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Luke James On Love, Intimacy & Who He Is As A Lover
I'll never forget the day one of my best friends introduced me to an artist who, unbeknownst to me, would soon become one of my favorite vocalists from that day forward. It was about seven years ago, in the middle of winter and we were on our way to a kickback, comfortably packed in her car with a few of our mutual friends. She suddenly grabbed the aux cord and eagerly asked, "Have y'all heard 'Strawberry Vapors' by Luke James?" The rest of us collectively shook our heads and eagerly awaited for the sound to permeate our ears. "Just wait 'till you hear his voice," she warned. "It's insane." Fast forward to today and the word insane feels like a gross understatement to describe the musical gift that is Luke James.
It's about mid-morning when our call connects and Luke is surprisingly calm, cool and collected. There's some hustle and bustle in the background, which is understandable seeing as how in just a few short moments, he'll be headed to rehearsal and subsequently showcasing his God-given talents in front of thousands of adoring fans for an intimate concert experience at the House of Blues in his hometown of New Orleans. How does it feel?
"Magical," he admits honestly to xoNecole. "I'm feeling very magical."
And why wouldn't he? It's a blessing to be back in the city that not only helped shape his musical appetite, but a city that continues to show immense support and undying love. And as a thank you, James is inviting those same fans to connect with him as he soulfully and skillfully expresses his angst and his admiration over a prize we all are seeking but few of us ever really possess: true love.
Photo Credit: Alexander Black
At its core, James' sound is sonically superb. But at its highest? It's seductively sensual, commanding attention from your spirit, soul and body all at the same damn time. With a discography that boasts songs like "Make Love To Me", "I O U", "Exit Wounds", and "Drip", the "These Arms" singer 's voice carries and produces a feeling unlike any other. And his latest album, to feel love/d, is just another near perfect example. The album is a smooth culmination of easy mornings, lovely days, and late nights. It's the cool breeze that blows when the sun peeks out from under the clouds after a storm. The goofy dance you do with the person you love on a lazy Sunday morning and the soothing sway of a porch swing at dusk in the South. The nine-track love letter covers almost every emotion present when it comes to dealing with love and intimacy and is a solid nod to all things soul, funk, and R&B. It's also a timely treat for long-time fans who have been waiting patiently for the talented multi-hyphenate to bless us with something other than his impressive acting chops (looking at you STARand Little).
We got the chance to chat with the artist about all things love and music, and here's what he had to say.
xoNecole: A lot of your music comes across as very sensual and ethereal. Is that on purpose? How are you able to consistently channel that?
Luke James: Honestly, I try to live in the truth when creating my art. The end result is all God, I guess. I really follow the theory of some of the greats like Quincy Jones, and I just leave room for God. And I think that's what you're hearing.
'To Feel Love/d' is out. What’s your favorite song off the album?
You know, it's really hard to answer that. Each song marked a period in life for me and I feel like if I never had those moments, I wouldn't probably have this album. I wouldn't have this particular perspective on love, being loved, what it means to love someone else and what it means to receive love. So it's really hard for me to pinpoint one song.
I can’t be mad at that. So tell me, what’s your earliest or best memory of what true love was supposed to look like?
I don't quite remember when my mother had me (laughs), but I'm sure that's when it happened. I think that's the truest form I've seen and felt throughout my life. My mom is the truest form of love that I've witnessed thus far from a human being. You know, for mankind, it's quite difficult because we're just 'know-it-alls'. It's really hard to just let the mind go and lead with your heart. But when you find someone who just can't help but love you, you know it. You can feel it, it's undeniable; it's everything.
Photo Credit: Alexander Black
"It's really hard to just let the mind go and lead with your heart. But when you find someone who just can't help but love you, you know it. You can feel it, it's undeniable; it's everything."
Speaking of undeniable, you have an effortless ability to make women feel all the feels when it comes to your voice and your sound. When you hear the word love, what feelings come to mind?
Well, trying to be as honest as I can right now: I'd say sadness and joy. Those are the two words that come to mind. You know, love is hard. But when you get past that place or find that place where love isn't hard--then you can find that joy. Because it's beautiful to surpass sadness with love and through love to find joy. For some people, love is giving up something in some cases. For others, their perspective is that love doesn't mean giving up something. And why should they? Why should they have to give up something for something that should be easy and open and receptive and uncompromisable and forgiving?
