LGBTQ are a group of people who are lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans-gender or questioning their sexuality.
I remember the day my sister told me that she identified as lesbian. It had been the first time we saw each other in more than 15 years, and we were so excited about the reunion. But that excitement quickly turned to confusion when she introduced me to her girlfriend.
First of all, she was still married. Then I was confused because her girlfriend was way cuter than my sister (but I guess that's the goal of getting a bae). I had so many questions for her, and had no idea how I would ask her any of them around this beautiful, modelesque brown Barbie doll my sister called her “boo." My sister sensed my curiosity, so she graciously took me to a bar to help me sort through her announcement while we caught up.
I sort of pictured the floor dance to look like this
I hadn't known many gay women before my sister, so I had my sister give me a crash course on lesbian relationships. After answering some of my questions, the next thing I remember is her girlfriend hopping on the floor on all fours to dance when her favorite song was played. I don't know what she did on that floor, but I do know that men started throwing money at her.
My sister shook her head at her boo and said, “Oh, she's temporary. You know what it is." Meaning: her new girlfriend was just someone she was casually sleeping with.
Although my sister's (now old) flame was a great introduction to understanding that there weren't too many differences between lesbian and heterosexual relationships, I still didn't quite understand the subject. Fortunately, I had the privilege to serve with a number of lesbian women in the Navy. It was those women who helped me to understand that they are still a marginalized group.
This year, what they taught me about LGBTQ relationships hit home when this year I learned that I have a cousin who identifies as transexual, and another who was once bisexual. That's when I started to take a better look at how I conducted myself around people that are LGBTQ, and I quickly noticed that people can be very rude to them. Myself included.
I spoke with three lesbian women and a gay man. We talked about everything from religion, to what people typically get mistaken about people who identify as LGBTQ, and even why Caitlyn Jenner is not a hero in one of their eyes. See what they had to tell me in our chat session.
1. “Love the sinner, hate the sin."
After talking to TJ James, a woman who identifies as lesbian in the Houston area, she believes that many people who say this aren't saying it out of genuine love or respect.
“I'm just so frustrated with people feeling as though you're sinning [if you're lesbian]. They always tell me 'I don't condone what you do because it's a sin.' Stop it!"
I understand why this frustrates her. “Love the sinner, hate the sin" is the same phrase that some people repeat to welfare recipients, pot smokers, or unwed mothers. Without even knowing it, you may essentially be calling someone a “degenerate" when you use this phrase, so tread lightly when you say it.
2. “Why do you hate men?"
Lynn McCoy, who lives in the DMV area and identifies as lesbian, told me that this was one thing that bothered her about other people not understanding LGBTQ relationships.
I have to admit that when my sister told me she was lesbian, I thought she was doing it to get back at her husband because she hated him, and all men in general. She's my sister, so I can say that I am somewhat correct in my assumption. But Lynn made me realize that all lesbian women aren't like my crazy sister.
“[I really hate it when people] Assume that we hate men. That in order to love a woman, you must loathe men. That's ridiculous. I just like women, what's wrong with that?"
3. “But you haven't been with me."
I admit that if Serena Williams ever says that she identified as lesbian, I would encourage my husband to say this to her if we ever met, so she can be my sister-wife. (Please note that I'm not gay, but I'm definitely gay for her, because I want her to be my sister-wife.) But I learned from Krissya Sifontes-Vazquez, a professional pin up model who identifies as lesbian in the Los Angeles area, that this could be a really insulting phrase. She told me during our chat,
“I am attracted to females, and there is a reason for it...I always say to [men who say this to me], “Well why are you attracted to females? Are you in any shape or form attracted to males? Well that's exactly why I am attracted to females, so let's keep that in common. [laughs]"
4. “Caitlyn is a hero to some, but not for me."
I was personally happy when Caitlyn was finally able to live the life she's always wanted to live, while unintentionally empowering youth to be who they are as well. I also had this idea that all LGBTQ people were here for her big announcement. Turns out, I was wrong.
I spoke with Elijah Lowder, a man who identifies as gay in Cleveland, and he said that there are other of LGBTQ heroes out there that many people have seemed to have forgotten about.
"...As a gay male that has struggled with identity issues, friends that fell victim to illness, suicide, and murder, I do not find [Caitlyn] heroic. My personal hero was my best friend..She was murdered. She was the one who made me smile while in tears about her own predicaments. [Her name] Was Cece, and she was Transgender. When witnessing members of my community suffering with HIV/AIDS, I think to myself, “They are heroes!" Some could and could not change their outcome, but they fight that same battle that so many lost...I'm not bashing Caitlyn Jenner, but she's not my cup-of-Kermit."
5. We need to love each other more.
One thing they all said to me during my conversations with them is that they wished people would love more and judge less.
It broke my heart hearing that. In the past, I didn't know how to say anything around anyone who was LGBTQ. Looking back, I realized that I came across looking crass, when I didn't mean it at all that way. I know if I had that problem, others have had it as well.
