Any time I scroll past a social media post that makes fun of men who play video games, I always chuckle. I’m tellin’ y’all — although social media definitely has some pros, the list of cons is pretty endless as well. And one of them that really drives me up the wall is how much misinformation is spoken so boldly…and incorrectly…as if Google is not just one browser away. SMDH.
When it comes to video games, specifically, contrary to popular belief/assumption/opinion, especially among many women, there are several benefits that come from playing them.
Video games boost one’s cognitive abilities. Video games help you to effectively multitask. Video games can bring relief to symptoms that are associated with depression, anxiety, and even PTSD. Video games can also help to improve your memory, make you a better decision maker and problem solver; plus, they can put and keep you in a better mood. Yeah, as I oftentimes tell some of my wife clients, “While you’re complaining about that video game that he’s on, he’s probably trying to figure out the monthly budget while he’s playing. Chill.”
Anyway, I actually thought that sharing that bit of food for thought would be quite fitting since, today, we’re going to touch on a sex technique which uses a word that is oftentimes utilized in video games: a joystick. In fact, as life would have it, Logitech actually makes a joystick (that you can see here) that bears an uncanny resemblance to the male body part that we’re going to focus on (hmm…).
And so, whether you play video games or not, here’s a sex-theme technique that will make you come off like a pro joystick pro…umm, in another non-video-playing-yet-hella-stimulating kind of way. #wink
The Joystick Method: Here’s the Breakdown
GiphyI enjoy watching Black web series on YouTube from time to time. One from back in the day is 2kLifeTV’s Diary of a Cheating Man (which happens to be a series that I believe I’ve shouted out before). Anyway, in episode two (entitled Shaunte), the main character, Corey, runs into a closet after finding out that a woman who he is sleeping with is cheating on her boyfriend, and the guy unexpectedly drops by.
A line that Corey says while hiding off in the closet scene explains perfectly what the Joystick Method is: “I can’t lie, though. I understand why dude is overprotective. It’s hard to find a girl who can do the twisty hand thing when she gives you head.” So true, so true — or at least, that’s what I’ve heard. LOL.
And yes, in a nutshell, that’s what the Joystick Method is all about: it’s about maneuvering your hands, while performing fellatio on your partner, in such a way that you can alter the sensation and level of intensity that he’s experiencing in the process.
And since reportedly, 80 percent of people enjoy oral sex, almost 74 find it to be a fun activity and, on average, people engage in fellatio and/or cunnilingus around five time a month (is that it?!), it can never hurt to bring some new techniques into that particular act.
Although the Joystick Method itself kind of leaves the option open for you and your partner to explore how to “move his joystick” around, experts of the act say that it is a good idea to accompany the movements with eye contact and sound effects. The eye contact is so that the two of you can feel intensely connected; the sound effects can help to stimulate you both on an audible level, since sex has a way of arousing all five senses (check out “How To Incorporate All Five Senses To Have The Best Sex Ever”).
My thoughts? Well, since the main thing — on you, that is — that the Joystick Method hones in on is your hand(s), I wanted to share a few things that you can do with them that will cause your partner to get damn near turned out…just by applying the Joystick Method alone.
1. Gently Squeeze His Shaft
GiphyRemember that when a man becomes sexually aroused, blood will rush down to his penis and cause an erection. And although that makes his penis hard, it can also be quite sensitive to the touch as well. This is why gently gripping his shaft and then squeezing and releasing can provide an amazing sensation, especially while you are giving him head simultaneously.
2. Caress the Underside of His Penis with Your Index Finger
GiphyThe technical term for the tip of a man’s penis is glans or glans penis. Due to all of the nerve endings that are in it, it’s considered to be the most sensitive part of a penis overall. So, just imagine how a man feels when you use your index finger to gently stroke the underside of his shaft as you’re licking or sucking the glans too. I’m sayin’.
3. Massage His Testicles
GiphyAsk any man who’s been hit in his testicles (i.e., balls) before, and he’s going to tell you that it’s one of the worst pains that any guy will feel in his lifetime. The main reason why is because not only do testicles have a ton of nerve endings inside of them, but some of those nerves and tissues are shared between their scrotum (the place that houses testicles) and abdomen (which is why sometimes they can feel the uncomfortable sensation in their stomach).
Oh, but when you take the massage approach to those bad boys, that can stimulate, de-stress, and increase blood flow, which, in turn, can intensify his orgasms. Definitely another awesome fellatio 2.0 tip to keep in mind.
4. Create a “Hot Dog Bun” with ‘Em
GiphySpeaking of testicles — when’s the last time that you’ve caressed your partner’s scrotum in such a way that each one lands on one side of his shaft in order to create what looks a bit like a hot dog in a bun? If you hold his testicles like that and act like you are literally eating a hot dog (sans the teeth)…listen, just do it and then report back. #wink
5. Play Around with Some Cold Therapy Gloves
GiphySomething else that can have your man climbing the walls is bringing temperature play into the mix (check out “Hot Sex: 10 Super Sultry Reasons To Bring Wax Play Into Your Bedroom”). Since, again, what we’re mostly focusing on is the hands, why not invest in a pair of gel hot and cold gloves (like this set here)? You can either toss them into the freezer or microwave to make them the temperature that you want — and that will take the Joystick Method to a whole ‘nother level, chile.
