Kehlani Reveals The Secret To Healthy Co-Parenting With An Ex
Talented singer and songwriter Kehlani recently appeared on The Breakfast Clubwhere she discussed spiritual healing, new music, and more. But, the highlight of the conversation was definitely her updates on Mom life. She looked to be in a genuinely happy place, and it seems like her daughter is a large part of the reason for that. Which makes perfect sense, considering real fans know she has always been about the Mom life.
Three years ago Kehlani surprised everyone when she announced her pregnancy in a viral Instagram post. The since-deleted caption read:
"If you know me, you know I've dreamt about motherhood since I was very young. When asked what my goals are, it's always the idea of a big healthy happy family and whatever comes along is a plus."
Kehlani's relationship with her own family is complicated. When she was born, both of her parents were addicted to drugs. And by the time she turned one, her father had been murdered and her mother was incarcerated. Fortunately, she was later adopted by her aunt. And although this was a major blessing, life was still far from easy. However, I'd like to think that all of these things may have contributed to her desire for a happy and healthy co-parenting reality.
In 2018, Kehlani revealed her then relationship with co-parent guitarist, Javaughn Young-White via Nicki Minaj's Queen Radio show. In the interview, she shared many personal details such as the fact that the pregnancy was planned, that the couple started as friends, and that they were both bisexual. She said:
"We just really appreciate each other as human beings, and it's been really awesome to be understood."
The conversation sparked a great deal of dialogue surrounding sexuality and parenting.
Fast forward to today and they are still on the same page! Although they are no longer an item, they still have the same goal, creating the best life for their child, daughter Adeya Nomi. She tells The Breakfast Club:
"Her dad's awesome and he's super fluid when it comes to my career. So he's like, 'You want me to come with her and just we all hang out? And we'll go back and forth?' We just have a great system and we're a great co-parenting team. We'll take it as it comes."
And when Charlamagne questioned the rarity of such a positive co-parenting situation versus baby-mama drama, her response was a whole gem.
"I mean, I can't exactly apply it necessarily to my situation but I think people have a bad habit of viewing each other as 'exes' instead of viewing each other as 'co-parents.' And then they like, they apply 'ex drama' and 'ex attention' and 'ex...chaos' when really at the moment you guys become parents, you guys need to view each other as literally whoever this baby's parents [are]. That's it. All that 'ex' thing needs to go out the window."
By taking away "the dreaded ex" component, it's just all about family, and for Kehlani that removes a lot of the potential nonsense.
"You're 'Team Baby' and if you guys aren't functioning as the proper team, then the only one that really comes down on hard -- super hard -- is the baby."
You can check out Kehlani's latest single, Alter, here.
Kehlani Talks Spiritual Healing, Co-Parenting, New Music + More
Featured image by Gotham/WireImage via Getty Images
Kirby Carroll grew up in VA but now calls Atlanta, GA home. She has a passion for creating content and helping brands grow through storytelling and public relations. When not immersed in work, you can find her sipping a mimosa at brunch or bingeing a new TV drama on Netflix. Keep up with her on social media at @askKirbyCarroll.
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Release Stress & Restore Harmony In Your Body With Shaking Meditation
When we reflect on our own path as women in light of the women who came before us, it’s easy to see that the loads we’ve carried haven’t always been the lightest. From everyday stresses to generational trauma with roots that are difficult to trace, one must ask where all that weight goes if we never release it.
The body holds the score for all the anxieties, worries, and unease that we’ve endured over time. Family and society often tell us to quiet our emotions, maintain a brave face, and keep our emotions bottled up within. But as we know, anything with too much pressure will eventually burst.
And while we are steadily discovering self-care methods like meditation to shed this emotional baggage, it may take a little more than sitting still in the quiet of our mind to let go of our deep-rooted tension. Fortunately, mindful movement could be an unexpected way for you to let go of worry and anxiety while building emotional resiliency, and such is the case with shaking meditation.
What Is Shaking Meditation?
Shaking meditation is a form of tension and trauma-releasing exercises or TRE that “assists the body in releasing deep muscular patterns of stress, tension, and trauma.” This series of exercises of muscular shaking and vibrating activates a natural reflex mechanism that releases muscular tension, thus calming down the nervous system and encouraging your body to return back to a state of balance.
“Shaking meditation can be powerful because it moves your body — and in Eastern medicine, we say that moves your chi,” says Jenelle Kim, DACM, L.Ac, a ninth-generation doctor of acupuncture and Chinese medicine and author of Myung Sung: The Korean Art of Living Meditation.
According to Dr. Kim, understanding chi helps us understand our bodies and how we're feeling mentally, physically, and spiritually. In Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM), chi is known to represent your life force; it is the energy that flows through you and everything, and in many cultures, plays an essential role in our health.
“We have chi that moves in our blood and throughout our entire body; connecting our organ systems, muscles, and joints,” she tells xoNecole. “It allows everything to function and to be nourished. We know blood travels throughout our body through our circulatory system, but chi also travels through our body — much in the same way — through the meridian system. If you picture chi as vital energy, it moves the blood.”
It’s important for our body’s chi to stay in flow. When we go about our daily life with stress, trauma, or even mental injuries, our energy becomes stagnant. But various movement practices like Qigong or shaking meditation encourage your chi to circulate through your body which activates the parasympathetic nervous system, which “is in charge of telling our brain and body to calm down, relax, ultimately, let go,” Dr. Kim says.
As Black women, there are times in life when it feels like we bear the weight of the world on our shoulders, with few spaces to go when we need to lighten the load. But as Dr. Kim explains, because women are “naturally yin beings,” we take on more because we can handle more. “According to the energies of nature that have been passed down for thousands of years, women are more complex. And what that almost always means is that we can think a lot more.” And while that speaks to the resiliency of our being, it can have a negative effect on our bodies when we store more than we release.
“If we don't have ways of releasing this, it will ultimately affect our lives physically, mentally, and spiritually. Then it passes on to our children, and that's where we get generational trauma,” she says.
Although shaking meditation may be a new and unfamiliar practice, it’s one that could prove to be beneficial to those who have experienced trauma on an individual and communal level. The movements are simple to follow and accessible, and in a matter of minutes, you’ll feel more calm and relaxed, while relieving any anxiety, frustration, and tension inside of you.
So if you’re ready to restore harmony within your body, here are the steps to perform shaking meditation on your own.
How To Incorporate Shaking Meditation Into Your Daily Routine:
Step 1: “Stand with your feet hip-width apart. You can do this while sitting or standing — depending on your comfort level. Make sure all of your joints are soft, so nothing's locked.
Step 2: “Begin raising onto your tiptoes and falling back onto your heels. Not so hard to where you're shocking your spine, but enough to just kind of wake up your body. Repeat three to five times, dropping down onto your heels.”
Step 3: “Next, start with your hands first and shake them. There’s no right or wrong way to do this. Shake them and go up to your arms, to your elbows, and then up to your shoulders. Now your whole arms should be moving.”
Step 4: “Then you can start your legs, repeating the same shaking movement. You then move your feet moving, go up through your core, and then shake everything out through your head.”
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