

July! The month we've all been waiting for as we prepare once again to enter the wild wild west of the Eclipse Season.
Once again, we get to take a look at the concepts of fate, destiny, and karma as we all decide whether we want to move up or down on the karmic scale. The beginning of the month kicks off crankily with Mercury in Leo arguing with Mars and Jupiter, making him irritable, quick-tempered, verbose, and loud as hell, as leonine Mercury roars out rallying cries that inspire others around him to act. We all receive an opportunity to speak with pride and passion on the topics and projects that we're deeply invested in as well as using our creative and collective minds to come up with solutions for the difficulties in our personal and shared worlds. It's important to remember that it's not always the loudest voice in the room that has the answers but the voice that is willing to listen and collaborate in order to be effective.
On July 10, Jupiter leaves his retrograde journey to station direct at 13 degrees of Scorpio, bringing our attention all the way back to his retrograde story. (December 12th through March 8th) Jupiter's been working to show us how we've been expanding and relating to the world. Have you been openly passionate about how you meet new experiences? Or have you been running away in fear when opportunities for growth and abundance come your way? During his third and final pass see what's changed about how you open up and have faith or belief in yourself and the world.
July ends with a big bang with a strong, highly martial and potentially violent Lunar eclipse on July 27 at 4 degrees of Aquarius. Remember Mars is retrograde until August 26, so his energy can be both explosive, sudden, and unusual. People will be acting "strangely" so don't be too alarmed. It's a busy, busy month so click through the slideshow below to learn what July has in store for your sign!
Aries
Love
You may be a bit of a homebody for the first part of the month, Aries, so chill out for a couple of days. Your focus is more serious with Venus in your house of Daily Routines and Health putting you in a perfectionist mood where you'll be wanting things to go certain ways especially in regards to your relationships with others. If you're currently single, you could very well meet a potential love on-the-job or find yourself interviewing potential suitors like they're trying out for the job of being your boo. It's not that you're uncaring, or unsympathetic to their obvious interest in you, but you want to be logical about how you express your love and affection to new mate(s).
Work
To be perfectly honest, it could be that your work and career is just more satisfying than spending a lot of time on romance that could fizzle out before summer is finished. That's fine, because Jupiter's forward movement will help you realize that you have the power to take control of your life when you do the dirty business of facing fears and being brutally honest about your underlying desires as motivation. Basically, you're in no mood for weak sauce from anyone right now.
Health
The Solar Eclipse on the 12th will be energizing your House of Home and inviting you to make it more comfortable and less cluttered with mental-emotional baggage, so that it's easier for you to rest and function within that that sacred space. The Sun's movement into Leo will give you a burst of energy to go out and play while Mercury does his retrograde dance in the same house. The two of them will encourage you to tap back into your creativity and rediscover your sense of humor if it's gone missing over the past few weeks. Just stay true to yourself, Aries, it's good for your health.
Taurus
Love
Turn up your natural charm, Taurus. July is a month that revolves around enjoying yourself within your relationships. Jupiter turns direct in your House of Partnerships on July 10, replenishing you with both luck and an abundance of suitors if you're looking. If your one-on-ones with people have been challenging, or if your business partnerships have been an issue as of late, expect kerfuffles to smooth out as Jupiter begins to retrace his steps with his extra wisdom on his side. Think back to March of this year for relationships that might be up for yet another pass. Know that you're in a space where there's plenty of opportunity for love, romance, creativity and playfulness as Venus enters into your house of Creativity and Romance on the same day. With these two benefits on your side, you may find that it's much easier to compromise and find the middle ground with others. This all works out in your favor as the Solar Eclipse on the 12 will be encouraging you to communicate, socialize and not allow boredom or monotony to set into your day-to-day. Go out, meet people, keep your mind engaged.
Health
Pay attention to your health around the end of the month; you could be experiencing some social fatigue with Mercury settling down to go retrograde in your House of Home and Family. Your mind tends towards nostalgia, and cloudy emotionality during this time as he tries to make sense of what's off in your home and work environments.
Work
Chances are that you're spending too much energy in a situation at work that's leaving you drained and uncertain if you want to continue down your current career path. Try to speak up for yourself and see if a solution can't come about through collaborative efforts at work. If that fails, there's nothing wrong with hanging out on the couch with your family until you feel ready to act. Patience is still one of your best virtues, Taurus.
