At this point, I don't think I personally know of anyone who doesn't have a copy of Dr. Gary Chapman's The 5 Love Languages book. But what I do find interesting is, when it comes to learning how to apply words of affirmation, quality time, physical touch, acts of service and/or gifts to our relationships, sometimes mastering that can be a bit of a struggle. You first have to figure out what your top love language is, then you have to discover what your loved ones' are (you and they can take a test here). But what I can vouch for is, once you do, it can make connecting with the ones you care about, so much easier.
Keeping this in mind, have you ever wondered how to apply you and your partner's love language to your sex life? Because, think about it—if you both feel the most loved in a certain kind of way, if you brought that knowledge into your bedroom, wouldn't that only make sexual satisfaction that much better? I thought the same thing. That's why I decided to devote a few keystrokes into how you and yours can take your sexual pleasure up a notch, simply by becoming more fluent in each other's primary (two) love languages, every time you're intimate with each other.
Words of Affirmation
Whenever I'm in a counseling session with a couple and one of them either says that they hate dirty talk or they prefer to have sex in silence, there aren't enough GIFs out in cyberspace to express the facial expressions that I'm unable to hide. Wow. There are folks who don't verbally communicate while doing-the-do? How is that even possible? Then I have to pause and remind myself that a part of the reason why I am so shocked is because my primary love language is words of affirmation. In many ways, it explains my writing career. It explains how my friends can oftentimes get off "cheap" by only needing to send me a sentimental email or a Hallmark card on special occasions. And, it also explains why dirty talk is one of my absolute favorite things about sex. Full stop. Hands down.
Someone who prefers for love to be expressed with words is probably going to feel similar to how I am when it comes to their own sex lives. However, it should also go on record that, in order for sex to be a peak satisfaction experience, it's a good idea for the words of affirmation person to be "warmed up" with things that their partner loves about them, their body and even the sex itself. And that's something that shouldn't happen, less than 10 minutes before penetration.
Seducing a words of affirmation individual with texts, out-of-nowhere calls, and even a handwritten love letter can be just the kind of foreplay that can take your next sexual experience with them to an entirely different level!
One of my closest friends is a quality time individual. Come to think of it, the last two men that I was in a relationship with were as well. It's interesting, the kind of things that can trigger this type of individual. My not making eye contact or looking at my phone while we're talking. Them being bigger on creating memories on their birthday rather than receiving an actual present. Yeah, it took me a while to figure out how to make them feel especially loved and appreciated. What I learned was, more than anything else, they simply wanted me to be fully present in the moment. With them.
Can you see how this translates into the bedroom?
When it comes to sex, quality time people are the ones who probably enjoy easing into sex the most. They like to wake up in the morning, just to look at the sunrise before engaging in morning sex. They need pillow talk before gettin' some late at night. And, if anyone is a fan of afterplay (which basically boils down to post-coital affection), quality time people would probably be the ones who are the biggest ones of all.
Ah. Physical touch. It is so much my second favorite love language that, sometimes, I'm not sure if it actually ranks over words of affirmation. Anyway, just so we're clear, when it comes to having this particular love language outside of the bedroom, it doesn't mean that we want low-key acts of foreplay ALL of the time. Physical touch folks are the ones who like to cuddle while watching a movie, hold hands while walking in the mall and spooning as we fall asleep. We feel and give love by physical contact, but that doesn't mean that it always or automatically is sexual.
OK, but when it comes down to gettin' it in, that's another matter entirely.
Physical touch folks are all about tapping into various erogenous zones. Physical touch folks like to explore different types of touch sensations whether it's with a feather, some ice or a tongue. Physical touch people also enjoy a good massage and can remain in the state of foreplay for much longer than a lot of other love language people are typically able to.
When it comes to this love language, it's all about doing whatever makes touching as erotic and stimulating as possible. For both individuals. Each and every time sex transpires.
Acts of Service
Acts of service is fascinating. Because it probably ranks fifth of my personal love languages needs, it took really studying some people in my world who have it to understand what they truly long for. At the end of the day, what a lot of them have expressed to me is they feel (most) loved by their partner (and those around them) when he or she is doing something to lighten the load of their lives. Washing dishes when they see some in the sink. Picking up clothes when they are driving past the cleaners. Making a grocery run when they notice that something is missing in the fridge or pantry.
So, how does this translate over into sex? The same mentality applies.
One of the things that is a hindrance when it comes to sexual pleasure and fulfillment is stress. So, if you want to truly please your acts of service partner, find ways to alleviate it.
