Despite the series of wins and losses in our lives, the one thing that seems to survive each year is the existence of guys who - to state it plainly - ain't shit. F**kboys, scrubs, lames, ain't shit n-words – the names change, but the player is still the same. But, this doesn't mean that you are stuck choosing them as partners.
Like most behaviors in society, there are patterns in all things. And when it comes to scrubs, there are classic archetypes of "grown little boys" (or girls) who are overtaken by the epidemic that is being a f-boy/f-girl.
From The Ghoster to The Fake Soulmate, this read is a guide to the type of scrubs that exist, red flags, and ultimately what it will take for you to find your divine match.
The Ghoster
The Ghoster is someone who enters your life at lightning speed! You feel a very powerful sexual chemistry with this person, and likely find yourself in an instantaneous lust-filled adventure with this individual. Everything about this person from their smell, to the way they make you feel tingly inside seems perfectly aligned. The sex is bomb, and you genuinely enjoy the time spent with this person. Depending on how long you are in this non-commitment limbo, you are bound to catch feelings, and when you do - BAM! They GHOST you.
This disappearing act can happen in increments, but usually there is always the one final Houdini disappearing act where they no longer pick up the phone or text you back.
The Ghoster Red Flags
- They travel for a living, perhaps they are a musician or business consultant. If they travel for a living, chances are, they tend to ghost. If they have a level of celebrity, or work as a bartender or in nightlife where they are constantly bombarded with sexual advances, be wary of them as well.
- They tell you very obscure and limited things about their personal lives, past relationships, and their families. They already have an understanding that they are in flight mode, so they are not going to disclose more information than they think you need to know.
- They are unbelievably sweet, charming, and charismatic. Nobody will stare in your eyes quite the same way than people who ghost. They are the best magicians... They can truly make you see them for something they are not.
- They make empty promises, and skimpy excuses, but they are good at giving those puppy dog eyes that just make you melt. They will stray away from any meaningful or deep conversations revolving around commitment and relationships. They will never fully answer any deep questions you ask.
The Undercover Booty Call
In a similar way as The Ghoster, The Undercover Booty Call is someone you have an intense sexual connection with. This individual is also very charming and charismatic, but there is also an added characteristic of being a bit arrogant, overconfident, and/or moody. This person loves to whisper sweet nothings in your ear, and maybe sometimes refer to you as their lady or bae in a jokingly or over-emphasized manner.
In other words, they give you a fake title to hide the fact that they truly only see you as a sexual partner, in itself, this is the largest reason that they are this kind of f-boy.
The Undercover Booty Call Red Flags
- They don't spend money on you. Don't expect any big ticket items, or too many fancy dinners. A person who truly only sees you as a sexual partner, doesn't see any reason to spend much money on you. Often, this person will want to go dutch.
- They run on their own time. Don't expect him to rearrange his schedule for you.
- They are the biggest flakes! Never depend on this person being there for more than just the nasty. They are selfish and sometimes huge narcissists.
- They are habitual liars. They will say whatever they have to take away their own accountability, and will be the first to insult you when you call them on their BS.
The Master Commitment Phobe
The Master Commitment Phobe is someone that you actually end up falling in love with, and it still confuses you long after you have broken up. This tends to be a karmic, unrequited love. They are the most manipulative out of all the f-boys because they use your genuine love for them against you. In time, this situationship feels like a real relationship. You might be finding yourself picking out his shirts, or popping their pimples, as if you were his actual girlfriend, because it feels like you are.
The gag is, he has most likely never said the words, "I love you." He might speak around it, by saying things like "I care about you a lot," "You mean so much me," "You are an amazing person" – it's all deflection. A really good one will say things like, "I'm not good at relationships," "My parents have been separated or divorced for years, I never had an example of what a loving marriage looks like," or my personal favorite, "This is how all my relationships have started."
