
Exclusive: Michelle Williams On Depression, Healing & Why It’s Important To Check In With Yourself

"I'm your girl, you're my girl, we your girls - don't you know that we love you…"
"Girl" (one of my personal favorites) was released by Destiny's Child in 2004, and the song speaks to being there for a friend who's in a toxic relationship. Today, the importance of having your tribe and being there for each other is still a powerful and significant message considering the fact that: 17 years have passed, which means responsibilities and priorities have likely changed for many of us, AND we survived a whole global pandemic. Hence, "checking in with God, yourself, and others," is so important for such a time as this.
Throughout the pandemic, we've heard a lot about Zoom fatigue. However, when the beautiful, talented, multi-platinum, award-winning artist, and member of one of the best-selling girl groups of all-time, Michelle Williams, shows up on your computer screen, all of that so-called Zoom fatigue goes out the window.
Recently, I had the wonderful honor and pleasure of "checking in" with Michelle Williams. When Michelle first appeared on my screen, there was an effervescent glow about her. It wasn't just the fact she was rocking a glamorous, natural look, or the vibrant pink lighting that added a delicate, yet fierce, femininity to the room. Instead, it was her kind, warm, down-to-earth spirit, and her humble and genuine personality. As someone who has experienced and invested in my own mental health journey, not only could I relate on so many levels, but I was all the more appreciative for her candidness.
During our "check-in," we discussed how Michelle courageously decided to share intimate details and experiences in her new book, Checking In: How Getting Real about Depression Saved My Life and Can Save Yours. She also shared the importance of checking in, how she's overcome public shame, embarrassment, and humiliation, as well as how she navigates mental health in her relationships. And let me tell you...she definitely kept it real.
Getting Real with Yourself
xoNecole: Because you are such a private person, how difficult was it for you to openly share and pen your mental health journey and experiences?
Michelle Williams: So many people told me about the healing effects of writing. So, a girlfriend and I went to a cabin one weekend, and I began to write and voice everything. It was like a therapy session. As a singer, I'm used to putting everything in a voice recorder. So, writing the book wasn't different. It was very healing and very restorative.
In your book, you shared a story about how when you originally joined Destiny’s Child and were asked about your name: “Who do you think little girls want to be like? Tenitra or Michelle?” Although you chose Michelle, there was a part of you that also thought about: “...how much my feelings of unworthiness may have sprung from comments just like that one. I wonder how much influence I lost by exchanging that label.” Reflecting on that, how have you peeled away those layers and labels to truly embrace your authentic self?
Michelle: Just so people know, Destiny's Child did not make me depressed. The music industry did not make me depressed. This is something that I've been dealing with since the 7th grade but I was finally able to put a name to it by my thirties. At first I was scared to include that part because this is not a tell-all book, but based on the way it was written and the heart of the book, by now, people know Tenitra Michelle. They know I'm not out here trying to ruin my 20-year friendships with Beyonce and Kelly.
Besides, Michelle in the beginning of Destiny's Child didn't know what she was doing. So, a part of me felt like I could keep Tenitra to myself. I am Michelle, but at times, "Michelle" served as a cover-up or a mask, but it was Tenitra who was wounded and hurt. Tenitra needed the miracle and emotional healing. Now, the only label I've got that matters is God's: God's creation. God's work. God's child.
"I am Michelle, but at times, 'Michelle' served as a cover-up or a mask, but it was Tenitra who was wounded and hurt. Tenitra needed the miracle and emotional healing. Now, the only label I've got that matters is God's: God's creation. God's work. God's child."
Paras Griffin/Getty Images for Tyler Perry Studios
We know how close you, Beyonce, and Kelly are, but how difficult was it for you to be open and honest with them about your mental health journey initially?