BONUS: If He’s Uncircumcised, Pull the Foreskin Back (a Bit)
GiphyOne day, very soon, I’m going to write an article on uncircumcised/uncut men to address some of the myths and ridiculousness that is centered around them (for instance, your clitoral hood is basically the female version of the foreskin of an uncircumcised man). For now, I’ll just say that if you do have a partner who still has his foreskin intact, give thanks in the sense that those guys reportedly have the ability to give women more orgasms than circumcised/cut men do.
And a way to show your appreciation? GENTLY pull his foreskin back a bit during fellatio; that way, his glans can feel the warmth and sensation of your mouth more easily and better.
___
Ah, the Joystick Method. My two cents? If your partner is an avid video game player, put on some lingerie (check out “Lingerie Hacks: How To Choose The Best Kind For Your Body Type”) and ask him if you can play with him one night (that’s already gonna be a form of foreplay for him — LOL). Find a game that requires a joystick and slowly and sensually transition from the game to him (if you know what I mean).
He will never see a joystick in the same way again. Perfect. #wink
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Featured image by Giphy
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Camesha created the organization after her struggles with mental health and the lack of community she experienced. The Chicago native explains how she created Sista Afya to be rooted in “culturally grounded care.”
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“So at my organization, Sista Afya Community Care, we focus on providing mental health care through a cultural and gender lens,” she tells xoNecole. “So when we think about the term intersectionality, coined by Kimberlé Crenshaw, we think about the multiple identities that lead to certain experiences and outcomes as it relates to Black women.
“So in the context of culturally grounded care, being aware of the cultural history, the cultural values, and then also the current issues that impact mental health outcomes.”
Words like “strong” and “independent” have long been associated with Black women for some time and many of us have begun to embrace the soft life and are using rest as a form of resistance. However, some of us still struggle with putting ourselves first and overall shedding the tainted image of the “strong, Black woman” that had been forced on us.
Camesha shares that while there’s more and more communities being created around empowerment and shared interests like running, she still questions, “are Black women really comfortable with being vulnerable about sharing their experiences?”
Being vulnerable with ourselves and others play an important role in healing the instinctive nature of always being “on” for everyone. “I'm currently facilitating a group on high functioning depression, and yesterday, we talked about how when Black women may be struggling or have shared their concerns with other people. They may be minimized, or they're told to just be strong, or it's not so bad, or I went through something worse back in Jim Crow era, so you should be thankful,” she explains.
“So I think there's a challenge with Black women being able to be honest, to be vulnerable and to receive the support that they need in the same capacity as how much they give support to other people. So that is probably a very common theme. I think we've made a lot of progress when we talk about the superwoman syndrome, the mammy stereotype, the working hard stereotype, the nurturing stereotype. I think we're beginning to unpack those things, but I still see that we have definitely a long way to go in that area.”
I think there's a challenge with Black women being able to be honest, to be vulnerable and to receive the support that they need in the same capacity as how much they give support to other people.
Roman Samborskyi/ Shutterstock
While we’re unpacking those things, we know that we’re still women at the end of the day. So as we continue to serve in various roles like mothers, daughters, sisters, and caretakers, we have to make caring for ourselves a priority. Camesha reveals four ways we can still care for others without abandoning ourselves.
Trust
First things first, trust. Camesha explains, “Some of the burdens that Black women have can be linked to not feeling like you can trust people to carry the load with you.
“It's hard because people experience trauma or being let down or different experiences, but one of the things that I found personally is the more that I'm able to practice trust, the more I'm able to get my needs met. Then, to also show up as my best to care for other Black women.”
Know Your Limitations
Another thing Camesha highlighted is Black women knowing their limitations. “The other thing that I would like to bring up in terms of a way to care for yourself is to really know your limitations, or know how much you can give and what you need to receive,” she says.
“So often, what I see with Black women is giving, giving, giving, giving, giving to the point that you're not feeling well, and then not receiving what you need in return to be able to feel well and whole individually. So I really think it's important to know your limitations and know your capacity and to identify what it is that you need to be well.”
Don’t Take On A Lot Of Responsibilities
Next on the list is not taking on so many responsibilities, sharing herself as an example. “The other thing is taking on too much responsibility, especially in a time of vulnerability.
“One thing that I personally struggled with was being so passionate about community mental health for Black women, and saying yes to everything and taking on so much responsibility,” she reveals. “That affected me to do well in serving Black women and then also impacting my own well being.”
Practice Self-Care
Lastly, she notes the importance of practicing self-care. “The last thing is really practicing regular self care, regular community care, so that it's embedded into your daily life. So for me, having prepared meals, going to the gym, getting eight hours of sleep, spending time with friends and family, all of those things are part of my self care that keep me at my best,” she explains.
“Then community care, leaning into social networks or social groups, or spending time with other interests or hobbies. That's a part of my community care that keeps me going, so that I can take care of my needs, but also to be able to show up best in care for others.”
Find out more about Camesha and Sista Afya Community Care at communitycare.sistaafya.com.
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