What scares you the most and excites you the most about finding true love?
The freedom is what excites [me] the most. When you have freedom, you have support and that's beautiful. What scares me about it, is maybe it not being equal. You know? Maybe I'll love a little less or love a little more than someone else. And that can be scary because how would you know? How do you gauge that?
When it comes to physical intimacy versus emotional intimacy. Which one, if at all is more important to you?
I think I'm more into the emotional part of it…
Why is that?
Because the physical is inevitable, but the emotional is not. If you can have both or work your way to get both, then it's beautiful. But I would start with the emotional aspect of it first and then the physicalities will work itself out. It'll be a lot sweeter, more profound and fulfilling if the emotional cup is full.
Who is Luke James as a lover?
Wow. I like that, that question is cool (laughs). Wouldn't that be a little narcissistic though? Because I could say I'm an amazing lover and someone else who's been around could be like, "Nah." I can tell you who I am to myself, like who I think I am.
(Laughs) That’ll work too.
OK (laughs). Thank you for that. I am--hard on myself. But I am also easy. I don't always see myself, but when I do, it's a breath of fresh air. I would say I am awesome, but someone else might say I am hard to deal with or indecisive. But I am kind. I am love-full, love is who I am; it is me. Maybe my empathy for what I feel in the world sometimes though, makes it hard for someone or for myself to even feel love. It's a lot, I feel everything.
Photo Credit: Alexander Black
"I don't always see myself, but when I do, it's a breath of fresh air. I would say I am awesome, but someone else might say I am hard to deal with or indecisive. But I am kind. I am love-full, love is who I am; it is me. Maybe my empathy for what I feel in the world sometimes though, makes it hard for someone or for myself to even feel love. It's a lot, I feel everything."
Being an empath, what would you say are your love languages?
Communication and time. I'm not as open as I may appear to be. I'm pretty much isolated a lot, so giving my time is pretty valuable to me. And I'm sure it's valuable to my friends and the people who love me.
What do you know now about love that you didn’t know before?
I know nothing (laughs). I know nothing at all but I think that's a part of the beauty of that particular rollercoaster. You know love is up and down, round and round, fast, slow, high and low. Love is also alternating, it can change--and you can make it what you want it to be. But I also think love is honest. It's 100 percent honest, there's no bullshitting in love and when there is, you know it. Love will show it. It's a never-ending story, I'm riding through life.
What’s the biggest difference between the Luke at the start of your career and the Luke now?
I am not green. I am not moved by a lot of things. I'm unimpressed. I am not complacent. It's not about being able to just sing and write songs, or act—it's much more than that. There's much more to me. I think early on I was OK with letting people make decisions and drive the car. I prefer to sit in the driver's seat now.
To Feel Love/d is available to stream everywhere now and for more of Luke, make sure you follow him on IG: @wolfjames.
All images courtesy of Luke James
Writer. Empath. Escapist. Young, gifted, and Black. Shanelle Genai is a proud Southern girl in a serious relationship with celebrity interviews, The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, and long walks down Sephora aisles. Keep up with her on IG @shanellegenai.
These Newlyweds Found Love Thanks To A Friend Playing Matchmaker
How We Met is a series where xoNecole talks love and relationships with real-life couples. We learn how they met, how like turned into love, and how they make their love work.
Jason and Elise Robinson’s union is a reminder that kind people still get their happily ever after. The pair had their first date in October of 2021 and tied the knot on June 15, 2024. Both of them have dedicated their lives to celebrating and supporting Black culture so it was only fitting they get married in what's considered the Black Hollywood of America during the Juneteenth celebration weekend. From the florists to Elise and Jason's gown and suit designers to the table signage and so much more, everything was Black-owned. It's no wonder their love for Black culture was the jumping-off point for their love story.
When they met, Jason had just moved to Atlanta for a new job opportunity, and Elise was living happily in her career and had put dating on the backburner. But luckily, a mutual connection saw something in both of them and thanks to a yoga-themed baby shower and a chance text message, they found their forever. Check out their beautiful How We Met story below.