They only show you their true selves when they need you to hold space for them, and you confuse that with them "needing" you. What they are really doing is taking from you, not exchanging anything. Like The Ghoster, they will stray away from any deep and meaningful conversations about love and commitment, and you may feel that they are very childlike in their interaction with feelings.
The Master Commitment Phobe Red Flags
- They seem to either hide, or be ashamed about the relationship. They don't reveal that they are in a relationship with you, and their social media status likely remains at single. They will not claim you in public, but best believe, if another person tries to encroach on what they feel is their territory, they will have something to say about it.
- They are not big on PDA, but will sex you like a rockstar behind closed doors. He is likely one of the best sexual partners you have ever had. When you two are alone, you both are on cloud nine. This is likely the only time he is emotionally available.
- You find yourself going back to this person time and time again, even though you often feel really shity after not getting what you really want from this person. This back and forth could be over the span of years. His emotions are somewhat invested, but not at the level that yours are, so it is harder for you to cut your losses. Most of your friends know this person is not worth a damn dime, but you seem to have rose quartz-colored glasses on all the time.
- You don't finally get the hint, until you begin to love yourself fully. The ultimate separation from this individual usually happens after they embarrass you in front of other people by disrespecting your position in their life, or choosing friends over you. They normally show you in the harshest way, that they don't really care for and treasure you.
The Fake Soulmate
Similarly to the Master Commitment Phobe, The Fake Soulmate is someone that you not only connect with on a sexual level, but also on an energetic and romantic level as well. You tend to meet this person by what seems like fate or chance. There is a big possibility that you met this person over social media, or intermediary platform. They seem like the opposite version of yourself, in a different body.
Unlike the Master Commitment Phobe, you both are seemingly on the same page from jump. It might even feel like you have found "The One" until it all hits you at once, and you realize that though he isn't the most heinous of the archetypes, he is a f-boy nonetheless.
The Fake Soulmate Red Flags
- In the beginning, your flame with this person will run hot! You might talk on the phone like you have teenage fever for hours, or they might go out of their way to come and see you as much as possible.
- There is an uncanny recognition of the self in this individual. You may finish each other's sentences, or use the same catch phrases all the time. There is a level of comfortability with this person that usually only happens after years of time spent together. How compatible you seem together is unreal.
- This person will not hesitate to help you out in any way that you need help, whether that is financially, or emotionally. They will be there.
- You can talk to this person about any topic, and debate about anything, until you're blue in the face. Everything seems perfect until you realize that this person never speaks about their own problems, and never fully lets you into their mind and heart. The fear of actually being happy with someone scares the crap out of them, and as soon as you begin to speak about commitment, they fold like a hand of cards.
- Unlike the Master Commitment Phobe, as soon as the plate he's eating his cake off of gets too hot, he'll drop you like a dead phone call...but not until after you give the ultimatum.
It takes two to tango, and until you can understand on a very energetic, and spiritual level, why you consistently choose the wrong archetypes in love, you will continue to perpetuate this endless cycle. What is the key to ending this nightmare and finding your divine match?
First, you need to catch the red flags as soon as possible and stop the situation at hand before it's too late. People only treat you how you allow them to, so part of the remedy to choosing the wrong men, is to prevent them from accessing too much of you to begin with.
The second key, is to know your worth. When you know the value of any tangible or material thing that you own, don't you consciously treat it as if it were superior to anything else that is worth less? The same goes for your heart. Your love and affection are priceless, treat them as such.
And lastly, you must love yourself fully. If you understand that you are complete within yourself, you will realize that no other person can actually complete you. There is nothing that is missing from you. The person you choose is your complement and if you know your worth, you know that no scrub is close to your weight in gold.
By actively practicing these principles, your highest partner will be drawn to you like a magnet in no time. Be patient.
Featured image by Getty Images
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So, we handpicked one hundred It Girls who embody that palpable It Factor moving through us as young Black women, the kind of motion lighting up the world both IRL and across the internet.
