
For me, a great first date question is, "What sign are you?" I have dodged many a bullet by asking this question. I would say that I am 99 percent on the dot when it comes to predicting potential relationship drama just by assessing someone's sign and paying attention to their actions. However, I do realize I may have missed a few things and that has caused me to look a little deeper. I am notorious for asking my potential date what their time of birth is and where they were born. Why? Well, it is simple, I need to know what's in that birth chart.
Are we truly compatible or is this just a brief moment of coincidence? Most people, especially men, don't normally have this information on hand. To that, I reply, "Text your mom and see if she remembers." It may seem, and it probably is, a bit invasive but the way dating is set up these days, I need to collect as much information upfront.
Apps like Co-Star and The Pattern App have made it simple and easy to have this information at your fingertips. It allows you to see, astrologically, how you match up with friends, co-workers, family, and yes, potential boos, just by entering in a few details. Many people swear by these apps because of their uncanny ability to give you daily predictions that are spot-on.
Birth charts and zodiac signs are not new tools that have been used in the dating arena, on the recent popular Netflix series, Indian Matchmaker, we got a chance to see how big of a role in Indian cultures astrology played in picking a spouse. Honestly, it was very eye-opening. But this is all to say that birth charts can lend a lot of guidance to you and be useful in a self-discovery kind of way.
In order to delve in deeper into the topic of astrology charts, we spoke with Angelica Ray, an Intuitive, Healer, and Coach to shed light on all things there are to know about birth charts.
What Is A Birth Chart & What Does A Birth Chart Mean?

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Natal charts, commonly known as birth charts, are a chart that explains where the planets were in the sky at the date and time you were born. "A birth chart or a natal chart is essentially a snapshot of the sky, the cosmos, the planets at the exact moment you were born. So as the Earth turns, and depending upon where you were born and the time you were born, the space around Earth looks a particular way," Angelica explained to xoNecole.
"The planets, stars, moons are in particular positions based on those factors. And that position and that snapshot in time are what is known as our birth chart."
Every planet has a significant meaning as it applies to you and how you show up in the world. Your birth chart helps to highlight where the planets were located at your birth and the significance in that particular placement. Our complete personalities are made up of several personality traits of different zodiac signs that represent different areas of our lives. Each birth chart is fairly unique to the individual unless there was another person born at the same time, on the same date, in the same location as you. According to a Nylon.com article:
"Your personal planets — such as the moon, Venus, rising, Mercury, and Mars — can change signs every few hours to days, which is why your chart would look very different from someone born just a few days later."
Planets such as Pluto, Uranus, and Neptune on the other hand are very slow-changing signs that change every few years or so. These planets reflect things like generational shifts and traits that will be similar to people in the same age brackets.
How Do I Find My Birth Chart?
There are many different ways you can access your birth chart. Angelica says before you access your birth chart, you need to make sure you have a few things for accuracy. "You can get access to your birth chart through several different websites. There is one called Astro Dienst which in my opinion is the best astrology website for getting birth charts. While the chart itself is very helpful, it is also a great idea to get your birth chart from an astrologer who has a full understanding of the chart itself the placements, the transitions, and transits, so that you can have as much information as possible."
It is suggested with the time of birth to get it as close as possible to the minute you were born. You can still access your birth chart without it, but it is critical to have the exact time. The apps Co-Star, The Pattern, Astrology Zone, and Time Nomads are highly recommended for getting your birth chart.
How To Read Your Birth Chart
Reading your birth chart can be a little tedious. There are specific intricacies that the different planets create by playing off each other in certain positions. It may serve you best to find someone who knows how to read your birth chart for you and interpret all the relationships and meanings. Angelica advised, "The field is obviously not regulated, there are a lot of people claiming to be astrologers. Of course, there are people with less deep knowledge of astrology who can still provide you with information that can be helpful. If you want a really deep dive and to know all of the intricacies, then you would want to look for someone who has that specialization and who has been studying astrology for a long time and who makes it a priority and focus in their profession."
