We Don’t Have To Mourn Our Oppressors
My mind often returns back to the day of Nipsey Hussle’s funeral when his partner Lauren London took to the stage at his televised service and spoke about their relationship. In one of the many profound moments of her eulogy, it’s when she said “grief is the final act of love,” that stayed with me the most.
I thought about those words a lot in the past week after the death of Queen Elizabeth II at the age of 96 garnered controversy after two Black female professors made international news after calling attention to the monarchy and by extension the Queen’s history of colonial violence.
“I heard the chief monarch of a thieving raping genocidal empire is finally dying,” Carnegie Mellon professor Uju Anya tweeted in a now removed-by-Twitter tweet. “May her pain be excruciating.”
RISD professor Zoe Samudzi also tweeted:
“As the first generation of my family not born in a British colony, I would dance on the graves of every member of the royal family if given the opportunity, especially [Queen Elizabeth II],” RISD
They were far from the only ones calling out the Queen’s legacy; a stadium full of Irish soccer fans gleefully chanted “Lizzie’s in a box,” when they heard the news. And yet the richest man in the world and owner of The Washington Post Jeff Bezos, used his power to single Anya out for her tweet, leading her institution Carnegie Mellon to condemn her in their own Twitter statement.
British tabloid The Daily Mail singled out t both Professors Anya and Samudzi for condemnation in an article, spawning thousands of trolls to harass them, justifying their ire with the notion that death absolves someone of the harm and abuse they committed while they were alive — or at the very least should prompt people to refrain from talking about it.
Death brings an end to someone’s life, but it doesn’t bring an end to the way someone made people feel or their reverberating impact on the world.
Let them tell it, Elizabeth was either a frail old woman with no power or agency as the figurehead of colonial rule for her 72-year-reign, or she was so powerful that she had a hand in decolonizing the countries that were seized by her Empire (and, of course, rebelled and won their independence from her rule without her help).
Aside from the obvious point that death doesn’t erase the things people did while they were alive, mourning is just one of the many ways we continue to express the love that we already feel towards someone. Death brings an end to someone’s life, but it doesn’t bring an end to the way someone made people feel or their reverberating impact on the world.
The racist and misogynist backlash that these Black women have been singled out by the media to receive exposes who monopolizes our empathy and grace in life and in death. In the wake of Elizabeth II's death, hospital appointments, surgeries, funerals, and more have been canceled to "show respect" for her funeral, which matters more than the continuing lives of the people in the UK. Not to mention, the deaths of millions of Black and brown people who lived in British colonies, whose lives were sacrificed for the maintenance of British rule, don’t elicit mass sympathy. There aren’t weeks of televised mourning in their honor. They simply become nebulous collateral, mere casualties in the project to maintain white British hegemony.
A way to ensure that people don't celebrate your death is to live a life that doesn’t bring people endless pain.
In an interview with The Guardian explaining her tweet, professor Anya spoke about the family she lost in the Nigerian civil war, a direct result of British colonizers creating the boundaries of Nigeria and founding it as a colony of Britain. Though the war took place seven years after Nigeria won its independence, the UK government sent money and arms to the Nigerian government for the war against the Igbo people in the south, to maintain its control of the country – the extent of which was only recently revealed in 2020. “‘We lost half of our relatives,” Anya shared. “That’s the legacy of this war. It was a genocide, a slaughter, a holocaust.”
Sometimes love and mourning towards our departed loved ones manifests as anger toward the institutions and figureheads that are responsible for their deaths. A way to ensure that people don't celebrate your death is to live a life that doesn’t bring people endless pain.
Queen Elizabeth II is survived by a legacy of colonialism, imperialism, and white supremacy. She leaves behind decades of bloodshed, violence, and carnage in the name of royalty. Her death ends her life but it doesn’t end the memory of the destruction to come under her reign. Silencing her critics only serves to whitewash the UK’s violent imperialism and colonialism. As Zora Neale Hurston said, “If you are silent about your pain, they’ll kill you and say you enjoyed it." May peace and power be with the ones whose blood was spilled to build the United Kingdom.
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Smile, Sis! These Five Improvements Can Upgrade Your Oral Hygiene Instantly
This article is in partnership with Sensodyne.
Our teeth are connected to so many things - our nutrition, our confidence, and our overall mood. We often take for granted how important healthy teeth are, until issues like tooth sensitivity or gum recession come to remind us. Like most things related to our bodies, prevention is the best medicine. Here are five things you can do immediately to improve your oral hygiene, prevent tooth sensitivity, and avoid dental issues down the road.
1) Go Easy On the Rough Brushing: Brushing your teeth is and always will be priority number one in the oral hygiene department. No surprises there! However, there is such a thing as applying too much pressure when brushing…and that can lead to problems over time. Use a toothbrush with soft bristles and brush in smooth, circular motions. It may seem counterintuitive, but a gentle approach to brushing is the most effective way to clean those pearly whites without wearing away enamel and exposing sensitive areas of the teeth.
2) Use A Desensitizing Toothpaste: As everyone knows, mouth pain can be highly uncomfortable; but tooth sensitivity is a whole different beast. Hot weather favorites like ice cream and popsicles have the ability to trigger tooth sensitivity, which might make you want to stay away from icy foods altogether. But as always, prevention is the best medicine here. Switching to a toothpaste like Sensodyne’s Sensitivity & Gum toothpaste specifically designed for sensitive teeth will help build a protective layer over sensitive areas of the tooth. Over time, those sharp sensations that occur with extremely cold foods will subside, and you’ll be back to treating yourself to your icy faves like this one!