Gemini
Health
July is the month to get your mind back in order, Gemini, especially with Jupiter in your House of Health and Daily routines stationing direct on July 10th. You should feel more like yourself in terms of getting tasks done as opposed to spinning your wheels as you have been since March. Do your best to take in Jupiter's lessons as he gives you yet another chance to handle your details so that your details don't handle you. Don't get too carried away with your endless to-do lists and errands as around July 9, it could quickly become the case of putting too much on your plate and not having the energy to keep up with yourself.
Work
Use the solar eclipse on July 12 to plant new seeds and set your intentions around your money, assets, and you self-esteem. If you've been meaning to invest in a new financial venture or been thinking about financial planning, this New Moon Eclipse will be useful to you. Take it as a moment to consider just how much you want for yourself in terms of money and career, and whether or not you feel like you deserve it.
Love
Keep in mind it's much easier to receive love in our lives when we believe it is our right to have it. You do deserve it, so claim what's yours. Your ruling planet Mercury going retrograde and the Lunar Eclipse at the end of the month will force you to slow down enough to consider the boldness of your ideas and whether or not to act on them. Your mind will take you as far as you allow it, Gemini. Think big.
Cancer
Health
July is the kind of month that will have you saying f*ck it, Cancer. After months of struggling to maintain healthier relationships, this is a good time to reimagine yourself, build confidence, make a little money, and have some fun while you're doing it. Everyone else can fend for themselves while you take care of you and your health first. The beginning of the month sees Jupiter and Neptune lending positive support to your ego, so spend extra time in the mirror with those positive affirmations and blown kisses. The solar eclipse on July 12 will be in your House of Self, meaning you get to plant a new intentions about your self-image, Little Crab.
Work
Think about how learning how to wield some of the power dynamics that you've experienced in your partnerships with others and how you can use them in different areas of your life, including your career. Leave all the negative expressions of power struggles behind and embrace the ones that make you feel confident and able to stand up to whatever or whoever comes your way.
Love
Jupiter stationing direct in your House of Creativity and Pleasure is encouraging you to go outside and play more than you have been lately, get back into your hobbies. Go dancing, play music, romance yourself or somebody else and see how that feels for a change. Venus gives a nod to your House of Communication making her chatty girl who loves conversations with new people that help her to understand the wider world so if you're invited to go out, say yes. Chances are love and excitement are waiting for you to come say hello.
Leo
Health
This month marks the beginning of your birthday season, Leo! Happy Solar Return and many more! Though this month may have you wanting to retreat at times (cuz whoa, talk about crazy intense energy, these days!) don't lose hope, as typically things all work out in the end when you're being eclipsed like you are. First off, make an effort to spend time with people who boost your confidence. Venus moving into your House of Money and Self Esteem will be pushing you to invest in you and your health this month. If it looks pretty, and makes you feel pretty, go for it (within reason and your budget, of course!).
Work
Although Venus in this position tends to get a bit carried away with her spending, she's also good at bringing in additional cash just when you need it most. You could put a portion of your spending towards your home, as Jupiter turns direct and draws your attention back to your roost. If you've been thinking of renovating, expanding, or moving to a bigger place, Jupiter and Venus can work together on your behalf to make it happen from this month forward. Having a strong homebase and foundation will be of use to you as you continue to work on your career and your one-on-one relationships with others this summer.
Love
Partners are still behaving strangely thanks to Mars, so do try to show love by being patient and allow disagreements to blow over quickly as opposed to becoming knock down fights that no one can remember how they started. Choose your words, and your battles wisely, Leo, and if all else fails, just pack it up and go home. Tomorrow is still another day.
Virgo
Love
Sometimes you feel social and sometimes you don't, Virgo. That's fine so long as you're going with the flow of the month. You'll be feeling more inclined to be seen during the first half of the month, with Venus entering your sign and your first House of Self on the 10. Venus in this position should bless you with additional charm and grace while making you seem extremely attractive If you are in the market for a summer love fling or longer relationship. Yes, Virgo, they're looking at you, because they like what they see, embrace that sh*t. Whatever your current romantic status, the point is to seek more pleasure from your everyday life. Jupiter turning direct in your House of Communications will be giving you ample opportunity to connect with others as your voicemail and calendar suddenly fill to capacity. You'll be feeling pretty and witty when you're out engaging in refreshing and enlightening conversations with the people who'll be drawn to your energy.