How To Interpret & Understand Your Birth Chart For Yourself

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Now that we know what the birth chart is and how to access one, let's discuss how it can help you understand yourself. A lot of the conversation around what people know about astrology and the zodiac is very one-dimensional. The birth chart gives you a deeper understanding of how people perceive you, how you navigate deeper emotions, how you love, how you communicate, etc. Angelica explained, "I always say the birth chart can tell you the skeleton of a person. The flesh of a person is all the experiences they've had. It's their values, their morals, etc. But your birth chart really does tell you the skeleton of a person. It is the structure of how you are made up and what energy has created you."
Once you understand the fundamentals through the birth chart, you can start to explore the more nuanced aspects of yourself. "It's really helpful to know because it can provide a lot of confirmation and affirmation of things you maybe sensed about yourself but didn't have anything, in particular, to point to. A lot of us are aware of our sun sign but that's like saying you know a face just by its nose. But you need to see the entirety of the faces just to have some sort of recognition to have some sort of familiarity and some understanding."
Angelica continued, "While the sun sign does provide you with a little bit of information, it's really how it works in tandem and conjunction with all of the other intricacies of the chart that make the information usable in your everyday life."
Understanding The Primal Triad: The Sun, The Moon, & The Rising Signs
The primal triad to me is the meat and potatoes for where everyone should begin with birth charts. The primal triad includes your sun sign, moon sign, and rising or ascendant sign. "These three elements really help you to understand the primal nature of the soul of a person," Angelica said.
However, let's look at the breakdown of each of the signs making up the primal triad from, as told by Angelica Ray:
- "The sun sign is typically the way a person shines their light in the world. It is their essence, it is how they 'do' the world most naturally.
- "The rising sign is sometimes called the ascendant sign. The ascendant sign typically represents how other people experience you in the world. So it is that first layer, that aura or experience they have with you. Imagine if your sun sign is the light, then your ascendant sign is the window through which that light shines. If it is a blue window, you might have a different tint of light on it than you would if it was a purple window. So your sun is the light that is shining and your ascendent is the light coming through the window and represents how people experience you.
- "Your moon sign is the deepest part of you emotionally, psychically and that is all the stuff you bury and you carry deep inside. It is how you 'do' your emotional world."
Birth charts are an interesting way to compare and contrast how you interact with yourself and others. But it is extremely important to gain as much insight as possible when starting this research to be accurate. Angelica offered this sage advice, "A birth chart is a tool. Fate and free will are constantly in interplay with one another. So while astrology might point to the lesson you are here to learn and things you should come here to do in this lifetime, you still have free will to choose how you are going to do those things and how that might play out."
She concluded, "It just tells you what energy you are made of and it is the choices that you make that allow you the opportunity to work in harmony or in disharmony with that energy."
If you would like to know more about birth charts or to book an appointment for services with Angelica Ray, please visit her website. She also can be found @angelicaray on Instagram.
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This Is How To Keep 'Holiday Season Stress' From Infecting Your Relationship
Hmph. Maybe it’s just me, but it seems like there is something really weird happening in the fall season air (because winter doesn’t officially begin until December 21) that cuddle season is in full swing while break-up season is as well. In fact, did you know that break-ups are so popular during the holiday season that December 11 is deemed Break-Up Day?
The reasons why relationships shift around this time vary; however, I did both roll my eyes and chuckle when I read that a very popular one is because it’s an easy way to get out of getting one’s significant other a Christmas present. SMDH.
Anyway, I personally think that the less shallow folks out here may contemplate calling things “quits” or they at least distance themselves a bit from their partner (and what I’m referring to is serious relationships) due to all of the stress and strain that oftentimes comes with the holidays whether it be financial, familial, due to their tight schedules or something else.
Listen, I would hate for you and your man to miss the fun and happiness of experiencing this time of year, all because you are so overwhelmed or irritated that you can’t really enjoy it. That’s why I have a few practical tips for how to avoid allowing the typical holiday season stress from INFECTING your relationship.