Michelle: Many times, we talk ourselves out of having conversations that we know we can have with our girlfriends. When I joined Destiny's Child, I know that Beyonce was really struggling with depression. Her two childhood friends were no longer in the group even though they had dreams and plans. So, I couldn't come in and be like, "You know, I'm depressed too." I wanted things to go smoothly, so I did what needed to be done. Fast forward to some years later, Bey and Kelly were getting married and having children. So, I talked myself out of talking to them. I didn't want to be a "Debbie downer." I didn't want to bring the wrong energy.
Then, in 2018, we were rehearsing for Coachella and I was newly engaged, but I felt like I couldn't go to anybody with this. I didn't want to ruin anything. That's also a trick of the enemy - he wants you to feel like you can't speak about it. His job is to "kill, steal, and destroy." So, he isolates you and makes you believe that you can't talk about it. He tries to mute your mouth because your mouth is powerful...it can open doors, build up and tear down. It can get you the help that you need. So, when I finally did tell them, their response was: "Michelle! You could've and should've come to us!" To this day and even recently, Mrs. Tina, told me, "I wish you would've told us."
For those who may not fully understand the weight of mental illness or they’re on the outside looking in and all they see is the glitz and the glam, what do you say to those who may think, “If your life is that good, then what’s there to feel depressed about?”
Michelle: You might be successful, functioning well, but there may be things that you need to process - trauma, transitions (e.g. job, move, relationship, getting married, getting divorced), and even triumphs. Everything doesn't have to come tumbling down before you go seek help. The main purpose of money is that it enables me to pay my bills on time, and now, thankfully, it enables me to get help.
Getting Real about Relationships
Sometimes, when we struggle with mental health issues and depression, we may feel like it makes us unloveable. How do you navigate and approach those tough talks with partners when you’re experiencing depression and you’re not OK?
Michelle: I've gone out with a few people a few times and you just slide the topic in there….definitely not on the first date though. It could be as simple as asking, "What do you think about this person or that person," or "What are your thoughts about therapy?" You can talk about me if you have to by saying something like, "Hey, what do you think about Michelle and her story?" Then, observe how they respond to the conversation.
Reflecting on your past relationships, what have you learned in terms of how well or difficult it was to manage your mental health in your relationships?
Michelle: I wish I had taken off my superwoman cape and shared more about my mental health sooner than later. I wish I had done that with the man that I was engaged to. I can do it now, but back then, I couldn't. I was afraid because I knew this man had been waiting for a wife this whole time and here I was about to tell him, "Uhhh, I think I'm depressed." So, once he did find out, he was crushed that I didn't say anything because he wanted to be there since he's a natural "fixer" anyway. Now, I just go ahead and talk about it because I want to see the other person's response. If their response is not a supportive one, then we don't have anything else to discuss.
"I wish I had taken off my superwoman cape and shared more about my mental health sooner than later. I wish I had done that with the man that I was engaged to. I can do it now, but back then, I couldn't."
Matt Winkelmeyer/Getty Images
On the flip side, if you’re with someone who is experiencing mental health issues, how can one be supportive?
Michelle: Check on them, and also educate yourself. My ex-fiance was supportive, but he wasn't aware or knowledgeable about certain things. I know he was crucified by a lot of people on the internet because of a past episode of our show when he asked me if I had taken my medicine. Nonetheless, we were trying to get the world to also see what this looks like (relationships and mental health), and how unfortunately, sometimes we say things that are offensive to the people we love.
Asking for Help
In your book, you talk about the moment when you finally admitted and said, “I don’t feel safe...I need help.” Was there a specific situation that led you to that pivotal moment, or do you think it was a culmination of everything you had been feeling?
Michelle: It was a culmination of everything that had transpired. It's like the game Jenga. You're stacking blocks on top of blocks, but the removal or placement of a single block can cause everything to crumble. For me, I felt the symptoms of depression, so by the time I went to the hospital in 2018, I had been feeling the symptoms for awhile, things were building, and I was in a dark place. I remember being in the bed talking on the phone with a pastor and his wife and they said, "In the morning, if you don't feel better, do what you gotta do." So, I did.
