Last weekend, Hollywood's favorite celebrities joined their fans at ESSENCE Festival in New Orleans, LA. Among them was actress Naturi Naughton of Power who teamed up with xoNecole founder, Necole Kane and My Black is Beautiful for an intimate discussion during their Beauty & Style Expo.
Created by a group of Black women at P&G, My Black is Beautiful is part of the company's commitment to touch and celebrate the lives of Black women. At the My Black is Beautiful booth, ladies were able to take a break and grab beauty products, learn hair tips from professional stylists and celebrate themselves at the #BlackGirlsDo wall.
#BlackGirlsDo is a tribute to Black Girl Magic that provides us with a platform to celebrate our wins and accomplishments. Achievements that we've been able to fulfill, despite our circumstances and society's negative stereotypes.
Held at the Convention Center, Naturi and Necole joined host Kela Walker to discuss work-life balance and more for the #BlackGirlsDo panel. Both Naturi and Necole have an impressive track record, having navigated and sustained long careers in the industry. Throughout their discussion, one major theme was the ultimate secret to their black girl magic: self-care.
There is pressure and power that comes with being given a platform, especially in a world that makes celebrities look like they have it all together. Necole and Naturi affirmed the importance of staying grounded, especially when you're being pulled in a million different directions in regards to work and your personal life.
Finding balance amidst these factors isn't easy, but somehow both ladies find the strength and the confidence to slay every damn day, and are proof that you can do it too with the help of a consistent self-care regimen.
Naturi told host Kela Walker that her self-care routine was rooted in faith, and Necole told the audience that hers starts the moment she wakes up.
"I tell everybody I have a morning routine and I do about 12 things before I plug into the outside world. And when I mean 'outside world,' I mean social media. Sometimes, when I used to have my old site, NecoleBitchie.com, I would wake up, and I'd just plug into the internet. What's going on? What did I miss? And that will just shift your whole day. You're inviting negative energy in your life before you even have the time to get your mindset right. So, I wake up every morning, I cook breakfast, I take a run, I listen to my motivational books or like, podcasts. And I get my mind in a winning mindframe before I even check an email or check social media or check anything."
We can only control the content we consume via social media to a certain extent. No matter how many positive pages we follow and affirmation quotes that we see on our feed, logging into Instagram or Facebook the moment you open your eyes can potentially forfeit any chance of peace you may have had that day. Necole reminded us that we cannot help others until we help ourselves, a concept that is foreign to many women of color.
Kela said:
"So many times we talk about self-care and people think it's about fitness and they gotta be in the gym. Self-care is different things to different people. What's also important is to be intentional in what we're doing and recognizing our health and our mental state."
As the matriarch in our family lives, we have been tasked with the responsibility of taking care of everyone around us, even if that means neglecting ourselves. Self-care is a concept that would have been foreign to our grandmothers and the women who came before them, simply because nobody had time for that. This self neglect has been fatal among women of color, who consequently end up killing themselves to ensure that their loved ones are empowered live their best lives.
But who is there to empower you, sis? We put on these masks to seem like superheroes in our own right, and forget that even Clark Kent needed time to recharge.
We often look at self-care as some intangible concept that we never have time for, but even as an award winning lead actress and mother of a newborn daughter, Naturi says that checking in with herself is imperative. As a society, we emphasize physical check-ups and keep up to date on dental visits, but how often do we schedule an appointment to check in with ourselves?
Naturi said:
"Our job is to smile in front of the camera for you all. And we do have to push through but there are moments when we all feel like, I need a moment, I need a break. I don't wanna have a break down up in here. But you do have to take time for yourself, and one of the things that helps to just center me is do normal things."
"Just making sure that you stay connected to what's real. Because everything that we see on TV or even my character, it's not real. I am Naturi, not Tasha, so I make sure to stay grounded in what's real."
Both Necole and Naturi have been vocal about their personal battles in hopes of inspiring other women to get serious about their mental health. Although self-care may not have been a practice afforded to our mothers and grandmothers, it is a necessity in the lives of black women today.
#BlackGirlsDo so damn much for everyone else in the world, that we deserve some personal time, and more than every once in a while.
Some women have their whole wedding planned out, from the bridal gown and venue to the bridal party and playlist. However, KJ was not one of those people. “I didn’t foresee a wedding in my future,” she reveals. “I was just gonna be the boss chick, rich auntie. I didn’t force love in my life until recently. I never had an idea of what a dream wedding would look like, it was easier for me to elope.”
