5 Reasons You're Still Single

5 Reasons You're Still Single

In the years that I've spent navigating through dating app profiles and YouTube tutorials on "how to be un-single", I've noticed a common trend: single women tend to get their advice on being single from married women.

Now, although it can be wise to take heed to these ladies' advice since they've obviously found success in the area, the time has come for single women to reclaim the narrative surrounding what it means to be single in 2018.

You see, I view dating the same way I view technology: both landscapes are changing at such a rapid rate that the advice you receive from someone who's been married since 2004 is the equivalent of trying to use a Motorola Razor to Facetime a loved one: the form just doesn't fit the function. Am I suggesting that you totally dismiss the wise counsel of your counterparts in committed relationships? Well, sort of… Let's just say instead of throwing away all of the advice that you've received up to this point, we're just removing some bugs. Consider this your upgrade.

The best place to start when it comes to shifting the narrative is to come into agreement that most – if not all – of us are doing this whole "single and dating" thing totally wrong.

Yep, I said it.

This could very well be at no fault of your own and could simply come down to the fact that your dating strategy is obsolete. Fret not. Here's five ways to take your dating tactics from the '99's to the '10's.

You’re mean to guys you’re not attracted to.

I say this with love: some of us need to be a little more humble. If you've been single for a while, it could come down to "timing" or "waiting on God," but for some of you, it's simply because of that stank attitude of yours (someone had to tell you, sis). I know we don't always want to be bothered with "Hey, Beautiful," and "Ayo, my Nubian Queen," we get in a day, but for the guys who don't mean any harm and just want to say "Hello," what do you have to lose by softening up a bit and engaging? Your time? Girl, in case you forgot, you're single! Use these moments to brush up on your flirting skills and to just be kind. Even if he doesn't end up being your man, don't knock him down if he's trying. Plus, who knows, he might just be the wingman to a very fine, but very shy friend, so be nice, don't blow it.

Featured image by Shutterstock




As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.


I want to begin by saying I’ve been a fan and supporter of Amanda Seales since My Brother and Me. I’ve always appreciated her wit, candor, and love for Black people and Black culture. That will likely never change, and I am almost certain that there will never be a time when I have the opportunity to stand up and defend a Black woman who is being unfairly judged and villainized that I will stray away from it.