I’ll start with the easiest question. Can you both tell me a little bit about yourself and your background?
Elise: Sure, my name is Elise. I’m actually from Atlanta, GA – not a transplant. I grew up here and left right after college to pursue my career. Now I’ve been back going on eight years, and I’m in my early 40s.
Jason: And I’m Jason. I’m originally from Racine, Wisconsin. I went to school at Florida A&M University, so I am a rattler. I went back to the Midwest for a period of time, in Indianapolis. Now, I’ve been in the Atlanta area for a little over two and a half years.
Jason and Elise Robinson
Photo by FotosbyFola
Wow, that’s nice because Atlanta gets a bad rap when it comes to relationships. So you have to give us the deets. How did you two find each other?
Elise: So I work in TV and I was on-air for a number of years and then transitioned into being a producer and then a manager. As a producer, I’d always have guests on. And there was a woman who came on frequently named Rosalynn (@Rosalynndaniels, often referred to as The Black Martha Stewart), and we connected instantly. Anyway, she got pregnant right before COVID and invited me to a “modern-day yoga baby shower.” I came to support, but was also just curious about that theme.
I had an amazing time. And when it was over a few of us stuck around and convos got personal. She ended up asking me the infamous ‘Are you dating’ question. When I told her no, she decided to set me up. So I should tell you, in both of my only two serious relationships, I was set up – so I was like no.
But she pointed at her husband, who was folding up chairs, and said that another friend set her up with him. Sometimes, it takes people outside of us to see what we need. A few months later, she reached out and said she had family relocating and thought I’d really like him. So she gave him my number, and I reached out with a text. He responded with a call, and that night, we talked for about 2-3 hours. So that’s how we met. I was a little nervous because me and Rosalynn were starting a friendship, and here I was, talking to her family!
Jason: It was new for me too. Remember, I was new to the area, and I had heard so many “stories” about how people have been done wrong in the dating world. Whether it’s by theft or scamming (laughs). Plus, I had just got a new job and wanted to focus on that. But I did want to be able to date someone in a more personal way and see where it led. I felt like who better than someone who I trust to connect me. Rosalynn knows I’m private, about business life, and my personal life is important to me.
So let’s get into your courtship. What was your first date like?
Elise: We had our first convo on a Monday, and he asked me out the next day. I didn’t have any plans, but I still said no. I was just playing hard to get (laughs). But we were talking every day, and he told me he wanted to take me somewhere I’ve never been. And I’m like, you’re in my city! But he sends me three options, and sure enough, two of the places I hadn’t gone to. So, our first date was October 1, 2021, and somebody was 45 minutes late.
Now Jason, why were you 45 minutes late?
Elise: It was me – in my own city. I just got turned around, and the traffic was horrible. I kept calling him and giving him permission to leave. Full transparency: I probably wouldn’t have waited if the shoe was on the other foot. But this was my first sign of what I now know and love the most about him. It’s his patience. When I got there, I was frazzled and everything, but he was just super calm. It ended up being a great first date.
Jason: I remember just waiting and being concerned for her well-being. Because I know how traffic can be, especially when someone is rushing. I was just scrolling through my phone and looking through the menu. It was cool.
Elise and Jason Robinson
Courtesy
That’s beautiful. Now let’s talk about the “what are we” convo? Did you have one of those and if so, who initiated it and how was it?
Elise: I initiated it. Jason was dating me – and still does. But by this time, we had been on a number of dates. We were on our way to a winery, and we had a bit of a drive. So I decided to state my intention. We were just a few weeks in, but we were spending a lot of time together and we are people of a particular age. So I told him, I know Atlanta can be a Black man’s playground. There’s so many beautiful professional women here. But I’m dating with intention. I don’t want to kick it or hang with a good guy even though he’s not my person. I was done with all of that. So I’m “laying down the law” in my eyes, and he didn’t flinch. He let me finish and basically let me know we were on the same page. He was not trying to sow his royal oats.
Jason: Yeah, I was not trying to be Prince Akeem. But also, it was more so about setting a tone and goal for myself. My mama always told me to set my goals. And having a family was always one of mine. I think the biggest thing of it all, was I felt blessed – in terms of moving for work and meeting Elise, now being married. There’s victories being placed in my life.