KJ Smith
Photo by Stanley Babb/ Stanlo Photography
And to many people’s surprise, that was their original plan – until Skyh brought up a valid concern. He was raised by his grandmother and thought she should be at the wedding, and naturally, that led to KJ wanting her grandmother to be there as well – then her mom – and later her sister – and, you’ve gotta invite the besties too, right? From there, the guest list continued to blossom. Much like the updo and pop of color bold red lip, she wore on her special day, which was initially on her Pinterest board as a soft glam look with her hair hanging on her shoulders, KJ is okay with changing her plan if it brings her and her loved ones happiness.
So let’s get into the wedding, which took place in Malibu, CA. The first thing you should know about the celebrity couple is that they’re non-traditional. They know, and they don’t care. So, in true unconventional fashion, they shared the morning of the wedding together.
“I woke up with Skyh, we walked our dog, had black coffee, and said good morning to the people who stayed at the venue with us,” she says.
Now, it was time for hair and makeup. While she was getting glammed up, she had Black-owned McBride Sisters wine and champagne (which ties into The Black Experience theme) on deck with her mom and friends, had her besties help rework her vows, retried on every outfit (sis is very Type-A), took photos, and ended the early-celebration with prayer and meditation. It seems very non-Bridezilla, I said.
“Yeah, I was the most unbothered bride ever. Everyone was just so supportive. As entertainers, we go on red carpets all the time. We actually have a production company,” she explains. “The get-ready process was like a day at work, but with people we love the most. Being entertainers, we didn’t feel stressed at all, but my excitement was so high.”
Things moved quickly, and before she knew it, it was time to line up to walk down the aisle.
“Yeah, I was the most unbothered bride ever. Everyone was just so supportive. As entertainers, we go on red carpets all the time. We actually have a production company. The get-ready process was like a day at work, but with people we love the most. Being entertainers, we didn’t feel stressed at all, but my excitement was so high.”
KJ Smith and her bridal party
Photo by Stanley Babb/ Stanlo Photography
Since everything started with their grandmothers, the couple wanted to ensure they honored them and planned to keep an element of their wedding traditional. Although we’ve all seen the reception videos and photos online, you may have noticed visuals from the wedding itself are harder to find.
“We planned for it to be traditional, but we’re not like that, so we tried to create those moments. We jumped the broom and had a salt ceremony (where the bride and groom individually pour salt into a glass container, symbolizing their lives becoming one.) But honestly, still, nothing was traditional about it.”
She goes on to explain that her mom caught the holy ghost coming down the aisle, her glam team was on deck, and she became so nervous with excitement that she had an anxiety attack – something she struggled with for years, she explains tearfully. Her friends had to literally cheer her down the aisle because of how overwhelmed she felt until she eventually calmed down.
“Skyh was standing there with his hand on his heart; we have our own little language, and I could feel the support,” she shares.
It was surprising to hear all these emotional moments happened before the party we saw online. That is until she once again got into the backstory.
“As a Black woman actress, for so long, it was popular to be mysterious and secretive, but that’s not who I am or what I like. Plus, we both wanted to create an experience for everyone there. We are the people who always host family and friends,” she says. “Like for me, the first order of business was getting sandals for the women so they can dance all night long. We had oxtail, D'ussé, and a coffee and sativa lounge – which is part of Skyh and I’s lifestyle and routine. We wanted to bring them into our world.”
Skyh Black (L) and KJ Smith (R)
Photo by Stanley Babb/ Stanlo Photography
She went on to discuss the dance routine she did for her husband at the reception, which has taken over the internet. Apparently, that’s another thing that didn’t go according to plan. According to KJ, she had promised a performance at their joint bachelor/ bachelorette party, but her outfit got stolen from her car. So, Skyh ended up performing for her – complete with a strip tease. Still, she never forgot her promise to dance for him.
So, she hired her friend as a choreographer, learned the routine, made friends and family watch it endless times, and attended Beyoncé’s Renaissance show a few days before for a confidence boost. It ended up being a show to remember. But that wasn’t all the night offered. Lil Mo performed, and the guests received special goody bags featuring their favorite Black-owned products like journals, hair care, and more.
“We made sure everyone was taken care of all night. That kind of stuff makes us happy. I wanted everyone there to experience the joy and love I have for myself, my partner, and for them. I wanted them to feel full and whole, and they had the time of their lives,” she says.
But naturally, the internet is going to internet, and while there were countless people praising the event and applauding the newlyweds, some thought it was too over the top. I was curious to know her thoughts on some of the criticism.
“It’s cool. We did what we wanted to do. I’ve decided to share my world with people. Just how I went on social media platforms and found inspiration, I want people to do the same,” she explains. “I don’t think it's fair to my supporters not to give that out. There’s so much I wanna share with brides, specifically Black brides. I love that people are adding it to their Pinterest boards."
