Meet The Unapologetically Black Creative Force Behind PRADA's Social Game
The moment Candace Marie Stewart took her first trip to New York City, she understood why her life in Arkansas didn't make sense. While southern girls have a unique perception of style and flair, Candace felt a soul tie to the Big Apple that she couldn't ignore. Ever since she made the fashion capital of the US her home, this social media maven has been creating a name for herself despite the status quo. We all know that behind every dope Instagram account is a super lit black woman.
The Arkansas native found a way to marry her two loves: fashion and social media. With brands like ESSENCE, Vogue, People and Lucky on her badass resume, it's hard not to root for Candace. She is wildly known for bringing the culture to international Fashion Weeks where she might be the only woman of color in the space. Not only is she a certified street style killa, she has brains to match, holding a MBA in finance.
Candace Marie can't be put in a box because she's too much of a creative soul. When we asked her how she describes her style, she said, "I can never put it in a box because I can appreciate so many different types of style. I love that you can create a character depending on what place you're going. I can create myself and be anything that I want to be and it really can be different. It could be t-shirt jeans or it could be super fabulous over-the-top designer couture. I like to play both sides where it doesn't have to necessarily be in this statement of 'this is what it is' or one word."
The creative force to be reckoned with recently leveled up and traded her time as the creative mind behind Barney's social to the role of social media manager for PRADA. Yes, the PRADA. We had the chance to kiki with the boss babe about how she feels about inclusivity in fashion, what's next for her and the biggest lessons she's learned from holding her own in these major domains.
Do you remember the moment you fell in love with fashion?
Photo Courtesy of Candace Marie
It always felt internal but the thing that I can pinpoint was in middle school and I tried to find myself like with any other teenager in high school or growing up. You're trying to find yourself in a lot of ways and you express yourself through the way you dress. I never felt like I could find anything that I really, really liked and then the internet became more popular where you could see things but not too much. I remember always being on ASOS because it was one of those few places. I remember taking one of my mother's silk scarves and there was a really, pretty orange and pink scarf so I thought, "I can tie this and make it to a shirt and wear my denim jacket over it."
My mother saw me on the way out and she didn't say much but then I'm in class and I hear, " Candace to the front office," over the intercom. I get there and my dad said, "Hey, I'm checking you out for the day." I was thinking something had happened and he tells me that my mom told him to come pick me up and make me change. So my dad took me to this sewing place and he told me to pick out a sewing machine. He said, "The next time you want to wear something make it yourself." I ended up teaching myself how to sew and seeing different designs I even made my own prom dress. I kind of want to get back into that world because my mother knew how to sew as well and anything that she knew she taught me. That's the first memory I have of like actually putting it into motion.
You've worked with big brands, like ESSENCE, Vogue, People and Lucky. What was the biggest lesson you learned from being in those major domains?
Hard work. I would look at my peers and then compare myself because we started off interning together then we did freelance together and we worked here and here. You go back and start measuring yourself up to what everyone's doing right now.
I always said, "You’re u don't have to be the smartest in the room or the most clever person but a hardworking person will outlast anyone because you have to be consistent."
The thing in the fashion industry and other industries, is hearing alot of no's. Hearing 'no' a thousand times can make you feel this industry is not for you. I've had alot of friends that felt it got too hard and they decided to take another route. I never felt like just because you didn't get the 'yes' that you thought that you wanted or thought that it should be, doesn't mean you weren't meant to be in the industry.
How do you feel about the state of inclusivity and fashion?
Photo Courtesy of Candace Marie
They can do way better. So much is hidden and deep-rooted that they don't realize what it is. I could be sitting in a board meeting and I question why am I the only black person out of 45 people that are here? I'm analyzing it in my head; there's not one other person of color in the room. I've had conversations with peers who are black or a minority and we don't want to be the Bible for all things black. It needs to be a shift and a change. I honestly noticed it more as I started to travel and go to Fashion Weeks. You're not seeing any other women of color at the shows especially going into the luxury space. I remember a photographer told me he was shooting me because he wanted to make the street style some type of diverse. It's not their fault.
Women of color are not being invited to these shows therefore you can't capture what's not there so it's like this domino effect.
