The past year and a half has taught us that life is not fair and that many individuals have experienced deep hurt, anxiety, depression and more. The unfortunate part about life circumstances is that we do not have control over them. However, we can control how we respond to things. Positive coping mechanisms are meant to build one's resilience and redirect one's stress level. When dealing with a stressful situation, it is essential to evaluate and determine if you need to change your situation or discover a way to cope with the matter.
Various studies have spoken about two types of coping: problem-focused coping and emotion-focused coping. Problem-focused coping is when you need to change your situation such as getting rid of the cause of stress. Emotion-focused coping is when you focus on your emotions since you cannot or do not want to change the situation that is causing you stress.
After you have determined the approach in which you are going to take, the implementation of how you choose to cope begins. It is essential that you create a plan of how you decide to deal with stressful moments because it is quite easy to adopt unhealthy methods that can have a negative effect. For example, an individual may decide to binge on junk food as a way of dealing with a hard day of work or finish a bottle of wine or two as a form of dealing with rejection. Both options may seem harmless at first until one's health is in jeopardy.
As you can see, a healthy approach to coping is for your own benefit. So when and if you are experiencing stress or dealing with a difficult time, the following coping mechanisms can be effective.
Shutterstock
Exercise (emotion-focused):
- Working out releases endorphins that are "feel-good" chemicals that drastically brightens up one's mood. Working out gives you an opportunity to redirect and exhaust your stress and frustrations.
Journaling (emotion-focused):
- There is something soothing about taking all of the thoughts in your head and writing them on a piece of paper. Keeping things in is not healthy. Therefore, I encourage you to write your feelings out.
Ask for help (problem-focused):
- Asking for help is never easy to do but it may need to be the very first thing for you to do if the very thing that is causing you stress can be rectified once help arrives.
Implementing a positive coping mechanism into your routine takes time and it is an individualized approach. Meaning, what may work for one person may or may not work for you. Having an open mind allows you to try new coping techniques. You will be very surprised that the technique that you least thought to be helpful may be the most relieving approach.
If you are finding positive coping mechanisms ineffective, I strongly suggest that you speak with a licensed mental health professional who can be of assistance.
Are you a member of our insiders squad? Join us in the xoTribe Members Community today!
Featured image by Shutterstock
- You Can't Sex It Away: A D*ck Appointment Is Not An Antidepressant ... ›
- Coping With An Overly Argumentative Partner - xoNecole: Women's ... ›
- What The Church Will Not Tell You About Depression & Suicide ... ›
In a xoNecoleexclusive, the iconic actress opens up about embracing this season of her life, new projects, and overall being a “bad motherfucker.” Gabrielle reveals that she was 37 years old when she was diagnosed with perimenopause and is still going through it at 51 years old. Mayo Clinic says perimenopause “refers to the time during which your body makes the natural transition to menopause, marking the end of the reproductive years.”
“I haven't crossed over the next phase just yet, but I think part of it is when you hear any form of menopause, you automatically think of your mother or grandmother. It feels like an old-person thing, but for me, I was 37 and like not understanding what that really meant for me. And I don't think we focus so much on the word menopause without understanding that perimenopause is just the time before menopause,” she tells us.
Gabrielle Union
Photo by Brian Thomas
"But you can experience a lot of the same things during that period that people talk about, that they experienced during menopause. So you could get a hot flash, you could get the weight gain, the hair loss, depression, anxiety, like all of it, mental health challenges, all of that can come, you know, at any stage of the menopausal journey and like for me, I've been in perimenopause like 13, 14 years. When you know, most doctors are like, ‘Oh, but it's usually about ten years, and I'm like, ‘Uhh, I’m still going (laughs).’”
Conversations about perimenopause, fibroids, and all the things that are associated with women’s bodies have often been considered taboo and thus not discussed publicly. However, times are changing, and thanks to the Gabrielle’s and the Tia Mowry’s, more women are having an authentic discourse about women’s health. These open discussions lead to the creation of more safe spaces and support for one another.
“I want to be in community with folks. I don't ever want to feel like I'm on an island about anything. So, if I can help create community where we are lacking, I want to be a part of that,” she says. “So, it's like there's no harm in talking about it. You know what I mean? Like, I was a bad motherfucker before perimenopause. I’m a bad motherfucker now, and I'll be a bad motherfucker after menopause. Know what I’m saying? None of that has to change. How I’m a bad motherfucker, I welcome that part of the change. I'm just getting better and stronger and more intelligent, more wise, more patient, more compassionate, more empathetic. All of that is very, very welcomed, and none of it should be scary.”
The Being Mary Jane star hasn’t been shy about her stance on therapy. If you don’t know, here’s a hint: she’s all for it, and she encourages others to try it as well. She likens therapy to dating by suggesting that you keep looking for the right therapist to match your needs. Two other essential keys to her growth are radical transparency and radical acceptance (though she admits she is still working on the latter).
"I was a bad motherfucker before perimenopause. I’m a bad motherfucker now, and I'll be a bad motherfucker after menopause. Know what I’m saying? None of that has to change. How I’m a bad motherfucker, I welcome that part of the change."
Gabrielle Union and Kaavia Union-Wade
Photo by Monica Schipper/Getty Images
“I hope that a.) you recognize that you're not alone. Seek out help and know that it's okay to be honest about what the hell is happening in your life. That's the only way that you know you can get help, and that's also the only other way that people know that you are in need if there's something going on,” she says, “because we have all these big, very wild, high expectations of people, but if they don't know what they're actually dealing with, they're always going to be failing, and you will always be disappointed. So how about just tell the truth, be transparent, and let people know where you are. So they can be of service, they can be compassionate.”
Gabrielle’s transparency is what makes her so relatable, and has so many people root for her. Whether through her TV and film projects, her memoirs, or her social media, the actress has a knack for making you feel like she’s your homegirl. Scrolling through her Instagram, you see the special moments with her family, exciting new business ventures, and jaw-dropping fashion moments. Throughout her life and career, we’ve seen her evolve in a multitude of ways. From producing films to starting a haircare line to marriage and motherhood, her journey is a story of courage and triumph. And right now, in this season, she’s asking, “What’s next?”
“This is a season of discovery and change. In a billion ways,” says the NAACP Image Award winner. “The notion of like, ‘Oh, so and so changed. They got brand new.’ I want you to be brand new. I want me to be brand new. I want us to be always constantly growing, evolving. Having more clarity, moving with different purpose, like, and all of that is for me very, very welcomed."
"I want you to be brand new. I want me to be brand new. I want us to be always constantly growing, evolving. Having more clarity, moving with different purpose, like, and all of that is for me very, very welcomed."
She continues, “So I'm just trying to figure out what's next. You know what I mean? I'm jumping into what's next. I'm excited going into what's next and new. I'm just sort of embracing all of what life has to offer.”
Look out for Gabrielle in the upcoming indie film Riff Raff, which is a crime comedy starring her and Jennifer Coolidge, and she will also produce The Idea of You, which stars Anne Hathaway.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Feature image by Mike Lawrie/Getty Images