3) Floss, Rinse, Brush. (And In That Order!): Have you ever heard the saying, “It’s not what you do, but how you do it”? Well, the same thing applies to taking care of your teeth. Even if you are flossing and brushing religiously, you could be missing out on some of the benefits simply because you aren’t doing so in the right order. Flossing is best to do before brushing because it removes food particles and plaque from places your toothbrush can’t reach. After a proper flossing sesh, it is important to rinse out your mouth with water after. Finally, you can whip out your toothbrush and get to brushing. Though many of us commonly rinse with water after brushing to remove excess toothpaste, it may not be the best thing for our teeth. That’s because fluoride, the active ingredient in toothpaste that protects your enamel, works best when it gets to sit on the teeth and continue working its magic. Rinsing with water after brushing doesn’t let the toothpaste go to work like it really can. Changing up your order may take some getting used to, but over time, you’ll see the difference.
4) Stay Hydrated: Upping your water supply is a no-fail way to level up your health overall, and your teeth are no exception to this rule. Drinking water not only helps maintain a healthy pH balance in your mouth, but it also washes away residue and acids that can cause enamel erosion. It also helps you steer clear of dry mouth, which is a gateway to bad breath. And who needs that?
5) Show Your Gums Some Love: When it comes to improving your smile, you may be laser-focused on getting your teeth whiter, straighter, and overall healthier. Rightfully so, as these are all attributes of a megawatt smile; but you certainly don’t want to leave gum health out of the equation. If you neglect your gums, you’ll start to notice the effects of plaque buildup, which can irritate the gums and cause gingivitis, the earliest stage of gum disease. Seeing blood while brushing and flossing is a tell-tale sign that your gums are suffering. You may also experience gum recession — a condition where the gum tissue surrounding your teeth pulls back, exposing more of your tooth. Brushing at least twice a day with a gum-protecting toothpaste like Sensodyne Sensitivity and Gum, coupled with regular dentist visits, will keep your gums shining as bright as those pearly whites.
Ciara's Prayer Is Cool, But What About A Prayer To Find Your Tribe?
We, as women, pray to God for the type of husband we want, but do we pray for the type of friends we need? Many women often imitate singer Ciara’s prayer, hoping it will, too, lead them to their “Russell Wilson” – an equally yoked partner.
Yes, finding a life partner is a dream many hold close to their hearts, but how often do we put the same energy into asking for the friends that resonate with our souls? As with romantic relationships, our circle of friends can make or break us. Therefore, it is important to pray for our "tribe" with as much intention as we do for a life partner.
Our friends aren't just companions for brunches and spa days. They deeply influence our daily decisions, shape our outlook on life, and play a crucial role in our emotional well-being. True friends can elevate our spirits during life's troughs and cheer us on during its peaks. On the other hand, friendships that harbor negativity or toxicity can sap our energy, hinder our aspirations, and diminish our self-worth. This underscores the imperative of surrounding ourselves with the right tribe, a circle that fosters growth, ensures mental well-being, and champions genuine happiness.
Wouldn’t you want to be seen as a prize by your friends, like you wish to be seen as one by your future man?
Ciara
When Ciara navigated the painful waters of her breakup with rapper Future, the “Level Up” singer didn’t leave her future to chance; she envisioned her ideal partner. She actively, consciously, and spiritually prayed for the type of man she wanted as a partner. This wasn't just about a rebound or a short-term fix. It was about intention, clarity, and knowing her worth. The universe answered in the form of Russell Wilson, a beacon of their love story many now admire.
And after years of women wondering what exactly she said in her prayers, she finally revealed it. The singer recorded her purported prayer on Summer Walker’s sophomore album, “Still Over It,” released in November 2021.
Her words had social media in a chokehold, as women and men alike uttered her words in every relationship video they would post.
Choosing Your Friends Wisely
It is pivotal for us to visualize the friends we desire. Consider: Are they genuinely supportive? Are they the kind of friends who push us forward without pushing us down? Do they offer loyalty without conditions? By detailing these attributes in our prayers or intentions, we offer a roadmap to the universe, directing it to the companions we seek.
While it might be tempting to seek out friends who fit into societal molds of “fun” or “popular,” genuine connection demands more. We should crave friendships that go beyond the superficial, where understanding transcends words, where challenges breed growth, and where loyalty isn't seasonal. It's not merely about someone to share mimosas with but about nurturing connections that understand and amplify our life's journey.
When our tribe aligns with our spirit, the transformation is holistic. With the right friends, our confidence doesn't just grow; it soars. We're exposed to broader perspectives, and our horizons expand beyond the familiar. The positivity emanating from such a tribe influences every corner of our lives, creating ripples of change and growth.
However, you must also ensure you’re ready for what you’re praying for. In my opinion, it is unfair to ask God to deliver friends who pour into you, but you do not pour into them. While prayer sets our intentions, our actions seal the deal. Seeking the right tribe means putting ourselves in environments that reflect our values and interests. Whether attending themed events, volunteering for a cause close to our hearts, or joining groups with shared interests, our actions echo our prayers, resonating with the universe.
Embarking to find the perfect partner holds depth, but equally significant is the odyssey of curating our tribe. The right friends don't just accompany us; they shape our lives in unparalleled ways. When we direct our intentions and actions toward finding our tribe, we aren't merely forming bonds; we're crafting our destiny. The adage goes: "Show me your friends, and I'll unveil your future." Elevate your tribe to a priority, nurture those bonds, and behold the transformative magic unfold.
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Feature image by FG Trade/ Getty Images
