
Despite the series of wins and losses in our lives, the one thing that seems to survive each year is the existence of guys who - to state it plainly - ain't shit. F**kboys, scrubs, lames, ain't shit n-words – the names change, but the player is still the same. But, this doesn't mean that you are stuck choosing them as partners.
Like most behaviors in society, there are patterns in all things. And when it comes to scrubs, there are classic archetypes of "grown little boys" (or girls) who are overtaken by the epidemic that is being a f-boy/f-girl.
From The Ghoster to The Fake Soulmate, this read is a guide to the type of scrubs that exist, red flags, and ultimately what it will take for you to find your divine match.
The Ghoster

The Ghoster is someone who enters your life at lightning speed! You feel a very powerful sexual chemistry with this person, and likely find yourself in an instantaneous lust-filled adventure with this individual. Everything about this person from their smell, to the way they make you feel tingly inside seems perfectly aligned. The sex is bomb, and you genuinely enjoy the time spent with this person. Depending on how long you are in this non-commitment limbo, you are bound to catch feelings, and when you do - BAM! They GHOST you.
This disappearing act can happen in increments, but usually there is always the one final Houdini disappearing act where they no longer pick up the phone or text you back.
The Ghoster Red Flags
- They travel for a living, perhaps they are a musician or business consultant. If they travel for a living, chances are, they tend to ghost. If they have a level of celebrity, or work as a bartender or in nightlife where they are constantly bombarded with sexual advances, be wary of them as well.
- They tell you very obscure and limited things about their personal lives, past relationships, and their families. They already have an understanding that they are in flight mode, so they are not going to disclose more information than they think you need to know.
- They are unbelievably sweet, charming, and charismatic. Nobody will stare in your eyes quite the same way than people who ghost. They are the best magicians... They can truly make you see them for something they are not.
- They make empty promises, and skimpy excuses, but they are good at giving those puppy dog eyes that just make you melt. They will stray away from any meaningful or deep conversations revolving around commitment and relationships. They will never fully answer any deep questions you ask.
The Undercover Booty Call

In a similar way as The Ghoster, The Undercover Booty Call is someone you have an intense sexual connection with. This individual is also very charming and charismatic, but there is also an added characteristic of being a bit arrogant, overconfident, and/or moody. This person loves to whisper sweet nothings in your ear, and maybe sometimes refer to you as their lady or bae in a jokingly or over-emphasized manner.
In other words, they give you a fake title to hide the fact that they truly only see you as a sexual partner, in itself, this is the largest reason that they are this kind of f-boy.
The Undercover Booty Call Red Flags
- They don't spend money on you. Don't expect any big ticket items, or too many fancy dinners. A person who truly only sees you as a sexual partner, doesn't see any reason to spend much money on you. Often, this person will want to go dutch.
- They run on their own time. Don't expect him to rearrange his schedule for you.
- They are the biggest flakes! Never depend on this person being there for more than just the nasty. They are selfish and sometimes huge narcissists.
- They are habitual liars. They will say whatever they have to take away their own accountability, and will be the first to insult you when you call them on their BS.
The Master Commitment Phobe

The Master Commitment Phobe is someone that you actually end up falling in love with, and it still confuses you long after you have broken up. This tends to be a karmic, unrequited love. They are the most manipulative out of all the f-boys because they use your genuine love for them against you. In time, this situationship feels like a real relationship. You might be finding yourself picking out his shirts, or popping their pimples, as if you were his actual girlfriend, because it feels like you are.
The gag is, he has most likely never said the words, "I love you." He might speak around it, by saying things like "I care about you a lot," "You mean so much me," "You are an amazing person" – it's all deflection. A really good one will say things like, "I'm not good at relationships," "My parents have been separated or divorced for years, I never had an example of what a loving marriage looks like," or my personal favorite, "This is how all my relationships have started."
They only show you their true selves when they need you to hold space for them, and you confuse that with them "needing" you. What they are really doing is taking from you, not exchanging anything. Like The Ghoster, they will stray away from any deep and meaningful conversations about love and commitment, and you may feel that they are very childlike in their interaction with feelings.
The Master Commitment Phobe Red Flags
- They seem to either hide, or be ashamed about the relationship. They don't reveal that they are in a relationship with you, and their social media status likely remains at single. They will not claim you in public, but best believe, if another person tries to encroach on what they feel is their territory, they will have something to say about it.
- They are not big on PDA, but will sex you like a rockstar behind closed doors. He is likely one of the best sexual partners you have ever had. When you two are alone, you both are on cloud nine. This is likely the only time he is emotionally available.
- You find yourself going back to this person time and time again, even though you often feel really shity after not getting what you really want from this person. This back and forth could be over the span of years. His emotions are somewhat invested, but not at the level that yours are, so it is harder for you to cut your losses. Most of your friends know this person is not worth a damn dime, but you seem to have rose quartz-colored glasses on all the time.
- You don't finally get the hint, until you begin to love yourself fully. The ultimate separation from this individual usually happens after they embarrass you in front of other people by disrespecting your position in their life, or choosing friends over you. They normally show you in the harshest way, that they don't really care for and treasure you.
The Fake Soulmate