So many people struggle with asking for and getting help even privately. How difficult was it for you to experience something so private yet on a public platform for all the world to see?
Michelle: By the time I walked into a mental health facility, the shame had already left. My lip wasn't even waxed and I didn't take any clothes with me. One of the nurses went to Target and bought clothes for the duration of my stay including clothes, panties...whatever I needed. Shortly thereafter, my manager called me and said that a [certain media outlet] needed confirmation about my whereabouts since it was about to go public. So, I released a statement merely because I didn't want them to tell MY story. I wanted to control my own narrative. That's when the shame, embarrassment and humiliation came.
For someone who may be struggling right now or feeling shame about wanting to seek help, what would you say to her?
Michelle: There are a lot of reasons why people don't go to therapy, but I pray that your desperation and your wellness outweighs all of that. Let God do what he's going to do with everyone else because it's going to work out for you. Your life and your well-being has to outweigh your pride, the fear, and shame. Part of the reason why the shame left when I arrived at the mental health facility was because I was so desperate for help. Shame can't be in the same spot as desperation. As Shanti Das and her organization says, "Silence the shame." In other words, silence the fear, and let courage and bravery be amplified.
"There are a lot of reasons why people don't go to therapy, but I pray that your desperation and your wellness outweighs all of that. Let God do what he's going to do with everyone else because it's going to work out for you. Your life and your well-being has to outweigh your pride, the fear, and shame. Shame can't be in the same spot as desperation."
Prince Williams/Wireimage
Social media can be a double-edged sword. How do you manage your social media intake? Do you ever take social media breaks as a way to help protect your peace?
Michelle: Yes, I'm very intentional about the follow button. I curate and follow people based on how I want my vision board to look. When someone tells you "your music changed my life," I gotta respond. I love to engage with people but there are times when I do take a break. It's healthy when you're not scrolling all day. Now, have I responded a time or two to those who aren't kind? Absolutely, but I don't do that all the time because I don't want to be known as the "clapback queen."
Checking in and Doing the Work
Besides therapy, have you explored or tried other forms of therapy or treatment?
Michelle: I've [had] a few sessions of something called Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR); which is a form of therapy that helps with trauma in terms of desensitizing and disarming. There's also guided stretching, diet-related factors, and boundaries. Boundaries are so important. Being able to say things like, "No, I'm not talking about this," or "No, I'm not doing this," or "No, I don't have the emotional capacity."
I also respect others and their boundaries as well; so much so that if I know I'm about to initiate a heavy conversation, I'll ask, "Do you have the emotional capacity to listen to what I'm about to tell you?"
My condolences to you as I know your dad passed away a short while ago. Would you say that your faith and the mental health work that you’ve done have helped with managing your grief?
Michelle: Definitely. My therapist was on stand-by when I needed her. Just talking to somebody helped me deal with the sadness of the loss of him; the sadness of when I call my mother, I won't hear him in the background. I'm not over it of course, but what's helping me over is the way in which he passed. At the time, my mother was singing hymns to him, but little did she know, she was ushering him into Heaven. I told my Mama (laughs), "I think God and daddy had a Zoom meeting and they orchestrated the way he tiptoed out of here like a G."
I even had hopes of him walking me down the aisle one day, but I guess he was like, "I tried. I waited, but it just didn't work out. I'm ready to go." So, I have tremendous peace about where he is and how he left.
In your book, you stated: “When we fail to check in with ourselves - aware of our own thoughts, feelings, and spirituality - we fail to live as God wants us to live. Because we fail to see ourselves as God sees us." What does checking in look like for you now?
Michelle: I started the process of "checking in" back in 2019. In 2019, I was still going through the thick of everything that happened in 2018. So it was a healing journey of everything that I went through in 2018. Checking in with myself means being aware of how I'm feeling before going to bed. Saying things out loud. Listening to music. Checking in with God centers around praying and talking to God.