It Girl 100 became xoNecole’s most successful program, with the hashtag organically reaching more than forty million impressions on Instagram in just twenty-four hours. Yes, it caught on like wildfire because we celebrated some of the most brilliant and influential GenZennial women of color setting trends and shaping culture. But more than that, it resonated because the women we celebrated felt seen.
Many were already known in their industries for keeping this generation fly and lit, but rarely received recognition or flowers. It Girl 100 became a safe space to be uplifted, and for us as Black women to bask in what felt like an era of our brilliance, beauty, and boundless influence on full display.
And then, almost overnight, it was as if the rug was pulled from under us as Black women, as the It Girls of the world.
Our much-needed, much-deserved season of ease and soft living quickly metamorphosed into a time of self-preservation and survival. Our motion and economic progression seemed strategically slowed, our light under siege.
The air feels heavier now. The headlines colder. Our Black girl magic is being picked apart and politicized for simply existing.
With that climate shift, as we prepare to launch our second annual It Girl 100 honoree list, our team has had to dig deep on the purpose and intention behind this year’s list. Knowing the spirit of It Girl 100 is about motion, sauce, strides, and progression, how do we celebrate amid uncertainty and collective grief when the juice feels like it is being squeezed out of us?
As we wrestled with that question, we were reminded that this tension isn’t new. Black women have always had to find joy in the midst of struggle, to create light even in the darkest corners. We have carried the weight of scrutiny for generations, expected to be strong, to serve, to smile through the sting. But this moment feels different. It feels deeply personal.
We are living at the intersection of liberation and backlash. We are learning to take off our capes, to say no when we are tired, to embrace softness without apology.
And somehow, the world has found new ways to punish us for it.
In lifestyle, women like Kayla Nicole and Ayesha Curry have been ridiculed for daring to choose themselves. Tracee Ellis Ross was labeled bitter for speaking her truth about love. Meghan Markle, still, cannot breathe without critique.
In politics, Kamala Harris, Letitia James, and Jasmine Crockett are dragged through the mud for standing tall in rooms not built for them.
In sports, Angel Reese, Coco Gauff, and Taylor Townsend have been reminded that even excellence will not shield you from racism or judgment.
In business, visionaries like Diarrha N’Diaye-Mbaye and Melissa Butler are fighting to keep their dreams alive in an economy that too often forgets us first.
Even our icons, Beyoncé, Serena, and SZA, have faced criticism simply for evolving beyond the boxes society tried to keep them in.
From everyday women to cultural phenoms, the pattern is the same. Our light is being tested.
And yet, somehow, through it all, we are still showing up as that girl, and that deserves to be celebrated.
Because while the world debates our worth, we keep raising our value. And that proof is all around us.
This year alone, Naomi Osaka returned from motherhood and mental health challenges to reach the semifinals of the US Open. A’ja Wilson claimed another MVP, reminding us that beauty and dominance can coexist. Brandy and Monica are snatching our edges on tour. Kahlana Barfield Brown sold out her new line in the face of a retailer that had been canceled. And Melissa Butler’s company, The Lip Bar, is projecting a forty percent surge in sales.
We are no longer defining strength by how much pain we can endure. We are defining it by the unbreakable light we continue to radiate.
We are the women walking our daily steps and also continuing to run solid businesses. We are growing in love, taking solo trips, laughing until it hurts, raising babies and ideas, drinking our green juice, and praying our peace back into existence.
We are rediscovering the joy of rest and realizing that softness is not weakness, it is strategy.
And through it all, we continue to lift one another. Emma Grede is creating seats at the table. Valeisha Butterfield has started a fund for jobless Black women. Arian Simone is leading in media with fearless conviction. We are pouring into each other in ways the world rarely sees but always feels.
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And we are still shining.
And we are still softening.
And we are still creating.
And we are still It.
That is the quiet magic of Black womanhood, our ability to hold both truth and triumph in the same breath, to say yes, and to life’s contradictions.