Similarly to the Master Commitment Phobe, The Fake Soulmate is someone that you not only connect with on a sexual level, but also on an energetic and romantic level as well. You tend to meet this person by what seems like fate or chance. There is a big possibility that you met this person over social media, or intermediary platform. They seem like the opposite version of yourself, in a different body.
Unlike the Master Commitment Phobe, you both are seemingly on the same page from jump. It might even feel like you have found "The One" until it all hits you at once, and you realize that though he isn't the most heinous of the archetypes, he is a f-boy nonetheless.
The Fake Soulmate Red Flags
- In the beginning, your flame with this person will run hot! You might talk on the phone like you have teenage fever for hours, or they might go out of their way to come and see you as much as possible.
- There is an uncanny recognition of the self in this individual. You may finish each other's sentences, or use the same catch phrases all the time. There is a level of comfortability with this person that usually only happens after years of time spent together. How compatible you seem together is unreal.
- This person will not hesitate to help you out in any way that you need help, whether that is financially, or emotionally. They will be there.
- You can talk to this person about any topic, and debate about anything, until you're blue in the face. Everything seems perfect until you realize that this person never speaks about their own problems, and never fully lets you into their mind and heart. The fear of actually being happy with someone scares the crap out of them, and as soon as you begin to speak about commitment, they fold like a hand of cards.
- Unlike the Master Commitment Phobe, as soon as the plate he's eating his cake off of gets too hot, he'll drop you like a dead phone call...but not until after you give the ultimatum.
It takes two to tango, and until you can understand on a very energetic, and spiritual level, why you consistently choose the wrong archetypes in love, you will continue to perpetuate this endless cycle. What is the key to ending this nightmare and finding your divine match?
First, you need to catch the red flags as soon as possible and stop the situation at hand before it's too late. People only treat you how you allow them to, so part of the remedy to choosing the wrong men, is to prevent them from accessing too much of you to begin with.
The second key, is to know your worth. When you know the value of any tangible or material thing that you own, don't you consciously treat it as if it were superior to anything else that is worth less? The same goes for your heart. Your love and affection are priceless, treat them as such.
And lastly, you must love yourself fully. If you understand that you are complete within yourself, you will realize that no other person can actually complete you. There is nothing that is missing from you. The person you choose is your complement and if you know your worth, you know that no scrub is close to your weight in gold.
By actively practicing these principles, your highest partner will be drawn to you like a magnet in no time. Be patient.
Featured image by Getty Images
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Exclusive: Viral It Girl Kayla Nicole Is Reclaiming The Mic—And The Narrative
It’s nice to have a podcast when you’re constantly trending online. One week after setting timelines ablaze on Halloween, Kayla Nicole released an episode of her Dear Media pop culture podcast, The Pre-Game, where she took listeners behind the scenes of her viral costume.
The 34-year-old had been torn between dressing up as Beyoncé or Toni Braxton, she says in the episode. She couldn’t decide which version of Bey she’d be, though. Two days before the holiday, she locked in her choice, filming a short recreation of Braxton’s “He Wasn’t Man Enough for Me” music video that has since garnered nearly 6.5M views on TikTok.
Kayla Nicole says she wore a dress that was once worn by Braxton herself for the Halloween costume. “It’s not a secret Toni is more on the petite side. I’m obsessed with all 5’2” of her,” she tells xoNecole via email. “But I’m 5’10'' and not missing any meals, honey, so to my surprise, when I got the dress and it actually fit, I knew it was destiny.”
The episode was the perfect way for the multihyphenate to take control of her own narrative. By addressing the viral moment on her own platform, she was able to stir the conversation and keep the focus on her adoration for Braxton, an artist she says she grew up listening to and who still makes her most-played playlist every year. Elsewhere, she likely would’ve received questions about whether or not the costume was a subliminal aimed at her ex-boyfriend and his pop star fiancée. “I think that people will try to project their own narratives, right?” she said, hinting at this in the episode. “But, for me personally – I think it’s very important to say this in this moment – I’m not in the business of tearing other women down. I’m in the business of celebrating them.”
Kayla Nicole is among xoNecole’s It Girl 100 Class of 2025, powered by SheaMoisture, recognized in the Viral Voices category for her work in media and the trends she sets on our timelines, all while prioritizing her own mental and physical health. As she puts it: “Yes, I’m curating conversations on my podcast The Pre-Game, and cultivating community with my wellness brand Tribe Therepē.”
Despite being the frequent topic of conversation online, Kayla Nicole says she’s learning to take advantage of her growing social media platform without becoming consumed by it. “I refuse to let the internet consume me. It’s supposed to be a resource and tool for connection, so if it becomes anything beyond that I will log out,” she says.
On The Pre-Game, which launched earlier this year, she has positioned herself as listeners “homegirl.” “There’s definitely a delicate dance between being genuine and oversharing, and I’ve had to learn that the hard way. Now I share from a place of reflection, not reaction,” she says. “If it can help someone feel seen or less alone, I’ll talk about it within reason. But I’ve certainly learned to protect parts of my life that I cherish most. I share what serves connection but doesn’t cost me peace.
"I refuse to let the internet consume me. It’s supposed to be a resource and tool for connection, so if it becomes anything beyond that I will log out."