I love that you both shared that because sometimes I get feedback on these stories and it seems like sometimes we’re afraid to really voice what we desire, no matter what that looks like.
Elise: Yeah, I think sometimes women feel like they don’t want to put pressure on their partner. But it’s not pressure. Look, Jason and I are based in faith, and what is for us is for us. Being upfront and honest is best – and early makes sense. You don’t have to convince someone to be your person.
Jason: I think her sharing those values resonated with me, and hearing her “lay down the law” was fine because I was there, too. I would say to millennial women, don’t be afraid to tell a mate what you want. You never know what that would lead to. Time is a precious commodity. Elise saying that early on showed me that she values both of our time. It showed her heart, character, and integrity, and I was drawn to that and the mature conversation. In the social media world, we don’t have those pointed conversations face-to-face. I would challenge readers to have those conversations in person, and you would get more from that convo than any post or reel. Because you see body language reactions and have deeper communication.
Yeah, I think sometimes women feel like they don’t want to put pressure on their partner. But it’s not pressure. Look, Jason and I are based in faith, and what is for us is for us. Being upfront and honest is best – and early makes sense. You don’t have to convince someone to be your person.
You both have mentioned time, family, and integrity. I’m curious what other core values do you both share?
Elise: Early on, our faith. Not just do you believe in God. It had to be deeper in that. I needed someone who would lead me, our home, and our family. I didn’t want to be in a push-and-pull relationship about prayer, church, or have conversations about being better people. Also, we discussed finances. That doesn’t just mean going to work. We chatted about ownership and what it looks like for us. How do we support each other individually and together? I know I like having my hands in a few different pots, and I needed someone who was supportive of that and likewise.
Jason: My background is that I was raised in the church. My father is a deacon and my mom is a deaconess. They've been married for 55 years. Faith was very important to me and it was crucial that my wife have that relationship as well.
Elise and Jason Robinson
Photo by FotosbyFola
Can we talk about challenges? Big or small, what are some things you had to grow through together?
Elise: I have never lived with anyone – not a roommate, a sister, friend, boyfriend or anything. Now, I’m in my 40s and I'm living with someone. When you’ve been by yourself for so long that was a challenge for both of us. We weren’t pulling each other's hair out but I’m a bit extreme. Things are color-coded in my closet. For me, working in news is chaotic so I want my home to be peaceful and organized.
Jason: I’m a man, and she’s a woman. That dynamic alone adds a flair to it. She wants things a certain way. She’s a Capricorn. But just in terms of how she wants to keep a home was a big adjustment for me. It took time.
On a smaller level, what are some of the things you disagree about day-to-day?
Elise: Cleanliness and systems. Like, he recycles and I do not. But sometimes I just have to decide if it really needs to be a thing or if I can just take care of it.
Jason: This is where my organization takes over (laughs).
What are your love languages? Do you know?
Elise: Jason’s is an act of service which works because I love cooking for him. It doesn’t feel like a chore to me. I love when I’m out, picking up his favorite juice. The other day I saw he needed t-shirts while folding clothes. So I just like doing small things for him that he doesn’t expect. He’s very much that guy that will ask to help so it doesn’t bother me.
Jason: I’d say Elise is all of them, but physical touch would probably be the biggest one. I had to get used to that. She’s taught me it in a number of ways. I remember we actually talked about love languages, and I sent her this song called “More Than Words” by Extreme. That explained to her how I felt.
Finally, can we end with the proposal? Tell us everything!
Jason: It was at a restaurant. And again, I was trying to find somewhere she hadn’t been. Also, I didn’t want to do it on our anniversary because that would have been too obvious. I contacted one of the restaurant’s staff and decided to change up the dessert menu. Each item was something special to us.
Elise: We go on so many date nights, so I just thought it was a regular night. We had finished eating, and I had to go to the bathroom. They had a nice mirror, girl. So I’m in there taking videos and stuff.
Jason: While she’s in the restroom, I’m getting everything in place with the waitress.
Elise: So as I’m reading the menu, I realize it’s telling our story and he eventually proposed. It was so special; I actually had the menu framed! It was so beautiful and thoughtful.
