If you're someone who grew up reading every magazine they could get their hands on or are an avid Project Runway viewer, you likely have heard the name Elaine Welteroth. I read her work on the pages of Glamour. When she became the youngest editor-in-chief at a Condé Nast magazine, and the second black person in the media brand's 107-year history to take on the role of EIC at Teen Vogue (a fact that she didn't think much of until the media shed light on the groundbreaking-accomplishment), I took notice.
As a teenager, I could never relate to the covers or content of Teen Vogue. It was white, pretentious, and unrelatable. Not unlike most magazines I grew up reading. I was an adult by the time Elaine took the reins; and after I saw the tiny magazine with Amandla Stenberg on the iconic cover and read the interview alongside it written by Solange, I knew that my mentor from afar was a real one.
It's the reason why I knew I had to get to First Presbyterian Church in Brooklyn to see this go-getter on the first stop of herMore Than Enough: Claiming Space for Who You Are (No Matter What They Say)book tour since I just happened to be on a work trip to NYC. With a delayed flight, an epic sinus infection, lugging my carry-on through Penn Station during rush hour, and a nearly sixty-dollar Uber—I made it to Brooklyn late, but I was there!
I walked in and made my way to the balcony where I saw Elaine dressed in a crisp white button-down, leather pencil skirt, and her signature coils next to Lupita Nyong'o, who was as regal in person as she is on-camera. Even though I was an hour and two minutes late, I made it just in time to hear Elaine drop gems.
One thing she wanted to make sure each of us in the church pews knew was this is not an advice book. She believes the only way to find your path is to do it your way with guidance, mistakes, and great people surrounding you.
On Authenticity
One of the first gems that stuck with me was: "Sometimes your authenticity is your activism."
Damn, I thought. Me showing up in my black, womaness is an act of activism? The more I thought about that statement, I realized she was right. I made a choice in 2012 that I was wearing my hair the way it grew out of my head to any interview, audition, or job I had without second-guessing whether I'd be seen as "too much" or "too black".
Too often black women are forced to twist ourselves into pretzels trying to fit in or not rock the boat by dressing a certain way, making sure our hair doesn't look "too ethnic", or not speaking up in rooms where we are the only ones out of fear we'll be kept from building a career we love and deserve. She reiterated that "no amount of shrinking, assimilation, code-switching" can prevent who you are (your race) from walking in the room with you.
A word, right?!
On Transition
Another moment that stuck out for me was when Elaine talked about transition. That topic especially hit home for me because of my recent layoff. When she said, "You're allowed to dream up your life as you go", I got chills.
It was like she was sent there to say that so I could hear it. When I was laid off, everyone around me asked, "What's next?" To which I had no answer because I wasn't making a plan. I decided I was just going to go with the flow, and I have had more work and opportunities than I'd ever dreamed up.
On Fear
I wasn't able to get this next quote just right, but Elaine also reminded us that we should be giving ourselves room to step into our destiny because if you rush, you'll run into relationships, seasons, and jobs that weren't meant for you. While "busting a myth" about fear, telling us to "make friends with fear. Look in the face of fear, and say I'm going to do it anyway" because "fear is a part of the process."
Navigating the world as black women has and will always be challenging. But having changemakers and table shakers like Elaine Welteroth telling her story to empower those of us working to disrupt spaces that weren't made for us is necessary.
As Elaine put it, "I fought to be at the table, I sat at the head of the table, and now I'm working to building my own table."
We're right behind you, Elaine. Thank you for paving the way.
More Than Enough is out now. Click here to purchase.
Featured image by Elaine Welteroth/Instagram
- How I Made Peace With Getting Fired From My Six-Figure Job ... ›
- Elaine Welteroth's 'Teen Vogue' Exit Is A Reminder That There Is No ... ›
- 8 Books For Black Women With Anxiety - xoNecole: Women's ... ›
- 8 Books For Black Women With Anxiety - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
RELATED
Skylar sees things differently. At the time, she was shooting content on her iPhone. Temi came into the picture with a new perspective, an understanding of tech, and, eventually, a camera. “He doesn't give himself enough credit,” Skylar says. “He wasn't just my tripod. He wasn't just standing behind the camera and going ‘click.’ He was giving advice. He was giving me insight to how I could look at things from a different perspective. And I was like, 'Oh, he’s an artist.' I think it was maybe a heartbeat of that kind of energy of like, ‘Baby, can you take this picture?’ And it turned so quickly into, we're partners. We can work together in a way where we're advancing each other's creative thinking.”