Credit: Malcolm Roberson
Throughout each episode, she sips a cocktail and addresses trending topics (even when they involve herself). It’s a platform the Pepperdine University alumnus has been preparing to have since she graduated with a degree in broadcast journalism, with a concentration in political science.
“I just knew I was going to end up on a local news network at the head anchor table, breaking high speed chases, and tossing it to the weather girl,” she says. Instead, she ended up working as an assistant at TMZ before covering sports as a freelance reporter. (She’s said she didn’t work for ESPN, despite previous reports saying otherwise.) The Pre-Game combines her love for pop culture and sports in a way that once felt inaccessible to her in traditional media.
She’s not just a podcaster, though. When she’s not behind the mic, taking acting classes or making her New York Fashion Week debut, Kayla Nicole is also busy elevating her wellness brand Tribe Therepē, where she shares her workouts and the workout equipment that helps her look chic while staying fit. She says the brand will add apparel to its line up in early 2026.
“Tribe Therepē has evolved into exactly what I have always envisioned. A community of women who care about being fit not just for the aesthetic, but for their mental and emotional well-being too. It’s grounded. It’s feminine. It’s strong,” she says. “And honestly, it's a reflection of where I am in my life right now. I feel so damn good - mentally, emotionally, and physically. And I am grateful to be in a space where I can pour that love and light back into the community that continues to pour into me.”
Tap into the full It Girl 100 Class of 2025 and meet all the women changing game this year and beyond. See the full list here.
Featured image by Malcolm Roberson
If there is one thing that I am going to do, it’s buy myself some scented soy candles. And, as I was looking at a display of them in a TJ Maxx store a couple of weekends ago, I found myself wondering just who decided which scents were considered to be “holiday” ones. The origin stories are actually pretty layered, so, for now, I’ll just share a few of ‘em.
I’m sure it’s pretty obvious that pine comes from the smell of fresh Christmas trees; however, scents like cloves, oranges, and cinnamon are attributed to two things: being natural ways to get well during the cold and flu season, and also being flavors that are used in many traditional holiday meals.
Meanwhile, frankincense and myrrh originate from the Middle East and Africa (you know, like the Bible does — some folks need to be reminded of that—eh hem — Trumpers) and ginger? It too helps with indigestion (which can definitely creep up at Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner tables); plus, it’s a key ingredient for ginger snaps and gingerbread houses. So, as you can see, holiday-themed scents have a rhyme and reason to them.
Tying this all in together — several years ago, I penned an article for the platform entitled, “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry ‘Christmas Sex’?” Well, in the spirit of revisiting some of that content, with a bit of a twist, I decided to broach some traditional holiday scents from the perspective of which ones will do your libido a ton of good from now through New Year’s Eve (check out “Make This Your Best NYE. For Sex. EVER.”).
Are you ready to check some of them out, so that, whether it’s via a candle, a diffuser, some essential oil, or some DIY body cream (check out “How To Incorporate All Five Senses To Have The Best Sex Ever”), you can bring some extra festive ambiance into your own boudoir? Excellent.
1. Vanilla