Manage Your Expectations
GiphyUnmanaged expectations. If there is a main reason why the holiday season tends to be so stress-filled for so many people, I’d bet good money that this is the cause. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, expectations can manifest themselves in all sorts of cryptic and/or unexpected ways. You might have relatives who assume that you are going to be with them for Thanksgiving or Christmas when you have other plans in mind. You might be thinking that you are going to spend one amount for presents while your man is thinking something totally different. When it comes to scheduling, your signals may be crossed.
And you know what? To all of these scenarios, this is where clear and consistent communication come in. Don’t assume anything. Don’t dictate anything either. From now until New Year’s, mutually decide to check in once a week, just to make sure that you are both on the same page as it relates to the holidays and what you both are thinking will come along with it. The less blindsided you both feel, the less stressed out you will be. Trust me on this.
Set (and Keep) a Budget
GiphyOkay, so I read that last year, 36 percent of Americans incurred some type of holiday-related debt. Hmph. Last year, there was still some sense of normalcy in this country, chile, so I can only imagine what finances are gonna look like over the next several weeks. That said, since I don’t know a lot of people who don’t find being broke stressful, make sure that you and your bae set a budget and then stick to it this year — no ifs, ands or buts.
Because really, y’all — it doesn’t make sense to deplete savings and/or max out credit cards for a few days of giggles only to be damn near losing your mind because you don’t know how to make ends meet come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
And by the way, this tip doesn’t just speak to things like food and gifts; I also mean travel. If it doesn’t make a ton of sense (or cents) to be all over the place this year — DON’T BE.
Keep Matthew 5:37 at the Forefront
GiphyIf off the top of your head, you don’t know what Matthew 5:37 says, no worries, here ya go: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” That verse right there? Oh, it’s a boundaries lifesaver! I say that because do you see “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” in there? Nope. LOL. It says that you should tell people “yes” or “no” and leave it at that — and that complements Anne Lamott’s quote, “’No’ is a complete sentence” impeccably well. Yeah, you’ve got to remember that anything beyond a yes or no to a request is privileged information; you don’t owe anyone details or an explanation.
Besides, if you are really honest with yourself, when someone asks you something and you give a “Umm, let me think about it” kind of reply, more times than not, you already know what your answer is going to be — so why not let you both off of the hook? Give your response. Commit to that. And let everyone (including yourself) get on with their lives and schedules.
I promise you that when it comes to those holiday parties, you are pissing more folks off by not RSVP’ing or doing so and not showing up than just saying, “Thank you but not this year” off the rip.
Remember That Your Personal Space Is Privilege Not a Right
GiphyA friend of mine recently bought a new house and invited me over to come see it. He’s a single man with no children, so as I was taking in all of the space that he had, especially as I walked through his finished basement, I joked about relatives coming to live with him. “Hell no” and “absolutely not” were pretty much his immediate responses as he went on to say that some folks even had the nerve to be offended when he told them that he had no intentions on taking DNA in.
Ain’t it wild how people think that your stuff is their right? And yes, that brings me to my next point. Your home is your sanctuary space. If you want to host folks this year — cool. If not, ALSO COOL. Please don’t let folks (family included) guilt you into how they want you to act or even into what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot. You are not them — and as one of my favorite quotes states, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name Larry Dixon said that.)
Hell, my friends? They know that I am good for sending them random things that they need or even want all throughout the year. Coming over to hang out at my pace, though. Uh-uh. Chalk it up to being a card-carrying member of the ambivert club yet I like keeping my living space personal — and I sleep like a baby, each and every night, for feeling that way.
Always remember that your space, your time, your resources, your energy and shoot, yourself period (including your relationship), are all things that are your own. You get to choose how, when and why you want to share them. The holiday season is certainly no exception.