Clean up the bedroom. Run them a soothing bath. Give them a massage. Put the kids down earlier. Cook them a meal with nothing but aphrodisiacs on the menu. Do something that will help them to get their minds off of any and everything that has nothing to do with the two of you, enjoying each other, right at the moment that you want to do so.
Personally, I hate that the "gifts people" oftentimes get a bad rap from those who don't have this as their top love language. While some people might think that being a gifts love languages person means that the song "Gold Digger" needs to be queued up at all times, all that a gifts person really needs is for love to be expressed to them in a more tangible sort of way.
On the sexual tip, it could be a new piece of lingerie, a never-heard-of-before sex toy, some flavored lubricant, a different shade of bedding, even flower petals for the bed (or the bath). Anyone who has a partner who prefers love to be expressed through gifts is simply someone who needs to get creative when it comes to showing their partner how into them they are and how exciting it is to have sex with them.
Actually, this can be pretty dope—especially for women—because the art of seduction here requires a little bit of pre-planning. And when someone is proactive about expressing their love (and lust) for their partner, it can be the ultimate aphrodisiac! So…when are you going shopping, sis?
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Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at firstname.lastname@example.org. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
This article is in partnership with Sensodyne.
Our teeth are connected to so many things - our nutrition, our confidence, and our overall mood. We often take for granted how important healthy teeth are, until issues like tooth sensitivity or gum recession come to remind us. Like most things related to our bodies, prevention is the best medicine. Here are five things you can do immediately to improve your oral hygiene, prevent tooth sensitivity, and avoid dental issues down the road.
1) Go Easy On the Rough Brushing: Brushing your teeth is and always will be priority number one in the oral hygiene department. No surprises there! However, there is such a thing as applying too much pressure when brushing…and that can lead to problems over time. Use a toothbrush with soft bristles and brush in smooth, circular motions. It may seem counterintuitive, but a gentle approach to brushing is the most effective way to clean those pearly whites without wearing away enamel and exposing sensitive areas of the teeth.
2) Use A Desensitizing Toothpaste: As everyone knows, mouth pain can be highly uncomfortable; but tooth sensitivity is a whole different beast. Hot weather favorites like ice cream and popsicles have the ability to trigger tooth sensitivity, which might make you want to stay away from icy foods altogether. But as always, prevention is the best medicine here. Switching to a toothpaste like Sensodyne’s Sensitivity & Gum toothpaste specifically designed for sensitive teeth will help build a protective layer over sensitive areas of the tooth. Over time, those sharp sensations that occur with extremely cold foods will subside, and you’ll be back to treating yourself to your icy faves like this one!
3) Floss, Rinse, Brush. (And In That Order!): Have you ever heard the saying, “It’s not what you do, but how you do it”? Well, the same thing applies to taking care of your teeth. Even if you are flossing and brushing religiously, you could be missing out on some of the benefits simply because you aren’t doing so in the right order. Flossing is best to do before brushing because it removes food particles and plaque from places your toothbrush can’t reach. After a proper flossing sesh, it is important to rinse out your mouth with water after. Finally, you can whip out your toothbrush and get to brushing. Though many of us commonly rinse with water after brushing to remove excess toothpaste, it may not be the best thing for our teeth. That’s because fluoride, the active ingredient in toothpaste that protects your enamel, works best when it gets to sit on the teeth and continue working its magic. Rinsing with water after brushing doesn’t let the toothpaste go to work like it really can. Changing up your order may take some getting used to, but over time, you’ll see the difference.
4) Stay Hydrated: Upping your water supply is a no-fail way to level up your health overall, and your teeth are no exception to this rule. Drinking water not only helps maintain a healthy pH balance in your mouth, but it also washes away residue and acids that can cause enamel erosion. It also helps you steer clear of dry mouth, which is a gateway to bad breath. And who needs that?
5) Show Your Gums Some Love: When it comes to improving your smile, you may be laser-focused on getting your teeth whiter, straighter, and overall healthier. Rightfully so, as these are all attributes of a megawatt smile; but you certainly don’t want to leave gum health out of the equation. If you neglect your gums, you’ll start to notice the effects of plaque buildup, which can irritate the gums and cause gingivitis, the earliest stage of gum disease. Seeing blood while brushing and flossing is a tell-tale sign that your gums are suffering. You may also experience gum recession — a condition where the gum tissue surrounding your teeth pulls back, exposing more of your tooth. Brushing at least twice a day with a gum-protecting toothpaste like Sensodyne Sensitivity and Gum, coupled with regular dentist visits, will keep your gums shining as bright as those pearly whites.