Also, it was a goal for me to not even try to fit in because I like to rock braids and cornrows; this is how I feel. I'm looking different than every single person. It starts internally at these companies with the people that are behind the closed doors. Not the models. They're not thinking about us because people are normally thinking about who they're similar to naturally because you're going to pick someone's beauty standards who look like you. With that in mind, you need to have other people of various diversities, religion, etc because you're going to naturally be biased. And I said that so many times on my own team. I'm like, "Listen, I keep on picking black women. Can y'all give me somebody else because I'm always going to be attracted to the dope black girl." But again, it starts behind closed doors.
If you had to choose the best and worst parts of your job. What would they be?
Photo Courtesy of Candace Marie
The best part is that it's ever-creative and fast paced. I love that because I'm creating it as I go. From the videographers I work with to the talent, I've always been able to try new things without having stipulations. Just because, again, it's a newer industry. Honestly, a lot of times people don't even know themselves what they want so it's nice to be able to try different things and bring the diversity factor from the talent to the photographer to the space. Like, how does that look? I would say the worst part is…two things.
The fashion industry is already crazy, but social media is 24 hours so I never have a break and I need a vacation. I need to chill.
I have to constantly remind myself that I need to take care of my body because I haven't been to the doctor the entire year. I need to keep up with myself and the older I get, I'm putting what is important in perspective and what is not. Also, the other worst thing is that because social media is very on display, from a company standpoint, I always say imagine if every email that you sent was displayed to your entire company every time you send it because everyone has an opinion on it from a company standpoint. Everyone thinks they know how to do it. So you get a lot of opinions about your job. At the end of the day, I love to do recaps and reports stating this is why we did what we did.
With you saying you have to remind yourself to take care of yourself, how do you make time for Candace? How do you do self-care?
Family time. All of my family is still back in Arkansas but I literally FaceTime somebody from my family every single day whether it's an aunt or my nieces. Just hearing the kids laugh on the phone is good for me. I'm consistently on the phone with my siblings and my parents because those are the people that are going to love me regardless. They could care less about the fashion industry. They can care less because they don't understand it and that's such a breath of fresh air to step away from it. Also, I always take a bubble bath every single day just because it makes me stop and say, "This is my time."
I can disconnect and separate myself and put things back into perspective.
I just started working out again after I fractured my foot last year. I was rushing to work and fractured my foot. And I thought, this is crazy. Work is never that important. Your physical health is more important than all of this. I am my number one priority, everything else comes second. I am starting with a new company and I told them I needed a week off before I start. They asked if I could start Monday and I said, "No, I need a week off." I have to be at my best to give you my best. If I am empty, I can't give you anything. Thank
As a woman of color, what do you find the most intriguing about us magical beings?
I would probably say our hair but it is more like our creativity. Because we are so creative and I posted a meme I found where the woman changes her hair every week to a different hairstyle. It was so me and I can never keep the same style for long. That creativity comes out in my job as well. At work, they always ask what I think because I always give the most out of the box ideas.
That's what people don't see. When you hire us, you are getting so much creativity.
When I look on social media, from dancing to jokes, my friends and I talk about how only black people can create this type of magic. We are really so bomb. I was watching Beyonce's Homecoming and I think she said some of these things that we can do isn't normal and that's the thing, our creativity is not normal. I am in awe of how we can take something so basic and make it so creative.
You've already made a huge impact on fashion and social media, what's next for you?
Photo Courtesy of Candace Marie
I'm coming more into my own, if that makes any sense. I'm becoming more comfortable being in such an industry. Sometimes people feel like it's such a juxtaposition for black people to exist in luxurious spaces but we do it and we are seeing it with collaborations like Dapper Dan and Gucci. And with that, there were still some underlying things that were like taking place. For me, I just want that next step to include me bridging the gap.
We belong in this space and we can own this space and we deserve job opportunities, from modeling to photography to being invited to these shows.
My next step is going to really start to intertwine that. Social media will always be there too because that's a passion of mine. I love doing it for friends and different businesses and things of that nature, but I do want to see that gap close up where you don't have to second-guess yourself [as a person of color] or I don't have to worry about being the only black person in a space. Am I going to see anyone else that looks like me in this space? I feel that my next step will allow me to own that better because I feel like a lot of what I did at Barney's was me laying the foundation and seeing a lot of those fruits from my labor happen. As much as I love social media, I'll always be a black woman. There's no separation from that.
Keep up with Candace on social.
*This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity.