Cultivate Some “You Two Only” Traditions
GiphyIt’s not uncommon for some couples to hit me up after the holiday season to “detox.” Sometimes it’s due to the financial drama (and sometimes trauma) that they experienced. Sometimes it’s because they allowed their relatives (especially in-laws) to get more into their personal business than they should’ve. More than anything, though, it tends to be because they didn’t get enough quality time together and so ended up feeling “disconnected.”
Please don’t let that happen. Listen, I’m not even a holidays kind of woman and yet, I will absolutely sit myself down with some hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies to enjoy a Hallmark holiday film or two. Aside from the fact that most of them are lighthearted and sweet, I also like that they usually focus on couples loving on each other amidst all of the holiday beauty and ambiance — which is something that all couples should set aside some time to do.
Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe it’s a staycation. Or maybe it’s my personal favorite, A SEXCATION. Whether it’s for a few days, the weekend or even overnight — don’t you let the holidays go by without setting aside time for you and your man to celebrate one another. Don’t you dare (check out “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?”).
GET. SOME. REST.
GiphyI once read that 8 out of 10 people get stressed out over the holidays and 3 out of 10 lose sleep during to it — and when you’re stress-filled and sleep-deprived, that can absolutely lead to hypersensitivity, making mountains out of molehills and even not being in the mood for sex.
Your relationship can’t afford to go through any of this, so definitely make sure to prioritize rest. I don’t care how unrealistic it might seem during this time, sleep should never be seen as a luxury; it will always and forever be a great necessity.
That said, try to get no less than six hours of shut-eye in (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”) and even ask your bae to take a nap with you sometimes (check out “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.”). Not only will sleep help to restore your mind, body and spirit but, when it’s with your partner, it’s an act of intimacy that can make you both feel super connected, even in the midst of what might feel like chaos.
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Holiday season stress is real. Still, never give it the permission or power to throw your relationship off. Put you and your man first and let the holidays be what they are gonna be, chile.
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It’s probably been over the past 2-3 years that I’ve become hyper-focused when it comes to applying certain chemical exfoliants known as acids to my skin. Personally, I’ve come to really appreciate ones like mandelic acid and hyaluronic acid because they have a way of softening my skin, brightening it up and really evening out my complexion overall.
In fact, on my skin, they have been so effective that they have caused me to wonder what would happen if I applied some of them to my hair too — and boy, was it an experiment that paid off big time!
If, while on your continual journey to get the best out of your own tresses, you’d like to learn how to get them healthier than it’s ever been, I’ve got seven acids that are typically known for skin use that can be just as beneficial to your hair as well.
1. Salicylic Acid
When it comes to your skin, salicylic acid is beta-hydroxy acid that is great for your skin if you’re looking for something that will exfoliate it, clear out your pores and dissolve dead skin cells. In fact, this is why it’s an acid that is quite popular when it comes to treating acne.
Your hair will enjoy salicylic acid because, if you’re looking to remove product build-up, you want to soothe an itchy or irritated scalp or you’ve got some dandruff flakes that are totally driving you up the wall, salicylic acid has the ability to treat all of this. Either purchasing a shampoo that contains this ingredient or adding it to your favorite scalp scrub is probably the most effective way to get the most out of it.
Just make sure that if your scalp is sensitive or dry that you approach with caution. In these instances, it could end up irritating your scalp more than helping it out, so use a very little bit in the beginning to make sure that it vibes with you.
2. Lactic Acid
Lactic acid is an alpha hydroxy acid that can help to even out your skin tone as well as slow down the signs of aging. The properties in it help to do this by reducing hyperpigmentation and boosting collagen production in your skin as well as keeping it hydrated.
Why is it great for your locks? For one thing, lactic acid is considered to be a humectant. This means that it pulls water from the air so that your hair is able to remain moisturized.
Another thing that makes it a winner is the fact that lactic acid breaks down dead skin cells on your scalp (so that your hair follicles are able to flourish), it can help to soften and detangle your hair (making it a helpful addition on your wash days) and it also helps to protect your tresses from heat styling tools and UV damage. Applying a hair rinse that’s made up of part lactic acid and part water can work wonderfully (so long as you apply it once a month, tops; more than that might be too “intense” for your hair strands).