The Libra woman and Aries man are the divine feminine and divine masculine, coming together as one. The love compatibility between these two is one for the books. These two are opposite signs, however, their differences tend to complement each other well. This is a dynamic relationship where they know how to have a lot of fun together, but also aren’t afraid to deal with the more serious stuff that comes with a relationship.
The Libra woman is looking for her equal in love, someone who is willing to put in the same effort she is, and the Aries man sees Libra as someone he is willing to do that with.
The Love Compatibility Of A Libra Woman And An Aries Man
What attracts a Libra woman and an Aries man to each other?
There is a magnet of attraction pulling these two together, and things tend to move pretty fast in this relationship. The Libra woman is always open to love and her charming nature rarely has any challenges here. The Aries man fights for his independence and doesn’t sacrifice that unless he is completely enamored with someone.
Once the Aries man catches the eye of the Libra woman, he is typically the one to make the first move and this instantly wins the approval of Libra.
These two feel like they have known each other forever when they meet, and this spark between them doesn’t die down easily.
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What is the relationship like between a Libra woman and an Aries man?
The relationship between the Libra woman and the Aries man is one of balance and excitement. The Aries man tends to take on the more dominant role in this relationship and the Libra woman tends to be the more receptive one. Aries is ruled by masculine Mars, and Libra is ruled by feminine Venus. They understand they are coming from two completely different worlds, yet they also instinctively feel this underlying connection to each other and like they could be something each other needs in their lives.
The Libra woman can rely on the Aries man, and the Aries man never has to ask for the love that Libra already knows he needs.
This is a couple that is often reading each other’s minds and wanting to do a lot of the same things. However, not everything is rainbow in this relationship as well, and there are some major differences they have to overcome to make things work. One argument can lead to an explosion between these two, and addressing things when they come up rather than sweeping them under the rug, will be needed to make this relationship long-term.
What is the sex like between a Libra woman and an Aries man?
The sex between a Libra woman and an Aries man is adventurous. These are two cardinal signs with plenty of energy and stamina to keep things exciting in the bedroom. There tends to be a good give and take in this relationship, and their yin and yang energy benefits them when it comes to their sex life.
There is electricity felt between the two of them in this area of their life, and their power of attraction to each other is strong. These are two people who will want to do a lot of things together, including exploring sexually together.
The Aries man will have to be careful with being overly aggressive, however, as the soft Libra woman may not like this energy- it will completely depend on the two individuals at hand. The Libra woman wants to ease into things, the Aries man wants to get going right away. Learning about each other's bodies, and energy, and reading each other’s cues will help with this.
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What makes a relationship between a Libra woman and an Aries man work?
These two genuinely like each other, and that basis is a key factor for success in any relationship. The Aries man is straight to the point, direct, and inspired. The Libra woman admires these characteristics in others, as she is often herself finding her balance in this type of energy as well. Neither sign is overly emotional in a way that turns them off, and they both require a lot of the same things in a committed relationship. They want honesty, fun, good communication, passion, and to be moving towards a common goal together.
The Libra woman and Aries man don’t have a problem being real with each other and this is something they really value within the relationship. They are both very charming, and there is plenty of flirtation and attraction to keep this relationship going. Aries being the protector they are, Libra finds a sense of safety and ease in this energy, and like they have found their match. Overall, this is a well-balanced relationship and one where they don’t have a problem when it comes to compatibility or chemistry in the relationship.
What may cause a Libra woman and an Aries man to break up?
Libra is the lover, Aries is the fighter, and this energy may be tiring for the both of them after time. The Libra woman can be passive to a fault, and the Aries man who is not evolved, may take advantage of that. She will need to be careful with putting Aries’ needs above her own, creating resentment later down the road. The Aries man loves a challenge, and the Libra woman would be up for that game for a little bit, but if she is not being met in the middle, she will begin to look for other places. These two can have a difficult time keeping the peace in the relationship, and there could be a lot of arguments and disagreements here if they both aren’t willing to put their egos or self-pleasing attitudes to the side.
The Libra woman and Aries man are both more sensitive than they appear or come off as. They are also not necessarily the type to dive deep into their emotions and express them to others, even in their relationships. However, this energy can keep the relationship to a surface level than what is needed to progress and grow the relationship, and a sense of openness is required for this couple to work. Libra needs romance, she wants to be wowed. Aries needs to remember this and to always consider her love language.
Overall, this is a successful pairing. They will have their fair share of challenges in the relationship, but nothing they can’t overcome if they are willing to. The trouble will come in when it comes to the longevity of the relationship, keeping Aries excited and Libra in love. However, all in all, there is more power, attraction, and love to keep this relationship together rather than apart. No relationship is perfect, but this one is a little more blessed than most.
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