Joce Blake is a womanist who loves fashion, Beyonce and Hot Cheetos. The sophistiratchet enthusiast is based in Brooklyn, NY but has southern belle roots as she was born and raised in Memphis, TN. Keep up with her on Instagram @joce_blake and on Twitter @SaraJessicaBee.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Navigating Dating When Emotionally Unavailable & Detached: My Journey Back To Feeling
The last time I came with a dating story, I told you I got my little feelings hurt in 2021. I called myself trying to be out in these streets entertaining a man in a different area code, city, and state — only for homeboy to play in my damn face. So, I went and gave y’all "8 Rules To Casual Dating Every Woman Should Know This Summer." You’re welcome. Fast forward to 2024, and I am now coming to you from a more mature and intentional place. We’re not in summer yet, but I truly believe what blooms in spring, thrives in summer.
2023 was my year, and it was my turn. I had just completed an 8-month holistic detox. The glow-up was real and well-deserved. The way I have poured into myself is unmatched. Let me tell you, self-love is a love you have never known. After a five-year healing journey, I finally felt like myself again, and I was ready to play. My heart was open, my mind was clear, and my body hella transformed. I had told all my friends that I was ready to explore dating again, and at the height of summer, I did exactly just that.
This time I decided I wanted to take my time. I wanted to date the “right way” or the “healthy way.” You know, keep your options open, ask the right questions, believe actions and not words, observe patterns and pay attention to red, yellow, and green flags. I was never the dating app type of girl. I sincerely miss everything about human connection and dating from 2000 to 2012. Can we please bring all of that back into 2024? I prefer to feel a man’s energy and presence in real-time. Nonetheless, I still chose to dabble with a few dating apps. I was all the way outside and dating for practice.
Unfortunately, with today’s dating culture, social climate, and how some of these men move and/or behave, these dates were a dead end. Not one guy made it to my roster. What these men were was benched this season – not one of them could be my first-round select draft pick. It didn't seem like anyone I met was interested in a serious relationship. And it’s completely fine. Miss me with the ghosting, lack of effort, inconsistency, and poor communication. I continued to just do me because what is for me will not miss me.
Kelvin Murray/ Getty Images
The universe must have heard me talking because I had specifically told my closest girlfriends that I wanted to meet someone who lived in the vicinity, no more than twenty minutes away, and no more long distance. And I did meet him (it’s crazy how I manifest exactly what I want). As we started to get to know each other, I liked his energy and effort. I liked the direction it seemed to be going to the point my girlfriends had to tell me not to run from him. Because every part of me wanted to run from something that seemed normal.
I liked what he was coming with until I became uncomfortable with my own feelings, and I didn’t know how to communicate them to him.
With that said, I knew if I truly wanted to experience the truest of loves, a reciprocal, requited love, and be in a healthy relationship this story had to come to a pause. What I didn’t know was that he was going to show me things I didn’t know I needed to work on. I didn’t know he inadvertently was going to help me continue to heal parts of me that were hidden.
As someone who has learned to self-heal, I am no longer the type that runs from herself. I am here for the growth.
The truth is I am emotionally detached from myself, and I am not actively dating at the moment. I am the one that has to work on herself. My reiki healer called it, too – she told me this year would not be a year for a relationship, but a year of continuous growth. And now I see why. After all the healing work I have done thus far – I am an unemotional mess. How?
At my big age of 39, I struggle to communicate my wants and needs.
I still struggle to communicate and process uncomfortable feelings. I would rather give myself anxiety, act nonchalantly, emotionally react, and choose non-communication when I am bothered with someone than address the issue (I will later explain why). I have been ignoring my feelings for so long it has become a habit, a defense mechanism, and more so a trauma response.
If you are someone like me who grew up in a household that didn’t discuss feelings, your emotional needs were unmet, and you don’t feel safe to share your feelings – emotional detachment is quite common.
Oftentimes, we always talk about men being emotionally unavailable, but what if it’s a woman who is emotionally unavailable or emotionally detached? How does she navigate herself, dating, or being in a relationship? As I navigate my emotions this season, let’s explore what it means to be emotionally detached, the signs of detachment, and how to reconnect with yourself emotionally.
Emotional Unavailability vs. Emotional Detachment
When we look at the terminology emotional unavailability and emotional detachment, one might argue that the two terms are interchangeable and have the same meaning. One could also argue that both terms mean that some people are not in tune with their emotions or lack the emotional capacity to be responsive to someone else’s emotions. Fair enough. However, there is a big difference. The definition of emotional unavailability is described as people who have difficulty with sharing their emotions and being receptive to the emotions of those around them.