Work
The New Moon Solar Eclipse on the 12 is bringing in even more social engagement energy by activating your House of Friendship and Organizations providing you even more opportunity to broaden your network of friends and involvement with like-minded groups in ways that can boost your career.
Health
All this socializing may have you feeling burnt out towards the end of the month when the Sun enters your House of Unconscious, followed by Mercury turning retrograde in the same house. You may find that you're reluctant to share your deeper thoughts with others or be less inclined to go outside at all and who could blame you after such a busy first half of the month. Use this downtime to clear your head, tend to your health and reflect on what you've experienced in the last 12 months and prepare for a new solar year as your birthday season approaches.
Libra
Work
July should feel easier for you, Libra, as Jupiter finally turns direct in your House of Money and Self Esteem, allowing you to feel more confident about what you believe in and want for yourself. This is perfectly timed since the Solar Eclipse in your House of Career on July 12 will be asking you to plant new seeds and vision around your burgeoning reputation. Pluto is also involved In this Eclipse, but instead of being overwhelmed or frightened by his influence, use that energy as fuel. Pluto in your House of Home helps to uproot all sorts of familial stories good and bad that have helped shape who you are. Lean into the familial traits and characteristics that can propel you forward in your career as opposed to hold you back.
Love
Mercury retrograde through your House of Friendship and Organizations on July 26 will have you paying extra attention to those that you associate with and how they push you to take pride and go powerfully towards your vision for the future. Just be sure to pay attention to Mercury when he's squabbling with Jupiter, on the 9, as he will inform you whether or not your values are on the same page as the people that you love and associate with. Don't be shocked when you find that some people won't be joining you going forward.
Health
Your health is maintained when you Indulge in some good old fashioned fun with your ruling planet Venus In Leo during the first few weeks of the month that she will invite you to go out and socialize and have a good time but once she enters Virgo on July 10, it's a good time to retreat from the world to recharge your batteries so that you have an easier time letting go of whatever doesn't serve you.
Scorpio
Health
You get some of your energy back this month, Scorpio. Jupiter finally turning direct after 4 months of being retrograde should finally see a boost in both your health and your optimism. You now have a better understanding of faith in yourself and random blessings and luck from the universe. Allow Jupiter to push you towards opening up to life again if you've been feeling closed off.
Love
Venus going through your house of friendships and organizations will be encouraging you to socialize and potentially get set up with a new love interest by your friends or meet someone new who just happens to share your interest. It's okay to take it slow and and just enjoy in the company of like-minded people but be careful around July 24 when Neptune comes to chat with Venus and puts a bit of Illusion and haze around romance and money affairs. Use your Scorpio perceptiveness to cut through the nonsense. If it seems too good to be true, chances are that it is, but it doesn't mean that you can't enjoy the ride.
Work
Mercury retrograde and the lunar eclipse taking place on the 26 and 27 of the month will have you thinking about your work to home life balance. Are you spending too much time at home or at work? Do you like the work that you're doing or the home that you're living in? Mercury may have you reconsidering your career and reputation path while he goes retrograde, while the South Node of Fate in your house of home and family will help clear out any family angst, drama, and discontent that might be putting a downer on your home life and dragging on your ability to succeed at work.
Sagittarius
Health
You should start to move out of your funk this month, Sadge, with your ruling planet Jupiter finally turning direct on the 10. Since March, he's been urging you to reflect on some of your more well hidden fears so that they can be processed and released, as opposed to weighing you down as you proceed on your journey. If you're still feeling grayed-out, use Jupiter to help boost your health by finding a spiritual practice that revolves around rebuilding your faith in the Universe and in yourself.
Love
Venus moving into your House of Career and Reputation will have you standing out in the crowd, appearing more attractive and charming to the public and even gain you favor from people in power. If you're in the mood for love and affection, Venus in this position may bring you an older lover interest who happens to like sharing their wisdom and expertise with you. You could use the wisdom you learn from new partners to help you get clear about what you want to transform in your life when the Solar Eclipse on the 12th activates your House of Intimacy.
