done with all of that. So I’m “laying down the law” in my eyes, and he didn’t flinch. He let me finish and basically let me know we were on the same page. He was not trying to sow his royal oats.
Jason: Yeah, I was not trying to be Prince Akeem. But also, it was more so about setting a tone and goal for myself. My mama always told me to set my goals. And having a family was always one of mine. I think the biggest thing of it all, was I felt blessed – in terms of moving for work and meeting Elise, now being married. There’s victories being placed in my life.
I love that you both shared that because sometimes I get feedback on these stories and it seems like sometimes we’re afraid to really voice what we desire, no matter what that looks like.
Elise: Yeah, I think sometimes women feel like they don’t want to put pressure on their partner. But it’s not pressure. Look, Jason and I are based in faith, and what is for us is for us. Being upfront and honest is best – and early makes sense. You don’t have to convince someone to be your person.
Jason: I think her sharing those values resonated with me, and hearing her “lay down the law” was fine because I was there, too. I would say to millennial women, don’t be afraid to tell a mate what you want. You never know what that would lead to. Time is a precious commodity. Elise saying that early on showed me that she values both of our time. It showed her heart, character, and integrity, and I was drawn to that and the mature conversation. In the social media world, we don’t have those pointed conversations face-to-face. I would challenge readers to have those conversations in person, and you would get more from that convo than any post or reel. Because you see body language reactions and have deeper communication.
Yeah, I think sometimes women feel like they don’t want to put pressure on their partner. But it’s not pressure. Look, Jason and I are based in faith, and what is for us is for us. Being upfront and honest is best – and early makes sense. You don’t have to convince someone to be your person.
You both have mentioned time, family, and integrity. I’m curious what other core values do you both share?
Elise: Early on, our faith. Not just do you believe in God. It had to be deeper in that. I needed someone who would lead me, our home, and our family. I didn’t want to be in a push-and-pull relationship about prayer, church, or have conversations about being better people. Also, we discussed finances. That doesn’t just mean going to work. We chatted about ownership and what it looks like for us. How do we support each other individually and together? I know I like having my hands in a few different pots, and I needed someone who was supportive of that and likewise.
Jason: My background is that I was raised in the church. My father is a deacon and my mom is a deaconess. They've been married for 55 years. Faith was very important to me and it was crucial that my wife have that relationship as well.
Elise and Jason Robinson
Photo by FotosbyFola
Can we talk about challenges? Big or small, what are some things you had to grow through together?
Elise: I have never lived with anyone – not a roommate, a sister, friend, boyfriend or anything. Now, I’m in my 40s and I'm living with someone. When you’ve been by yourself for so long that was a challenge for both of us. We weren’t pulling each other's hair out but I’m a bit extreme. Things are color-coded in my closet. For me, working in news is chaotic so I want my home to be peaceful and organized.
Jason: I’m a man, and she’s a woman. That dynamic alone adds a flair to it. She wants things a certain way. She’s a Capricorn. But just in terms of how she wants to keep a home was a big adjustment for me. It took time.
On a smaller level, what are some of the things you disagree about day-to-day?
Elise: Cleanliness and systems. Like, he recycles and I do not. But sometimes I just have to decide if it really needs to be a thing or if I can just take care of it.
Jason: This is where my organization takes over (laughs).
What are your love languages? Do you know?
Elise: Jason’s is an act of service which works because I love cooking for him. It doesn’t feel like a chore to me. I love when I’m out, picking up his favorite juice. The other day I saw he needed t-shirts while folding clothes. So I just like doing small things for him that he doesn’t expect. He’s very much that guy that will ask to help so it doesn’t bother me.
Jason: I’d say Elise is all of them, but physical touch would probably be the biggest one. I had to get used to that. She’s taught me it in a number of ways. I remember we actually talked about love languages, and I sent her this song called “More Than Words” by Extreme. That explained to her how I felt.
Finally, can we end with the proposal? Tell us everything!
Jason: It was at a restaurant. And again, I was trying to find somewhere she hadn’t been. Also, I didn’t want to do it on our anniversary because that would have been too obvious. I contacted one of the restaurant’s staff and decided to change up the dessert menu. Each item was something special to us.
Elise: We go on so many date nights, so I just thought it was a regular night. We had finished eating, and I had to go to the bathroom. They had a nice mirror, girl. So I’m in there taking videos and stuff.
Jason: While she’s in the restroom, I’m getting everything in place with the waitress.
Elise: So as I’m reading the menu, I realize it’s telling our story and he eventually proposed. It was so special; I actually had the menu framed! It was so beautiful and thoughtful.
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Feature image by FotosbyFola
This Is How To Make Essential Oils Your Ultimate Nail Health Hack
Something that I will forever back until the end of time is essential oils. One reason is that they are all-natural (essential oils are basicallyplant extracts). Another reason is that the (proven) holistic health benefits that come with using them (consistently) aredamn near endless. And lawd, don’t even get me started on how wonderful many of them smell — and how they tend to last longer than a lot of the perfumes and colognes that are out there. Definitely, for as long as essential oils are in existence, I’ll be singing their praises.
Today, the lane that I’m gonna be in is how you can apply certain essential oils to your nail care regimen. Since it should be the goal of all of us to be intentional about doing what we can to havestrong and healthy nails, I’m going to share with you 10 oils that are proven to help you reach that very goal (just make sure that youmix them with a carrier oil like apricot, grapeseed or jojoba first; essential oils are way more potent than they are oftentimes given credit for).