According to Verywell Mind, signs of emotional unavailability can look like being distant or cold, lack of closeness, and emotional intimacy in relationships, inability to understand and relate to others’ feelings, defensiveness when asked to change or let others in, tendency to shut down or avoid topics that require emotional openness, or withdrawal from people or situations that provoke emotional reactions.
Whereas emotional detachment is defined as the inability to or willingness to connect with others on an emotional level. Furthermore, Psychology Today states emotional detachment can also mean that people do not engage with their feelings. Exhibit A – me. Emotional detachment has various causes – past neglect, childhood or adult trauma, PTSD, depression, personality disorder, bipolar disorder, substance abuse, or, in some cases, medication (i.e. antidepressants). It is important to note emotional detachment is a complex issue. For someone like me, it’s a coping mechanism.
It is easier for me to ignore uncomfortable feelings to protect myself from stress or getting hurt. Hence, my nonchalant demeanor. It is also true for some people it is a reaction to trauma, abuse, and unprocessed emotions. Exhibit B – me. As it is difficult for me to open up about my feelings at the moment. On the contrary – emotional detachment can be helpful in navigating some situations like listening to people’s opinions and gossip.
Unfortunately, emotional detachment is not a behavior that can be turned on and off at will. Please note that emotional detachment is NOT a mental health diagnosis but can be a symptom of a mental health condition such as an attachment disorder. And if you know anything about attachment theory, it is related to the relationship we develop in our childhood with our primary caregivers.
Signs You're Emotionally Detached
Mavocado/ Getty Images
According to Psychology Today and Verywell Mind, general signs of emotional detachment can look like difficulty showing empathy to others, sharing emotions, committing to a relationship, feeling numb, poor listening skills, lack of self-esteem, preferring to be alone, struggling to feel positive emotions, inability to identify emotions, lack of physical, verbal, or sexual contact and losing touch with people or maintaining connections.
In a romantic relationship, emotional detachment shows up as you or your partner not being available for connection, poor communication, or reduced affection.
For me, my experience with emotional detachment is collective. I am an empath to my core. I don’t have a problem relating to other’s feelings or circumstances. I don’t have commitment issues, nor do I have an issue connecting with others or maintaining those connections. I struggle with sharing emotions, at least the negative ones.
Due to the emotional abuse from my childhood and a toxic relationship, I learned sharing emotions just wasn't the safe thing to do. As a survivor of trauma, I learned to suppress feeling negative emotions in general as a form of protection.
How To Reconnect To Your Emotions When You're Emotionally Unavailable
Serious Kid Cudi GIF by Apple MusicGiphyExploring my emotional side in-depth started late last year simply by noticing my reaction to something that he did. I didn’t know how to properly communicate to him how I was feeling or what he did bothered me in the moment. So, I swallowed my feelings and said absolutely nothing. I intentionally chose to avoid the issue. I chose to rationalize the situation instead of acknowledging that my feelings at the time were valid. I chose to act like everything was all good because it was all good.
“It wasn’t that deep to begin with” is what I told myself. And this is where the problem lies.
The saying is true, “What happens in your childhood shows up in your adult relationships.” I came to realize that because I was not able to express my feelings as a child, I struggled to process them. I either hold back my feelings, take a long time to say how I feel, or don’t say anything at all. This is because I fear people will walk away from me like my mother did if I share what I truly feel. I fear my feelings won’t be validated, or they will be rejected.
With that said, I was completely unaware that I was emotionally detached from myself until recently. So, here we are with this article. It all started by reading Instagram’s @theholisticpsychologist, Dr. Nicole LePera’s newest book How to Be the Love You Seek: Break Cycles, Find Peace, and Heal Your Relationships, which was released on November 28, 2023. As I read through the first chapter, I became triggered.
How Dr. LePera describes her childhood with her parents and experiences with her romantic partners somewhat mirrored my experiences with my own parents and relationships. As Dr. LaPera stated in her book, I have no issue showing up for others or meeting their needs and wants. But when it comes to expressing my own needs and wants – I cannot or I don’t. This is mainly due to my hyper-independence.