Work
Once that happens, anything having to do with letting go of fears that block your blessings and straightening out your finances (especially if it relates to debts, loans and taxes) would be ideal. Set a new intention to be more honest in how you relate to others and your relationship with money. An automated savings account wouldn't be a terrible idea to invest in this month. The money you save while being a responsible adult could come in handy by the time Mercury turns retrograde and the Lunar Eclipse lights up your House of Distant Travel and Higher Learning. Can you say, "fly me out", Centaur?
Capricorn
Work
Keep your calendar wide open as the heavens will be pushing you out into the world this month, Capricorn. On July 10, Venus will be entering into your House of Higher Learning and Expansion, leaving you interested in all things related to expanding your heart and mind to new experiences. This could come in the form of taking a new class, or meeting new people with different cultural backgrounds than your own. Think about how to utilize what you learn for your career.
Love
Jupiter will be lending a hand when he turns direct in your House of Friendship and Organizations on the same day making it easier to come across like-minded people who may be supportive of your hopes and wishes coming true. All this socializing is right on time as the Solar Eclipse on the 12th lands right in your House of Partnership. If you're on the hunt for a new love relationship this month will plop you down amongst people that you'd be interested in spending more one-on-one time with. The only catch is that you're not particularly interested in the small talk.
Health
Mercury in your House of Intimacy isn't here for the shallow conversations or frivolous connections with others, so if you find it hard to communicate on a deeper level with potential mates, maintain your health by letting them go to avoid future frustration. If you've been meaning to do research, be sure to use Mercury to your advantage especially when he goes retrograde in this house for you it's a good time to go over your fears and underlying motivations to make sure they match up with how you take action on acquiring your assets, money, and sense of purpose and self esteem. There's no time for fake sh*t Capricorn, if you want to connect in a deep way now is the time to do so.
Aquarius
Love
This month is all about your relationships, Aquarius. ALL the relationships. From your romantic partners, to your family, your co-workers, bosses, frenemies and open enemies, you name it. And most importantly, the relationship you have with yourself.
Venus moving into your House of Intimacy will give you a push to probe a little deeper within your relationships, go beyond the niceties and be real with each other about why you're choosing to be together. You don't have to go over the top with expressing affection, instead go for consistency and reliability. If you do and mean what you say with conviction and a bit of planning, love flourishes.
Work
As challenging as the energy has been for you so far, it's important that you learn to lean into the discomfort of being more welcoming of those who are different from you but still share some of your core values. The Eclipses have been teaching you about compromise and balance, the natural give and take that comes with the act of being in one half of a partnership. You may find that people you engage with have a lot to say this month about how your career ambitions are causing friction due to feelings of neglect. This may not be necessarily true, but listen all the same. This isn't the time to fight, Water Bearer, especially with Mars retrograde in your sign,you just don't have the juice or the direction to throw down the gauntlet.
Health
It would ideal for your health to just chill out for a while. Try instead to to look backwards and review how you can behave differently to get different results from people. Get them onboard with your ambitions, so that conversations become more productive where both parties feel inspired to act toward a shared goal for a change.
Pisces
Health
Get yourself out of the house for the first part of the month, Pisces. Your ruling planet, Jupiter, turning direct on July 10 will have your optimism and desire to socialize with other on the rise. The energy as of late has been taxing on your health but remind yourself that life is good even if things are looking crazy on the outside. Do your best to keep a positive outlook and try not to stress over the little things. If anything, this is a good time to get back into teaching or writing as a way to open up your mind after feeling down and disoriented.
Love
Venus entering into your 7th House on the same day moves you in the direction of forging new relationships with particularly attractive people *wink wink*. If you're already in a committed relationship, this would be a good time to play up the love and romance. The Solar Eclipse on the 12 will be electrifying your House of Romance and Creativity, so if you've been feeling lonesome or out of step, make it a point to go play, to date, and to create, not just the arts but anything that comes to mind.
Work
Career takes somewhat of a backseat this month as Mercury retrograde and the Lunar Eclipse on the 26 and 27 respectively will have you going back inside and into your quiet place where you'll be meditating on your subconscious emotions. Floating in unknown and unseen is typically your domain, Pisces, so be open with yourself. Try not to suppress any emotions that come bubbling to the surface during this time. Should you find that there are emotions and thoughts that are too overwhelming, use Mercury to channel them into productive activities like exercise or cleaning out your closets. Sometimes doing chores can help organize the swirling intangible thoughts so that you can reference them later for deeper understanding.