"I wanted everyone there to experience the joy and love I have for myself, my partner, and for them. I wanted them to feel full and whole, and they had the time of their lives."
KJ Smith
Photo by Stanley Babb/ Stanlo Photography
“I’m happy with it because we did what we wanted to do. They can do what they wanna do. Don’t be cruel, though, because you will get blocked,” she said, laughing.
The more I spoke with her, the more her sense of freedom shined through. People are always going to have their opinions, but at the end of the day, it’s you who has to live your life, and it seems like the couple realizes that and embraces that power. She also stressed the importance of not living for others and the lessons life has taught her.
“I’ve been to countless weddings, and I’ve been in countless weddings. I’m a generally older bride. So when women in my demographic get married, and you and your husband are busy working people like us, you deserve to have the one you want to have,” she shares.
“This is what we wanted to do. Our loved ones love and support us. We did so much to honor them, but we also wanted to start our own tradition, legacy, and creation. I'm not going to be pulled back into ideas of the past when I’m trying to create a future with my partner. “
If you’d like to see more of the couple, you probably won’t have to wait long. Although no content is planned yet, she admits to being an oversharer. “Me being open and transparent about my experiences lets people know it’s okay to have flaws; it makes you human, and for many years, I didn’t believe that was okay. I had pressure to be perfect, and I’d crumble every time,” she explains to xoNecole.
Now, she owns her flaws and uses them as a superpower to connect with her community and feel and express her love.
“Some people give us [Skyh and KJ] a hard time because they say we just seem too perfect. I’m like, why is that a bad thing? I love the people I love. From my man to my mama, to my friends - unabashedly. We move through time and space how we want to move. If we did it another way, we’d let ourselves and our union down.”
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Feature image by Stanley Babb/ Stanlo Photography
Over the weekend, while headling Beautycon, the 42-year-old singer revealed to PEOPLE that her biggest beauty splurge comes in the form of LED light therapy. She told the outlet, "There's this light by Shani Darden, the LED light, and it's not cheap. But I literally sleep under it every night."
LED stands for Light Emitting Diode, and in light therapy, these little diodes emit different wavelengths of light to benefit your skin. LED light therapy has seen an uptick in popularity for its benefits, which range from acne reduction and skin rejuvenation to pain relief and a more even skin tone.
She continued, “It's like a 20 to 30-minute time limit. When I'm under there, it [has] red lights, blue lights, and other colors of light. But those are the ones that I use the most, and they are so awesome because of the simple fact that they are like killing germs and [helping with] anti-aging, which is amazing."
Kelly didn't lie when she said her go-to beauty device was a "splurge." Retailing at a whopping $1,900, the Shani Darden best-selling LED Light Therapy Mask "is clinically proven to reduce acne, pigmentation, and wrinkles." Per the website, the re-engineered "diode LEDs deliver the highest dose of red, blue and near infrared light therapy in cutting-edge wavelength combinations for smoothing, clearing and brightening benefits."
Kelly is someone who gets badder with age, and over the years, the wife and mom have been vocal about her dedication to self-care through the use of beauty products. In a 2022 interview with PEOPLE, she shared her inner beauty philosophy, "Give yourself as many compliments as you possibly can. You start with one, you can have two. You have two, you can have four."
Keep scrolling for some of Kelly Rowland's other beauty faves, including a couple of additional Shani Darden finds:
Pat McGrath Labs Sublime Perfection Foundation
Pat McGrath Labs
"For me [with foundation] it was either not enough coverage or too much coverage … Pat [McGrath] found the perfect blend of them both," Kelly told PEOPLE. "This is actually my color, and it blends in beautifully with the skin – the texture of it is just like silk. I brush it on, or, sometimes I use the little sponge and push it into the skin. It's my favorite. She just nailed it, she really nailed it."
Shani Darden Skin Care Facial Sculpting Wand
The Cut
Regarding this product, Kelly revealed to The Cut, "I go up my cheekbones, across my skin and my temples with her wand — it’s incredible."
Shani Darden Skin Care Retinol Reform
"I've been with [esthetician] Shani [Darden] for almost 10 years. I was having the toughest time with my skin after I had Titan [seven years ago]. Before she sold this, she put it in a little tube for me and told me when and how to use it–she likes to educate, which I really appreciate–and my skin changed in a matter of two weeks." - via PEOPLE
Augustinus Bader the Rich Cream
The Cut
“Sometimes I use the Rich Cream, and sometimes I just use the Cream," she explained to The Cut about her product preferences.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Paras Griffin/Getty Images for Beautycon™