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Feature image by FotosbyFola
I’m telling you, as someone who has been writing on sex for well over two decades at this point, so long as you’re interested in the topic, you will always — and I do mean ALWAYS — learn something new. Take multiple orgasms, for example. Did you know that there is a difference betweenmultiples and stacked ones? While multiple orgasms are about experiencing more than one climax within a short period of time, a stacked orgasm is like well, it’s a lot like edging. The reason why I say that is because stacked orgasms focus on getting someone to the brink of an orgasm, then pausing so that when they return to that same place of stimulation, their orgasms will be just that much more pleasurable.
Anyway, although it’s pretty true that whenever the topic of multiple orgasms comes up, it usually centers around women, the reality is that men are able to have them as well. Without much effort?Reportedly, less than 10 percent of guys in their 20s and less than seven percent of them over 30 can. For the record, what qualifies are guys who can naturally orgasm 2-4 times within an under two-minute timeframe. Yes, the percentile is low; that’s the bad news.
The good news is there are some hacks that can help those who don’t fall into the “automatically blessed in this way” category to become multi-orgasmic too. I’ve done some research and found five things that your man can do prior to sex to make having more than one orgasm easier for him along with five things that you can do during sex that can really take achieving the goal to another level.
Let’s dig in.
1. What He Should Do: Up His Testosterone
A main hormone contributor to orgasms is testosterone. So, it makes all the sense in the world that in order for a man to experience more of them, his testosterone levels would need to be at a peak level.Some natural ways to encourage your man to get his levels to where they need to be is to remind him to exercise at least three times a week, to get some time in the sun (and/or take a vitamin D supplement), to consume alcohol in moderation, to keep his stress levels to a minimum and to avoid taking in too many phytoestrogens (which is plant-based estrogen);some of those foods would include soy, dairy, sunflower seeds, grapes, collard greens (I know, right?) and beer.
2. What He Should Do: Do Some Kegels
Whenever the topic of Kegels comes up, it’s also usually in the context of women strengthening their pelvic floor in order to prevent/improve incontinence and make sex more pleasurable. However, did you know that men can benefit from a form of this type of exercise too? When men learn how toidentify and then strengthen their own pelvic floor muscles, it can give their genital region a lot more self-control.As a direct result, it can reduce symptoms related to erectile dysfunction, and premature ejaculation and it can potentially intensify their orgasms as well.
One way that a man can do a simple Kegel is by starting and stopping his urine streaming whenever he’s using the bathroom. Some other forms of male Kegel exercises can be foundhere andhere.
3. What He Should Do: Learn About Non-Ejaculatory Orgasms
The “real ones” can rap damn near every lyric of Salt-N-Pepa’s “Whatta Man” (featuring En Vogue) from back in the day. In it, there are a couple of lines that say, “He takes his time and does everything right/Knocks me out with one shot for the rest of the night.” I mean, while that’s cool ‘n all (I guess — LOL), if you want a multi-orgasmic man, he’s gonna need to be able to accomplish more than that, chile.
And since once a man ejaculates, that’s where the refractory period (which is basically the period of time between when someone orgasms and is sexually responsive enough to be able to orgasm again), in order for a guy to be able to have several orgasms at one time more easily, NOT EJACULATING should be the goal.
This is where non-ejaculatory orgasms come in.
They are all about a man learning how to enjoy the sensation of an orgasm without ejaculating in the process. Your partner can learn more about how to achieve those by reading Men’s Health’s article here.
4. What He Should Do: Master Belly Breathing
You’d be hard-pressed to read an article on how to have powerful or multiple orgasms without improving one’s breathing techniques not coming up in it. That’s because deep breathing helps to relax the body — and the more relaxed a person is, the easier it is for them to climax. That said, a great breathing technique for men is called belly breathing (ordiaphragmatic breathing); it’s all about getting on your back, putting one hand on the upper part of your chest while the other rests right below your rib cage.
As you take air in through your nose, focus on it coming from your lower belly area. If you do this, while the hand that is on your chest remains in the same spot, the one on your stomach should rise. As you exhale, tighten your abdominal muscles and then repeat. If you and your partner implement this as a form of foreplay prior to sex andyou use your hands to caress his chest as he focuses on his belly and breathing, it can be a gentle form of edging that can make achieving multiple orgasms for him easier once you start to engage in actual intercourse.