The Best Essential Oils for Nail Health
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1. Tea Tree Oil
Believe it or not,nail fungus is pretty common.Some studies say that 1 in 10 people will experience it; that number jumps to 1 in 2 for individuals over 70. When it comes to this, signs to look out for are nails that look white, yellow, or brown, nails that seem to rise up from your nail bed, nails that are cloudy-looking in areas, and/or nails that easily break or split in more than one spot. Depending on how serious the fungal growth is, your doctor may prescribe an oral medication, a prescription-strength topical one, or even try a laser treatment of some sort.
However, if what you’re going through is minor, you might only needsome tea tree oil to get everything under control. Since it’s the type of essential oil that contains potent antifungal and antiseptic properties, applying it to nail fungus can significantly reduce fungal growth in a relatively short period of time without over-drying your nails in the process.
2. Myrrh Oil
Since myrrh oil contains so many powerful antioxidants and is able tokill harmful bacteria quickly, that already makes it a great essential oil for nail care. Also, since it contains properties that help to keep your skin healthy, it’s also a wonderful cuticle oil (especially if you mix it with a carrier oil like sweet almond oil, plum oil, or sesame oil). Another thing to keep in mind is if you’ve recently injured your nail(s) in some way, myrrh oil contains properties that help to reduce swelling at a pretty accelerated pace.
3. Juniper Berry Oil
An essential oil that has a good reputation for both healing as well as protecting your skin is juniper berry oil. In fact, if you’ve got a bit of foot odor going on or you’ve noticed some nail fungus creeping up, if you apply the oil to your feet (or nails) while you’re in the shower, it can help to eliminate the smells and speed up the healing process.
Another bonus about this particular oil is it has astringent properties that can help to keep your nails nice and clean.
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4. Lavender Oil
Another oil that’s ideal forfighting nail fungus is lavender oil. In fact, in Healthline’s article, “Can You Use Essential Oil for Toenail Fungus?” lavender is on the list. That’s not all. If you happen to havenail eczema,the properties of lavender oil have the ability to soothe and heal the symptoms that come along with it, including nail softness and shedding. It’s also a good idea to keep in mind that if you want to addmoisture to your nails or cuticles, lavender oil is one that can hydrate your nails without a ton of residue.
5. Clove Oil
Since clove oil is considered to be an antimicrobial oil, it’s another one that is able to kill bacteria. Something else that’s cool about this oil is it can bring quick relief to pain and discomfort if you’ve broken a nail or you’ve got a hangnail that’s getting on your last nerve.Two other big wins about clove oil are it can help to even out any skin discoloration that you may have around your cuticles and it can help to keep your nails and hands looking youthful too (because, yes,nails do age).
6. Sage Oil
Sage oil also has some pretty impressive antibacterial properties in it. It also has the ability to condition your skin as well as your nails. This means that if you happen to struggle with brittle nails or nails that seem to peel, applying this oil to it can help to naturally reverse those issues. Also, if your nails seem to look a bit on the dull side, sage nails can give them a natural sheen if polish isn’t (really) your thing.
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7. Geranium Oil
An essential oil that’s great at fighting off all types of infections isgeranium oil. What I especially like about it,as far as nail care is concerned, is that it’s got a solid reputation for moisturizing your nails so that they’re able to grow stronger and longer. Since it’s an oil thatcontains anti-aging properties, geranium oil can help to keep your hands (and feet) younger-looking for a longer period of time as well.
8. Lemon Oil
Hangnails are the absolute worst. Typically, those annoying things come as the result of having dry cuticles or constantly picking (or biting) the skin around your nails. If you make a cuticle oil out oflemon oil, not only can that help to nourish your cuticles and nails, but it can also repair any tissue damage that you may have as well as deeply cleanse your nails too. This, as a direct result, can help your nails to become stronger over time (plus, it doesn’t exactly taste the best, so it can help to keep your mouth off of your nails…which is a good thing).
9. Eucalyptus Oil
One of the most potent ways to treat a nail fungal infection is toapply some eucalyptus oil to it. In fact, one of the best things about taking this particular all-natural approach to a nail infection is it can kill the fungi without totally drying out your nails in the process. Also, if you’re looking for an oil that will protect your all-natural nails frompotential environmental damage, eucalyptus oil totally has your back as far as that is concerned.
10. Vanilla Oil
Now,I’m definitely preaching to the choir when I say that you should take a break from nail polish every once in a while. Just like your skin needs a mini-vacation from cosmetics and your hair needs one from the product (build-up), your nails need time to breathe on occasion, too; otherwise, the chemicals in the polish can lead to breakage, peeling, and weak nails overall. And while you’re on the break, try applying some vanilla oil to your nails and your nail beds.The antioxidants in the oil can help to speed up the healing process of your nails as well as reduce inflammation (if you’ve got any of that going on). It can also help to nourish your nails as they prepare for another few months of nail color.
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I’m telling you, although there are all kinds of nail products on the market, if you get your hands on a few staple essential oils, you can feel confident that you’re giving your nails some chemical-free, holistically beneficial oils that will get your nails right in so many ways. I’m looking at my nails as I’m typing all of this out, and I can certainly attest to it. Try it — ain’t no way that you (and your nails) won’t like it!
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Featured image by ozgurdonmaz/Getty Images