3. Glycolic Acid
Glycolic acid is a water-soluble alpha hydroxy acid that is actually made from sugar. Your skin will adore it because it smooths the appearance of fine lines and wrinkles, improves the texture of your skin, gently exfoliates, clears your pores and brightens up your complexion overall.
The reasons why you should consider this acid for your hair is because it helps to keep your scalp youthful (and yes, there is such a thing; check out “Your Scalp Ages Six Times Faster Than Your Face. Why It Matters.”), removes excess sebum (that could be clogging up your hair follicles) and it helps to keep your hair moisturized. Your best bet here is to make it a part of your pre-shampooing ritual.
4. Succinic Acid
Succinic acid is an acid that is made from sugar cane and contains antimicrobial and anti-inflammatory properties. Although it doesn’t exactly exfoliate (like many of these other acids do), it can still be beneficial to your skin when it comes to reducing the kind of irritation that is associated with eczema, decreasing the bacteria that leads to breakouts and keeping your skin pretty hydrated.
As far as your hair goes, this is an acid that is worth trying out because it helps to balance the sebum that is on your scalp, remove dead skin and product build-up that can irritate your scalp and clog your hair follicles and, succinic acid is also beneficial when it comes to reducing dandruff and helping to prevent hair loss. Most people tend to apply this as a serum.
5. Hyaluronic Acid
I’ve officially sung the praises of hyaluronic acid on this platform before. One example is via the article, “Why Your Skin, Hair, And Nails Need Hyaluronic Acid Like...Yesterday.” On the skin tip, hyaluronic acid is great because it deeply hydrates your skin, contains anti-aging properties and can even bring relief to vaginal (including vulvar) dryness.
Your hair will adore this particular acid because it aids moisture to it (including your hair follicles), will help to improve your hair’s texture and it also soothes scalp dryness, nurtures the cuticles of your tresses and decreases frizz. Using a serum rich in this acid as a pre-poo or as a leave-in conditioner is recommended.
6. Azelaic Acid
If you’ve never heard of azelaic acid before, this is your lucky day. It’s a dicarboxylic acid that, when it comes to skincare (and hair care) products, is usually synthetic. Anyway, if you are looking for a way to reduce inflammation, even skin tone after a breakout or if you want to use an exfoliant that will improve the texture of your skin overtime, you might want to give this acid a shot.
This one makes the list as far as your hair is concerned because, if achieving more inches is your current focus, azelaic acid might come in handy. That’s because it is able to strengthen your hair, thicken your strands and also stimulate hair growth from within your hair follicles.
7. Glutamic Acid
Glutamic acid is actually a type of amino acid. Skin-wise, it’s great for deeply hydrating your skin as well as protecting it from pollutants and damaging UV rays. Also, if you’re looking for an acid that treats skin dryness or “tightness,” this could be the answer to your prayers.
Since glutamic acid is also considered to be a humectant, it’s another acid that can moisturize your hair. As a result, it can decrease breakage while helping your hair to feel smooth and look shiny.
BONUS: Amino Acids
Speaking of amino acids and hair, please try to keep some amino acids in your diet at all times. The reason why is because, since your hair is made up of mostly protein (keratin, to be exact), amino acids are pretty darn effective when it comes to helping you to maintain the overall health and well-being of your hair.
Ones to prioritize include proline (it boosts collagen so that your hair strands can maintain flexibility); arginine (it increases blood flow to your hair follicles so that they can receive the nutrients that they need); cysteine (it helps to keep your hair follicles healthy); alanine (it helps your system to produce more collagen), and isoleucine (it strengthens the tissues that help to make up your hair strands). All of these are available in supplement form or you can use Google to see which foods contain them.
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Although it might initially seem odd to apply acid to your hair, as you can see, certain ones will work miracles for it. So, test them out to see which one tickles your fancy.
Hell, since they work for your skin as well — it’s a two-for-one deal that is worth every penny!
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