It is no coincidence that this year, as SheaMoisture embraces the message “Yes, And,” they stand beside us as partners in celebrating this class of It Girls. Because that phrase, those two simple words, capture the very essence of this moment.
Yes, we are tired. And we are still rising.
Yes, we are questioned. And we are the answer.
Yes, we are bruised. And we are still beautiful.
This year’s It Girl 100 is more than a list. It is a love letter to every Black woman who dares to live out loud in a world that would rather she whisper. This year’s class is living proof of “Yes, And,” women who are finding ways to thrive and to heal, to build and to rest, to lead and to love, all at once.
It is proof that our joy is not naive, our success not accidental. It is the reminder that our light has never needed permission.
So without further ado, we celebrate the It Girl 100 Class of 2025–2026.
We celebrate the millions of us who keep doing it with grace, grit, and glory.
Because despite it all, we still shine.
Because we are still her.
Because we are still IT, girl.
Meet all 100 women shaping culture in the It Girl 100 Class of 2025. View the complete list of honorees here.
Featured image by xoStaff
Despite launching media careers from different pathways, the two New York-based women have forged a friendship where they can discuss their ambitions and challenges.
Both women are part of xoNecole’s It Girl 100 Class of 2025, recognized in the Viral Voices category for the impact they’ve made through storytelling, creativity, and authenticity. Together, they represent what it means to build an "It Girl" brand with integrity and depth. In the spirit of SheaMoisture’s "Yes, And" ethos, Les and Kayla embody the freedom to be multi-layered as women evolving boldly into every version of themselves.
This conversation has been condensed and lightly edited for clarity
On Forging Their Own Paths
Les Alfred: Being a Jane of all trades is incredibly challenging. And one of the challenges I've faced is that the scope of what podcasters now need to do has increased so much. When I first interviewed you in 2019, I was still very new at it, but I remember being on a Skype call with you from my bedroom in Seattle. That was how I ran the show. And that was good enough. That is absolutely not good enough these days. The scope and the quality keeps increasing, but the resources that you have don't necessarily increase in order to remain competitive.
I get asked so many questions from people who want to get into podcasts and they want to get started. Most of the time, I'm just like, 'I don't have tips for you.' Because, one, I don't know what it's like to start in this current environment. Two, I know what it takes to contend and be consistent in this environment. The barrier of entry is a lot higher in terms of having something of quality than it was before.
On Balancing Ambition and Rest
Kayla Greaves: I've had to make a very clear effort to slow down and just not take on as much. Yes, you're running a business, but you're also living your life. I had one of those days yesterday. I just laid down and listened to white noise for hours because I just needed my brain to just be clear. I called a friend. I cried.
I'm starting over again today. The sun is out. It's a new day. And that's just sometimes what you have to do. You can't show up for your audience or for other people, if you can't show for yourself. I think that creativity comes from a place of living your life and having genuine experiences, and then sharing those experiences through your art.
"I had to give myself permission to let myself grow publicly in ways that I'd already done personally."
Courtesy
On Evolving Through Growth and Rebranding
Les: I didn't create Balanced Black Girl until 2018, but I started blogging and creating content and doing things under the Balanced brand in 2014. I was 24 years old at the time. Now, I'm 36. The things that were important to me, the perspective that I had and the stories I wanted to tell were entirely different. I think I had to give myself permission to let myself grow publicly in ways that I'd already done personally. The show isn't really about wellness anymore. And that shift started happening a couple of years ago.
When we started expanding into more lifestyle topics, more self-help topics [and] talking about entrepreneurship, the audience responded really well. That was when the show really started to grow and take off. And that was what got so much more engagement than the episodes back in 2020 when I was doing hour-long deep dives on gut health.
Rebranding the show was something I've been thinking about for a long time. When I was finally like, 'Oh, I need to do this,' honestly, was the 2024 presidential election. I was like, these people are about to be in here acting crazy. I do not feel safe with my business name being what it is. I don't want to be targeted for any BS. We saw what they did to the Fearless Fund.