Checking in with others means calling up someone as soon as I think about them, and if they don't answer, then I'll send a text. It's about being more intentional. It's also about having the courage to tell my friends, "Hey, I'm feeling overwhelmed," but also being mindful about not putting too much pressure on my friends. That's why processing things with your therapist is important.
Because you’ve revealed so much of yourself to the world, what is your greatest hope for your book and everything that you’re doing?
Michelle: I can't bare my heart and soul anymore than I already have...that's how much I want to help inspire and impact the world. My hope is that Checking In will help people get real about their mental health issues and give them the courage to seek help. Do it for you and your future. You deserve it and your future is coming. There are certain insurance companies that will cover some or all of your therapy sessions, as well as certain schools that offer assistance with getting therapy.
However, if you're out there and you can't necessarily afford therapy or don't have immediate access to resources: at least start by asking yourself, "How am I feeling?" As my cousin, Brittany - who happens to be a therapist - likes to say, "Feel your feelings." Be aware of your feelings - whether sadness, anger, grief, or whatever - because those are natural, legitimate responses to whatever's going on around you. Everyone doesn't have to be the poster child for mental health, but I want to be the poster child for seeking help.
For more of Michelle, follow her on Instagram. Checking In: How Getting Real about Depression Saved My Life and Can Save Yours is out now.
Some responses have been edited for length and clarity.
Featured image by Matt Winkelmeyer/Getty Images
Shonda Brown White is a bestselling author, blogger, life coach, and brand strategist. When she's not jumping out of a plane or zip lining, she's living the married life with her husband in Atlanta, GA. Connect with her on social @ShondaBWhite and her empowering real talk on her blog.
Devale Ellis On Being A Provider, Marriage Growth & Redefining Fatherhood
In this candid episode of the xoMAN podcast, host Kiara Walker talked with Devale Ellis, actor, social media personality, and star of Zatima, about modern masculinity, learning to be a better husband, emotional presence in marriage, fatherhood for Black men, and leading by example.
“I Wasn’t Present Emotionally”: Devale Ellis on Marriage Growth
Devale Ellis On Learning He Was a ‘Bad Husband’
Ellis grew up believing that a man should prioritize providing for his family. “I know this may come off as misogynistic, but I feel like it’s my responsibility as a man to pay for everything,” he said, emphasizing the wise guidance passed down by his father. However, five years into his marriage to long-time partner Khadeen Ellis, he realized provision wasn’t just financial.
“I was a bad husband because I wasn’t present emotionally… I wasn’t concerned about what she needed outside of the resources.”
Once he shifted his mindset, his marriage improved. “In me trying to be of service to her, I learned that me being of service created a woman who is now willing to be of service to me.”
On Redefining Masculinity and Fatherhood
For Ellis, “being a man is about being consistent.” As a father of four, he sees parenthood as a chance to reshape the future.
“Children give you another chance at life. I have four different opportunities right now to do my life all over again.”
He also works to uplift young Black men, reinforcing their worth in a world that often undermines them. His values extend to his career—Ellis refuses to play roles that involve domestic violence or sexual assault.
Watch the full episode below:
On Marriage, Family Planning, and Writing His Story
After his wife’s postpartum preeclampsia, Ellis chose a vasectomy over her taking hormonal birth control, further proving his commitment to their partnership. He and Khadeen share their journey in We Over Me, and his next book, Raising Kings: How Fatherhood Saved Me From Myself, is on the way.
Through honesty and growth, Devale Ellis challenges traditional ideas of masculinity, making his story one that resonates deeply with millennial women.
For the xoMAN podcast, host Kiara Walker peels back the layers of masculinity with candid conversations that challenge stereotypes and celebrate vulnerability. Real men. Real stories. Real talk.