Featured image by Getty Images
- Horoscopes - Broadly ›
- July 2018 monthly horoscope ›
- Monthly Horoscope for July 2018 | Old Farmer's Almanac ›
- Monthly Horoscope: Gemini, July 2018 - Broadly ›
- June Monthly Horoscope - Free Horoscope for June 2018 ›
- July Horoscope 2018 – Monthly Horoscope – Astrology King ›
- Monthly Horoscope July 2018 - mindbodygreen ›
- Monthly Horoscopes by The AstroTwins, Ophira & Tali Edut ›
Janelle Belgrave L.Ac is a New York City based acupuncturist, astrologer, and clairvoyant intuitive. You can catch her on Twitter chatting about a mixture of Astrology, healing, politics, and her unhealthy love of Game of Thrones.
'He Said, She Said': Love Stories Put To The Test At A Weekend For Love
At the A Weekend For Love retreat, we sat down with four couples to explore their love stories in a playful but revealing way with #HeSaidSheSaid. From first encounters to life-changing moments, we tested their memories to see if their versions of events aligned—because, as they say, every story has three sides: his, hers, and the truth.
Do these couples remember their love stories the same way? Press play to find out.
Episode 1: Indira & Desmond – Love Across the Miles
They say distance makes the heart grow fonder, but for Indira & Desmond, love made it stronger. Every mile apart deepened their bond, reinforcing the unshakable foundation of their relationship. From their first "I love you" to the moment they knew they had found home in each other, their journey is a beautiful testament to the endurance of true love.
Episode 2: Jay & Tia – A Love Story Straight Out of a Rom-Com
If Hollywood is looking for its next Black love story, they need to take notes from Jay & Tia. Their journey—from an awkward first date to navigating careers, parenthood, and personal growth—proves that love is not just about romance but also resilience. Their story is full of laughter, challenges, and, most importantly, a love that stands the test of time.
Episode 3: Larencia & Mykel – Through the Highs and Lows
A date night with police helicopters overhead? Now that’s a story! Larencia & Mykel have faced unexpected surprises, major life changes, and 14 years of choosing each other every single day. But after all this time, do they actually remember things the same way? Their episode is sure to bring some eye-opening revelations and a lot of laughs.
Episode 4: Soy & Osei – A Love Aligned in Purpose
From a chance meeting at the front door to 15 years of unwavering love, faith, and growth, Soy & Osei prove that when two souls are aligned in love and purpose, nothing can shake their foundation. Their journey is a powerful reminder that true love is built on mutual support, shared values, and a deep connection that only strengthens with time.
Each of these couples has a unique and inspiring story to tell, but do their memories match up? Watch #HeSaidSheSaid to find out!
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Feature image screenshot/ xoNecole YouTube
Why You Should Strongly Consider Premarital Counseling BEFORE Getting Engaged
It was the social commentator Will Rogers who once said, “All television is children’s television.” What he meant by that is TV has a way of “dumbing you down,” if you’re not careful. He ain’t neva lied either because, y’all, there is truly an endless amount of diabolical foolishness in all mediums of the media these days; especially when it comes to the tube (well, and social media). And so, I must say, for that reason alone, I am grateful for programming like OWN’sFamily or Fiancé.
As a marriage life coach for over 20 years at this point, I’m sure that I’m a little bit biased when I say that I appreciate the overall premise of the show because (if you haven’t seen it) it’s (mostly) about engaged couples, their potential red flags, and their loved ones holding them accountable to those things before they attempt to jump any broom — and boy, if there is something that I wished happened more often, off-screen, it’s exactly that.
That’s not to say that there aren’t times when I find myself hella triggered while watching the program, though. I say that because I literally can’t believe some of the issues that continue to exist (BIG ONES) after someone has proposed and their partner has accepted. Financial drama. Family drama. Distrust. Toxic levels of communication. Sometimes stuff that makes you wonder how and why a couple are friends let alone engaged to one another. SMDH.