The pair often says they’re two sides of the same coin. Skylar is an Aquarius. She attended art school, paints, and loves poetry. She’s more than happy to let the couple’s management firm and agency, Kensington Grey, handle their admin work. And, she loves to sleep in. Temi, on the other hand, wakes up early. He’s a Virgo. He loves a to-do list and regularly checks in on the couple’s brand partnerships spreadsheet to make sure everything is on track.
Because his storytelling was steeped in his love of technology, he didn’t always think of himself as a creative person. “Where I [am] the dreamer who wants to pluck things out of the sky and spend all day with my head in the clouds, Temi [is] so good at grounding me and helping me figure out how to make things make sense on paper. We just work together in such a complimentary way,” Skylar says.
It’s been more than six years since Brooklyn-based couple Temi and Skylar started dating, and nearly four since they cemented their working relationship. On TikTok and Instagram, the couple’s travel, fashion, and home content regularly rack up hundreds of thousands of views. They’ve worked with brands such as Coach, Aesop, Away, and Liquid IV, bringing their vibrant perspectives to every campaign they execute. Still, nearly two years since both Temi and Skylar committed to full-time content creation and creative directing, the couple says their romantic connection remains their priority.
“We told each other we would much rather go back to full-time jobs and preserve our relationship than to be full-time freelancers, barely getting a night's rest [and] barely kissing each other because we're so busy shooting,” Skylar says.
Working from home can make it hard to separate work from personal life for any entrepreneur. It can be even more challenging when your business partner is also your lover. Temi and Skylar had already used couples therapy as a tool to help them effectively communicate with one another. When they ran into challenges while working together, their therapist helped them set physical boundaries to help combat the issues.
"We told each other we would much rather go back to full-time jobs and preserve our relationship than to be full-time freelancers, barely getting a night's rest [and] barely kissing each other because we're so busy shooting."
“It actually took us doing very specific physical things to create boundaries between work and play in our relationship,” Skylar says. “So, for instance, we will only have conversations about work when we're out of bed or we're at the table or in the office. Initially, when we started, we had to light a candle to say that, 'Okay, this is a space where we're connecting, we’re not talking about work.' We needed really hard boundaries at the top. And then it became a little bit more organic.”
The boundaries have been crucial to implement, especially because the couple began working together so naturally. When the pair first met, Skylar was NY-based a social strategist for BuzzFeed and was using content creation to drive business to her lingerie company. She was shooting her own content. Temi was working for Microsoft in D.C. He’d recently traded in his DJing equipment for a camera. “I've always loved taking pictures,” he says. “Even when I was a kid, my African mother would wake me up at 3:00 a.m. [during a] party, and be like, 'Come take the family picture.'”
Growing up, Temi says he watched his parents support each other and be the true definition of partners. He knew he wanted the same for his own relationship. But, the couple also wanted to make sure they were being financially responsible. The pair didn’t quit their traditional jobs until they’d saved up two years' worth of their cost of living. And, Temi received his Master of Business Administration from New York University with the knowledge that it could either help him advance in his corporate career or be applicable to his business with Skylar.
Temi and SkylarCj Hart @hartbreakToday, they say their working relationship is more of a “quiet dance.” They still implement some of the boundaries they learned in therapy, but they also lean into their natural strengths and deep love for one another. When we speak, Temi has planned a date for the couple to see Princess Mononoke in 4K IMAX and added it to their Notion so they can factor it into their busy schedules. “I fully plan to date for the rest of my life,” he says.
Skylar says the couple doesn’t just wait for date nights to check in with one another, though. This often happens in the mornings, after Temi has made her peppermint tea and poured himself a cup of coffee. When they ask each other how they slept, she says, it’s not just a “nicety.” It’s a genuine question meant to foster connection.
“A lot of it happens during the day in the midst of work. We'll stop and we'll hug. Or we’ll slow dance in the kitchen,” she says. “Sometimes it's hard to set a whole date night when you have 7,000 things going on. So, we must grasp these moments and check in when we can. And I think it's become so organic to us that I actually didn't even realize how often we do it. But all day long, we're like, 'Are you good? I felt like your energy shifted,' because we're best friends, we just know. We just feel it happen.”
What’s better than being in love? Building wealth while doing it. Watch Making Cents here for real stories of couples who make money moves together.
Featured image by Cj Hart @hartbreak