5. What He Should Do: Get More Rest
When you get a chance, check out the article that I penned for the platform a few years back entitled, “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand.” For now, I’ll just say that if your partner is sleep-deprived, that will make it challenging for him to have one orgasm, let alone several in a row. Two reasons whysleep deprivation is so problematic is because it can throw off hormones, increase stress, and heighten a man’s chances of experiencing erectile dysfunction. So, if your partner isn’t getting between 6-8 hours of rest on a pretty consistent basis, that is something else that can make having a multiple orgasm hella challenging.
Now let’s get into some things that you can do to help him in this area of sexual pleasure and satisfaction…
Getty Images
What You Should Do: Massage His Scrotum
The reason why it’s so painful for a man to be hit “in the balls” (which means in his scrotum which is where his testicles are) is because that is a place that houses many nerve endings which makes it a highly sensitive place. Sexually,that’s a good thing because not only is it a powerful erogenous zone, but it can also boost a man’s chances of ejaculating. When it comes to multiple orgasms, you can gently knead them like dough while you’re giving him oral sex (because who said that multiple orgasms only had to come via intercourse?)
Or say that you’re in the missionary position; right as he’s about to ejaculate (ask him if he’s someone who doesn’t “announce it" in some way on his own), gently tug on his scrotum or roll his testicles in the palm of one of your hands as if it were a pair of dice. Between the sensation of already climaxing coupled with the feeling of his scrotum being erotically touched can be enough for him to have more than one orgasm — whether he was prepared to have one or not!
What You Should Do: Stimulate His Nipples
I actually once read that somewhere around 50 percent of men consider their nipples to be a bona fide erogenous zone. From what I’ve researched, a part of the reason is that the brain lights up whenever nipples are stimulated in a similar way that our genitalia is.
And so, by engaging in nipple play with your partner — lightly stroking his nipples, licking them, kissing them, etc.— not only does it help to intensify his orgasms, but it can also (potentially) shorten his refractory period which makes it easier for him to climax back-to-back.
What You Should Do: Get into Some Sensory Deprivation
If you’ve never heard ofsensory deprivation before, in the context ofsexual activity, it’s when you’re intentional about pulling one of the senses — sight, touch, smell, taste, hearing — out of the sexual experience in order to increase the other four. For example, if you put a blindfold on your partner, if he can’t see what you’re doing, that increases his stimuli in other areas which can make it easier for him to climax and have more than one orgasm at a time. Something else that’s cool about sensory deprivation is it encourages people to focus more on anticipation than overthinking which is always highly beneficial in the sexual pleasure department.
What You Should Do: Talk Dirty to Him
Dirty talking has all sorts of benefits. It appeals to the sense of hearing. It can let you and your partner both know what you want and need more of in a very sensual and seductive way. It can also help to distract your partner as you try to relax him for things like aprostate massage. Listen,it’s been said, for quite some time now, that a man’s G-spot is found in and around his prostate which includes the area in between his scrotum and his anus along with an inch or two within his anus opening.
And so, if you’re telling him how much he turns you on while you’ve got a lubed-up finger wandering around there, there’s no tellinghow many orgasms you’ll be able to give him — ones that he probably isn’t anywhere close to being prepared for. Straight up.
What You Should Do: Embrace His Penis. Fully.
The more you embrace his penis, the more relaxed he’ll feel around you. So, try giving him an impromptu tantric lingam massage. Stroke his shaft with some coconut oil while going down on him. Have some ice in your mouth during oral sex. With the thumb and forefinger of each hand, gently stroke his penis in an up-and-down motion. Use a little peppermint oil mixed with a carrier oil like sweet almond or grapeseed to massage his shaft and scrotum as the menthol from the peppermint provides a tingling sensation.
Bottom line, take in everything about his penis and enjoy yourself while doing so. Chances are, the more creative you get, the more you’ll both discover stimulation points that he never even knew that he had — and when new territory is discovered, that means new peaks of sexual pleasure can be reached too!
Have fun, chile. BOTH OF YOU.
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