Yeah, as I recently said in a podcast interview not too long ago, I really wish that marriage therapists, counselors, and life coaches would normalize recommending premarital counseling to people before anyone puts a ring on someone else’s finger. I say that because, as someone who wholeheartedly believes that there would be a lot less divorces if premarital counseling was so much more thorough than it tends to be, I also think that if two people really pondered if they should even get engaged to begin with…there would be more solid marriages between individuals who are good fits for one another instead of fleeting weddings between two people who really had no idea how deep marriage is.
And so, as unconventional as it may be, today I’m going to make my case for why, anyone who is considering marriage up the pike, should get into premarital counseling BEFORE a ring is bought, anyone gets on one knee and definitely prior to a wedding date being set.
Premarital Counseling Should Not Be Treated Like a Mere Formality
Someone in my world right now is engaged — and I’m not thrilled about it. They are super young, hella broke and there is a lot of drama going on between both sides of their families. When I spoke to the bride-to-be about the importance of getting some premarital counseling, I thought that I was going to throw the phone across the room when she shared with me that they were going to go for “a couple of sessions.” Chile, with all that she shared with me, they need to be in counseling for at least six months (more on that in just a sec) and yet, she said that the pastor that she was speaking with thought that 2-3 meetings would suffice.
Umm…in what world? You can’t even get to the root of why there is so much contention with the family members in a couple of sessions and they have a whole lot more red flags waving than that. And yet, sadly, we’ve gotten so used to premarital counseling being seen and treated as nothing more than a mere formality that it’s not really taken seriously — and that can prevent engaged couples from taking what they are about to get into as seriously as they should as well.
And don’t get me started on how true this is once you’ve already got a ring on your finger because there’s a really big chance that you are going to move forward with your wedding whether counseling goes well or not — if for no other reason than your pride doesn’t want people to know that you called your engagement off (check out “These 12 Women Broke Off Their Engagements. Here's Why.”).
And that is reason #1 why I think that premarital counseling needs to happen before an engagement — because 1) you can take your time because there is no wedding to plan for yet and 2) you don’t have to worry about what you should do about your engagement if you realize you shouldn’t be together…you’re not engaged yet. Moving on.
Premarital Counseling Should Be More than a Couple of Sessions
Clients of mine who have plans to get married can vouch for the fact that if you’re going to work with me, don’t book a first session if you want to get married within a couple of months. Shoot, I tend to spend 5-6 sessions on intimacy alone because it’s important to discuss things like what you were taught about sex, how your first time impacted you, if you are a virgin what inspired the decision, what your expectations of sex are, how religion has influenced your views of sex, how you prioritize sex in a marriage, what you think the purpose of sex actually is — and that’s actually just the tip of the iceberg!
And since there is so much more that comes with being married than just having a healthy sexual dynamic (although that is easily in the top five if you understand the purpose of sex in a marital union), how can three 30-minute sessions even begin to scratch the surface?
Have mercy, y’all, with the divorce rate still hovering somewhere around 50 percent, statistics revealing that couples who engage in premarital counseling are typically able to reduce their chances of ending their future marriage by a little over 30 percent, it’s almost tragic that reportedly only 36 percent of couples go premarital counseling, to begin with.
And if you want to go the distance of what most people vow (which is a promise) during their wedding ceremony of being together until death parts you — how in the world can you prepare for that without getting as deep and detailed as possible about things like: your childhoods; your communication styles; your values; your future plans and goals; your emotional needs; your sexual desires; your vices; your strengths and weaknesses; your expectations; how you handle money; your (potential) deal-breakers; your parenting styles; the baggage that you carry from past relationships; your boundaries with family members and friends; how you plan on dealing with holidays and special days; how you handle disagreements; if your home is going to be traditional or not; if your home is going to have Scriptural standards or not; who is going to clean what; who is going to handle what — need I go on to prove that a couple of sessions simply ain’t gonna cut it? I doubt it.
Premarital Counseling Before Engagement Takes the Pressure Off…to Get Married
Semi-recently, while at a funeral, I ran into a guy who I hadn’t seen in, shoot, at least 15 years. As we were walking to our cars and catching up on our lives, I said, “I have always meant to tell you that you and your ex-fiancé have always been heroes of mine.” They’ve been broken up even longer than the last time I saw him and so, understandably, it took him a minute for him to even get where I was coming from. “Oh, [insert her name here]? Why do you say that?”