Want more real talk from xoMAN? Catch the full audio episodes every Tuesday on Spotify and Apple Podcasts, and don’t miss the full video drops every Wednesday on YouTube. Hit follow, subscribe, and stay tapped in.
Featured image by YouTube/xoNecole
Summer style is less about trends and more about transcendence.
This season allows for a sense of playfulness and freedom. My astrological placements—Cancer Sun, Aries Rising, and Aquarius Moon—influence my adventurous style, yet I also rely on a set of reliable, foolproof pieces. Everyone has such a collection of staples, and they are the foundation of a consistent and harmonious personal style.
Style Tips from 8 Creatives Who Are Owning Summer
With that in mind, we asked eight dynamic creatives—from New York to Los Angeles—to break down the summer outfits that make them feel most radiant, powerful, and fully aligned with their highest selves.
These women are dressing for ease, for expression, and for every mood that warm weather brings—whether it’s sprinklers at the park, rooftop hangs, or midday outfit changes on the fly.
“Every day is different, but if I had to dig deep into my core, my go-to look is some type of tank, long short, and a cool shoe. Seems basic, but trust—every piece speaks for itself in my closet. I’m a statement piece girl.”
Her Summer Staples: A fun sandal (think colorful dad sandal with a twist—like her furry pink Marni pair), bold earrings, and lots of layered jewelry to make up for the lack of layers in warm weather.
Style Signature: Bold colors and geometric patterns.
Her Tip for the Gworlz: “Keep trying new things each season—you’ll figure out what’s definitely for you and what’s not.”
Artist | New York City, NY
Courtesy
“I’m a mom, so tulle is perfect. It dries quickly after splash parks, it’s hard to stain, breathable—and still brings drama and ease equally.”
Her Summer Staples: Tulle dresses or skirts, novelty crossbody bags (“One looks like a pack of ramen!”), and stylish clogs that give height without sacrificing comfort.
How She Accessorizes: Always a hat (she’s bald and prioritizes sun protection) and oversized sunglasses for drama.
Style Signature: All the prints—floral, animal, geometric—and a fearless use of color.
Her Tip for the Gworlz: “Show up and show out in what makes YOU feel good. Find silhouettes that work for your body and make them your signature.”
Kerstina Renee (she/her)
Creative Partner | Brooklyn, NY
Courtesy
“I wait all year for summer so I can have my legs out! I feel my most radiant in anything that puts them front and center.”
Her Summer Staples: Minimalist yet edgy pieces—think sheer tops, short shorts, mini dresses, and lace-up sandals that add height.
How She Accessorizes: Statement bags, rings that dial up any outfit, and pieces that can flex from errands to lunch dates.
Style Signature: Neutral tones, bold colors, pastels, geometric and animal prints.
Her Tip for the Gworlz: “Dress for you first. Yes, you can wear that to buy groceries. Your style is your expression—have fun with it.”
Ilianna Ayala Garcia (she/her)
Plus Size Model & Content Creator | New York City, NY
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“Summer style for me is ease, glow, and effort that feels effortless. A flowy skirt or dress, body shimmer, SPF, and I’m that girl.”
Her Summer Staples: Zelie For She halter maxis, Birkenstocks or Dolce Vita block heels, Lorvae and DEZI sunglasses, and Villa Fresca swimwear. Oh—and a portable fan is always in hand.
How She Accessorizes: Layered necklaces, statement earrings, dainty anklets, and headwraps for both fashion and function.
Style Signature: Soft pastels, animal prints, and silhouettes that highlight ease and confidence.
Her Tip for the Gworlz: “For my plus-size beauties: anti-chafing shorts from Thigh Society or Megababe’s stick. Also, grab a micro tagging gun to discreetly secure undergarments—freedom to move without worry!”
Zewiditu Jewel (she/her)
Co-Owner, Cloudy Donut Co. | New York City, NY
Courtesy
“I never imagined I’d become a traditional woman in the sense that what works for me is for me. I don’t dress for the season—I dress for myself.”