Krissya says,
"I look at everyone as equals, and I now view the world with love. If people in my circle, or around me, don't meet eye-to-eye with that simple concept, then I simply walk away, because there is no need for any type of negativity. I strongly believe that the band “The Beatles" were right [in their song] - 'All You Need Is Love! If we can all make that effort to keep the love, I feel that there wouldn't be so much hate in our world today."
I agree with her, or we should at the least keep insensitive remarks to ourselves. No one deserves to get the feelings hurt on purpose. Before I had the opportunity to ask Elijah why he thought so many people were rude toward those who identified as LGBTQ, he answered the question.
"Sometimes I feel the world is so negative. In all reality it's just not educated about things that [people who identify] as LGBTQ might find typical of our daily lives, or lifestyle. We need to thank one another daily, in an effort to become [someone else's] hero. We don't need to become a hero by murder or the ostracism of society."
A lot more love, and a little less “judgy". I can swing that.
Was there anything that you thought you understood about LGBTQ people, but got wrong? Please share, so that we can all understand, learn, and spread the love.
The Fall Staples It Girls From Coast To Coast Are Already Wearing
When it comes to trends, It girls lead, they don’t follow. Keeping one finger on the pulse of fashion and the other on their instincts, it’s their innate ability to dress to the beat of their own heart that makes them stand out amongst everyone else around them.
These women are ahead of their time, forecasting what will eventually be adopted by the masses often years in advance. In most cases, buying into trending items is just a by-product of their love of fashion, however, it's never the key ingredient of a memorable outfit.
As we transition from summer to fall, there’s no need to spend too many coins curating a brand new seasonal wardrobe, especially in this economy. Instead of shopping targeted ads, we interviewed fashion-forward influencers to spark our imagination and gather insight on what they’re already wearing leading into the upcoming season. Keep scrolling to get the scoop on essential items these fashion-forward women are looking forward to wearing this fall.
Helecia Williams, Houston
Comfort
Helecia’s style in three words: “Structured, bold, and explorative.”
Helecia’s outfit inspiration: “I am most interested in comfort as a trend. I am truly enjoying the mix of flats with elevated outfits and the incorporation of street-style elements into the looks. I have seen so much juxtaposition that makes the outfits interesting and intriguing. I love the pairing of fitted caps with [suits] and ballet flats. That mashup is impeccable, and we saw some of that peeking through last fall, and now it's taken on a life of its own.
"As a sneaker lover and comfort sneakers, bringing back flats is just a reimagination of past trends with a fresh twist.”
What color(s) is on Helecia’s fall mood board: “Hands down, red! It's such a bold and bossy color. Now, we see it becoming much more accessible in fashion and realize how easy it is to style and incorporate into a look for that extra pop. It also pairs well with so many other shades and tones. Some of my favorite combos are red and burgundy, red and yellow, and red and brown. Even if you aren't fully convinced that it's the color of the season and still have reservations about it, you can go classic and incorporate it in an accessory or makeup like a red lip.”
Are you bringing anything back from your 2023 fall wardrobe? “I will be returning and recycling all of my 2023 fall wardrobe and just styling it differently or giving it new life. Despite my love for trends, I've curated a wardrobe that I love so I will mix the old in with the new. And not to toot my own horn but a lot of my fashion moments are ahead of the times and still very relevant for this upcoming fall. Expect to see tons of texture, juxtaposition, unexpected color combos, and street style.”
How Helecia is accessorizing this season: “I hate to admit it, but the one trend that has me in a chokehold this fall is bold jewelry, particularly in gold. I've realized that accessories can do wonders, and the Schiaparelli era has me shook. I am a ‘Stan’ of Shop Khoi, a Black-owned jewelry brand that creates some of the most amazing, high-quality fashion jewelry. It just sets off any outfit no matter how simple it may be and easily becomes a conversation piece.”
Courtney Blackwell, New York City
Courtney’s style in three words: “Vintage, oversize, and sexy.”
Courtney’s most anticipated fall fashion items: “The fashion item I am anticipating wearing is vintage leather in all colors!”
Courtney's color picks for fall: “Cherry reds, forest greens, and different shades of gray.”
The trend that has Courtney in a chokehold this season: “Skirts! I’ve never been a skirt girly, well mini skirts girly, but I think I’m going to step it up with the minis this fall.”
Shaniqua Jordan, New York City
Timeless
Shaniqua’s personal styling tip for fall: “I hate to admit it, but the one trend that has me in a chokehold this fall is any oversized outerwear piece, especially oversized blazers. And as basic as it may sound, I can't get enough of them. They instantly elevate any look, and they're so versatile, whether I'm going for a polished vibe or something more casual. Plus, they are perfect for layering as the weather cools down.
"I know most people wouldn't typically opt for suede, but if you've been following my style, you know I'm all about my outerwear. I love adding texture to my looks, even if it's subtle, and a good suede jacket does that for me. The soft texture and rich hues of suede add that cherry on top for any fall look. Whether I'm rocking a bomber style in a jewel tone or a tailored trench in a neutral shade, a suede jacket is one piece I'm looking forward to wearing to elevate my fall wardrobe.”