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When it comes to holiday desserts, you’re going to be hard-pressed to find recipes that don’t include vanilla — and that alone explains why it is considered to be a traditional holiday scent. As far as your libido goes, vanilla is absolutely considered to be an aphrodisiac — partly because its sweet scent is considered to be very sensual. Some studies even reveal that vanillin (the active ingredient in vanilla) is able to increase sexual arousal and improve erectile dysfunction in men. So, if you adore the smell, here is more incentive to use it.
2. Frankincense

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Although, typically, when people think about frankincense (and myrrh), it’s in the context of the gifts that the wise men brought Christ after he was born; it’s a part of the biblical Christmas story. However, frankincense goes much deeper than that. Sexually, since it has an earthy and spicy scent, some people like to use it to meditate (check out “What Exactly Is 'Orgasmic Meditation'?”). Also, since it has the ability to put you in a better mood, soothe and soften your skin and maintain your oral health — with the help of frankincense, every touch and kiss can be that much…sexier.
3. Cinnamon

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I already gave cinnamon a shout-out in the intro. Personally, I’ve been a fan of it, in the sex department, for a long time now (check out “12 ‘Sex Condiments’ That Can Make Coitus Even More...Delicious”). When it’s in oil form, it can be very sweet to the taste while sending a warm sensation throughout the body — which is why the giver and receiver of oral sex can benefit from its usage. Beyond that, cinnamon helps to increase blood flow to your genital region, elevate sexual desire and, some studies say that it can even help improve fertility. Beautiful.
4. Peppermint

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If there’s a signature candy for the holiday season, it’s probably a candy cane — which automatically puts peppermint in the running for being an official holiday scent. Pretty much, in any form, it’s got your sex life’s back because it’s hailed as being a sexual stimulant; in part, because its smell is so invigorating. Plus, it helps to (eh hem) ease headaches, it gives you more energy and it can definitely help to freshen your breath. Also, that minty sensation? The same thing that I said about cinnamon can apply to peppermint too (if you catch my drift).
5. Ginger

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Whether it’s in a meal or in your bedroom, ginger is going to produce results that are hella spicy. On the sex tip, science has praised ginger for being able to increase sexual arousal, improve blood circulation (which intensifies orgasms) and strengthen fertility for many years. Scent-wise, I find it to be one that both men and women enjoy because it is both woodsy and sweet. So, if you’ve got some massage oil in mind, adding some ginger is a way to please you both.
6. Pomegranate

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September through December is the time of year when pomegranates are considered to be in season. And, as someone who is a Rosh Hashanah observer, I have a personal adoration for them because I am aware of the various things that they symbolize in Hebrew culture including the fact that they are a fruit that represents love and fertility. So yeah, they would absolutely be an aphrodisiac — one that is perfect for this time of the year. While consuming it helps to boost testosterone levels in both men and women, the floral bittersweet smell that it produces can help to reduce stress while promoting relaxation (like most floral scents do) — and the more relaxed you are, the easier it is to climax.
7. Nutmeg

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Another signature seasoning during the holiday season is nutmeg. It’s perfect in Thanksgiving sweet potato (or pumpkin) pie and Christmas morning French toast. And yes, it can also make your sex life better. If you consume it, it can intensify your libido and, overall, its warm-meets-spicy-meets-sweet smell is so inviting that it is considered to be a pretty seductive scent.
8. Cloves

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I ain’t got not one lie to tell you — if you’ve got a toothache, put some clove oil on that bad boy and send me a Christmas present for putting you on game. Aside from that, as I round all of this out, cloves are another holiday scent that can do wonders for your sex life. For men, it has the ability to significantly increase sexual arousal and improve stamina and endurance. For men and women alike, it also has a reputation for strengthening sexual desire. And for women solely? Well, if you want an all-natural way to increase natural lubrication down below — the scent and and feel (in DILUTED oil form) can make that happen. It can make the holidays especially special…if you know what I mean.
Ah yes — the atmosphere of the holidays and what it can do.
Take it all in! Scent ‘n whatever stimulating that comes with it! #wink
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