Her Summer Staples: A crisp, controlled palette of black, white, and denim with occasional beige. Her beloved chocolate brown Row loafers and an ongoing hunt for the perfect white shoe.
How She Accessorizes: With timeless impact—her signature red lip, MAC’s “Ruby Woo,” which she’s been wearing since 2002.
Style Signature: White, black, denim—with yellow as her seasonal spirit color.
Her Tip for the Gworlz: “You are that girl. Anytime you need a reminder, look in the mirror. Everything you’ve been through, everything you’ve done. Own that sht. Wear that sht.”
Joelle Everett (she/her)
Brooklyn, NY
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“I love the big-bottom, small-top silhouette. Not only do I find it super flattering, I would describe my style as a mix of masculine and feminine, so a cute crop top with baggy jeans, or jorts, and a small tank is my go-to.”
Her Summer Staples: As a huge sneakerhead, her Sambas and Onitsuka Tigers are in heavy rotation alongside trucker and bucket hats which is absolutely hair dependent.
How She Accessorizes: Necklaces. She loves a good stack.
Style Signature: Neutral tones, animal prints, jewel tones are her absolute faves (deep purple, navy blues, forest greens, amber) — she thinks they look expensive, but are still colorful and fun.
Her Tip for the Gworlz: “Your style should be a personal reflection of who you are and how you feel. Every time I get dressed, I think about the fact that I'm communicating with people without having to say anything. I use my outfits as an opportunity to send messages and speak without talking.”
Tracey Wiley (she/her)
Digital Creator | New Orleans, LA
Courtesy
“When it comes to my summer uniform, give me all the color, flow, and breeze-friendly fabric! Living in New Orleans, the heat doesn’t play fair — so I don’t even try to fight it in anything clingy. My go-to? A beautiful, bold, and colorful maxi dress. It's effortless, breathable, and moves with me (not against me).”
Her Summer Staples: Right now, she’s been carrying her àjò wallet by Awelewa By Monica everywhere. It’s functional and stylish. She can't live without a linen set from Zara.
How She Accessorizes: For jewelry: big rings, stacked bangles and a bold necklace, sunglasses, and a good head scarf for effortless glam.
Style Signature: Neutral tones, bold colors, animal prints.
Her Tip for the Gworlz: “Wear them clothes, sis! Be confident in them and have fun with your wardrobe. Don’t be afraid to play with color, mix high and low pieces, or bold prints. Dress for how YOU want to feel, not just how you want to look. And please stop saving your ‘good clothes’ for a special occasion! Every day is an occasion.”
Tristan Swimms (she/her)
Co-owner of The Common Collective | Denver, CO
Courtesy
“I enjoy a mini short with crispy ankle socks, Wales Bonner Sambas and a vintage baby tee. I feel the prettiest when my fit gives sexy and comfortable — with a cool mix of brands I appreciate.”
Her Summer Staples: Must-haves include mini shorts or bloomer shorts, thin vintage baby tees, Sambas, oversized Stüssy zip-ups, baggy Japanese denim, colorful one-shoulder crop tops, backless tops, tennis skirts, and strappy platform shoes.
How She Accessorizes: It’s always gold jewelry for Tristan. She advises that you find you a good pawn shop for the best value of real gold.
Style Signature: Bold colors and denim, prioritizing a mix of sexy and comfortable styles.
Her Tip for the Gworlz: “Find your confidence in the balance between sexy and comfortable. The fit doesn’t always have to match — but it should spark compliments that start conversations.”
The Common Thread?
These style stars may vary in aesthetic, but the thread that runs through each of their summer uniforms is the same: intentionality, expression, and comfort. Whether you’re a statement-piece maximalist or a neutral-loving minimalist, there’s one rule this season: wear what makes you feel free.
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Featured image courtesy of Tristan Swimms/@tristanswimms