"You have to balance your integrity with your income."
Courtesy
On Integrity Over Income
Kayla: I have many other interests aside from beauty. I'm growing and I'm changing as a person. I'm not the same person I was when I started at InStyle in 2019 before the pandemic rocked everybody's world. I don't think reviewing every single lipstick that comes out is exciting or interesting, because everybody does it now, and everybody feels like they're qualified to speak on things that they're not qualified to speak on. I'm currently in that pain point of growth.
I don't think I have always been in environments where I've been encouraged to branch out on my own ideas. I finished Ina Garten’s memoir maybe a month ago. She kept repeating this quote in her book. She said, ‘What goes in early, goes in deep.’ Now that I'm on my own and I don't have the resources of a traditional media company, which is what I have become accustomed to, sometimes it's difficult for me to be like, 'Okay, just go ahead with the thing.'
I think, Les, just the other day, you reposted somebody saying that they let go of a five-figure deal and then got double the next day because it just didn't feel aligned for them. Those are the things that happen. I have to find a balance of, 'Okay, how do I keep myself afloat?' And that may mean I may not be balling out of control just yet, but I'm okay for now. I can buy myself nice things every once in a while, but you have to balance your integrity with your income.
Les: There are just certain lines that I'm not willing to cross. Especially when I created more wellness content, one of those lines was I will not promote any sort of weight loss product. All of these GLP-1s all want to advertise on my podcast. I actually have nothing against those types of products, but I don't ever want someone to look at what I'm putting into the world and think that I'm saying that they need to feel a certain way about their bodies.
Even if the money is great, that's not for me to say, and that's not the type of message that I want to put out here. Or, I had another kind of brand deal come through that would have required me to divulge things about my personal life that I just don't really want my audience knowing about me, and bringing them along on journeys that I just find personal and I want to keep offline. I don’t want to be known for dragging my mess all over the internet for a buck.
I don't want to be known for being an influencer. I would love to be 1,000% in on my podcast, scale it, have it grow to be a media empire where I'm producing and putting out other bodies of work. For now, until that other side of the business really picks up and gets to the point where I want it to be, I kind of need to play the influencer game a little bit to live in this expensive city. But I'm gonna do it on my terms. It's a constant compromise that I'm coming to with myself.
"You can never make a big vision come to fruition if you're sitting and you're waiting for somebody else to tell you exactly what to do."
Courtesy
On Mutual Admiration and Friendship
Les: Something that I really admire about you in having known you for the past couple of years is you don't wait for a roadmap. You jump in, you roll up your sleeves, and you do it. You can never make a big vision come to fruition if you're sitting and you're waiting for somebody else to tell you exactly what to do.
Kayla: Well, first of all, I want to say thank you for saying that, because that means so much to me, and it's very affirming. That's exactly how I feel about you. I remember, even at your first live show, you're like, ‘Oh my god, I'm so stressed. I don't know what I'm doing.’ And, the shit sold out. And, you know, and now, like, you see the growth of the podcast. And you have nearly 61,000 subscribers on YouTube. I just checked recently.
I talk a lot about people that really just need to not say anything on the internet, because it's so frustrating as somebody who grew up as a traditional journalist. You want people to fact check and ask thoughtful questions and have good conversations. I've never said that about you. I've always loved your podcast. And I've sent a lot of your episodes to friends when they're going through specific things that you're talking about.
This season has been a little bit slower to me, so you've been a constant source of inspiration, and it's just been such a pleasure to see your podcast grow despite the challenges you've had. I know it's not easy, but you continue to grow and continue to push through, and I really admire that as somebody who sat and cried yesterday and listened to white noise.
And this is why I tell you all the time, you really do inspire me. I love you a lot.
Les: Oh my gosh, I love you a lot. I'm so glad that the podcast brought us together.
Tap into the full It Girl 100 Class of 2025 and meet all the women changing game this year and beyond. See the full list here.
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