At an early age, I learned to show up for myself because the people I trusted to show up for me failed. Given my home environment, I had internalized it is not safe to talk about feelings. I never knew my emotional responses and behavior were abnormal. But because I am willing to continue to do my inner work, I know that I can reconnect to my emotions, and undo four decades of repressed emotions.
If you are someone like me who struggles with emotional connection with yourself and others, here is how you go about it:
Lighthouse Films/ Getty Images
1. Know Your Attachment Style
For me, the first step was to understand my attachment style. I asked my therapist if she could help me identify my attachment style to understand my triggers. She recommended The Attachment Theory Workbook by Annie Chen, LMFT. My therapist administered the associated online quiz – Attachment Quiz. If you haven’t figured out my attachment style yet by reading this article, I have an anxious attachment style.
This means I don’t do well with inconsistent behavior, especially from men (but I’m the type that holds men to standards too). People with an anxious attachment style have a need to feel close to their partner. It may come across as “clingy” or “needy.” However, this same need is often driven by fear of abandonment, mistrust, and low self-esteem. I would say knowing your attachment style is helpful because you can work towards having a secure attachment style (with practice) in your relationships – familial, business, work, platonic, or romantic.
2. Become Self-Aware
Most people who are not in the practice of self-care or self-healing are unaware of their triggers, patterns, and behaviors. We are so caught up in the daily minutiae of life that we forget to pay attention to the most important part of our days — ourselves. As Dr. LePera says, make it a conscious habit to pause throughout your day to check in with yourself. Ask yourself:
- How does my body feel?
- What am I doing right now?
- Am I present?
- Am I distracted and lost with other thoughts?
- What do I think or feel when I recall a specific experience with someone?
- What do I think or worry about?
- What would happen if I shared my authentic thoughts, perspective, feelings right now?”
This is what Dr. LePera refers to as exploring your embodied self or fulfilling your authentic needs in chapter two of her book. Consistent mindfulness and self-awareness are key to self-discovery and in any healing journey. Learning to focus on the present moment also includes paying attention to our emotional response to an event or how we think about emotions in general.
3. Practice Vulnerability
The idea of vulnerability is a tough one for me and so many other women for countless reasons. Whether it be toxic family, friendships, relationships, or trauma – trusting others with your thoughts and feelings is not easy. As much as I am open and transparent, I am not as vulnerable. And I believe there is so much power in the duality to be both. To trust someone, let alone a man with your authentic self is a delicate matter.
But it is emotional vulnerability that allows us humans to build authentic connections, create stronger relationships, and break down emotional walls. Emotional vulnerability is not something to be rushed – it takes time and practice from you and the people you choose to have in your life. Medical News Today suggests that we can learn to be vulnerable by opening up more to our closest friends, building our ability to become more trusting, and developing skills to regulate our emotions.
4. Seek Therapy
I have been in therapy for six years and counting. I would consider therapy one of my safe spaces. I am one of those individuals who recommend therapy to everyone as it has given me the tools and resources I need to navigate my life challenges. By choosing to get help, I was able to put my PTSD and depression in remission for four years now. I have also learned how to manage my anxiety.
I am fully aware that in this season of my life requires me to do the work to unlock new levels of self. And any time where I have consciously chosen growth – the universe or life has not failed me. I was able to heal my body, my heart, and my spirit. Now, it’s time to heal my inner child, this hurt little girl who lives in me.
I will say choosing a therapist is similar to dating; you might go through a few potentials until you find a therapist you connect with. Actually, one of my lifelong friends said to me the other day, “Your relationship with your therapist is one of the most important relationships in your life.” I needed her to say that, and I needed to hear it because it’s true. You are essentially trusting a licensed stranger to help you navigate your life on so many levels.
Be picky and ask the questions. Cut the cord at the first red flag given. Again, let me reiterate that emotional detachment is not a mental health diagnosis. It can be treated with the help of a therapist. Emotional detachment only becomes a problem when it starts to interfere with your daily life. Pay attention to changes in your daily behavior and make decisions to cope accordingly.
I am genuinely excited about reconnecting with my emotions. I want to feel all the feels – good, bad, and indifferent. I want to cry all the tears – especially the sad ones. I want to process and release negative emotions. I want to say how I feel in the moment with no fear.
If you are that girl who struggles with emotional connection or thinks you're emotionally detached, I hope that you become willing to face your inner child and show up for her. Don’t run – she has been waiting for you.
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