My reason is because they actually attended a church in Nashville that does what I believe: that you should participate in premarital counseling before getting engaged. Anyway, although he and his girlfriend actually “passed” the counseling process, they ended up breaking up anyway. I remember, even back then, him saying that after they really considered all that comes with making a marriage work, they came to the conclusion that they weren’t each other’s best complement (check out “If He's Right For You, He Will COMPLEMENT Your Life”). GOOD FOR THEM.
Yep, another reason why I’m a huge fan of premarital counseling happening before getting engaged is because I think that most people will listen better to what is being said to them if they took this approach. They will really stop to consider if they should even go from dating (or boyfriend and girlfriend) to getting engaged — because (and it can’t be said enough) I need everyone to remember that by the time you are someone’s fiancée, all that means is you two are in a season of preparing for your wedding day. Engagement is not about seeing if you need to get married or not. IF YOU DON’T KNOW THAT, YOU DON’T NEED TO BE ENGAGED (YET). AND YES, I AM YELLING THAT.
And if you’re in premarital counseling, not engaged and you see that you would be better off not becoming spouses, then there is no pressure to get married. Because you are not fiancé and fiancée. You are seeing if that should even happen…and it tends to be a lot less stressful to admit that it shouldn’t when you’re not at the point of being officially engaged…yet.
Premarital Counseling Can Save a Lot of Money (in the Long Run)
I have this theory that easily 80 percent of the married couples who ended up getting a divorce, a part of them wanted to call off the wedding the night before. Why didn’t they do it? For the same reasons why some of the members of my own family didn’t (and honestly should’ve and ultimately ended up divorcing anyway): venues were already paid for; dresses were already purchased; deposits were already put down; plane tickets were already bought, family members already have non-refundable investments — in folks’ minds, it’s simply too late to not go through with it.
Listen, if you think that being in a miserable marriage or getting divorced is easier than calling off a wedding, I don’t know who told you that lie. Besides, even if it is a little embarrassing, it actually takes a lot of courage to declare that you respect the covenant and contract of marriage too much to go through it just because you want to avoid feeling uncomfortable for a little while or you don’t want to lose money that you’ve already spent.
And yet — imagine how much this all would totally be a non-issue if you never spent any money in the first place (engagement ring included) because premarital counseling prior to getting engaged revealed to you that there is no need to plan a wedding because either you’re not with the right person or it’s not the right time? The investment in counseling prior to getting married may cost you a grand or so (give or take) and yet it’s still gonna be cheaper than paying for a wedding — one that very possibly shouldn’t be happening in the first place. And that will preach.
Premarital Counseling Should Focus on Different Things than Engagement Counseling
Unpopular (or at least uncommon) opinion: premarital counseling and engagement counseling should be separate. While premarital counseling should be all about figuring out if the person you’re thinking about marrying someday is an ideal fit for you, engagement counseling should be about providing tips and tools to make your wedding planning and newlywed years a smoother transition. Because, although we live in a culture that thinks a lot like my 13-year-old goddaughter does (that there isn’t much of a difference between a boyfriend, fiancé, and husband), people who are dating are not nearly as serious as people who are engaged and people who are engaged are not nearly as serious as people who are married.
Each season of a relationship comes with its own weight of responsibilities and while being in a long-term relationship, you should explore if you and your partner should shift into considering marriage, once you have declared that you are suitable for one another (which is what engagement is about), it’s well past time to be out here trying to figure out if you should get married…now it’s time to figure out how to do it. BIG DIFFERENCE.
So yes, I think it would be a total game-changer, indeed, for more therapists, counselors, and life coaches to encourage premarital counseling (should we get married?) to people who are (seriously) dating and engagement counseling (we need tips for preparing for our wedding and transitioning into becoming newlyweds) to those who are actually engaged.
If steps were taken in this fashion, I definitely think there would be fewer daters wasting each other’s time, more engaged people focusing on what the engagement season is truly all about — and both would take the importance of marriage counseling more seriously and literally as well. Because something else that research reveals is that 90 percent of married couples who attend 90-minute sessions, once a week, for 10 weeks, report that it ended up improving their emotional well-being and 75 percent said that the sessions made them feel more satisfied with their relationship overall.
Counseling does that. Counseling does that.
Just sayin’.
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