These colors are all over Shaniqua’s fall mood board: “The colors on my fall mood board are rich earth tones like deep browns and olive greens paired with classic neutrals like camel and cream. I'd like to throw in a pop of butter yellow. I know it might seem more spring-like, but I love how it pairs with deep browns, oxblood, and even grays. It's the perfect way to brighten up those cozy, moody fall vibes. I'm also loving pops of bold jewel tones like emerald and burgundy to add a bit of luxe to the season. These shades give that cozy yet elevated feel I'm always aiming for in my fall wardrobe.”
Shaniqua describes her fall wardrobe in three words: “If I describe my fall wardrobe in three words, they would be chic, layered, and timeless. I love combining unique pieces with a classic touch, creating looks that stand out without trying too hard. It's all about finding that perfect balance between staying true to timeless fashion and adding my own signature flair.”
Are you bringing anything back from your 2023 fall wardrobe? "I am definitely an outfit repeater, so not only will I bring back pieces from my 2023 fall wardrobe, but I also have so many oldies but goodies that I’ll be incorporating into my fall 2024 looks. I think that's what really helps convey my personal style; buying pieces I genuinely love and being able to work them into my style season after season. It's all about longevity and staying true to what I love."
Alasia Allen, Los Angeles
Provocative
Alasia describes her style in three words: “Opulent, sleek, provocative.”
The fashion item Alasia anticipates wearing the most this fall: “I’m really into gloves this season. Whether it’s biker style or long, sleek, leather gloves, they add an interesting take to a fall look.”
The fall colors catching Alasia’s eye: “I’m loving navy or a super deep purple this season so I’ll be adding those into my wardrobe. They’re both so sophisticated and a good alternative to black.”
The fall staple Alaisa plans to bring back from her 2023 wardrobe: “Every year, I wear a shearling coat. It’s timeless, it’s warm, it’s my thing. There’s something very elevating about shearlings that have drawn to me year after year, and that’s what makes them my favorite style of outwear.”
The accessory that has Alasia in a chokehold this season: “Boots. I love a good boot as my go-to accessory for the fall/winter season. My favorites are boots that have a little flair to them and an interesting shape.”
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Naomi Ackie’s Bold Career Philosophy: I 'Deserve Variety,' And 'I’m Proud Of That’
Sometimes, our careers require us to radically pivot, and it’s a skill the best of the best learn to hone in their own unique way. It’s a skill that indeed keeps you not only relevant in your industry but fulfilled, especially when you’re a creative.
I know all too well, especially as someone whose livelihood and purposeful development depend on knowing when to shift. You might be great at one thing but crave the chance to do another, and you’re often giving in to that pull to see your greatest creative potential come alive across various mediums and opportunities.
Actress Naomi Ackie recently touched on this in an interview with Harper’s Bazaar, stating, “When I look back on the work that I’ve done, there’s an elasticity about it, there’s a real contrast—and I’m proud of that."
She continued, “Maybe the whole theme of this whole thing is just trust. When it comes to my career, I’m like, it will be what it will be. I will find my way, whatever the way is, because it’s meant to be there. I’m in a space now where I’m like, I don’t change for the work, the work changes for me. I’m happy with that.”
Photo by Karwai Tang/WireImage via Getty Images
The actress infamously played iconic superstar Whitney Houston in the family-approved biopic Whitney Houston: I Wanna Dance with Somebody, reportedly losing 30 pounds for the role and considering getting rid of her gap for the role.
She recently starred in the hit dark comedic thriller Blink Twiceas Frida, a brash waitress who’s seeking more purpose and meaning in her life, showcasing her own range and “desire to level up.” Harper's Bazaar alsoreports that “while she wants to be in a place where she doesn’t have to fight for every job, the lack of privacy and scrutiny that comes with that status, especially as a Black woman, is a double-edged sword.”
“When you’re determined and ambitious, you go, ‘I want to touch the stars,’” she added. “The biggest way of being told, ‘Well done’ as an actor is by being famous. But at the same time, I go, ‘Do I want that kind of fame?’ I don’t envy anyone who has that. I really don’t.”
With a background in theater, she appeared in her first feature film in 2016 in the British period drama Lady Macbeth. She was also cast in Idris Elba’s directorial debut, Yardie, a drama that shifts from gritty London to the Caribbean drama of Jamaica. She’d then play a warrior named Jannah in Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker.
“[Right before getting that role] I was near to quitting acting,” Naomi said. She’d worked as a hot dog vendor and barmaid before quitting to pursue acting full-time.
As creatives seeking to simply do the work we love, we all can relate to having to take on odd jobs in order to fund that in-between time, and we’ve all had that final breakthrough before we’d given up on the creative pursuit altogether. And once you’ve tasted that sweet victory—that powerful freedom after realizing that you can indeed live out the dream—there’s really no looking back.
“I feel entitled to a variety of characters. I deserve that," she powerfully asserted. "And anyone who tries to typecast me or put me into a box, I’m like, ‘Well, fuck you. That’s not going to happen.”
We all feel that, sis. And you do deserve. We all deserve.
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